My eyes were glued on the already fallen part of my ceiling that looked like the map of some country–it definitely needed a new coat of paint. I turned to my side and my eyes fell on my wardrobe–I needed a new dresser as well, maybe a couple of shoes and a new door. Perhaps a bulletproof shower room.
I continued to make up silly scenarios in my head, while I waited for my parents to get home. It was Saturday and they still had to go to work. By they, I meant my mother. All dad did was drink his pension away and pretend we were a happy family.
I shook my head to dispel unnecessary thoughts, today was a good day people! I mean, I got out of high school last month and was going to check my mail today, my admission letter had arrived and we were going to do some family dinner to celebrate or.... not, either way I was scared shitless.
I wasn't a smart kid, my grades were average–I didn't want them to get better than that, call me crazy or not a serious minded student, but I was happy and that was it. I didn't want to be the 'smart' kid.
I spent hours on my bed thinking, turning and playing video games. Yes, I played video games and I wasn't the Barbie doll freak whatever. We kill zombies and fight wars. Of course, we did those things on TV and not reality. It was epic if you asked me.
I played with my online friends for a while before I decided-sorry, my tummy decided for the both of us that I needed to get my ass out of bed to do my chores and eat, like seriously I needed to eat!
I'm skinny, almost six feet tall and I mirrored the looks of a guy than a girl except I do some excessive make over, asides that, yes this is me.
I cleaned out my room, packed my clothes all together and put them in the dresser and made a mental note to sort them out later. I swept, cleaned, did laundry, then I proceeded to clean the whole house or my version of arranging, it looked acceptable anyways. I shrugged when I sighted a strand of hair on the floor. Glancing from left to right, I whistled and shoved it under the couch.
I walked into the kitchen, cleaned the dishes, swept... again, then finally I get to order pizza.
As you might have noticed, I talked a lot, that was one of my hobbies. I could talk forever, but I knew when to not talk at all.
My name's Katya Renua Greyson, I'm fifteen–an odd age... Yes, I know, but I didn't really look it. I'm half Nigerian, half black American–cool combo... That, I also know.
It took a couple of hours before I heard the jingling of my father's keys. Yay! Daddy was back and I was so excited–note the sarcasm. Hurriedly, I got up in an attempt to go hide in my room till my mother returned, but luck was not on my side because he had already seen me.
"Ren, I'm hungry." He growled, scratching his sweaty beards. "Make me dinner or better still wait for your mom to make dinner, you cant cook to save your life. I wonder what you can actually do."
Ladies and gentlemen meet my very sweet dad. Honestly, I wonder where I would be without him... Oh, I know, really happy!
"Are you even listening to me?" He snapped his fingers in my face and I took a step back. "I wonder how you went through high school and now college that's if you get in. I mean, my brothers sons could do bett-"
I cut my dad off by zoning off into a dark place in my head. This was a typical conversation between my dad and I–really loving family I tell you.
"Did you clean this house, Ren?" He questioned, snapping me out of the overdramatic yapping that was going on in my head.
"Yes, I did." Dry toned me.
"Well. Clean it again, Ren. You're a woman and I honestly can't understand how you stand dirt. I wonder all the time about the things you get from that mother of yours." He scowled. "I'm going upstairs to sleep. When I get down here, this place better be spotless and my food better be ready."
The light dims and he exits. My subconscious said and I rolled my eyes.
Finally, some peace and quiet. I got back to shooting bad guys on my phone this time, while watching some show about 'things to say before forty five'
It was a long time ahead, but... Oh, well. You need to have your bullets before you shoot right? Ha! now that's something to say before forty five. Just don't say it in front of a criminal though, that would end really bad.
"Hey honey, is your dad home?" Mom's voice almost scared the soul out of me.
"Jesus Christ, Mom!" I jerked, reaching up a hand to clutch my chest. "Do you want to kill me, when did you even get here, how did you get here?"
"Oh, I'm sorry. It's not my fault your ears don't work even though you have them, neither is it my fault that I have quiet feet." She giggled, kicking off her shoes and retreating.
"Haha! Mom, so funny," I said sarcastically, resisting an eye roll. "Dad's home by the way, he wants the house more spotless than it already is and he wants his food ready before he wakes up, served in bed with wallpapers around the room so he feels like he's in Santorini."
"Haha! Kat, very funny. Alright, lets make your dad something to eat and then we can check your mail together like we planned, okay?"
I nodded.
*****************
We spent two whole hours cooking for the 'king'. It wasn't that I hated cooking–on the contrary; I loved it, I just hated how I did it like it was what I was born to do.
My dad is a Nigerian and you do not want to know how they view women in some tribes, so I counted myself lucky that this I was all I got to do.
Dinner was fun, just our spoons and knives speaking for us and occasionally our hands. It was really sweet how it all just seemed to rhyme and we communicated perfectly, silence while eating was a strong suit in this household–it was our normal, but tonight was my night so I was glowing brighter than an angels halo.
"Ren, get out of your head and go get the letter already." My mom said, snapping back to reality.
I preferred spacing out than basking in silence, it just wasn't my thing
"If she had a brain then I would understand why she needed to be in there, but unfortunately, she's all dry and empty."
My dad just had to ruin my moment as usual, but who cared? He was always sour and I had already gotten used to it.
Ignoring my dad, I ran to my room to get the letter and back with my glow intact. I took in a deep breath to steady my heart before unfolding the letter.
"What does it say hunny?" Mother inquired, craning her neck.
I scanned the words on the paper with my eyes and one word stands out. I stopped breathing at some point and just stared and stared then stared some more.
"You see what I told you, how would she get in?" Father spat. "Our neighbor's daughter didn't even get in and she had the best grades last year, how exactly would she ge-"
"I got in." I cut him off with a shout of glee.
I glancey at him and took much needed air into my lungs.
"What?" Father's brows knitted in a frown.
"I said I got in, dad. You can look at the letter yourself if you want, but I still made it."
"Oh, my baby is finally a college student!" My mom screamed, while she hug carried me or carried hug me, whatever.
"Oh, God. Mom, put me down, you're going to kill me before I even get in." I laughed and struggled in her arms.
"Alright, grown up. You got into college now, you think you aren't my baby anymore, but sorry bun bun, you always will be," she said, still not letting me go.
"Fine, mom. You win, but I need to go to bed now."
"Night hun, we'll discuss better in the morning," she said, placing me down on the floor and letting go of me. Finally!
I walked with a spring in my step back to my room.
My scary dreams couldn't even wipe the smile off my face
This year was definitely going to be good.
Remember when I said this year was going to be great? I take that back, in fact I take it all back. It had been three days since we read the letter and my mom kept prancing around the house like I was about to get married.I haven't had any decent sleep these past few days, even my dad had enough sense to get in and out of her way faster than flash–I wasn't that lucky. I mean, I was the one with the halo till she stole it...pfft!We were in my room and I'd never hated this little space like I did today. She was invading every personal fudging space I had. She packed this and threw that, hung this and tore that, screamed at this and gushed at that. Jesus, take me now, I really wasn't cut out to be a woman."Hey, honey. I'm going to get some more gowns for you," my mom said, while I groaned into my pillow."Mom, I hate dresses. Just get pant suits or something, besides its college and I'm not go
I stood in front of the house as my dad filled the car with my things and my mom kept shifting her weight from one foot to the other, her chaplet hung loosely around her neck. I had one, but it was in the pocket of my jeans.My mom was a core catholic–born, bred, married and infused. Her beliefs were strong and so were mine–I believed in God. I mean who didn't? I held my beliefs and dignity to heart, always wanting mother's approval above all else. It was just something I was taught and I took great pleasure in having it.My mother would say the present generation wasn't half bad, but it was like God didn't exist anymore–No one took their time to say a prayer or even thank him for the day, it was all about gadgets and parties. I wasn't the type to force my beliefs on people, but I tried to do some right and say some right. The world needed a little light sometimes.Snapping out of my trance, my dad didnt waste his time with goodbyes
I jolted awake when I heard an overexcited knock or at least it sounded like it, I whined again, the knocking didn't stop, I tossed and turned looking for a comfortable position to help me forget this disturbance.It was 7am for Godssake, was anyone dying?, I marched to the door ripping it open ready to lash out when my eyes connected with teary blue ones making my anger deflate instantly."What's wrong cherry" I asked concerned as I looked out into the halls, seeing nothing out of the ordinary, I focused on her again"Nightmare, scared" was all she said as she wrapped her tiny arms around me.I was caught off guard at first but I wrapped my arms around her as I walked us into my room.This was her first time In here but she didn't let go of me to look around, she just stood
The session was in full swing by Monday, different people, different moods with the same agenda.We all roamed the halls either going for a class, coming out of one or neither of them.I wasn't cut out for this sort of lifestyle, I think my brain was just waiting for the right moment to jump out and wave my ass gooodbye.I was hot all over and no it's not the sexy kind of hot you perv, it was the sticky irritating kind of hot, the one that made you angry for no reason.I stormed my way to my dorm room, college wasn't living up to my expectations in any way at all.If anything it just got so fudging harder than high school then why was I rushing to graduate?.I kept mumbling curses under my breath as I took a much needed shower, I didn't even flinch as the cold water rained down on me, It was cooling me off, I'm sure I was seconds away from detonation.We had a fr
"Good morning everyone, I trust the reports have been turned in, I hope you loved Egypt history because the next report submission will be centered on the French revolution" the whole class groaned, I just rolled my eyes, typical Mr. Talin, history lecturer, I think he taught just to torture students, this wasn't part of our syllabus, he just enjoyed zapping the lives out of us."Oh there there, that's enough, from french we shall study more advanced areas of this world from the root, don't bother my class, don't pretend like you don't understand and please don't bother me with whatever you don't understand, I have better classes to attend to, understand?, Nice let's begin" are you freaking kidding me?, He didn't even wait for our opinions?, What happened to our fudging rights?."I have an introduction f
Its been two weeks two days and five minutes since the incident that shall not be spoken about happened.I haven't left my room much, just following my new found pattern, classes-church-room, i felt a fierce need to reaffirm my faith, I needed God more than ever.It seemed like everyone knew what i had done, i couldn't get over the look of disgust on everyone's faces or maybe it was just my imagination.I reeked of Shame and uncertainty, i didn't talk to mom much anymore, i felt like i had betrayed and shamed her.I saw cherry here and there, she always tried to talk to me but i always found a way to dodge every attempt, there was this constant flash of hurt whenever I looked into her eyes but she needed to understand, this new world she pushed me into was dragging me under.I had a sinking feeling that i was going to drown.Sermons these days seem to about me, I've been losing
In all my - years of existence,I have experienced multiple emotions, multiple types of feelings, but none quite like this.She fell on her bed dragging me on top of her while her lips where still pressed on mine. Her hands on my back, mine on her face tracing every edge and angle.It was the most intense feeling I've ever had, my whole body was vibrating.I mean I had had sex before but sh** I just couldn't get over the way her lips and hands made me feelA little later after the endless fight for dominance which I lost to,the urge to rip each other's clothes off became unbearable.I broke the kiss, her lips were swollen, the enormous feeling of pride almost made me smirk."I haven't ever done anything like this before, I mean uhm with a girl"I managed to say with a trembling voice and that annoying blush on my face."Just follow my lead"
I walked round campus like I was on cloud nine, I always had a smile on my face these days, people judged me with their eyes, others criticized me with their mouths but nothing could hold me down, I had to lose my religion and create mine, I trusted in this.I had to lose myself to become this new me, my bracket of religion couldn’t push this away, I'm sure God understood, did he? I shook my head, chasing the insecurities away, I was finally happy.It’s said to be wrong but my heart, my head, my very being was in this, no shred of discomfort was visible to me, known to me, and I knew this was meant to be.Then there was cherry, I couldn’t stop smiling when I thought about her, people referred to me as ‘hers’ now, Malnovs beloved, Malnovs monalisa, it was really weird but I guess that’s what happens when you date a Malnov, I cared little about her status actually, I just wanted her.
The memorial had been short and sweet, i got to meet Asher's sister Ashlynn and her two brother Jack and Ryan. We all shared our grief through hugs and tears- there was a little bonding time tied into the end of the ceremony.Ashlynn's daughter looked so much like Asher it took almost everything for me not to walk away from the group, it hurt too much to even look at her.Raymond and i saw little of each other as the days passed, he was by the makeshift bar drinking some mixed up alcohol, he was taking shot for shot like a pro but i knew we just had different ways of absorbing and arranging our feelings.I grazed Asher's headstone with my fingertips instantly disliking the coolness, i wondered if Asher was cold and needed a blanket, i drove myself mad with scenerios, maybe she wasn't dead and was trying to claw her way up to the surface- back into our arms.Our? if there was even an us i think the secon
"Do you regret last night?" Asher stroked my thighs cradling me in her arms while Raymond snored half way in and half way out of the bed."No i dont, was i supposed to?""No but I-" Asher immediately started coughing rousing Raymond from his sleep when the cough refused to subside."Geez you didnt tell me you had a cold" i huffed patting her back with a slight frown on my face."Its not a cold love, something just lodged itslef in my throat" she wheezed still coughing."Well tell the thing not to wake us all up from sleep" Raymond yelped when i kicked him off the bed. "Yeah destroy the man who made you feel like goddesses last night ok?" i threw a pillow at his stupid face. idiot."You ok now? you've been acting really weird lately, are you fine?" my face didn't show my worry but my voice carried it."Yes i'm fine love i promise it was just
Asher, Raymond and I were at Club 99 drinking our lives away, our finals were finally over. Asher stuck to sparkling water which was odd but i was too tipsy to care, Raymond was drunkenly asking Asher to be his girlfriend which was comical."You guys know we need to be at Cherry's event tomorrow right?" Asher raised her brows."Who cares about that bitch?" Raymond slammed his hand on the bar top earning a glare from the bartender."Definitely not me" I slurred"Well is Jen coming? i mean you guys have been moving strong""I don't know, damn i forgot to ask her" I willed my hands to find my phone and not yank the nearest whiskey from the counter. I dailed her number but it went straight to voice mail, five tries later i left a drunken sweet message."Well did you get her?" Asher asked as she tried to stop Raymond from climbing over the bar."Nahhhh i guess she'
The months had passed quickly, six months since i started hanging out with jen. I wasn't as violent as i was before except when we were in bed, yes i know what it looked like but life got simpler with Jen around.I was happier, i wasn't in love but i liked her a lot, school was the same as ever, i didnt care how it went anymore, we were all gong to graduate it didnt matter when.I had started going to church again since we were still dishing out good news, it was... very trying. I felt cornered everyday but jen makes it get clearer.She was right on one thing, i did abandon God but i still didn't feel quite at home like i used to, i couldnt change who i was, picking a part of my religion that favoured my sexuality was hypocritical and not right yet here i was still handling it.Jen said i could do it so i believed i could, i knew i could get my footing again.Finals were coming up, the
My roller coaster ride began from there, when I looked myself in the mirror it didn’t matter what I saw or that I felt nothing, just a body I would think to myself, a body without a soul.The bars downtown had become my friend, I wasn’t much of a drinker- oh no! I was here for something else, something much better than alcohol, that would be sex.I thought it, felt it, needed it, craved it like a drug so I overdosed every time, the next time deeper than the last, the void just kept getting bigger, the more sex I had, the emptier I felt. I couldn’t help it, it was the only thing that didn’t change.The loud music irritated my eardrums but the view was kind, women in all shapes and sizes lurked around, I could feel some eyes on me, I knocked my drink back trying hard to keep my facial muscles in check.“That bad?” I blinked twice to clear my vision, focusing solely o
I didn’t know what time it was, I didn’t know where I was, I would be surprised if I even knew who I was.I smiled bitterly, oh heavens, was this revenge? Was this retribution? I leave to be happy and you take that happiness from me knowing I have nowhere else to go.Is this a power tussle? You know, the kind where you show me your almightiness and I bow in awe of your grace.I screamed silently at my reflection, all the bitch did was scream back, I punched the mirror over and over again not caring about the tiny fragments that lodged themselves deeper into my knuckles.I stared at the damaged wall in front of me, glass was everywhere, my blood unfortunately wasn’t, I walked through the glass carelessly, not satisfied with the blood that trailed behind me.I walked into my room, what was once soothing turned cold and dark, it was just a room, I couldn’t muster any courage to show shades at this small cocoon, I mean it was the only
I couldn’t enjoy my sleep deep enough, barely even six and my door was being attacked, the endless raps were driving me insane.I stomped to the door ripping it open, “What?” I growled at the intruder through hooded eyes.“It’s not my fault your girlfriend is a party pooper” Asher lamented as she stormed into my room, two women hot on her heels.“Hi Good morning, I'm Shane and this is Kelly, we’ll be doing your makeup, fitting you into your dresses, basically dolling you up, we have seven hours before the driver gets here so I’d suggest we start now” Shane said smiling brightly.I glowered at the woman, SEVEN HOURS! She had seven hours and she decided to disturb my sleep right now, oh I was so going to kill cherry.Three hours trapped beneath two hands that tugged and pulled, scraped and invaded my privacy, I was ready for the day
Classes had resumed full swing, I had little or no time for myself, the lecturers were brutal, if this was meant to be a dog fight, I would go back to my room in rags every day.Needless to say, this week wasn’t my week, devils time of the month had caught up to me then add to it this stress, I was beyond livid, I smiled for a certain amount of time each day, I never exceeded it, sometimes I just didn’t you know… smile.We were pushed to our limits every day, some days I didn't want to wake up, or think about the stress of the day, I felt I had no purpose in life when I did, I would dive straight into bed to wake up five minutes after.The cruelty of the world was no joke, couldn’t time slow the fuck down?I looked like a homeless person who got bitten by a zombie, my life held no spontaneous acts, I was trying to keep up with classes as it was, I couldn&rsq
Sitting in my low budget hotel room with my multi-millionaire girlfriend felt surreal, I stayed quiet while she animated her argument, using her hands, she exaggerated her point, one hundred and one reasons why she couldn’t make it yesterday.Listening to cherry’s excuses, doubt slowly crept into my heart, enveloped my mind and seized my body, there was so many excuses I doubted she knew she wasn’t keeping up.One went into another again and again, it began to sound like sweet lies, the tune perfectly played, I was beyond swayed, beyond saving.“Why are you lying to me?”With a shocked expression, she argued “Kat you know I've never lied to you amore mio, why would you think that?”“Where were you when I kept calling?”“I was at work, I couldn’t escape, I tried to cal-”“Bullshit