Chapter 2

Chapter 2

No turning back

They have this saying that when the twins are far and apart from each other, they both feel incomplete, as if half of them is missing. In my case, losing Bria means I won't be complete anymore. Would I become incomplete for the rest of my life ‘til the day I die? That saying was surreal. I never knew that it was actually true. Because right now, I feel totally incomplete. I feel like half of me has been gone ever since Bria died.

“My Bria,” my Mom's voice cracked as she cried on my father's chest. All of us were crying while Bria's coffin was being buried slowly. We are all wearing black, grieving and mourning with the pain we all feel.

You know what's funny? It was pouring. The sky was painted with gray, invading the entire world with its loneliness. It was so sad and lonely as if the sky was also grieving with our family. I can hear all their sobs and how they were crying aloud. Here I am, watching the men throw and cover my twin's coffin with the soil while my tears were dripping on my face. I wasn't moving in my position. I can feel the bruises from my palms as I kept clenching my hands where my nails were buried along with it.

“I didn't know,” Kirsten beside me uttered while crying. Kirsten has been my best friend since before. I spent half of my life with her.

“I have no idea that Bria chose you to be her designer,” I mentioned. I just found it out from my cousins.

“I'm sorry. I was about to tell you,” she said and shed all the tears from her eyes.

“Bria,” my father cried in silence, slamming his chest with so much pain as he folded his knees on the ground before throwing the white rose. I took a deep breath and went towards Bria's coffin before they could even bury her.

“A-Avenge me,”

That's what I heard inside my head. I gripped the body of the rose even more as I remembered her death. Why does she have to die in front of me? No—why does she have to die? I threw the white rose with rage burning in my chest.

“I buried you, but I will never bury my rage until I avenge you, Bria.” I crumpled my hands on the soil, not minding putting dirt on my hand.

They all went near her and threw the white roses while they were all crying a river.

“Did you mean it?” The smoke from the cigarette filled my nose when Freya went beside me, blowing out the smoke.

“What you said yesterday, did you mean it? Would you really marry Theodore and pretend to be Bria?” She asked as she put the cigarette between her fingers.

“Are you serious?” Kirsten asked, filled with anxiousness and worries for me.

Freya took a heavy breath as she faced our family who were watching Bria buried.

“Because if you do, you will have to sacrifice a lot. Turn your back to the normal world and drag yourself to the world you used to despise,” she glanced at me after those words.

“My plan is to avenge her. After that, I have no plan of staying in the world you all chose.” I explained.

She chuckled and blew out another smoke as if I sounded joking. My brows crossed while looking at her. She threw the cigarette on the ground and glanced at me again.

“Oh, Briana. Do you even know what you're planning? The world you want to step into isn't the same as the ordinary world. If you want to avenge her by marrying Theodore Williams, you would have to totally step in and turn your back to your world…”she smirked in front of me. “Because once you step into the Mafia world, there's no turning back, Briana.”

She slapped it so hard in my face. Freya emphasized it to me, making it apparent for me. I crumpled my hands. Am I willing to embrace the world I couldn't embrace for Bria?

Right after the secret funeral, we all started to leave by ourselves.

“Where are you going?” Kirsten asked me when I was already inside my car.

“I have to meet Sebastian,” I uttered while staring into nothing. My hands were already on the steering wheel, holding it so tight.

“What would you do, Briana?” She asked. I knew that she can already think of what I was about to do.

“I have to do this,” I said as I breathed heavily. My heart was already shattering that I couldn't even drive or start the engine of my car.

“Briana!” She exclaimed when I immediately drove the car, leaving them all out there.

I went to the coffee shop where Sebastian and I met, to the place where everything started. I sat on the spot where Sebastian and I used to sit before. I sobbed and looked above before the tears from my eyes could even fall.

I have to do this. You have to do this, Briana. For my twin, for Bria.

“Babe!”

I faked a small smile as Sebastian arrived. He quickly planted a kiss on my forehead and flashed that widest smile at me. I paused for a moment. I had to spend a few seconds to memorize that smile that I always love.

“Are you okay? Did you cry?” He asked. I knew that he will notice it. He notice everything about me, even the smallest thing. How can I even break this man's heart? How can I even leave him?

“I have something to tell you, Sebastian.” I said. I can't stop it anymore. My eyes already watered while I was looking at him. The more I look at him, the more it tears me apart. I played with my fingers on the table, trying to muster enough courage and bravery.

I glanced at him again when he grabbed my hands on the table and drew a small smile for me. He always do this whenever he knows that I'm being like this. Can I do it? Can I even live without this man?

“I love you, Briana.” That's what he just said instead of asking me what's going on. It breaks my heart even more. It's killing me inside but I have to swallow all this pain.

“I'm sorry,” I said. The tears from my eyes began to escape. I failed to hold it back. I can't bear this pain I feel.

“What's the problem?” He asked softly. He knows how to handle me well. “Tell me. You know that I will always li—”

“Let's break up,” I said and used the remaining bravery I have to look at him.

He was indeed in awe. I saw how he stopped in front of me an how his world collided.

He chuckled. “Stop joking, Briana. Tell me the pro—”

“Let's break up, you heard me, Sebastian.” I said firmly and pulled my hands away from him.

“What's happening? What have I done, Briana? Why are you doing th—”

“Stop!” I exclaimed and washed my hands on my face as the tears were soaking my entire face.

“Let's just break up,” I was already begging him.

“Briana, you can't just break up with me without a reason! Don't play with me please.” He held my hands again, crying in front of me.

“I fell out of love,” I said and prevented his eyes. That moment, I already swallowed everything.

In order to avenge Bria, I have to let go of the man I see myself getting married and creating my own family. If I will embrace the Mafia world, I have to leave him if I want his life to be safe. He's innocent. He doesn't know a thing about my entire family.

“W-What?” He couldn't believe it.

“I don't love you anymore, Sebastian. So let's break up,” I quickly stood up and ran out of the café.

“Briana! Don't do this to me! Open the g*dd*mn door!” He kept slamming the window of my car as I went inside. I wasn't looking at him. My eyes were shut while I couldn't stop from crying while hearing him beg.

I never once thought that I would actually do this.

“I'm sorry,” I uttered before I quickly drove without looking back to Sebastian.

I shed the tears from my eyes. Now, I'm ready to embrace the world I couldn't embrace.

No turning back.