Chapter 2

I was late. I wasn't able to attend at exact time because of what that OJT did to me. He asked me so much! He is so much!

Pinagpawisan na ako sa gate pa lang. Pagdating ko sa room, our Instructor told me to do mase-mase as a punishment for me for being 30mins late. There, para na akong basang sisiw but I cannot complain about it. It's that OJT officer's fault!

I wonder what's his name? I want to crushed his name kahit man lang sa papel.

"Thank you, class. Please prepare for the pre-finals next week. And Vartivo..." our Instructor put his gaze on me.

"Yes, Sir?"

"Please do refrain from being late. I know it's a first time, but having a lot of warning from me won't do you good. I'll drop your grades into 75 if it'll have a second time. This isn't a warning, Miss Vartivo."

Pagtango na lang ang nagawa ko. I fold my lips to each other, making my emotions to subtle. I looked at Chie beside me. She just smile a bit and face again in front.

"Don't forget your permit. Goodbye, Masigpat." he farewell.

Sumagot ang mga kaklase ko sa kaniya and I didn't have the interest to be energetic today. That OJT already sucked all of my productivity. I feel like I have no life. Masyado naman ata akong malas ngayong araw.

Isa pa 'yang permit. Hindi kami makakapag-exam if hindi kami magbabayad ng parte ng tuition namin. The permit serves as a receipt that you are eligible to take the exam. If wala, you won't be able to take any exam unless the instructor itself told you that it's fine with or without the permit.

Among the instructors, only two of them allowed us to take exam without the permit. It is prohibited actually but they still let us especially those who really can't pay the tuition on time. Iyon nga lang, one of our classmates told about it to the other instructor the reason why both of them are disappointed.

"Mama, may pambayad na?" that's what I asked her when the weekend hit the calendar.

It's Saturday today. Pupuntahan namin si papa kaya naman busy siya sa pag-aayos ng mga pinitas niyang bulaklak sa basket. We didn't eat our lunch yet, kaya ako naman ang nag-aayos sa kusina.

"Meron na. Three thousand lang muna, anak. Ayos lang ba?" she answered, didn't even glanced at me.

"Opo, mama."

I'm done fixing our food. She's not finished yet so I neared her to watch what she's doing. Sinulyapan niya ako at marahang ngumiti bago ibinalik ang atensyon niya sa ginagawa.

"Ma, let's eat na muna." pag-aaya ko.

"Last na 'to, nak. Maupo ka na doon." aniya.

I obeyed her. I only sat in front of the table pero hindi muna ako gumalaw ng pagkain. I waited for her until she finished. Nakita ko pa siyang itinaas ang basket para makita ito ng malayuan, then she smiled brightly.

"Ganda!" she beamed. She looked at me wearing those expressions in her face.

Tumango ako, nakangiti. "Sobrang ganda, mama."

Four pink hibiscus taking all the center of the basket being filled with red santan. On every corner of the gumamela, she put four pieces of plastic delphiniums she bought the other day. It's simple. It's calm.

She put in on the table on the sala bago siya lumapit sa mesa. She sat beside me.

"Let's eat na. Hinihintay na tayo ng papa mo." she cannot contain her happiness everytime na pupunta kami kay papa.

They really love each other. I have never seen them fought huge. Masaya sila palagi. They understand each other always. Kapag may problema naman, they talk in peace and calm. I never heard them yell to each other. 

The moment my father died, mama became all silent. She never talk. She never eat. Pinipilit ko lang siya palagi at kakain naman din pero nakatulala siya sa kawalan.

I had to sing her a lullaby every night for 3 years just to help her sleep. Kapag gigising naman siya, I have to remind her about everything. That it is not the end of her life. That I am also hurting, but I am fighting because I still have her.

That 3 years feels like an eternal grievance, but I managed to bring my mama's back. It's been 2 years since she became okay. Now she looked all happy the way she was before.

Sobrang hirap ng pinagdaanan niya but she's a fighter. She is fighting for the both of us.

"Hi, mahal." nakangiti si mama when she greets my father in his grave.

Nakaupo kami sa damuhan. We're in Bibincahan, in a Memorial Park. May mga iilan din akong nakita na galing dito. Ang iba naman ay nakasabay namin papasok.

Inilapag niya ang basket sa gilid nito. She caress my father's name in his tombstone.

The breeze made our hair flew back. It bring us shiver, as if it's my father's reply to my mama's greeting. Napangiti ako.

I left her there when I saw that she's struggling to talk. I gave her space to talk to his husband alone. I know they wanted some time with each other.

I watched them from afar.

Habang naroon si mama, I silently pray for her to be more stronger. Na sana sa kabila ng lahat ng sakit, kakayanin niya palagi. It's hard to see your mama cry. Masakit din lahat para sakin pero mas kailangan ni mama ng comfort so I always ask God to make me stronger, so I can guide my mama always.

An hour passed, tinawag ako ni mama. She happily told my papa about my college journey, and how strong we are to face every difficulties without him. 

She is proud that she is okay. She is proud now that she can.

Sunday, we go to the church together. Palagi namin itong ginagawa at naging hobby na rin namin ang kumain sa fastfood pagkatapos ng simba ng alas onse. Pagkatapos kumain, nag-iikot kami kung saan tapos kung may mapili na gustong bilhin ay binibili namin.

It's relaxing this way. We have all our time to spend to each other every weekends dahil pagdating ng weekdays ay nasa campus ako maghapon. Kung puwede lang na palaging weekend.

The next day, 9 in the morning, pumunta na ako ng campus para magbayad ng tuition. Hindi pa naman ngayon ang exam namin. Wednesday pa kaya may time pa para magbayad sa accounting.

I'm so happy that I almost forgot about the OJT officer. Even so it was our first time encounter, dati pa man ay inis na talaga ako sa ugali niya. I don't know his name or whereabouts, 

but knowing about his deeds for the past years sa ibang estudyante, I know that I would never like him.

I slowly walk towards the entrance, marahang tinitingnan kung naroon sila sa gate.

I felt relieved when I didn't saw their faces. Si Madam guard ang naroon kaya madali lang magprotocol.

I cannot contain my happiness as I walk through. I stopped walking nearby the gate para ayusin ang pagkaka-bun ng buhok ko. Umiinit na naman kasi ang panahon dahil alas nuebe na. Kinagat ko ang pantali habang pinagsasaklop ko ang hanggang bewang kong buhok. I form it into circle and enclosed it with the bun hair net.

I hear familiar voices coming towards me. The moment I made my bun, saka naman sumalubong sa paningin ko ang tatlong officer mula last week. 

My eyes grew as my mouth hang open. Anak ng pucha!

Wearing his dark blue Intern shirt, perfectly tucked in his black pants with garrison belt. Sa likod niya ay ang dalawa na palagi niyang kasama. Ngayon ko lang natitigan ang mukha niya.

Perfect eyebrows, straight nose, strong aura, dark brown eyes. His skin matched his complexion. The way he walk was different from the two. Mas maangas siya kumpara sa ibang OJT officer kaya siguro ganoon na lang ang takot ng lahat sa kaniya.

Gwapo.

Before his eyes landed on me, tumalikod ako at naglakad sa kabilang gilid. Kunware ay hindi ko sila napansin.

Tangina, sana hindi ako maalala. Bigyan mo naman po ako ng katahimikan sa araw na ito!

Nakatalikod lang ako habang nakahawak pa rin ako sa bun ko. I shifted my gaze to the gate when they walk back to where they came from. Siguro may nakalimutan.

Nakahinga na ako ng maluwag ng makita itong liliko na sa gilid ng building. Nagpaypay ako sa sarili.

Hindi ako takot sa kaniya! Ayoko lang na pagtripan na naman ako.

I saw Chie on the gate, saktong katatapos lang magprotocol. She is beaming when she saw me. Before I could warn her to not call me, she already did in a clear, loud voice.

"Vartivo!"

Putangina.

I hardly bit my lower lip while praying that he doesn't hear that. Pero sa lakas ng boses ni Chie, imposibleng hindi niya iyon narinig.

"Boses mo Chie hindi bagay sa pangalan mo. Parang barako, ah!" Madam guard told her na nagpalingon sa kaniya doon tapos nagtawanan lang sila.

She then walked towards me and eventually she stopped halfway. I already know the reason the moment she greet them.

"Good morning, Sir!"

Ayokong lumingon pero kapag hindi ko ginawa alam kong bibigyan niya na naman ako ng gagawin para lang matuwa siya sa araw niya.

I slowly faced them behind when I thought he was with them. He's alone by himself. I folded my lips to each other before looking at him.

"Good morning, Sir." mahinang sabi ko pero sapat na iyon para marinig niya.

"Ay, Solemn, una na ako." Umiling ako sa kaniya pero hindi niya ata ako napansin.

She looked at him.

"Sir, excuse me po."

Hindi siya nito pinansin. Hindi nito inalis ang tingin sa akin hanggang sa makaalis si Chie. I repeat my greetings before walking passed through his side.

"Sinabi ko bang umalis ka?" sabi niya bago pa man ako tuluyang makadaan sa gilid niya.

"No, Sir." I carefully answered.

"4pm, ground."

Iyon lang ang sinabi niya bago umalis. I watched his broad back. On the back of his shirt was the two word 'Criminology Intern' printed in white.

Even his back view was mesmerizing. I just don't understand why he's so cruel among other OJT's. He's such a pain in the ass!

Hindi ko naman maintindihan kung para saan ang sinabi niyang oras but I realized he's trying so hard to mess with a 2nd year student. What did I do so wrong?

Gwapo ka nga pero ang sama naman ng ugali mo! 

Hindi ako pupunta. Pagkatapos ng klase ko ng alas tres, uuwi na ako. This is not right. I will tell this to the guidance. Akala ba nila hindi kami puwedeng magsumbong?

Pwes, I'll give him a sample.

The same as last Friday, umuwi ako para makasabay si mama kumain. Nakapagbayad na rin ako sa accounting office. Iyon talaga ang inuna kong gawin.

What if umabsent na lang ako?

Kung gagawin ko iyon magagalit si mama sa akin. Hindi naman ako puwedeng magliwaliw dahil may review kami para sa exam sa Wednesday.

Argh! Isusumbong ko talaga siya.

I found myself in the campus walking towards the Guidance office after our class. I would rather hold him accountable of what he did to me kesa naman maging sunud-sunuran ako sa kaniya. Isa pa, anong pake ko kung maging warning ito sa kaniya as a future law endeavors? Hindi ba't tama naman nang matuto siya ng tamang behavior?

Hawak ko na ang door knob, desidido sa gagawin. Before I could enter, someone grabbed my pulse. Sa gulat ko ay iwinasiwas ko iyon.

"Huy, huy! Parang tanga naman 'to!" the moment I heard Chie voice, I stopped from moving my hands.

Napahawak ako sa dibdib ko.

"Tangina mo, ba't ka ba nanggugulat?" inis na sabi ko sa kaniya.

She chuckled. "Bawas bawasan mo 'yang kape, Solemn. Hinawakan ka lang 'e! Kanina pa kaya kita tinatawag!"

Kunot noo ako sa kaniya.

"Bakit ba? busy akong tao. Anong kailangan mo?"

"Eh, kailangan ka raw sa ground."

My heart pounded as I hear the term. I feel like I wanted to escape.

"A-Ano?" I even stuttered.

Hinawakan ni Chie ang mukha ko. "Ba't parang namumutla ka? May sakit ka ba?"

Iniwasan ko ang pagdampi ng likod ng palad niya sa leeg ko. Magkakasakit yata ako. Bakit alam niya iyon? Narinig niya ba ang sinabi ng OJT na 'yon na pinapapunta ako sa ground? 

Umiling ako sa kaniya. I fixed myself and looked around the campus. Hindi ko siya nakikita sa paligid. Puro mga estudyante lamang na pauwi na. 

I looked at my wrist watch. It's quarter to 4. What will I do? I could come with Chie to rush home. Pero paano kung hindi ako sumunod? Paano kung mas pahirapan ako sa susunod na araw?

I groaned. 

I found myself in the campus ground. Hindi ko alam kung bakit ko naisipang sundin ang gusto ng OJT na 'yon pero alam kong kapag hindi ko ginawa ay mas pagtitripan niya ako sa mga sumunod na araw.

Iyon na lamang ang inisip ko sa mga sandaling iyon. Bukas, hindi ko na hahayaan ang sarili ko na maging sunud-sunuran sa kaniya.

Bilang ko nga ata kung ilang beses akong nagbuntong hininga habang tinatanaw ang kabuuan ng ground area. Hindi ito ganoon kalawak pero sakto lang iyon para sa mga estudyante rito. Madalas doon din ginagawa ang physical training ng mga OJT.

I thought I could escape those kind of things. Iyong magpapapawis. Iyong magpapagod ng katawan. Dahil sa pagpihit ng atensyon ko sa kabilang parte ng ground ay nakatingin na sa akin ang kanina pang tumatakbo sa isipan ko.

"Vartivo!"

Right there, on the other side of the ground, OJT students were wearing white shirt and botak short, down on the floor doing some sort of exercises. 

It feels like a slow motion picture. My mouth hanged, my eyes grew in shift.

Before I could took off my eyes of them, he's already pointing his fingers on me.

"Verifying ka, ah! Gusto mo sumabay?"

I know to myself, I'm doomed.