SS000

SS000: Erase You by Catrien

I made my way inside Route 196. A famous gig bar somewhere in Katipunan. Inayos ko ang pagkakahawak sa strap ng guitar bag na nakasabit sa balikat ko habang naglalakad papunta sa counter.

"You're here!" sinalubong ako ng isang middle-aged man habang nakangiti. Must be the owner, "The talented, Cyrelle Blessica Escareal."

Ngumiti ako pabalik at inikot ang paningin sa paligid. It's full-packed tonight. Madaming tao at may tumutugtog nang banda sa harap. I glanced at my wristwatch, it's already 9PM.

"May magpe-perform lang na isang pang banda bago ikaw. Is it okay if you'll just sit here while waiting?" the middle-aged man said while offering me to sit at the high stool in front of the counter.

Tumango lang naman ako at nagpasalamat.

"Drinks' on us." inabutan niya ko ng isang baso ng cocktail bago na siya tuluyang umalis.

Binaba ko muna ang dala-dala kong gitara at maayos na pinatong ito sa lapag. Pinanatili ko na lang ang mata ko sa bandang tumutugtog sa harap habang umiinom sa cocktail na ni-serve sakin.

This is my third gig for this day. I'm a bit tired, though. I had one in the morning at my friend's bar, and then at The 70s Bistro Bar in the afternoon, and then this. 'Di naman masyadong nakakapagod ang pagtugtog, what drained my energy was the driving and the traffic.

Nawala lang ang focus ko sa panonood sa banda sa harap nang may lumapit saking kakilala.

"Cyrelle! Sabi ko na ikaw 'yan, e." umupo siya sa katabing upuan ng akin at uminom muna sa Heineken in-can na hawak niya.

I know her too well, though. It's just that, it's been months since I last saw her. I honestly don't know how to entertain her. I'm feeling a bit awkward so I decided not to talk and just smile at her.

"How are you, Cyrelle?" nginitian niya ko, trying to create a conversation.

"I'm doing good." tumango pa ko bago uminom ulit sa cocktail ko.

"That's good to hear." tumango din siya at nilipat na ang tingin sa harap.

I gulped the last drop of my cocktail bago tumalikod muna para humarap sa counter at tumawag ng waiter.

"Another cocktail, please. Same flavor." I said.

Cocktail lang muna iniinom ko kasi 'di ako pwedeng malasing. May tugtog pa ko. But usually, I'm into hard drinks like Black Label, Bacardi and tequilla.

"Ladies and gentlemen, we are The Mythicals."

Nagsimulang magpalakpakan at magsigawan ang mga tao sa loob ng Route 196. Ako naman ay halos manigas na sa kinauupuan ko. I felt my heart beating so loud, I can't even hear anything even if the whole place is now too loud.

"Forgot to tell that I'm here because they will play here tonight." Frea said.

Pinatong niya ang Heineken niya sa counter at humarap din sa counter katulad ng pwesto ko. She leaned closer to me and tried to have a peek at my obviously shocked facial expression.

"You're both working in the music industry, you should expect to have your paths crossed one day." makahulugan niyang sinabi bago tumayo na at iniwan ako sa pwesto ko.

I closed my eyes in frustration and tried to inhale deeply to calm myself.

It's nothing. He's just someone from your past.

I tried to tell that to myself repeatedly. I have to act like I'm not affected by his presence, at all.

Nagsimula silang tumugtog. Nanatili na lang akong nakatalikod at umiinom sa counter.

Their music is really familiar to me. It's like somehow carressing a part of me. I know most of their songs are being composed by Xyvier, their bass guitarist, my ex. And how he creates his music is already tattooed on my mind and heart.

Kaya nga ayokong nakikinig sa mga kanta nila. Because it will always make me feel nostalgia. It will warm my heart and the picture of him will always flash inside my head, like the air we breathe that I can never run away from. And it will hurt me at the same time. It will hurt a lot. Like hell.

"Thank you, Route 196. Have a great night!" Izrael Montefierro, their vocalist, wrap it all up with that line using his signature husky low voice.

Nagpalakpakan ulit ang mga tao, hindi na magkamayaw pa. Their band is already making a name in this country. I know soon enough, they will already be at the mainstream.

"Cyrelle, ikaw na." may lumapit saking babae na naka-glasses, must be one of their crew.

Tumango ako at huminga pa ng malalim. Feeling ko nawala ako sa sarili ko ng panandalian. Tumayo na ko at inabot ang guitar bag ko. I took a step forward habang sinusukbit ang strap nito sa balikat ko nang may mabangga ako. My head bumped into his broad chest. I had to held unto the counter for support, or else I might fall.

"Sorry—" natigilan siya sa pagsasalita nang itaas ko ang tingin ko.

Maging ako ay nanlaki ang mata sa gulat. It's him. His eyes is now definitely piercing into my soul. I saw how he clenched his jaw.

"U-Uh... Okay lang." I tried my best not to show him that I'm already panicking.

I bit my lower lip bago umiwas ng tingin at tuluyan nang naglakad at nilampasan siya. Nadaanan ko pa ang buong banda niya sa likod.

Constantine Montefierro, their lead guitarist was also looking at me, katabi niya ang kapatid na babaeng si Frea. Izrael and their drummer, Rocky, was busy talking to each other.

I exhaled the air that I was holding on to when I'm already far away from them. Nakalimutan ko nang huminga kanina. Pumunta na ko sa harap at nagsimulang i-set up ang gitara ko. Inabutan ako ng music sheet n'ong babaeng tumawag sakin kanina. Kinuha ko ito at pinatong sa music sheet stand sa harap ko.

"Good evening, guys. I'm Cyrelle. Hope we all enjoy this night." panimula ko.

Pinalakpakan ako ng mga tao. Nilibot ko muna ang paningin ko sa paligid ng bar. Maganda ang ambiance dito sa Route 196. May slogan pang nakalagay sa pader sa tabi nitong stage na nagsasabing 'Play with heart. Drink with care.'

I flipped the first page of my music sheet and bit the inside of my cheeks when I saw what was my first song. It was one of the songs I composed nung mga panahong kakahiwalay pa lang namin.

Erase You.

I sat down at the high stool and started strumming the strings on my guitar. I closed my eyes, and the memories I had with him was all I can see.

You were laughing when I met you
And you still do
Remember when I was the apple of your eye?
The center of your attention
Is still the best place I've ever been in
But nothing ever stays the same

Well someday I might cross the street when we're on the same side
Just to skip the "how are you?" "I'm fine"
But I'll love you all my life
And this heart, will not erase you
This heart, will not erase you

I opened my eyes after the chorus. I feel like tearing up. Puro siya ang nakikita ko kapag nakapikit ang mga mata ko.

But I almost jumped out of my seat when our eyes met. He was there, seating at the same place I was seating at awhile ago. His eyes was all on me. Nakatitig lang siya sakin.

I know someday you buy little diamond ring
But it won't be for my finger
And I know someday your child will hear you sing
But I won't be there

Someday I might cross the street when we're on the same side
Just to skip the "how are you?" "I'm fine"
But I'll love you all my life
And this heart, will not erase you
This heart, will not erase you

He stayed there until I finished the song. Nagpalakpakan ang mga tao. Pasimple kong pinunasan ang mga luha ko.
  

Until now, it pains me.

It pains me, Xy... Mi cielo.

I miss you.