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Chapter 10 - Messed Study
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2022-10-25 23:42:30Related chapters
Endless Soul Chapter 11 - Crush
I had it all badly written in my mind long before about all the flirting, kissing, and screwing thing – until I experienced how it felt to be kissed, which was a whole experience to me. A wonderful experience to be exact.What Lexus and I have done that night was the closest I had ever come to kissing. Parang dinala lang niya ako sa ibang dimensyon ng mundo nang hindi ko alam. I was hypnotized the way he moved his tongue with me and how we did that in a slow pace.I had just stepped out of the shower, clean, fresh, and ready to take another battle in law school. A tremendous sense of motivation to keep going despite adversities pushing through because I still have dreams to accomplish.I toasted a bread and had the egg fully cooked since hindi ko gusto ‘yong malasadong itlog, then nagtimpla na rin ako ng hot chocolate. I enjoyed my breakfast in peace while remembering what happened last night when I stared at the living area.Feeling ko tuloy naging kamatis ako for a minute.When I fi
Last Updated : 2022-10-26Endless Soul Chapter 12 - I Love You! As a Friend
What Lexus said that night left a lot of questions into my head, and even after he dropped me off in the house I still did. Akala ko ay makakatulog agad ako ng gabing ‘yon ng mahimbing dahil nga sobrang exhausted ko pero hindi pala, dahil masyado kong inisip at dinibdib ang sinabi niya.Tiningnan ko ang oras sa cellphone ko only to see it’s already 1:47 am and I am still wide awake na parang hindi ako antok na antok kanina.Pinilit ko na lang na matulog at inisip na lang na baka wala lang naman talagang meaning and sinabi niya kanina. I wonder kung tulog ba siya ngayon or iniisip niya rin iyong sinabi niya kanina? Kasi kung tulog na siya ngayon, bakit gising ako?Ibig bang sabihin nito ay sobrang apektado ako para isipin ng lubusan iyon? Baka nanti-trip lang talaga iyon tapos at heto ako sobrang iniisip. Nakakainis.The next morning to that, the sunlight filled my space, enough to warm and caused me to wake up. I was still on the bed though while feeling the emptiness of the day. My d
Last Updated : 2022-11-01Endless Soul Chapter 13 - Uncrush
Since pupunta nga si Lexus doon sa celebration na sinabi ni Conan, kinapalan ko na ang pagmumukha ko kaya nang makita ko siyang papasok sa school ay tinawag ko ang pangalan niya. And because makapal nga ang mukha ko today, I still asked him another favour and of course naiinis siya saglit pero napa-oo rin eventually.I stil have an hour para kulitin siya before my class.I asked him if he could ask Conan about bringing me into the celebration pero sinabi ko naman sa kanya na huwag sabihin na ako ‘yong nagpapatanong. Ang saya ko nang marinig kong sinabi ni Conan sa kabilang linya na pwede raw magsama.As in dinikit ko talaga ‘yong tainga ko sa telepono para rinig ko agad ang sasabihin ni Conan kaya magkadikit ang gilid ng mga ulo namin ni Lexus no’ng time na ‘yon.“Samahan mo ako dali,” sabi ko after niyang maibaba ‘yong tawag. Dali-dali kong niligpit ang mga gamit ko saka inilagay sa dala kong bag.“Where?” he asked curiously while fixing his codal.“Mall tayo,”“Shopping?” I nodded.
Last Updated : 2022-11-02Endless Soul Chapter 14 - Count me in
Since it was our final’s week ilang oras lang ng tulog ko. Kung subsob ako sa pag-aaral araw-araw, mas sobra ngayon. I almost vomit every night, and dalawang beses na rin na tumulo ang dugo sa ilong ko dahil sa kakaaral.Sabi na nga ba, maaga akong papatayin ng kursong ito.Kahit na gusto kong matulog ngayon, I still can’t dahil marami pa akong kailangang aralin, hindi pa nga ako nangangalahati. Every time na naiisip ko na sobrang dami ko pang aaralin ay naiiyak na lang talaga ako saka iisipin kung deserve ko ba ito. But at the end of that thought ay bumabalik ako lahat ng mga paghihirap ko makapasok lang sa law school.It would always be like that.It was already past 1:00. Kahit na pagod na pagod ako, pinilit kong umalis muna para bumili ng dalawang kape sa Osiris dahil itong café lang naman ‘yong 24/7, at sobrang inaantok ako.I grabbed my hoodie, wallet and my cellphone tapos umalis na rin. Iyong katawan ko gusto nang mag-backdown na parang drained cellphone. Tapos sobrang lamig n
Last Updated : 2022-11-03Endless Soul Chapter 15 - Spin the Bottle
For all the times I made myself small during my shortcomings, I was still proud because I made myself conquer that feeling. Law school is hard, and sometimes, I do tell myself that I’ll be dropping my dreams because I felt like it wasn’t for me.But when Lexus said to me that night that there many people who wishes for my success, and he even said that he was and I should count him in. I felt motivated, I felt that the fire against me was able to burn again, and it’s like creating a furnace I once built.Our final’s week ended, and I didn’t feel so bombarded or sorry to myself after I took all of the exam, because I had done my part well. I studied well, and I’m contented to whatever the result would come out after.“Grabe, bakit may ganyan kang nireview?” Tanong ni Kaila kay Cha nang nakakunot ang noo.“Gaga, anong klaseng reviewer ba ang nasa’yo at hindi mo nakita eh pareho lang naman tayo?” Cha uttered. I saw that Kaila brushed her hair.“Kainis ha, bakit hindi ko nakita ‘yan, Tang
Last Updated : 2022-11-04Endless Soul Chapter 16 - Facetime
“Grabe, utak ko pafly-fly na lang talaga,” Kaila uttered while massaging her head. “Same, hindi ko na rin sure kung tamad lang ba ako o bobo talaga in nature.” Singit naman ni Cha saka sila nagtinginang dalawa.Sandamakmak na naman ang mga babasahin namin, marami rin kaming digests na kailangang isulat, we just got our syllabus kaya ganoon. Maganda lang sa part na may basis ako dahil sa ibinigay ni Lexus na notes and digests niya noong 1L pa siya.Kaya stress na stress ang dalawa, actually kaming lahat dahil nag-messaged ang Prof namin na hindi sure kung suspended tomorrow ang class niya.“Almost done ka naman na ah, mukhang tatlong pages na nga lang ‘yan.” Komento.“Almost done nga pero parang wala namang pumapasok.”“Then stop reading for a while. There’s no point in pushing yourself too much, magsa-suffer lang ang katawan mo, you’re gonna be unhappy and cranky kaya kung feeling mo pagod ka na, take a rest.”“Grabe, nadala mo ako sa you’re gonna be unhappy and cranky mo ah.” Sabi
Last Updated : 2022-11-06Endless Soul Chapter 17 - In Between
That night, the call with Conan was kinda awkward but it felt good, syempre dahil crush ko ‘yon kaya medyo may connection. Medyo nagtagal lang ang pagbalik ni Cha kaya medyo napahaba rin ang pag-uusap namin no’ng gabing ‘yon.We talked about random stuffs lang naman, nothing special kumbaga, pero parang sa ilang minutong ‘yon sobrang sulit na dahil may mga part na medyo fluterred si ateng niyo sa mga pinagsasabi niya. But all in all, nothing more naman sa pinag-usapan namin.Buong Monday, aral lang ako ng aral since papalapit na naman ang finals examination. Usually daw before finals ay walang pasok, but other professors tell that on the last minute. Pero parang hindi rin naman naging maganda ang kinalabasan ng Monday ko dahil parang mas marami pa akong tulog kaysa sa aral.As in 99% tulog at 1% aral siya kung i-base by percent. Ganoon unproductive ang start ng Monday ko.Kaya noong Tuesday, I tried getting up early and decided to review in the coffee shop, syempre sa Osiris ulit dahi
Last Updated : 2022-11-07Endless Soul Chapter 18 - Plans
“Uuwi ka talaga sa Iloilo?” Kaila asked me. I nodded while fixing my things, katatapos lang ng final exam namin ngayong second sem. Hindi ko namalayan na ganoon kabilis lumipas ang mga panahon. Parang noong kailan lang ng unang tumungtong ako sa law school.“Uwing-uwi na ako sis, miss ko na pamilya ko.” Sabi ko sa kanya at saka siya natawa.“Sino ba naman ang hindi makaka-miss kung sa buong buhay mo ay parang rito ka na talaga nakatira sa manila. I mean, since college ka pa rito diba. But, hindi ka pa ba pagod?” Sabi niya.“Syempre pagod, pero lulubusin ko na ag pagod ko sa byahe para pagkauwi sa bahay whole day akong matutulog ng bongga.”“Oo nga naman, may point din.”“May gala ka ba? Bakasyon with family or ano?” tanong ko sa kanya.She shrugged. “Hindi ko pa alam, baka tambay lang ako sa hospital,” sabi niya.“Gagi ka, hulog na hulog ka na ba talaga dyan kay Doc?“Hindi ko pa alam, sobrang attracted talaga ako sa kanya kahit sobrang sungit.” Tumawa ako sa reaksyon niya.“Gagi, mu
Last Updated : 2022-11-08
Latest chapter
Endless Soul Chapter 51 -
Ang bilis lagi ng panahon. It seemed like only yesterday I was still in pain and was about to give-up. I felt like I experienced heart break all the time. But surprisingly though, I did what was necessary to move forward.Based sa experience, life would always hit you the hard way. Na parang feeling mo nalumpo ka not just physically but the whole aspect of your life? I do not want delays as much as possible kasi sayang sa oras, dahil sabi ko nga mabilis lang ang pagtakbo ng panahon. A day feels like just an hour, a month feels like a one or two weeks, and years now feels like few months. Ni hindi mo na nga mamalayan na magbabagong taon na naman o magbi-birthday ka.LEXUS: Sorry, can’t pick you up. Emergency meeting. I’ll send a cab instead. – a text from Lexus. Bihis na bihis na ako at naghihintay na lang ng text niya kung nasa labas na siya but this was the message I got from him.Nainis ako yes, but since he said it’s an emergency, I understand. Kasi minsan ganyan din ako, last minu
Endless Soul Chapter 50 - Sneaky Boy
The thing about of your ex is that, no matter how you both broke-up, the fact that he or she still have this effect on you, even if it’s not in a romantic way, it is still an effect.“W-what?” I said stuttering because he’s really fuming mad right now.“What are you doing?” iritadong bungad niya. Nakadugtong ang makapal niyang kilay at naghihintay ng isasagot ko.“Uhh, wala naman akong ginagawa…nakaupo lang naman kanina...” I sad nervously not wanting to add much information.“Really? Just seating there?”“Oo, tapos kausap lang si ano…” tanging nasabi ko at hindi ko na nadugtungan pa. “Anyway, bakit ka umalis doon eh mukhang hindi pa naman tapos iyong palaro?” I tried to change the topic.“Because I am mad,” agap niya. “Anong pinag-usapan n’yong dalawa?” sunod na tanong niya.“Just about life...and some stuffs.” I said. Ni hindi ko nga ma-imagine na first lang naman naming magkita pero nakapag-converse kaagad ng mga ganoong ganap sa life namin which is very unusual. Kasi kapag hindi n
Endless Soul Chapter 49 - Let’s Talk
All I could hear inside the car is the sound of his fingers tapping. First of all, ayokong magsalita dahil wala naman akong sasabihing importante. Pangalawa, just like what I said – I’m too embarrassed about what I did. Third, for some reason - I felt like, isang mali iyong pagkikita namin kahit coincidence lang naman ang lahat.I don’t like where this thing is heading to. Especially now that he knows what happened while he was away.“Thank you,” I said pagkatapos ko siyang intayin na makababa. And I regret waiting for him to get out of the car dahil malamig niya akong tiningnan at parang kanina pa pinipigilang magsalita.Isang beses siyang humakbang papalapit sa akin. Nanatiling ganoon ang ekspresyon niya habang nakalagay sa dalawang bulsa ng kanyang pantalong ang kanyang mga kamay. His eyes were becoming darker as it was, seems like mad, and pissed – a combination of those emotions.“You’re unbelievable…” he uttered, much more pissed right now.“What do you mean?” I said, getting
Endless Soul Chapter 48 - He Stand’s Out
At first, he was declining my kisses saying that I was just drunk and I didn’t know what I am doing, and that I will regret what will happen the next morning. But I never really cared about all the stuffs he said, I just focused myself in between my kisses to him.Despite him declining, I felt some of his responses, and I know he will never be able to resist my effect on him. He’ll never will.And at this moment. I just…wanted to feel him.I just wanted him to feel me. To fill, and make me whole. I don’t know if this is my desperate-self calling or I just want it for some reason, I just really don’t care anymore. I just want to own him this night.I stopped kissing him because I needed to breathe. And as I stopped, I saw his forehead creased and confused.“I just need air.” sabi ko sa kanya dahil alam ko na ang kinukunot ng noo nito.“Tss…” was all he could say. Lumayo siya sa akin, and for a moment I know there will be no kissing to happen. The distance he made was kind of a cue for
Endless Soul Chapter 47 - Years After Years
“Naiilang ka ba?” he suddenly asked me. Sina Kaila at Cha ay busy makipag-usap at magtawanan kina Nigel at Gian kaya hindi na nila napansin na kinausap ako ni Lexus.“Bakit mo naman natanong?” I asked back. He just shrugged his shoulders. Inayos niya ang pagkakaupo niya at saka tuluyan nang itinuon ang atensyon sa akin. Grabe, namiss ko siya, namiss ko ‘yong law school life ko noon kasi study-budy talaga kaming dalawa sa Osiris.“You feel so awkward, lilipat na lang kami ng table kung hindi ka komportable.” He sincerely said. Seriously? He really thinks I am uncomfortable with him here? O ganoon ba ang sinasabi ng mga galaw ko?It’s just…it’s hard. I mean, we had a past. I know before we parted ways naging klaro na sa aming dalawa ang lahat. Our time talking about what happened isn’t ideal, it’s a small time but it catches a lot of gaps that it should be filled with before.Nahihiya akong sabihin sa kanya na after all ay kahit matino naman kaming nag-usap sa closure namin ay awkward p
Endless Soul Chapter 46 - Meeting him again
On the way home after a long day. “My love, if you’re out there send me a sign.” I said.I am a mix of contradictions: sad and entirely unhappy, alone, mourning, tired, drained, unmotivated, loss of will, and a wife with no husband. I feel loved by so many and yet no longer by one in particular.I am a woman whose husband has died. He is not late nor lost. He hasn’t passed. He is absent but not erased. I catch a glimpse of him in the curve of her mother’s jaw and the lilt of his laugh in the recorded video. He inhabits my dream world, making star appearances. I know him so well that, like a favourite character in a book, I can imagine him into any situation. But now he’s gone, I don’t know how to make the star appear again.Conan left me, but our relationship outlives him. I am grateful for the independent self that was fostered in our marriage as I carve a lone way forward through this surreal new world —although altered, I too am not late, passed or lost. But this independence has a
Endless Soul Chapter 45 - We are still we
“How are you?” Conan asked me after he wakes up. Tumulo agad ang luha ko dahil sa tanong niya. I should be the one asking him that question and not him, but for some reason I just couldn’t ask him. I just remained there, sitting while holding his hands.“You…scared me,” I said. I couldn’t stand watching him kaya tumayo ako at tumalikod sa kanya saka umiyak. My cries were silent with my hands on my mouth to prevent any sound to come-out. But it seems like, crying that way adds more pain in my heart.“I’m sorry…” was all he could say. And in a swift motion of mine, I walked towards him, and hugged him. The hug was the first time in my life that I felt no comfort, but only pain that in no time, he will leave this world with only memories of ours remain.The sad thing about life is that, one of your loved ones will eventually leave you. Bereavement as they say.I know that death is inevitable, it is a certainty of life that everyone will face. Pero iba pa rin talaga kapag ikaw na iyong na
Endless Soul Chapter 44 - History
Marriage.It is something two people are committed to. Something more than physical touch, but more on growing into the years, and learns a lot of lessons in general.Growing up, many of us learned that true love involves princesses and guards, battles and happily ever after. But the real world just doesn’t work that way. Love isn’t always romantic as it is like how we seen in the movies. But love may be can cause pain, but never the fear.It was in a totally happy marriage, maybe an ideal one for some people. But marriage isn’t perfect, we sometimes argue about things, won’t dare to speak in each other, but we get back on to it and reflect what we did. Mayroon pa nga siyang special notebook kung saan isinusulat niya ang ilan sa mga sinasabi ko. He even makes me sign them so that the next time I clam I never said it, he can show me my own signed words. Ganoon siya.But nowadays are different, he looked sad – I could tell because I was sad too, and scared.“Are you like…going to be oka
Endless Soul Chapter 43 - Our Times, was…great
The one we tried to console with sometimes are distorted and vague that we sometimes struggle to comprehend things. Sometimes, we often closed our minds to accept truths, and refuse to ask.“Why did you left me that day and said those hurtful words? Why did you left me when I needed you the most?” malungkot na tanong ko.His eyes widened. His lips also parted…maybe because he didn’t expect that it will be directly a tough question to begin. He looked dumbfounded, shocked, and looks like didn’t know how to speak, seems like he lost words. But I waited for him to process my question, but minutes had passed and all I could get is silence.I smiled sadly, even after everything, he couldn’t still tell me things right on hand. “Minahal mo ba talaga ako?” I said. Halos hindi ko maitago ang dala ng pait ng boses ko, masyadong transparent kung gaano ko paulit-ulit na tinatanong sa sarili ko kung mahal ba niya talaga ako.Umiling siya nang sunod-sunod. “I loved you…” mahinang sagot niya. He loo
