I stood in front of the house as my dad filled the car with my things and my mom kept shifting her weight from one foot to the other, her chaplet hung loosely around her neck. I had one, but it was in the pocket of my jeans.
My mom was a core catholic–born, bred, married and infused. Her beliefs were strong and so were mine–I believed in God. I mean who didn't? I held my beliefs and dignity to heart, always wanting mother's approval above all else. It was just something I was taught and I took great pleasure in having it.
My mother would say the present generation wasn't half bad, but it was like God didn't exist anymore–No one took their time to say a prayer or even thank him for the day, it was all about gadgets and parties. I wasn't the type to force my beliefs on people, but I tried to do some right and say some right. The world needed a little light sometimes.
Snapping out of my trance, my dad didnt waste his time with goodbyes; he had better things or drinks to do. Father and I didnt have any loving embrace or tear stained cheeks, just a weird pat and awkward push into the passenger seat. I rolled my eyes and scoffed.
Real subtle dad. My subconscious said sarcastically.
My mom pulled into the road and off we went. We were driving from Colorado to Ontario and it was going to take a couple of hours so I decided to shut my eyes for the rest of the way. I was so excited the last night that I had a little or no sleep.
The air condition in the car did wonders to my body, soul and mind. I wasnt asleep, but I wasnt awake either–I just stayed in that state for a while, it was peaceful and serene.
It wasnt for another hour that I finally opened my eyes. The drive was silent except for the low hum of the radio. I watched the trees and sometimes other cars, wondering if they were all going to the same place as me.
Finally, we pulled up in front of the University of Toronto. I stared in awe at the school entrance as we pulled into the parking lot and it lived up to my expectations. I would have been embarrassed to be dropped off by my mom, but honestly I needed to feel at home before I stepped into this foreign land.
The structure was majestic and the carvings were divine. I was sure my jaw was on the ground and I let my gaze wander before I helped my mom unload my stuff.
We walked into the majestic building and I got my slip, key to my dorm room, class schedules and all other necessities. I was supposed to attend a ceremony like thing that was for the grand tour and all that blah-blah-blah. I couldn't remember any other thing from there, I just needed to get to my dorm and sleep for the rest of the session.
My mom and I successfully placed all my bags in the room. She fussed over me for a while, helped me arrange my things, cried and cried and then cried some more. We hugged for a long time and some hours before she left we prayed. We thanked God for his blessings and his grace for the day, we asked for mercy and appreciated him some more. I was smiling by the time we were done as I was so full with his spirit. I thanked him once again for letting me know him.
Finally, my mom left and I was all alone in this new world. Instantly, I heard a few shuffling of feet and clinging of keys. It seemed everyone was fitting themselves in, I wondered how everyone would be and what their characters were. I made up this and that. Finally, I had five gorgeous friends who probably never existed.
Time seemed to have slowed down over here. I had been lying on my soft mattress for a while now and could swear four hours had passed, but in real life it was just an hour–maybe it was because of my hyper thoughts, but I couldn't stay still any longer so I did what I didnt know how to do best, I went out to explore.
The hallway was painted in yellow and awkwardly quiet, but maybe that was because my footsteps were the only sounds filling my ears. I hoped I didnt pick the horror dorm, I didnt want nightmares. A shiver racked my body as I walked faster.
The sky looked different, maybe because I was seeing it for the first time and my eyes couldn't capture the beauty enough. I walked past flowers and majestic buildings, past other people who were looking for their dorms. Jesus, I hoped I didnt look this lost and out of place. Well, I guessed that look was going to hang around me for a while. You could smell the freshmen from a mile away and let me say the sad thing, I smelt the same way.
I walked past classrooms and glanced into various labs–I wanted to familiarize myself with the environment. I knew I wouldn't get up early enough to attend the ceremony on Friday so it was better I found my way now.
I walked till the sun began to set just memorizing lanes and newly found hiding places. Hugging trees-pfft! I was just joking, but I touched the tree though, don't judge me. It was really beautiful, I memorized the routes I would need to use for the next few months of the semester.
My legs were aching, but in a good way. I walked back to my dorm–this time, I heard a few chatter and saw a few people leave their rooms for once! It must be nice to actually be accepted into the same school with your best friend or someone you knew. At least, it'd take the weirdness away. The thought of talking to someone tomorrow filled me with dread.
I was a social bird, I loved people's company and mine was appreciated; so I thought, but the art of talking and making friends weren't my thing. Oh, well, I guess I would let whatever would happen just happen.
"Uhm, are you going in or did you get lost?" A voice rang out from beside me.
I almost shrieked, but it came out as a silent scream.
"Jesus, woman. Do you want me to drop dead?" I turned to take a look at my almost killer with a hand gripping my chest.
"Y-you should have s-s-seen your fa-c-e," the stranger said, while trying and failing to hold in the laughter.
I stood there silently watching this slightly crazy person and I couldn't help, but laugh along–her laugh was so contagious and oh, boy! Was she short, she barely got to my chest.
We laughed for a while, earning some amused stares our way. It took a while to calm down, but eventually we did. The silence after was very comfortable, I would have loved to bathe in it, but unfortunately I was really tired, so I decided to make a quick introduction before I slept right in front of the door we both stood in front of.
"Hey, killer stranger. I'm katya, nice to meet you," I said as I held out my hand.
"So polite, I like that. I'm cherry by the way and nice to meet you too." A warm smile spread across her face as she shook my hand.
I giggled, I was really going to get along with this girl–she was my kind of hyper. We talked for a while, exchanged contacts and when she found out her room was next to mine, she squealed like a little kid on Christmas and did a cute weird dance. All I did was to laugh.
After she had fixed a date for tomorrow which consisted of her depriving me of my sleep so we could walk around town, we finally parted ways. I unlocked my door and hung the key, my clothes came off next and finally this nice loving bed as I flopped down on it.
My adventures were going to be fun after all. I guess.
**********
I hadn't even blinked for two seconds and someone was having a wrestling match with my door.
I whined and covered my ears with a pillow, hoping the intruder would let me be. After a while, it became worse and I was certain my door was seconds away from splitting open.
I dragged myself out of bed and stomped to the door, someone was going to get it. I swung it open with a scowl on my face and I was left confused till I looked down at a hyper bundle of joy.
"Morning, partner." Cherry sang in an annoying morning voice.
"What do you want from me?" I grumbled, I hated waking up so early.
"Aww, come on. We have to walk around today, go get ready." She urged. "I'll pick your clothes and wait for you here," she said skipping to my wardrobe.
I groaned and my eyes hurt just looking at this bright human.
I grumbled and lamented as I proceeded to do my morning routine. Under twenty minutes, I was up and ready for another round of exploring.
Today was Friday, last weekday before classes would commence so we were free to walk around town. We walked out of school and got a taxi to take us deeper into Ontario. It was my first time here and I wanted to know the magical places I could discover today.
Cherry chatted on and on and I returned the same energy. She had an adopted sister and she was accepted here too–they stayed together, but her sister was in Paris and she wasnt coming back anytime soon. She was a bit of a wild child from what I learnt. I looked at cherry and tried to picture her wild, but the results came out cute so I gave up and prepared myself for the best surprise her sister would give me.
We walked past beautiful buildings and ate some of the best foods at some of the best restaurants around. We visited the hottest arcade centers and bought several video games.
Cherry never got tired, her happy streak didnt dim one bit and nothing seemed to stop her. We took a break in a park watching the day go by, pitching conversations here and there, laughing at funny passersby, eating a lot of junks food and basically goofing around.
*****
The halls were quiet when we got back, not creepy this time just the comfortable silence. The day had hit the both of us hard and even cherry couldnt stop yawning, while rubbing her eyes like a little child, cute I tell you.
I hugged her goodbye, while she squirmed around. She had claimed she was looking for a comfortable position, earning a light chuckle from me.
This girl I tell you. My subconscious chipped in.
The room was finally feeling like home, it was really calming.
I kicked off my shoes and allowed the sweet lovely bed enfold me, tomorrow was Saturday so Cherry must sleep right? I would get to sleep as long as I liked without anyone trying to disturb my peace right?
I was sure I would.
Once again I was wrong.
I jolted awake when I heard an overexcited knock or at least it sounded like it, I whined again, the knocking didn't stop, I tossed and turned looking for a comfortable position to help me forget this disturbance.It was 7am for Godssake, was anyone dying?, I marched to the door ripping it open ready to lash out when my eyes connected with teary blue ones making my anger deflate instantly."What's wrong cherry" I asked concerned as I looked out into the halls, seeing nothing out of the ordinary, I focused on her again"Nightmare, scared" was all she said as she wrapped her tiny arms around me.I was caught off guard at first but I wrapped my arms around her as I walked us into my room.This was her first time In here but she didn't let go of me to look around, she just stood
The session was in full swing by Monday, different people, different moods with the same agenda.We all roamed the halls either going for a class, coming out of one or neither of them.I wasn't cut out for this sort of lifestyle, I think my brain was just waiting for the right moment to jump out and wave my ass gooodbye.I was hot all over and no it's not the sexy kind of hot you perv, it was the sticky irritating kind of hot, the one that made you angry for no reason.I stormed my way to my dorm room, college wasn't living up to my expectations in any way at all.If anything it just got so fudging harder than high school then why was I rushing to graduate?.I kept mumbling curses under my breath as I took a much needed shower, I didn't even flinch as the cold water rained down on me, It was cooling me off, I'm sure I was seconds away from detonation.We had a fr
"Good morning everyone, I trust the reports have been turned in, I hope you loved Egypt history because the next report submission will be centered on the French revolution" the whole class groaned, I just rolled my eyes, typical Mr. Talin, history lecturer, I think he taught just to torture students, this wasn't part of our syllabus, he just enjoyed zapping the lives out of us."Oh there there, that's enough, from french we shall study more advanced areas of this world from the root, don't bother my class, don't pretend like you don't understand and please don't bother me with whatever you don't understand, I have better classes to attend to, understand?, Nice let's begin" are you freaking kidding me?, He didn't even wait for our opinions?, What happened to our fudging rights?."I have an introduction f
Its been two weeks two days and five minutes since the incident that shall not be spoken about happened.I haven't left my room much, just following my new found pattern, classes-church-room, i felt a fierce need to reaffirm my faith, I needed God more than ever.It seemed like everyone knew what i had done, i couldn't get over the look of disgust on everyone's faces or maybe it was just my imagination.I reeked of Shame and uncertainty, i didn't talk to mom much anymore, i felt like i had betrayed and shamed her.I saw cherry here and there, she always tried to talk to me but i always found a way to dodge every attempt, there was this constant flash of hurt whenever I looked into her eyes but she needed to understand, this new world she pushed me into was dragging me under.I had a sinking feeling that i was going to drown.Sermons these days seem to about me, I've been losing
In all my - years of existence,I have experienced multiple emotions, multiple types of feelings, but none quite like this.She fell on her bed dragging me on top of her while her lips where still pressed on mine. Her hands on my back, mine on her face tracing every edge and angle.It was the most intense feeling I've ever had, my whole body was vibrating.I mean I had had sex before but sh** I just couldn't get over the way her lips and hands made me feelA little later after the endless fight for dominance which I lost to,the urge to rip each other's clothes off became unbearable.I broke the kiss, her lips were swollen, the enormous feeling of pride almost made me smirk."I haven't ever done anything like this before, I mean uhm with a girl"I managed to say with a trembling voice and that annoying blush on my face."Just follow my lead"
I walked round campus like I was on cloud nine, I always had a smile on my face these days, people judged me with their eyes, others criticized me with their mouths but nothing could hold me down, I had to lose my religion and create mine, I trusted in this.I had to lose myself to become this new me, my bracket of religion couldn’t push this away, I'm sure God understood, did he? I shook my head, chasing the insecurities away, I was finally happy.It’s said to be wrong but my heart, my head, my very being was in this, no shred of discomfort was visible to me, known to me, and I knew this was meant to be.Then there was cherry, I couldn’t stop smiling when I thought about her, people referred to me as ‘hers’ now, Malnovs beloved, Malnovs monalisa, it was really weird but I guess that’s what happens when you date a Malnov, I cared little about her status actually, I just wanted her.
I went back to ignoring cherry, avoiding her at every turn, I started hanging out with Ray more, he had a girlfriend now, her name was Asher, we called her archer just to get under her skin, she was really cute, dark skinned, short and crazy.They always hinted on a triad but my heart was elsewhere.I could feel Cherry's eyes everywhere I went, see who the stalker was now.She kept sending me messages, some sweet, some needy, she woke me up with romantic texts, left loving voicemails, tried to talk to me every day, I was flattered really but I didn’t need all the physical assurances, she broke our emotional bridge, no amount of flowers or chocolates could fix that.I went back to my former routine, classes, if I wanted to attend them, cafeteria, library, walk around campus, Ray’s room or mine.We had fun most times, we either talked about anime or played video games, I always won though, what c
The following week had me in a daze, I was just grateful we had a free week, our exams were over, we just had to party our freshmen skins off, tradition they said.I spent most of my time with cherry, I had basically moved in with her, I called it getting our lost moments back, cherry went out of her way all week, she spoilt me rotten, I did love the attention but money coming from her felt wrong.I loved her either way but I didn’t want her to think I wanted her money or feel obliged to buy me stuff, I made it a rule, if it wasn’t important don’t buy it, if it wasn’t needed don’t get it, in return if she did buy it I couldn’t whine about the price, we went back and forth, throwing rules, countering others.The more time I spent with cherry the less I did Ray and Asher, she didn’t like him and she made it known, she extended the dislike to Asher, she was just that petty.I tried several times in several ways t
The memorial had been short and sweet, i got to meet Asher's sister Ashlynn and her two brother Jack and Ryan. We all shared our grief through hugs and tears- there was a little bonding time tied into the end of the ceremony.Ashlynn's daughter looked so much like Asher it took almost everything for me not to walk away from the group, it hurt too much to even look at her.Raymond and i saw little of each other as the days passed, he was by the makeshift bar drinking some mixed up alcohol, he was taking shot for shot like a pro but i knew we just had different ways of absorbing and arranging our feelings.I grazed Asher's headstone with my fingertips instantly disliking the coolness, i wondered if Asher was cold and needed a blanket, i drove myself mad with scenerios, maybe she wasn't dead and was trying to claw her way up to the surface- back into our arms.Our? if there was even an us i think the secon
"Do you regret last night?" Asher stroked my thighs cradling me in her arms while Raymond snored half way in and half way out of the bed."No i dont, was i supposed to?""No but I-" Asher immediately started coughing rousing Raymond from his sleep when the cough refused to subside."Geez you didnt tell me you had a cold" i huffed patting her back with a slight frown on my face."Its not a cold love, something just lodged itslef in my throat" she wheezed still coughing."Well tell the thing not to wake us all up from sleep" Raymond yelped when i kicked him off the bed. "Yeah destroy the man who made you feel like goddesses last night ok?" i threw a pillow at his stupid face. idiot."You ok now? you've been acting really weird lately, are you fine?" my face didn't show my worry but my voice carried it."Yes i'm fine love i promise it was just
Asher, Raymond and I were at Club 99 drinking our lives away, our finals were finally over. Asher stuck to sparkling water which was odd but i was too tipsy to care, Raymond was drunkenly asking Asher to be his girlfriend which was comical."You guys know we need to be at Cherry's event tomorrow right?" Asher raised her brows."Who cares about that bitch?" Raymond slammed his hand on the bar top earning a glare from the bartender."Definitely not me" I slurred"Well is Jen coming? i mean you guys have been moving strong""I don't know, damn i forgot to ask her" I willed my hands to find my phone and not yank the nearest whiskey from the counter. I dailed her number but it went straight to voice mail, five tries later i left a drunken sweet message."Well did you get her?" Asher asked as she tried to stop Raymond from climbing over the bar."Nahhhh i guess she'
The months had passed quickly, six months since i started hanging out with jen. I wasn't as violent as i was before except when we were in bed, yes i know what it looked like but life got simpler with Jen around.I was happier, i wasn't in love but i liked her a lot, school was the same as ever, i didnt care how it went anymore, we were all gong to graduate it didnt matter when.I had started going to church again since we were still dishing out good news, it was... very trying. I felt cornered everyday but jen makes it get clearer.She was right on one thing, i did abandon God but i still didn't feel quite at home like i used to, i couldnt change who i was, picking a part of my religion that favoured my sexuality was hypocritical and not right yet here i was still handling it.Jen said i could do it so i believed i could, i knew i could get my footing again.Finals were coming up, the
My roller coaster ride began from there, when I looked myself in the mirror it didn’t matter what I saw or that I felt nothing, just a body I would think to myself, a body without a soul.The bars downtown had become my friend, I wasn’t much of a drinker- oh no! I was here for something else, something much better than alcohol, that would be sex.I thought it, felt it, needed it, craved it like a drug so I overdosed every time, the next time deeper than the last, the void just kept getting bigger, the more sex I had, the emptier I felt. I couldn’t help it, it was the only thing that didn’t change.The loud music irritated my eardrums but the view was kind, women in all shapes and sizes lurked around, I could feel some eyes on me, I knocked my drink back trying hard to keep my facial muscles in check.“That bad?” I blinked twice to clear my vision, focusing solely o
I didn’t know what time it was, I didn’t know where I was, I would be surprised if I even knew who I was.I smiled bitterly, oh heavens, was this revenge? Was this retribution? I leave to be happy and you take that happiness from me knowing I have nowhere else to go.Is this a power tussle? You know, the kind where you show me your almightiness and I bow in awe of your grace.I screamed silently at my reflection, all the bitch did was scream back, I punched the mirror over and over again not caring about the tiny fragments that lodged themselves deeper into my knuckles.I stared at the damaged wall in front of me, glass was everywhere, my blood unfortunately wasn’t, I walked through the glass carelessly, not satisfied with the blood that trailed behind me.I walked into my room, what was once soothing turned cold and dark, it was just a room, I couldn’t muster any courage to show shades at this small cocoon, I mean it was the only
I couldn’t enjoy my sleep deep enough, barely even six and my door was being attacked, the endless raps were driving me insane.I stomped to the door ripping it open, “What?” I growled at the intruder through hooded eyes.“It’s not my fault your girlfriend is a party pooper” Asher lamented as she stormed into my room, two women hot on her heels.“Hi Good morning, I'm Shane and this is Kelly, we’ll be doing your makeup, fitting you into your dresses, basically dolling you up, we have seven hours before the driver gets here so I’d suggest we start now” Shane said smiling brightly.I glowered at the woman, SEVEN HOURS! She had seven hours and she decided to disturb my sleep right now, oh I was so going to kill cherry.Three hours trapped beneath two hands that tugged and pulled, scraped and invaded my privacy, I was ready for the day
Classes had resumed full swing, I had little or no time for myself, the lecturers were brutal, if this was meant to be a dog fight, I would go back to my room in rags every day.Needless to say, this week wasn’t my week, devils time of the month had caught up to me then add to it this stress, I was beyond livid, I smiled for a certain amount of time each day, I never exceeded it, sometimes I just didn’t you know… smile.We were pushed to our limits every day, some days I didn't want to wake up, or think about the stress of the day, I felt I had no purpose in life when I did, I would dive straight into bed to wake up five minutes after.The cruelty of the world was no joke, couldn’t time slow the fuck down?I looked like a homeless person who got bitten by a zombie, my life held no spontaneous acts, I was trying to keep up with classes as it was, I couldn&rsq
Sitting in my low budget hotel room with my multi-millionaire girlfriend felt surreal, I stayed quiet while she animated her argument, using her hands, she exaggerated her point, one hundred and one reasons why she couldn’t make it yesterday.Listening to cherry’s excuses, doubt slowly crept into my heart, enveloped my mind and seized my body, there was so many excuses I doubted she knew she wasn’t keeping up.One went into another again and again, it began to sound like sweet lies, the tune perfectly played, I was beyond swayed, beyond saving.“Why are you lying to me?”With a shocked expression, she argued “Kat you know I've never lied to you amore mio, why would you think that?”“Where were you when I kept calling?”“I was at work, I couldn’t escape, I tried to cal-”“Bullshit