That statement made my heart clench in sadness. Ang pagsisising iyon ay mananatili na lamang na pagsisisi dahil wala na ang kanyang ina. Alam kong mahirap sa parte niya iyon. Losing your Mom with many what ifs is and I should have is truly heart breaking. Alam kong mahirap iyon sa parte niya lalo na't wala na ang inang dapat ay gagawan niya noon.
That's why I am doing my very best to show my Mom how I love her dearly and tell her that everyday on every circumstances and if I have a chance. Ayokong may pagsisihan kung darating man ang araw na pati siya ay babawiin na sa amin. Naramdaman ko na iyon sa namayapang ama. Ayoko nang maulit pa uli sa ina.
"I am not a good child, I am close to her but I am not sweet, that's too far from my personality." He started. Alam kong iyon ang sasabihin niya, seeing how he acts towards people shows how he's not really affectionate and likes to hide his true feelings.
"I have many reg
#FD15 || Bethylia Monteamor"I'm sorry. "That's the only thing he could utter after hurting me. Ni hindi ko magawang makatingin sa kanya dahil bukod sa pisikal na sakit ay mas lamang ang emosyonal na sakit na nararamdaman ko.We don't even have some relationship right now but he can already do this. Ganoon ba ako kahinang babae para ganituhin niya? Siguro nga oo. Dahil hinahayaan ko siyang gawin ang mga bagay na alam kong mali at nakakasakit sa akin.Maybe this is one of the reason why I am still hiding my true feelings at him. I am afraid he'll do something more than this."Bethylia.." He stuttered.Humugot ako ng malalim na hininga bago siya muling hinarap. My face is void of any emotions but tears from my eyes are unstoppably falling in my cheeks, kahit na dapat ay magalit at sinisinghalan siya ngayon ay hindi ko iyon ginawa.Ma
#FD16 || Bethylia Monteamor "I badly want to kiss you right now." Nahigit ko ang hininga sa narinig. I felt a twist on my stomach as he slowly leaned his face closer to mine. Bahagya kong na-i-atras ang ulo at mas lalong napasandal sa sofa. His calloused hand cupped my crimson cheeks while his sombre eyes are staring deeply at me. "Fuck permission, but please allow me to." He hissed as he tightly close his eyes in frustration. Why is he even asking? It's making me feel uncomfortable and the ambiance awkward. Kailangan ko pa bang sabihing ituloy niya o itango ang ulo ko? I don't know what to do. All I know is I remarkably want to kiss him too. I can't help but gasped when he suddenly close the distance between our faces and becovered my parted lips. I clench my fist as he gently pinch my waist and carried me onto his lap, sti
Naitikom ko ang mga labi habang mariing kagat ang dila. Now, even asking is prohibited.Umayos ako ng pagkaka-upo at muling isinuot ang sapatos na tinanggal kanina."Kailangan ko ng umuwi, Aaren. Mag-isa sa bahay si Lucy." Paalam ko nang hindi siya binibigyan ng kahit na saglit na tingin."Let's eat first."Agad kong iniling ang ulo at tumayo mula sa kinauupuan. If he won't tell me what I want to know, then I won't give him what he wants too.Hindi dapat parating siya ang masusunod sa aming dalawa, hindi dapat parating ako ang magpaparaya para masunod ang kagustuhan niya. Hindi tama iyon, masyadong nakakababa at hindi makatarungan.A good relationship should be equal at everything, walang aangat o walang bababa, parating pantay lang dapat."Bethylia..""Ito na naman ba, Aaren? Gagamitin mo na naman sa akin ang t
#FD17 || Bethylia MonteamorHindi siya nakapagsalita matapos ang mga oras na iyon. Ang pagpupumilit na sumasabay sa kanyang kumain ay kaagad niya ring binitawan at tahimik akong hinatid sa bahay.The swelling of my cheeks lessen as the days passed. Mabuti na rin at hindi napansin ng ina at nakababatang kapatid dahil alam ko ang magiging reaksyon nila. Kahit naman napalapit na sa kanila si Aaren ay alam kong tutol sila sa mga ganitong pangyayari, maski ako naman.But knowing what personality Aaren has, wala akong magagawa kung hindi ang tulungan siyang paunti-unting magbago."Aaren!" I joyfully exclaimed after seeing him walking towards me as my shift ends.A ghost of exuberant smile appeared on his lips for a few seconds but immediately faded as he clears his throat."Are you done?" He silently asked.Nakita ko ang bahagyang pag-ngiwi ni
#FD18 || Bethylia MonteamorMy unruly senses suddenly had their ceasefire after watching the calm waves moving back and forth on the seaside.My bare feet are now wet by the salt water touching it unconsciously as the waves comes after me - trying to run towards me but can't because it has its own boundary. A boundary that couldn't be overreach.Katulad sa buhay nating mga tao, may mga pagkakataong hanggang doon na lang tayo dapat tatapak, hindi na pupuwedeng umabante pa dahil hanggang doon lang ang sakop ng bilog na para sa atin.Hindi ko maintindihan kung bakit hindi iyon maintindihan ng mga tao, na ang pakikialam ay may hangganan rin. Alam mo dapat kung saan ka lang lulugar, hindi iyong pilit mong isinasali ang sarili mo sa isang larong hindi ka naman dapat kasali o kahit nakikilaro man lang.Sa dami ng narinig kong paninira sa akin ng mga tao rito sa probins
#FD19 || Bethylia MonteamorTanghali na nang magising kami mula sa mahimbing na pagtulog. Panay rin ang reklamo ni Aaren na namamanhid na ang kanyang kaliwang braso dahil iyon ang ginawa kong unan magdamag."It's not my fault!" I giggled while watching his adorable frowning expression."Just change now, I'll wait here." He softly hissed.Naiiling na kumuha ako ng pamalit at dumiretso ng banyo para saglit na maglinis ng katawan. Wala akong planong maligo sa dagat ngayong araw. I am planning to roam around the resort with Aaren peacefully.Mayroon pa naman kaming dalawang araw para sa pagligo sa dagat."Stop frowning.
#FD20 || Bethylia MonteamorA year with him didn't go as easy just like what I had expected. Maraming away, pagdududa at sumbatan ang nangyari pero nandito pa rin kami sa kamay ng isa't-isa, patuloy na kumakapit dahil alam ng puso na doon mas sasaya.My friends are slightly getting use at the fact that me and Aaren are in a relationship. Wala iyong kaso sa akin dahil hindi naman sila ang may hawak ng desisyon ko sa buhay. But their acceptance is still important, just like how important they are to me.Maayos na sa parte ni Samm pero ang kay Blanche ay kaunti pa lang ang progreso. Kahit na minsan ay nakakainis na ay pilit ko pa ring pinapahaba ang pasensiya dahil alam ko namang nag-aalala lang siya para sa akin."Happy one year together, Aaren!" I greeted with a hoarse voice, still eyes are close.Dito ako natulog sa bahay niya kagabi dahil iyon ang hiniling niya. Maayos siy
#FD21 || Bethylia Monteamor"Ate, bibisita ka pa naman dito palagi hindi ba?" Lucy asked with her teary eyes.I chuckled and advance a step towards her to tousled her hair."Of course, nag-iisa ang bunso kong kapatid rito, sasamahan kita hanggang sa dumating si Mama kada uuwi ako galing trabaho."I heard Aaren's giggle while looking at my sister."Sasamahan ka naming ng Ate mo rito, Lucy." He corrected.Hindi ko napigilan ang pag-nguso para maitago ang nagbabadyang ngiti."Pwede rin ba ako bumisita doon, Kuya Aaren?" She reckoned."Of course you can. You are our baby, Lucy. Pwede ka roon kahit anong oras mo gustuhin.""Nako, lumakad na kayo at papalubog na ang araw. Hayaan niyo na itong si Lucy dito. Makikita niyo rin naman siya bukas." Mahinang sabi ni Mama habang ipinapal
#Special Chapter || Bethylia MonteamorNangunot ang noo ko nang marinig ang makina ng kotse sa labas ng bahay, tanda na nakauwi na ang kanina pang hinintay na asawa.I rolled my eyes at the back of my head and crossed my arms on my chest while waiting for my husband to enter the house.Mag-aalas tres na ng madaling araw at ngayon lang siya uuwi. I am not stopping him from hanging out with his friends since ngayon lang naman siya natutong makipag-kaibigan, pero 'yong hindi niya pagpapaalam o kahit pagsabi man lang na male-late siya ng uwi ay nakakainit ng ulo.I was waiting here in the living room for almost 7 hours since ang madalas na uwi niya ay alas-otso.I raised a brow when I heard the door creeking open. Agad na bumukas ang ilaw at bumungad ako sa harapan niya.Agad na napuno ng takot ang mukha niya. A hem arise from my mouth as I tap my lap, showing ho
Kung natuto akong tumingin sa mas positibong daan, sana ay hindi ako napadpad sa katangahang kinasasadlakan ko ngayon.I am not going home. Nanatili ako sa tahanan ng ama habang si Bethylia ay naroon sa naging tahanan namin ng halos dalawang taon.Nakakatawang nakaya kong itapon ang lahat ng iyon ng dahil sa mga pagdududang nabuo ng dahil sa mga salita ng taong wala naman naiambag sa buhay namin kung hindi gulo."What did I tell you? I am the one who's right, right?" My father mocked as rumors about Mark and Bethylia spread in the whole province.Hindi na ako nagulat doon. Inaasahan ko na iyon dahil hindi lingid sa kaalaman kong mayroong pagtingin sa kanya ang sariling kaibigan. I am a guy after all. I know how a guy look at a girl he
Days had passed just like that. Me going to school and going home after wstching her work and walking her home even when she doesn't even have the slightest idea of it.I was close to graduating, but knowing that she's just entering college next year made me enroll myself again to se her everyday.Nanginginig at nanlalambot ang mga tuhod ko habang nakatayo ngayon sa harapan ng babaeng ilang taon ko nang pinagmamasdan mula sa malayo.She repeatedly blink her eyes as her jaw dropped at my sudden presence infront of her."Ah.. Pedro."My heart almost melted at that, hearing my name with her voice made me feel like at a time, I am the girl and he's the guy.
#FDEpilogue || Aaren 'Pedro' Winslow "Hey, don't run like that, Hurley! Baka madapa ka! Aaren, stop running with your son!" I playfully chuckled after hearing my wife shouting at us for being stubborn. I crinkled my nose while making my son run after me towards her mother. Nang makarating sa harapan ni Bethylia ay kaagad kong ipinulupot ang mga braso sa kanyang ngayon ay may umbok nang tiyan. She's carrying our four month old child again, hopefully, a girl. Since I already have a son, I want a daughter next. Pero kung lalaki pa rin ay ayos lang rin. As long as he or she is healthy, I have no problem with that. Her hands landed on my chest as she smack me. Natata
#FD35 || Bethylia MonteamorI was pacing back and forth while Aaren is just infront of me, chuckling everytime he'll lift his gaze to meet my eyes.I am nervous. Walang alam ang pamilya ko na ikinasal ako, at sa loob ng isang taon kong pagkakatali kay Aaren ay hindi ko iyon ipinaalam o kahit nabanggit man lang ng kahit isang beses, kahit sa mga kaibigan. The only one who had knowledge about it is Mark, of course, he's our witness.I just don't want to answer things, specifically those times that I am still grasping everything that happened, those time that I am still healing."Calm down, Bethylia. Wala namang mangyayaring masama. We'll just say it, no sweat."Awtomat
#FD34 || Bethylia Monteamor "Mabuti at naisipan niyo pa.." Mark sarcastically hissed as he frowned at me. I chuckled. "You seemed bitter.." "I am not, masyadong mataas ang tingin mo sa sarili mo." "You're the first one to know again." "Kaunti nalang iisipin ko nang ako ang Tatay mo." Hindi ko napigilan ang paghalakhak sa narinig. Aaren's face crumbled as he reach for my hand and rested it on my lap. "Palagi ka kasing nandito.." I sneered. "Why are you always here anyway? Where's your woman?" Aaren joined i
Nanlaki ang mata ko sa narinig. Marahas kong ibinaling sa kanya ang tingin habang mariing nakatikom ang mga labi. He nervously scratched the back of his head while avoiding my eyes. Funny how the things change after all the events happened in our lives. I was always the scared one back then, the one who's always apologising, the one who's always listening, obliging, and understanding but I can see the opposite things right now. "I am sorry. That's not what I mean.. I mean.. I'll just shut my fucking mouth." I can't help but burst out in laughter as I look at his pale face. Inilapat ko pa ang kamay sa tiyan habang inaabot ang kamay niyang ngayon ay nasa likod ng ulo habang halatang pinagsisisihan ang ginawang kahit saan tingnan ay hindi naman mali. He's so funny. He just made my day more. "Why are you suddenly like that? I can't believe this." I la
#FD33 || Bethylia Monteamor"Long time no see, my wife."I stared at him with longing in my eyes. I've been wanting to see him since he left Manila, but due to our circumstances, I stopped myself from doing anything to satisfy my heart.Heal first before loving fully again.I swallowed a hard lump on my throat and look at him with my inquisitive eyes. "Why are you here?"Marahan niyang inabot ang kamay kong namamahinga sa kandungan at pinisil iyon na parang sinasabi ang sagot sa tanong kong hindi ko naman makuha."I wanted to see my wife. Hinayaan na kita ng isang taon, hindi na ako papayag na madagdagan pa iyon, Bethylia. I've heal, I know you did too. Let's not be away from each other from now on."I can't help but gasped as he pulled me towards him and wrapped me around his arms. Marahan akong napabuga ng hangin at hinayaan siya sa gin
Days had passed like that. Ni hindi ko na napansin ang paglipas ng mga araw. And as expected, Aaren didn't suddenly showed up here even once. Lumipas ang dalawang buwang hinihingi ko pero hindi pa rin ako muling nagpaparamdam o kahit tuparin ang ipinangako bago siya umalis ay hindi ko ginawa. I am not ditching him, I am just still at the procees of healing and improving and I know he's also still in those process. Ayokong sa tuwing may hindi magandang mangyayari sa pagitan namin kung sakaling bumalik sa piling ng isa't-isa ay mas pipiliin niyang lumayo at isarado ang tainga. I don't want him getting aggressive and being able to hurt me in a flashed of second. He needs to change his way of absorbing things first. Not through hurting, not through avoiding but through having a good and calm talk. I stared at my hands resting on my table. I stared at it lovingly with a small smile on my face. I r