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Chapter 18
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2021-11-18 13:03:44#FD18 || Bethylia Monteamor
My unruly senses suddenly had their ceasefire after watching the calm waves moving back and forth on the seaside.
My bare feet are now wet by the salt water touching it unconsciously as the waves comes after me - trying to run towards me but can't because it has its own boundary. A boundary that couldn't be overreach.
Katulad sa buhay nating mga tao, may mga pagkakataong hanggang doon na lang tayo dapat tatapak, hindi na pupuwedeng umabante pa dahil hanggang doon lang ang sakop ng bilog na para sa atin.
Hindi ko maintindihan kung bakit hindi iyon maintindihan ng mga tao, na ang pakikialam ay may hangganan rin. Alam mo dapat kung saan ka lang lulugar, hindi iyong pilit mong isinasali ang sarili mo sa isang larong hindi ka naman dapat kasali o kahit nakikilaro man lang.
Sa dami ng narinig kong paninira sa akin ng mga tao rito sa probins
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#FD21 || Bethylia Monteamor"Ate, bibisita ka pa naman dito palagi hindi ba?" Lucy asked with her teary eyes.I chuckled and advance a step towards her to tousled her hair."Of course, nag-iisa ang bunso kong kapatid rito, sasamahan kita hanggang sa dumating si Mama kada uuwi ako galing trabaho."I heard Aaren's giggle while looking at my sister."Sasamahan ka naming ng Ate mo rito, Lucy." He corrected.Hindi ko napigilan ang pag-nguso para maitago ang nagbabadyang ngiti."Pwede rin ba ako bumisita doon, Kuya Aaren?" She reckoned."Of course you can. You are our baby, Lucy. Pwede ka roon kahit anong oras mo gustuhin.""Nako, lumakad na kayo at papalubog na ang araw. Hayaan niyo na itong si Lucy dito. Makikita niyo rin naman siya bukas." Mahinang sabi ni Mama habang ipinapal
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Kahit pilit akong kinakausap ay hindi ko siya pinapansin. I am dead tired and I want to clean myself to sleep. Nakakadagdag pa sa pagod ko ang pagsasalita at ang pangungulit niya.Kung hindi niya ako sinabihang mabaho ay baka nakakausap niya pa ako ngayon. I am not feeling guilty because it's his fault, and I am not really in a mood. Ganito naman siguro ang lahat kapag pagod."Bethylia.." Mahinang tawag niya nang makalabas ako sa banyo.I hummed and drag my eyes on him. His shoulders are down as he look at me with his pleading eyes."Are you angry?" He carefully asked.Kumunot ang noo ko sa narinig. Iyon ba ang iniisip niya simula pa kanina?Hindi ako galit, pagod lang talaga at medyo inis sa sinabi niya kanina. I am a girl, it's understandable that I am sensitive through those topics. Malinis dapat ang mga babae kaya ang masabihang mabaho ay parang isang mal
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#FD21 || Bethylia MonteamorPagod kong isinukbit ang body bag na dala sa balikat bago tumayo sa kinauupuan ng lupaypay ang mga braso.I was feeling down these days, hindi ko alam kung anong nangyayari, kung bakit parang mayroong nagbago, bakit biglaang pasok ng problema samantalang parang kahapon lang ay nasa ayos pa naman ang lahat at pabor na pabor sa akin ang tadhana.Ito ang kinakatakutan ko, at the end of the day, problem will still chase you. Nasa sa iyo na kung haharapin mo ng walang takot o pilit na tatakbuhan kahit na alam mong nasa bingit ka na rin ng pagkakahulog sa bitag na walang ibang idudulot sa iyo kung hindi sakit, sakit na pilit kukuha sa katinuan mo at hihilain ka pababa hanggang sa hindi ka na maka-ahon.Funny how fate loves to play with us. Kung masisira rin naman sa dulo ay bakit ibinibigay pa? Kung magkakasakitan rin naman pala sa kalagitnaan ay bakit ipinakilala pa? Kung bibit
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"Ask that to yourself, Bethylia. What did you do wrong?" He fired back. I pressed my lips tightly together and lowered my head. Now, even him doesn't believe me. "What's running on that mind of yours?" Gusto kong malaman, para kahit papaano ay magkaroon ako ng ideya kung papaano mapapatunayan ang sarili kahit na hindi naman dapat. "How I love you unconsciously without knowing that flawed desires of yours." Tahimik akong napasinghap at kalaunang napangisi rin. Now everythings turning three sixty degrees. Ang mga paratang na dati'y nasa kanya ay napunta naman sa akin. Karma ba 'to? Para saan? Dahil pinagdudahan ko ang damdamin niya noon? Ganito ba talaga maglaro ang tadhana? Paikot-ikot lang sa isang bilog na walang katapusan? Patuloy na magbabatuhan ng mga walang patunay na kasalanan? Patuloy na iikot kahit na alam na wala na
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#FD23 || Bethylia MonteamorMy eyes are down while walking towards work. Ang iilang nakakasalubong na tao'y hindi ko kayang patunguhan ngayon katulad ng palagi kong ginagawa noon.Smiling is the best weapon to your enemy, that's what they always say. But that's too tiring, niloloko na nga ng ibang tao ang sarili nila sa kakahusga sa ibang taong hindi naman nila kilala, lolokohin ko pa ang sarili ko sa pagpapanggap na walang naririnig at ayos lang sa lahat ng nangyayari."Mama, ano po 'yong gold digger?" I heard a child asked.Halos mapapikit ako sa narinig. Even a child is now asking about that thing."Bakit naririnig kong palagi niyo siyang tinatawag na ganon, Mama?
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#FD24 || Bethylia MonteamorAfter I woke up that day, his familiar scent leaked in the enclosed room. Hindi ko alam kung dahil ba iyon sa naiwan niyang mga bakas o sa panaginip kong hindi ko sigurado kung totoong gawa lang ng utak.I didn't bother going to work that day. Dalawang araw akong nagkulong sa sanang bahay namin at pinag-iisipan ang mga susunod na gagawin.Ano ba dapat ang ginagawa ko sa mga pagkakataong ganito? Is my silence enough? Is being mute is the right way?Hindi ko na alam kung paano pa ang gagawin para bumalik sa dati ang lahat.I was only holding onto one person. Siya lang ang kaya kong kapitan pero pati siya ay tinalikuran ako.
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#FD33 || Bethylia Monteamor"Long time no see, my wife."I stared at him with longing in my eyes. I've been wanting to see him since he left Manila, but due to our circumstances, I stopped myself from doing anything to satisfy my heart.Heal first before loving fully again.I swallowed a hard lump on my throat and look at him with my inquisitive eyes. "Why are you here?"Marahan niyang inabot ang kamay kong namamahinga sa kandungan at pinisil iyon na parang sinasabi ang sagot sa tanong kong hindi ko naman makuha."I wanted to see my wife. Hinayaan na kita ng isang taon, hindi na ako papayag na madagdagan pa iyon, Bethylia. I've heal, I know you did too. Let's not be away from each other from now on."I can't help but gasped as he pulled me towards him and wrapped me around his arms. Marahan akong napabuga ng hangin at hinayaan siya sa gin
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Days had passed like that. Ni hindi ko na napansin ang paglipas ng mga araw. And as expected, Aaren didn't suddenly showed up here even once. Lumipas ang dalawang buwang hinihingi ko pero hindi pa rin ako muling nagpaparamdam o kahit tuparin ang ipinangako bago siya umalis ay hindi ko ginawa. I am not ditching him, I am just still at the procees of healing and improving and I know he's also still in those process. Ayokong sa tuwing may hindi magandang mangyayari sa pagitan namin kung sakaling bumalik sa piling ng isa't-isa ay mas pipiliin niyang lumayo at isarado ang tainga. I don't want him getting aggressive and being able to hurt me in a flashed of second. He needs to change his way of absorbing things first. Not through hurting, not through avoiding but through having a good and calm talk. I stared at my hands resting on my table. I stared at it lovingly with a small smile on my face. I r
