I woke up so early so I had the time to prepare myself a breakfast kahit 9 am pa naman ang start ng klase ko. Maybe I’ll clean my room and arrange my things accordingly para alam ko agad kung nasaan nakalagay ang mga gamit ko if ever hanapin ko.
I know na kapag nandito lang si mama ngayon ay kanina pa nagreklamo ‘yon dahil sobrang disorganize ng mga gamit ko ngayon.Pagkadating ko sa school ay diretso na ako sa building namin. May mga kakilala akong nadadaanan ko kaya hindi ko rin maiwasan na bumati at huminto. That's life anyway. Kapag hindi kasi nabati or pinansin, sasabihin kaagad maarte, snob or galit.I mean, that's how life works right?"Tala! Oh my god kumusta? Inom tayo later sa distrito, G?" sabi ni Sab na ahead ng isang year sa akin. Umiling kaagad ako sa kanya."Pass muna Sab, maraming babasahin." Sabi ko naman. Ayokong mag-aksaya ng panahon sa mga bagay na ganito. Like hindi naman mayaman ang mga magulang ko, sapat lang para ma-enroll ako rito sa law school.I shouldn’t waste my time partying when I know my parents are working hard to earn money just to send me here."Oh okay. But if you'll change your mind, just contact Faye. You have her number right? You know where to come naman if ever." She said. Hindi ba siya nagmamadali or what?"Sige Sab! Salamat. Una na ako ha, bye!" Kumaway ako at dali-daling naglakad na.Sumegway pa ako sa pakikipag-usap. Halos lahat ng kakilala ko ay palaging night out ang puntirya at isa na doon si Sab, I mean hindi naman sila pariwara, they have good grades naman and all, they party a lot but they know when to peak. Curious nga ako if how they did that, I mean partying and at the same time studying as well.Mabait naman halos lahat ng mates ko, pero talagang kung makapagwaldas ng pera at gumala akala mo hindi on-deck sa recit kung makainom ng wagas.My phone vibrated kaya napatigil muna ako saglit para sagutin ang tawag, it was a call from Kaila.“Nasaan ka na?” bungad niya ng wala man lang hello. Itong babaeng ‘to talaga.“On the way madam, huwag kang atat.” Sabi ko naman.“Gagi, gumising ako ng maaga para hiramin notes mo, ‘di ko gets ‘yong akin.”“Deserve mo ‘yan,” sabi ko.“Kung kutusan kaya kita?” tumawa lang ako saka inend na ‘yong call. I was walking silently on the hallway, walang tao kaya sobrang tahimik, malamang ay nasa loob na ng room. Napakunot ang nook o nang makita kong may naghahalikan doon sa gilid ng pader. Hindi siya gaanong madilim kaya kitang-kita talaga.Their guts to do it here publicly?! Hindi ba sila naaawa sa mga virgin eyes ng mga estudyante rito?“Ano ba ‘yan, ang aga-aga tikiman aga,” bulong ko sapat na para marinig nila.“Get a roo-” nanlaki ang mga mata ko nang tuluyang maliwanangan ang mga mata ko nang napatingin silang dalawa sa akin. My god! Dito pa sila talaga gumawa ng kahayupan?!He was making out with a woman publicly tapos ako pa talaga ang makaka-witness no’n? Shocks! My entire being is screaming for alcohol.Napaiwas na lamang ako ng tingin sa kanilang dalawa ng magtama ang tingin namin. What the fuck talaga!! Ang ganda ng gising ko today tapos ito lang madadatnan ko rito sa school? Where’s the justice in that anyway?Dali-dali na lang akong lumakad papaalis sa kanila and acted like I didn’t saw them doing something.Pagkadating ko ay medyo puno na ang room. Umupo na ako sa usual spot ko which is on the left wing beside the window. Pinili ko talagang maupo malapit sa bintana. Katabi ko si Kaila then si Cha naman ang kasunod nito, si Belle naman ay nasa likod ko. Si Kaila at Cha ay busy sa pagchismis ng mga crush nila habang ako naman ay tamang upo lang habang naghihintay ng Professor namin.Maya-maya lang ay may pumasok sa room namin, napaupo agad ako ng maayos at kinalabit ko si Kaila, but I noticed na iba naman ang built ng katawan. It took me 3 seconds to notice his back feature, kaya noong humarap na siya hindi ko alam kung gaano na kaliit ang mga mata ko.Biglang kumulo ang dugo ko sa utak when I remembered how he called me little star last night and iyong nangyari a while ago.Wait! First and foremost, what is he doing here? And why does he appears to my sight everywhere?The moment he saw me, he was a bit startled but as soon as he realized something, he smirked at umupo sa Professor’s table. What is he doing?“Oy gagi, greek god ba ‘yan? Pota bakit ang gwapo niyan?” I heard Kaila whispered, and by the look on her? Para na siyang maiihi sa kilig.“Kung ganyan lang naman kagwapo ang Professor natin, baka mag-top ako sa BAR exam.” Si Cha naman ang nagsabi noon.Siguro ay nakuha niya ang kunot ng noo ko kaya tumayo siya at nagpunta sa unahan.He introduced himself to us and told us that Attorney Pantaleon will not be around, pero nagbigay lang ng quiz sa mga cases na sinabi niyang basahin namin, and he will be the one to watch us.Naghiyawan ang mga lalaking kaklase namin, not because Attorney isn’t here but because Attorney will not be the one to give the quiz, because we know Attorney well pagdating sa quiz. And gosh, kahit siguro galawin mo lang ng kaunti ang ulo mo kahit hindi ka naman talaga kumokopya ay parang babatuhin ka ng kutsilyo kung makatitig.He started the quiz and I’m still confident though because I reviewed well last night. While answering, I felt like someone’s eye is staring at me intently, only to find out that he was the one staring at me, nadi-distract tuloy ako sa pagsagot.I eyed him with full annoyance, sinigurado ko talaga na makikita niya sa mukha ko ang iritasyon para mapatigil siya sa pagtitig sa akin, but I didn’t get nothing but a smirked on him. He then reminded everyone the time left kaya hindi ko na pinansin at pinagpatuloy na lang ang pagsasagot ko, mamaya siya sa akin pagkatapos ko rito.“Time’s up everyone, pass your papers in front.” Sabi nito. Sakto at natapos ko kaagad, Kaila groaned dahil hindi niya natapos ang huling case. I just tapped her shoulder and urged her to stand up para magpasa ng sagot namin. After passing and glaring at him ay bumalik na ako upuan ko, narinig ko pa ang pagtawa nito na kinainis ko lalo.“Thanks everyone, good luck with your quiz score.” Sabi nito, everyone is ready to leave pero napatigil ang lahat when he called me by my full name. Pota?“Talia Carmela Ramirez…” he uttered.“Yes?” sabi ko naman.“Samahan mo akong ilagay ang mga papers niyo sa desk ni Attorney.”“Bakit ako?”“Why not? Saka may pag-uusapan pa tayo.” He gave me that bored look again. Iyong mga classmates ko ay ready nang umalis pero nakatayo pa rin sila ngayon at pinagtitinginan kami.“Wala tayong dapat pag-usapan.” I fired back.“It’s about the notes.” Sabi niya. I heaved a sigh, akala ko naman gets niya na sa Wednesday pa ako available?“Diba sabi ko sayo sa Wednesday pa ako available?” iritadong sambit ko. Hindi agad siya nakapagsalita, I guess he give up? But seconds after, nagsalita ulit siya.“I never kissed her, just so you know.” He uttered out of the blue, I heard gasps all over pero rinig na rinig ko talaga ang pagsinghap ni Kaila.“Why are you even explaining to me Lexus? Ano ba kita?” kuryosong tanong ko. So what if I saw him kissed that girl? Saka bakit pa ba tumatanggi kahit na kitang-kita ng dalawang mata ko?“Grabe mapanakit ka na ah,” I heard him said that. Hindi ko napigilang iikot ang mga mata sa kanya.“Stop rolling your eyes.” He said.“At bakit?”“You look cute doing that.”And at that moment, I swear kung hindi ko pa tinakpan ang tainga ko ay siguradong mababasag ang eardrums ko sa sigaw ng mga kaklase ko. What the eff?!But seriously, kung hindi ko pa pinigilan ang sarili ko, alam kong ngingiti ako. I don’t know if banat niya lang ‘yon or what but, I got swayed…a bit.“You look cute daw ampota, kilig ako doon ah.” I heard Angel uttered and looked at me na ngayo’y pulang-pula na.“Ako mismo ‘yong kiniss noong babae, I didn’t want that, nabigla lang din ako.” He added. Bakit ba kasi siya nag-eexplain eh hindi naman niya ako girlfriend or what?“Sinungaling…” I said and then I heard him groaned.“Whatever, see you on Wednesday anyway.” He said then walked-out of our room.Dinumog agad ako nina Kaila at Cha ng mga tanong kung bakit may ganoong eksena, saan ko siya nakilala at kung matagal na ba kaming nagkikita. Rinig ko pa ang ibang kaklase kong lumalabas sa room namin na parang naka-witness raw sila ng rom-com na movie. While Belle on the other hand is still on shocked.Kaya kahit sa pagkain namin ay panay ang tanong nilang dalawa sa akin, I was bombarded wth their questions like I’m on a hot seat.“So paano nga kayo nagkita?” Cha asked again for the third time. I heaved a sigh, I started telling them the whole story how did we crossed paths. It was ironic and so rare incidences but it did happened to me.“Gago?!” they both reacted.“I know right.”“Gago! Ang swerte mo!” sabi ni Kaila at nag-thumbs up pa. tumaas ang kilay ko dahil sa reaksyon nila. So in favour silang nangyari talaga sa akin ‘yon? Where’s my friends here though?“Tadhana ‘yan, sure ako dyan.” Sabi naman ng isa.“Ayan na naman tayo sa tadhana na iyan. Remember ‘yong last na naging boyfriend ko? My god, sobrang cancel!” I uttered. Naalala ko na naman tuloy ang panloloko ng h*******k na ‘yon.Cheaters must go to hell!Imagine he broke-up with me just because I didn’t kiss him back and I’m too conservative raw pero matagal na pala niya akong niloloko, which I think I don’t really deserve.I mean, kasalanan ko bang conservative ako at sobrang lakas lang ng tawag ng libog niya? Umiinit tuloy ang ulo ko.Umpisa pa lang klaro naman na sa kanya noong sinagot ko siya that I have boundaries, na ayoko ng mga sobrang touchy things like kissing. Holding hands is okay with me, kasi we’re just a freaking high school that time.Yes, maaga akong lumandi, and it’s so embarrassing to remember these things.“That’s why I suggest you watch porn na kasi, in case lang magka-boyfriend ka this year. And duh? College ka na sis, you can do better than holding hands na.”“Bad influence talaga kayong dalawa sa buhay ko.” Sabi ko sa kanila. Tinawanan lang nila ako. But on the other side, mukhang gusto kong e-consider ang sinabi ni Kaila. I mean, hindi naman siguro masama manuod ng rated-x video kahit isang beses lang?I laughed inside my mind because of my inner thoughts. My gad, the peer pressure is real though. But I admit, I want to go beyond my boundaries, I wanted to have a taste in breaking rules. Kinabahan tuloy ako sa naiisip.I was in front of my laptop, I already copied the link that Kaila sent to me earlier but I still can’t enter it. Kaya ngayon ay kagat-kagat ko ang kuko ko. I was still hesitating, I mean hindi naman ako inosente sa ganitong bagay but it will be my first time to watch it.My phone vibrated and got a chat from Kaila and Cha in our group chat.Charisse Vista: Ano na sis? Have you watched it already?Kaila Marie Ramirez: Hula ko naghehesitate pa ‘yan. May pagka-banal type pa naman ‘yang kaibigan natin.Me: Mga bwesit kayo, sandali lang naman mga te, first time ko gagawin to.I heaved a sigh, “Bahala na…” I uttered before clicking the search button.Pumikit muna ako sandali saka huminga ulit ng malalim. And when I finally opened my eyes, I swear nataranta ako, lalo na at sabay din na may nag-doorbell, kaya nagkanda-ugaga ako sa pagsara ng laptop.Inis kong binuksan ang pintuan, delivery lang pala ng pagkain na inorder ko. Tinatamad din kasi akong magluto kaya napa-oder na lang ako sa grab.
“Try it with me then…” Paulit-ulit na nagre-replay sa utak ko ang sinabi ni Lexus kahit na kanina pa ako nakauwi sa bahay.Gago?! Bakit parang gusto kong iconsider ang offer niya? Bulong ko sa sarili ko. I didn’t know my curiosity would lead to this. Baka akalain pa no’n ay uhaw ako sa kiss kaya naiisip ‘yong ideyang ‘yon?Napagdesisyunan ko na lang na maglinis ng katawan naghanda na lamang ako ng mga gamit ko bukas at nahiga na.Ritwal ko talaga sa pagtulog sa gabi ay mag-open ng socmed accounts ko. I watched some funny videos in facebook, then I posted a picture of my brewed coffee that I ordered earlier sa Osiris and then posted a tweet in twitter with my usual hashtag.your’star: muntik na akong madala sa pa-try it with me niya. #JunkTerrorLawThat’s what my tweet all about. Then after I posted that tweet, umani kaagad doon ang replied tweet ni Kaila at Cha.wastedtweetofKaila: my gosh sis ah, I feel something fishy about this.Cha_sa’umaga: Hula ko lumalandi na ‘to behind our bac
Rinig ko ang pagtikhim niya. I saw him licked his lower lip, he has pink lips, tapos ang ganda rin ng shape ng bibig. Napaisip tuloy ako kung he was really good in kissing.I mean, I caught her with a girl, plus he’s active, I bet he has a lot of girls lining up, tapos simula noong nakilala ko siya I heard a lot of rumours. Well, siguro dahil kilala siya?Hanggang ngayon ay hindi pa rin kami umaalis. Nakadantay lang ang braso niya sa manibela habang kunot-noong tinititigan ako pero nakangisi pa rin ng kaunti.“Okay, you wanted to know if my offer is still up?” pag-uulit niya.I put it in a solemn and determined look while nodding to him. Tila baga nanghahamon na ngayon ang tingin niya sa akin. I felt a little scared thinking about the weight and gravity of his question. It knocked my head and only beginning to resurface.I asked myself twice if really am ready to break boundaries. But it’s still the same, ‘yong sinabi ko sa kanya kanina, pareho pa rin. I was never more certain before t
Both of us were now sitting in one sofa facing each other, and we’re sitting here for almost 10 minutes already. I mean, should I do the first move because I was the one who pursued his offer? Or he should do it first since he knows what to do and he’s an expert when it comes to this?But the question is, bakit ko talaga pag-iisipan ng mabuti kung sino ang mauuna? Poproblemahin ko pa ba dapat iyon? this should be like normal especially to him dahil ekperyensyado siya. this must be a piece of cake to him.“Pwede ka pang magback-out.” He said, breaking the silence that’s been reigning for a long time. I the clicked my tongue, “Whatever.” tanging nasambit ko.“Shall we talk first about the kiss?”“What do you mean?” I asked curiously. Bakit kailangang pag-usapan pa eh magki-kiss lang naman diba? Iyon lang naman ‘yon.“Kiss agreement. Do’s and don’ts.” he said.“Gaya nang ano?”“You know, kissing is the start of everything. You don’t know if what dimension are you in because of too much s
“Chukchakan na ‘yang friend natin alam mo ba?” Kaila begin to open-up to Cha na sobrang clueless sa sinabi nito. Siniko ko nga siya ng mahina sa tagiliran para pigilan kaso dinilaan lang ako.Minsan talaga ang mature ni Kaila pero madalas na isip-bata.“Bakit naman? Ang pangit ng word na ginamit mo chukchakan talaga sis?”“Remember noong nag-chill tayo noong nakaraan with high school friends’ tapos nauna siyang umalis?” pag-uumpisa nito. “Oh tapos?” sabi naman ni Cha.“Nagpaalam ako sa inyo na susundan siya para alam kong makakauwi siya ng maayos. Pero sis iba ‘yong nadatnan ko, may sundo pala ang kaibigan natin, tapos ‘yong kapatid pala ni Belle ang kasama.”“Fastforward na kasi sa highlight.” Atat na atat namang saad ni Cha habang nakangisi at mukhang excite na excite.“Halos 15 minutes silang nanatili sa loob ng sasakyan ng hindi umaandar. Tingin mo anong ginagawa ng dalawa?”“Ay, chukchakan nga, literal talagang chukchakan teh! Improving ah infairness,” komento nito.“Napaka-judgm
“Uh, welcome sa bahay?” Saad ko saka naglahad ng gesture na pwede na siyang pumasok sa loob.“You’re not that welcoming though.” He said and smirked.“Sorry naman ha, nakakabigla kasi ‘yong sinabi mo na sasama ka sa’kin.” Sabi ko saka sinara ang main door nang makapasok na siya.I saw him looking at the whole place while I put my things inside my room saka lumabas na din after.“Magluluto ako, any request?” saad ko. I have the guts to ask him dahil may laman pa naman ang fridge ko.“Adobo,” he said.Tumango ako saka nagprepare ng mga kakailanganin na ingredients. Minsan ay sinisilip ko siya kung anong ginagawa niya pero nakatingin lang sa akin, kaya kung mahuli ko siyang nakatingin sa akin ay bigla siyang magkukunwaring nagcecellphone.Minadali ko na ang paglalagay ng mga ingredients ng adobo saka pinakuluan after tapos nagsaing na rin ako ng kanin. Hihintayin ko na lang maluto iyon and good to go na kami para kumain.After that ay pinuntahan ko siya saka inoferran na i-on ko ang tv p
I had it all badly written in my mind long before about all the flirting, kissing, and screwing thing – until I experienced how it felt to be kissed, which was a whole experience to me. A wonderful experience to be exact.What Lexus and I have done that night was the closest I had ever come to kissing. Parang dinala lang niya ako sa ibang dimensyon ng mundo nang hindi ko alam. I was hypnotized the way he moved his tongue with me and how we did that in a slow pace.I had just stepped out of the shower, clean, fresh, and ready to take another battle in law school. A tremendous sense of motivation to keep going despite adversities pushing through because I still have dreams to accomplish.I toasted a bread and had the egg fully cooked since hindi ko gusto ‘yong malasadong itlog, then nagtimpla na rin ako ng hot chocolate. I enjoyed my breakfast in peace while remembering what happened last night when I stared at the living area.Feeling ko tuloy naging kamatis ako for a minute.When I fi
What Lexus said that night left a lot of questions into my head, and even after he dropped me off in the house I still did. Akala ko ay makakatulog agad ako ng gabing ‘yon ng mahimbing dahil nga sobrang exhausted ko pero hindi pala, dahil masyado kong inisip at dinibdib ang sinabi niya.Tiningnan ko ang oras sa cellphone ko only to see it’s already 1:47 am and I am still wide awake na parang hindi ako antok na antok kanina.Pinilit ko na lang na matulog at inisip na lang na baka wala lang naman talagang meaning and sinabi niya kanina. I wonder kung tulog ba siya ngayon or iniisip niya rin iyong sinabi niya kanina? Kasi kung tulog na siya ngayon, bakit gising ako?Ibig bang sabihin nito ay sobrang apektado ako para isipin ng lubusan iyon? Baka nanti-trip lang talaga iyon tapos at heto ako sobrang iniisip. Nakakainis.The next morning to that, the sunlight filled my space, enough to warm and caused me to wake up. I was still on the bed though while feeling the emptiness of the day. My d
Ang bilis lagi ng panahon. It seemed like only yesterday I was still in pain and was about to give-up. I felt like I experienced heart break all the time. But surprisingly though, I did what was necessary to move forward.Based sa experience, life would always hit you the hard way. Na parang feeling mo nalumpo ka not just physically but the whole aspect of your life? I do not want delays as much as possible kasi sayang sa oras, dahil sabi ko nga mabilis lang ang pagtakbo ng panahon. A day feels like just an hour, a month feels like a one or two weeks, and years now feels like few months. Ni hindi mo na nga mamalayan na magbabagong taon na naman o magbi-birthday ka.LEXUS: Sorry, can’t pick you up. Emergency meeting. I’ll send a cab instead. – a text from Lexus. Bihis na bihis na ako at naghihintay na lang ng text niya kung nasa labas na siya but this was the message I got from him.Nainis ako yes, but since he said it’s an emergency, I understand. Kasi minsan ganyan din ako, last minu
The thing about of your ex is that, no matter how you both broke-up, the fact that he or she still have this effect on you, even if it’s not in a romantic way, it is still an effect.“W-what?” I said stuttering because he’s really fuming mad right now.“What are you doing?” iritadong bungad niya. Nakadugtong ang makapal niyang kilay at naghihintay ng isasagot ko.“Uhh, wala naman akong ginagawa…nakaupo lang naman kanina...” I sad nervously not wanting to add much information.“Really? Just seating there?”“Oo, tapos kausap lang si ano…” tanging nasabi ko at hindi ko na nadugtungan pa. “Anyway, bakit ka umalis doon eh mukhang hindi pa naman tapos iyong palaro?” I tried to change the topic.“Because I am mad,” agap niya. “Anong pinag-usapan n’yong dalawa?” sunod na tanong niya.“Just about life...and some stuffs.” I said. Ni hindi ko nga ma-imagine na first lang naman naming magkita pero nakapag-converse kaagad ng mga ganoong ganap sa life namin which is very unusual. Kasi kapag hindi n
All I could hear inside the car is the sound of his fingers tapping. First of all, ayokong magsalita dahil wala naman akong sasabihing importante. Pangalawa, just like what I said – I’m too embarrassed about what I did. Third, for some reason - I felt like, isang mali iyong pagkikita namin kahit coincidence lang naman ang lahat.I don’t like where this thing is heading to. Especially now that he knows what happened while he was away.“Thank you,” I said pagkatapos ko siyang intayin na makababa. And I regret waiting for him to get out of the car dahil malamig niya akong tiningnan at parang kanina pa pinipigilang magsalita.Isang beses siyang humakbang papalapit sa akin. Nanatiling ganoon ang ekspresyon niya habang nakalagay sa dalawang bulsa ng kanyang pantalong ang kanyang mga kamay. His eyes were becoming darker as it was, seems like mad, and pissed – a combination of those emotions.“You’re unbelievable…” he uttered, much more pissed right now.“What do you mean?” I said, getting
At first, he was declining my kisses saying that I was just drunk and I didn’t know what I am doing, and that I will regret what will happen the next morning. But I never really cared about all the stuffs he said, I just focused myself in between my kisses to him.Despite him declining, I felt some of his responses, and I know he will never be able to resist my effect on him. He’ll never will.And at this moment. I just…wanted to feel him.I just wanted him to feel me. To fill, and make me whole. I don’t know if this is my desperate-self calling or I just want it for some reason, I just really don’t care anymore. I just want to own him this night.I stopped kissing him because I needed to breathe. And as I stopped, I saw his forehead creased and confused.“I just need air.” sabi ko sa kanya dahil alam ko na ang kinukunot ng noo nito.“Tss…” was all he could say. Lumayo siya sa akin, and for a moment I know there will be no kissing to happen. The distance he made was kind of a cue for
“Naiilang ka ba?” he suddenly asked me. Sina Kaila at Cha ay busy makipag-usap at magtawanan kina Nigel at Gian kaya hindi na nila napansin na kinausap ako ni Lexus.“Bakit mo naman natanong?” I asked back. He just shrugged his shoulders. Inayos niya ang pagkakaupo niya at saka tuluyan nang itinuon ang atensyon sa akin. Grabe, namiss ko siya, namiss ko ‘yong law school life ko noon kasi study-budy talaga kaming dalawa sa Osiris.“You feel so awkward, lilipat na lang kami ng table kung hindi ka komportable.” He sincerely said. Seriously? He really thinks I am uncomfortable with him here? O ganoon ba ang sinasabi ng mga galaw ko?It’s just…it’s hard. I mean, we had a past. I know before we parted ways naging klaro na sa aming dalawa ang lahat. Our time talking about what happened isn’t ideal, it’s a small time but it catches a lot of gaps that it should be filled with before.Nahihiya akong sabihin sa kanya na after all ay kahit matino naman kaming nag-usap sa closure namin ay awkward p
On the way home after a long day. “My love, if you’re out there send me a sign.” I said.I am a mix of contradictions: sad and entirely unhappy, alone, mourning, tired, drained, unmotivated, loss of will, and a wife with no husband. I feel loved by so many and yet no longer by one in particular.I am a woman whose husband has died. He is not late nor lost. He hasn’t passed. He is absent but not erased. I catch a glimpse of him in the curve of her mother’s jaw and the lilt of his laugh in the recorded video. He inhabits my dream world, making star appearances. I know him so well that, like a favourite character in a book, I can imagine him into any situation. But now he’s gone, I don’t know how to make the star appear again.Conan left me, but our relationship outlives him. I am grateful for the independent self that was fostered in our marriage as I carve a lone way forward through this surreal new world —although altered, I too am not late, passed or lost. But this independence has a
“How are you?” Conan asked me after he wakes up. Tumulo agad ang luha ko dahil sa tanong niya. I should be the one asking him that question and not him, but for some reason I just couldn’t ask him. I just remained there, sitting while holding his hands.“You…scared me,” I said. I couldn’t stand watching him kaya tumayo ako at tumalikod sa kanya saka umiyak. My cries were silent with my hands on my mouth to prevent any sound to come-out. But it seems like, crying that way adds more pain in my heart.“I’m sorry…” was all he could say. And in a swift motion of mine, I walked towards him, and hugged him. The hug was the first time in my life that I felt no comfort, but only pain that in no time, he will leave this world with only memories of ours remain.The sad thing about life is that, one of your loved ones will eventually leave you. Bereavement as they say.I know that death is inevitable, it is a certainty of life that everyone will face. Pero iba pa rin talaga kapag ikaw na iyong na
Marriage.It is something two people are committed to. Something more than physical touch, but more on growing into the years, and learns a lot of lessons in general.Growing up, many of us learned that true love involves princesses and guards, battles and happily ever after. But the real world just doesn’t work that way. Love isn’t always romantic as it is like how we seen in the movies. But love may be can cause pain, but never the fear.It was in a totally happy marriage, maybe an ideal one for some people. But marriage isn’t perfect, we sometimes argue about things, won’t dare to speak in each other, but we get back on to it and reflect what we did. Mayroon pa nga siyang special notebook kung saan isinusulat niya ang ilan sa mga sinasabi ko. He even makes me sign them so that the next time I clam I never said it, he can show me my own signed words. Ganoon siya.But nowadays are different, he looked sad – I could tell because I was sad too, and scared.“Are you like…going to be oka
The one we tried to console with sometimes are distorted and vague that we sometimes struggle to comprehend things. Sometimes, we often closed our minds to accept truths, and refuse to ask.“Why did you left me that day and said those hurtful words? Why did you left me when I needed you the most?” malungkot na tanong ko.His eyes widened. His lips also parted…maybe because he didn’t expect that it will be directly a tough question to begin. He looked dumbfounded, shocked, and looks like didn’t know how to speak, seems like he lost words. But I waited for him to process my question, but minutes had passed and all I could get is silence.I smiled sadly, even after everything, he couldn’t still tell me things right on hand. “Minahal mo ba talaga ako?” I said. Halos hindi ko maitago ang dala ng pait ng boses ko, masyadong transparent kung gaano ko paulit-ulit na tinatanong sa sarili ko kung mahal ba niya talaga ako.Umiling siya nang sunod-sunod. “I loved you…” mahinang sagot niya. He loo