Choosing paths

My eyes were glued on the already fallen part of my ceiling that looked like the map of some country–it definitely needed a new coat of paint. I turned to my side and my eyes fell on my wardrobe–I needed a new dresser as well, maybe a couple of shoes and a new door. Perhaps a bulletproof shower room.I continued to make up silly scenarios in my head, while I waited for my parents to get home. It was Saturday and they still had to go to work. By they, I meant my mother. All dad did was drink his pension away and pretend we were a happy family.I shook my head to dispel unnecessary thoughts, today was a good day people! I mean, I got out of high school last month and was going to check my mail today, my admission letter had arrived and we were going to do some family dinner to celebrate or.... not, either way I was scared shitless. I wasn't a smart kid, my grades were average–I didn't want them to get better than that, call me c

I stood in front of the house as my dad filled the car with my things and my mom kept shifting her weight from one foot to the other, her chaplet hung loosely around her neck. I had one, but it was in the pocket of my jeans.My mom was a core catholic–born, bred, married and infused. Her beliefs were strong and so were mine–I believed in God. I mean who didn't? I held my beliefs and dignity to heart, always wanting mother's approval above all else. It was just something I was taught and I took great pleasure in having it.My mother would say the present generation wasn't half bad, but it was like God didn't exist anymore–No one took their time to say a prayer or even thank him for the day, it was all about gadgets and parties. I wasn't the type to force my beliefs on people, but I tried to do some right and say some right. The world needed a little light sometimes.Snapping out of my trance, my dad didnt waste his time with goodbyes

The session was in full swing by Monday, different people, different moods with the same agenda.We all roamed the halls either going for a class, coming out of one or neither of them.I wasn't cut out for this sort of lifestyle, I think my brain was just waiting for the right moment to jump out and wave my ass gooodbye.I was hot all over and no it's not the sexy kind of hot you perv, it was the sticky irritating kind of hot, the one that made you angry for no reason.I stormed my way to my dorm room, college wasn't living up to my expectations in any way at all.If anything it just got so fudging harder than high school then why was I rushing to graduate?.I kept mumbling curses under my breath as I took a much needed shower, I didn't even flinch as the cold water rained down on me, It was cooling me off, I'm sure I was seconds away from detonation.We had a fr

Its been two weeks two days and five minutes since the incident that shall not be spoken about happened.I haven't left my room much, just following my new found pattern, classes-church-room, i felt a fierce need to reaffirm my faith, I needed God more than ever.It seemed like everyone knew what i had done, i couldn't get over the look of disgust on everyone's faces or maybe it was just my imagination.I reeked of Shame and uncertainty, i didn't talk to mom much anymore, i felt like i had betrayed and shamed her.I saw cherry here and there, she always tried to talk to me but i always found a way to dodge every attempt, there was this constant flash of hurt whenever I looked into her eyes but she needed to understand, this new world she pushed me into was dragging me under.I had a sinking feeling that i was going to drown.Sermons these days seem to about me, I've been losing

I walked round campus like I was on cloud nine, I always had a smile on my face these days, people judged me with their eyes, others criticized me with their mouths but nothing could hold me down, I had to lose my religion and create mine, I trusted in this.I had to lose myself to become this new me, my bracket of religion couldn’t push this away, I'm sure God understood, did he? I shook my head, chasing the insecurities away, I was finally happy.It’s said to be wrong but my heart, my head, my very being was in this, no shred of discomfort was visible to me, known to me, and I knew this was meant to be.Then there was cherry, I couldn’t stop smiling when I thought about her, people referred to me as ‘hers’ now, Malnovs beloved, Malnovs monalisa, it was really weird but I guess that’s what happens when you date a Malnov, I cared little about her status actually, I just wanted her.