tell me a filipino joke

The church was full of different kinds of majestic decorations. A theme of white and gold, the color that is perfectly expressing both purity and prosperity. Indeed, it is really f*cking wonderful. But then... On this fre*king wonderful day who would have thought that a mere guest like me who was forced to attend this d*mn wedding of my damn stepsister will become the bride??! “She is right here. The… bride is here. We shall start the ceremony, Mr. Morgan” “Is it her?” “Y-yes. She is the one you will marry.” “Wait what, me?!”

Nagsimula ang lahat sa isang taya, isang pustahan na ginawa ni Stanford Guzman sa kanyang dating kasintahan, isang pustahan na nagpapahintulot kay Veronica Montenegro na pakasalan ang kanyang lihim na pag-ibig. Naisip ni Stanford na palagi siyang mananalo ngunit hindi inaasahan, na ang pagkawala ni Veronica ang magiging pinakamalaking pagsisisi niya. Nakahiga pa rin ako sa kama, hubo't hubad, na may mga marka sa buong katawan ko, nang binitawan niya ang malamig na mga salitang iyon, "Melissa Johnson is back. I want a divorce." Nagulat ako kung gaano siya ka-callus. Hindi ko pa nasasabi sa kanya ang tungkol sa pagbubuntis ko. Ano ang dapat kong gawin ngayon? Makakalimutan ba niya si Melissa at ipagpapatuloy ang kasal na ito kung sasabihin ko sa kanya? "Malinaw na nakasaad sa kontrata na maaari nating tapusin ang kasal na ito kung hindi tayo magmamahalan sa isa't isa sa loob ng isang taon. Hindi kita mahal, Veronica. You failed to win my heart." Walang emosyon niyang sinabi ang mga salitang iyon, nakatingin sa mga mata ko. Naiintindihan ko na hinding-hindi ko mapapalitan si Melissa sa puso niya, kaya nagpasiya akong ilihim sa kanya ang pagbubuntis ko. "Maghiwalay na tayo," sabi ko Naisip ni Veronica na mabubuhay siya nang masaya kasama ang kanyang sanggol na malayo kay Stanford at sa kanyang malamig at walang pusong mundo. Ngunit gumawa na ng ibang plano ang tadhana para sa kanya. Sa huli ay tumawid siya sa kanyang landas. "Naglakas-loob kang itago sa akin ang anak ko. Ngayon humanda ka sa mga kahihinatnan." Nang muling lumitaw si Stanford sa buhay ni Veronica, naging buhawi ng kaguluhan ang lahat. Paano niya ilalayo ang kanyang sarili at ang kanyang anak sa kanya? Maililigtas kaya niya ang sarili na hindi na muling masaktan?

Xavier Blackwood just took over his family company. He went to Remington Hotel on Citadel Island to celebrate with his childhood friend, Soren and loyal college friends Lauren and Landon. What was supposed to be a blast became a nightmare when Xavier woke up in bed next to a stranger. Apparently, they married during the night, and he has no recollection of the event. Xavier panics when the stranger refuses an annulment. He finds himself in a dilemma, and he and his friends have to return home so he can seek counsel from his family lawyer. Unfortunately, the contract is binding, so the Lawyer proposed a risky illegal solution that might land the perpetrators in jail if caught. To fix the problem, they decide to create a backdated fake wedding certificate between Xavier and his loyal college friend Lauren, which would cancel out his marriage to the stranger. However, the stranger isn't giving up without a fight. Xavier and Lauren have to prove that their marriage is real to prevent Xavier from losing half of his wealth to the stranger should the wedding stand and she chooses to divorce him. They also need to save themselves from getting arrested for making fake marriage documents. All of this unfolds in a world where werewolves exist, hidden from human awareness. Join us in this romantic and mysterious adventure as we uncover the secrets of the story. If you're a fan of billionaire romance, werewolf romance, and mystery, this book might be a perfect match, offering a blend of everything to keep you intrigued.

Chasity Dawson is the shy daughter of a housemaid and Joe Bandit is the school's "Golden boy" and the son of the family her mother works for. One-night Joe texts her, and asks her for a favor that involves a mysterious unmasked culprit, leaving photos of Joe and his family at their doorstep every week for years. This mystery leads to a growing attraction between Joe and Chasity. Along with deadly secrets that were best left alone. Secrets… that could get someone killed.

After witnessing her family’s death, Kimberly is handed to her God Father Ethan, the boss of the under world. 13 years later she’s grown into a beautiful strong lady, fierce and bold but what happens when the relationship between her and her God Father Ethan turns into something else and she begins to desire the man that had been like a father to her.

Matagal nang may gusto si Zyline kay Nick. Anim silang magkakabarkada kasali si Nick. Alam na ng lahat ang pagtatangi niya sa kaibigan maliban na lang yata rito. Hindi niya alam kung manhid lang ito or talagang wala lang gusto sa kanya. Si Brent ang pinaka-bestfriend niya sa lahat ng mga kaibigan niya. Kahit hindi niya sinasabi rito ang nararamdaman kay Nick dahil sa hiya ay alam din ni Brent iyon. Paano kung nagbago ang lahat nang halikan siya ni Brent? Hindi nya maikakaila ang kuryenteng naramdaman no'ng gabing hinalikan siya nito. Pinagbigyan niya ang lalaki sa gusto nitong mangyari. Susubukan nilang maging sila pero palihim. Ngayon ay litong-lito na siya. Sa pag-aakala ni Brent na si Nick pa rin ang gusto niya ay bigla itong umalis at hindi na nagpakita. Saka naman siya niligawan na nang tuluyan ni Nick. Pero bakit sa halip na maging masaya at sa wakas ay napansin na rin siya ni Nick bilang babae ay si Brent na ang hinahanap ng puso niya? Si Brent na hindi na nagparamdam sa kanya mula no'ng gabing muntik nang may mangyari sa kanila.

They say promises are made to be broken and people who have committed mistakes should be given second chances. Just how many broken promises can a loving heart take? And how many second chances can a wounded heart give? ~~ Barbara ‘Bobbie’ St. Clair has it all. The fame, the looks, the riches… the boy. Although this was her status in life, Bobbie never lacked compassion and kindness for other people. These qualities draw people closer to her. However, after the death of her grandparents, Bobbie’s life took a complete turn. Loneliness and grief became her biggest challenge, but with the help of Jake West, she survived and came out stronger. He became her buoy that kept her afloat. Although a bad boy and playboy in people’s eyes, Jake West devoted himself to his family and to his girl. Apart from his love for football, he made sure to put the people he loves first before his needs. Never in his wildest dream that he thought would he need to choose between these two. When life’s biggest game was laid in front of him, it’s time to choose between playing and quitting. How will Jake keep Bobbie from sinking when he, himself, will drown in his family’s dirty secrets? ~~ [Mature content] Cover by DOBOLYU V

"Dont- DON'T TOUCH ME!" His frantic voice rang out through the store. Why now? Why did his heat have to come NOW?! Rayan Neel is a mistake of nature, a male omega. Omegas make up less than 5% of the world's population, and only about 1% of them are born male. Omegas in general are looked down upon as the lowest social class, and have only recently, as far as political timelines go, been given rights as citizens. The collar he wears both labels him and keeps him safe, but it doesn't make life easier. He doesn't need any help. He's perfectly capable of supporting himself, in spite of what he is. Sure, there's not much room for luxuries, but it's an okay life. No time for romance. Well, maybe just a little...

"You are not my wife, you can never be my wife do you understand me?" his eyes filled with hatred shot daggers at her. "You are an imposter, a nobody, a thieve. During your days in this house, I don't want to feel you close, don't ever look at me, don't ever talk to me. When you hear the sound of my footstep, you run far" "Now get out." Genesis an average girl with plans ahead, she forged to achieve those dreams of hers after graduation. But the news of her upcoming marriage to Jordan Chase, the son of the most influential man in the state shattered those dreams. Her dreams were used to pay the price for her sister's medical bill. What happens to Genesis when it hits her that she was a trophy wife? How will she fight for her marriage when her husband is a cold hearted demon who loves another? Can a girl live such lonely life? Or would she rather run away than face her husband? Will love blossom or will this be another failed marriage?

Mataas ang expectation ng angkan ni Raina sa kanya bilang siyang pinakamatalino sa lahat ng magpipinsan. She was loved and well-respected by everyone. Ngunit sa isang iglap ay naglaho ang paghanga sa kanya ng buong angkan niya maging ang sarili niyang pamilya nang bigla na lamang siyang mabuntis at walang maipakilalang ama sa pamilya niya. And a sudden twist of event, nakilala niya si Evo Mondragon, ang mayamang fiance ng kanyang half-sister at siyang ama ng batang ipinagbubuntis niya...