Home / Romance / What if We Drown / Chapter 41 - Chapter 50

All Chapters of What if We Drown : Chapter 41 - Chapter 50

109 Chapters

41

When she drew near to the pier, she was surprised at how busy it was. Several people sat along the railings, their lines cast into the waters below, while others enjoyed their coffee and friendly company. Her eyes danced across the moving bodies, searching for the one that she'd come to see. A burst of rich laughter, smooth as honey, rose above the other noises around her, and her steps came to a halt. She would have recognized that laugh anywhere. Guided by its sound, she moved towards it, her body floating across the pavement. The laughter faded, and she came to a stop. Standing on the tips of her toes, she craned her neck, her eyes falling on a group of men gathered in the middle. She was sure that she saw a net at their feet. That had to be them. Several of the men laughed again, Derek included. The sound wrapped itself around her like a warm hug, and she couldn't help the smile it inspired from her. In the middle of the gathering, Ashlyn spotted him, and her heart skipped a be
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42

Ashlyn huffed, the door not slamming hard enough behind her when she entered Salt.Several patrons glanced up from their afternoon meals, but the distraught look on Ashlyn's face mixed with all the dried tear stains must have been something quite disconcerting, for they all glanced away. The food on the plates before them had never been more exciting than at that moment.Avoiding meeting the eyes of anyone, Ashlyn moved past the counter, down the corridor, and towards the back door, her legs not moving fast enough to beat the fresh tears she'd been holding back."Ash," Kass called, her head poking from the kitchen as she passed. Ashlyn ignored her. The sound of her shoes tapping on the floor, the only sound she was interested in. When another pair of trainers squeaked against the floor behind her, Ashlyn paid it little mind. She had to get out of there. The walls were closing in, and she couldn't breathe.Twice she tripped and had to catch herself against the wall. The aching in h
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43

He knows everything now."I don't think I understand what the problem is. Isn't him knowing everything a good thing? Otherwise, what would your friendship stand on?" Kass asked, rubbing her forehead.Ashlyn turned and leaned against the back wall of Salt. She was doing a terrible job of explaining the mess that consumed her brain.Because why would he be interested now that he knows what a trainwreck I am? I'm a complication, a puzzle that no one can solve. His time and energy are better spent elsewhere, she answered, realizing how ridiculous her excuse sounded when she voiced it. She hated being seen as a hindrance or as anything but ordinary. Yet, here she was labeling herself as such to justify her actions."You're self-sabotaging."I'm not, I'm just... she started to defend herself, but she couldn't come up with a good argument. She was self-sabotaging. Kass was right. She'd seen an opportunity to withdraw and protect herself before things could become too serious, and so she
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44

Derek stepped slowly towards her, his eyes never straying from hers as he seemed to assess the situation and whether his approach was welcomed.Ashlyn turned away and began picking at her nails, her face hidden in shame.Like a magic apparition, she'd thought about him, and suddenly he was there, and everything that she wanted to say was lost in the tension between them. She wasn't sure that she could do this, now that he was here. What if Kass was wrong? What if he was here to call it off, whatever it was?The fear that he already knew what she wanted to say, that he'd heard Kass' conversation while he lurked in the shadows, turned in her stomach. If she weren't already too ashamed, she would have bent over one of the bins and released that acidic fear. But even that was trapped inside, riding on how this next conversation went.Her hands had a subtle tremor about them, the color of her nails almost completely chipped away. She could hear Derek shift behind her, his steps slowly
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45

But, the guy on the pier? She asked with confusion."He mentioned that something happened and that you didn't go near it anymore. I connected some dots." He shrugged. "I don't blame you for being hesitant around it, or even the ocean after what happened, Ash. We all have fears, and sometimes they take a little more time to overcome."I don't think I can overcome this one, she sighed, looking away. He placed a hand on her knee."You can." He spoke with certainty. Her smile was awkward in response, not quite sure she was ready for that conversation just yet. With some time, maybe she'd be ready.So, what exactly do you know? She asked, changing the subject."You lost your Father, who you loved dearly, and you haven't stopped grieving." Though he spoke with a sadness in his voice and did well to hide his judgments, his words still filled her with a sense of guilt, like she should've been over this by now. Perhaps he was right, but he didn't understand how it felt to lose someone lik
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46

They'd been driving for almost an hour, and still, Ashlyn didn't know where it was that they were going. She'd tried asking after they'd passed the familiar highways in turn for forests and bumpy roads, but Derek had refused to say much, instead just offering a cheeky grin as his answer.It required more effort than she'd thought to relinquish control of the situation and trust that he knew where he was going. That would have been easier if she hadn't watched twice as he looked at the road signs with confusion.For all she knew, he'd taken a wrong turn, and they were about to become lost in the forests of Maine with the bears and the moose, and whatever other nasty critters lurked in the woodlands. Fortunately, she'd been smart enough to retrieve her phone from the cafe before they'd left. Not that it would have been much use, she realized when she checked it, the red battery light glaring at her.She placed it back on the console and took a deep breath, reminding herself that she
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47

The breeze that tousled her hair was refreshing, and with each push of her legs, she inched higher and higher until she was swinging higher than Derek's perch on the wall.Checkmate, she thought towards him, throwing him a playful wink when he glanced her way. He leaped down and jogged towards the swing that was now empty beside her."You should know, where I come from, I am a three-time swinging champion," Derek grinned, walking the swing back as far as he could, then launching himself forward like a slingshot.He pushed himself hard and fast, gaining height quickly."Surrender, Ashlyn, while you still can," he laughed menacingly.Ashlyn threw her head back with silent laughter, forgetting about the hat she wore on her head. When the swing moved forward, the wind it generated caught her by surprise and carried the hat from her head.She looked at Derek, her eyes round, and her mouth forming a little o. She then turned to look over her shoulder, the swing going off course as her
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48

Ashlyn's time spent basking in the sun was interrupted when several moments later, a girl with dark pigtails, no more than three or four, came running over and reached for the seat that Ashlyn sat on."Up, up," the girl asked, jumping to try and reach the seat. Gently, Derek lowered the seat while Ashlyn unfolded her legs, careful not to strike the child, holding the unit steady so that the child could just reach the handlebars.Ashlyn smiled fondly at the young girl and looked around, searching for their parents, preparing to stand, and offer the seat to them.A lady with the same dark hair came running over and promptly apologized, explaining that Maya loved teeter-totters, but all the other kids were too rough for her to play with. Maya, ignoring her mother, continued to try and climb up, so Derek stood allowing Ashyln's seat to rest properly atop the tire beneath it.The woman gathered Maya in her arms and whispered apologies and excuses about her being too small to play.Ash
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49

Guilt danced seductively at the corners of his eyes, reminding Ashlyn that she still didn't know what had happened to Liam, and why Derek carried it like such a heavy weighted burden. It was true what they said; Grief, whether it came all at once or slowly, piece by piece, indeed was the price one paid for love."Our greatest adventure was during our final year of college when he convinced me to cut into my savings and live for a day. It was the week before our finals and the both of us were cramming as much study as we could into our last days when suddenly one afternoon Liam stood up, and he threw his textbooks in the bin, then looked to me as though he expected me to do the same." Derek chuckled."'Let's do something crazy,' he'd said to me. There was this energy, this desire to chase the thrill in his eyes, and I knew that there was no way I could have said no. I wished I would have the next day, though, when we pulled up to a skydiving field." He rubbed the back of his neck."
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50

I hope you will know today that there is no one as understanding or as understood as you.Ashlyn's lips turned up in a beaming smile as she re-read the message on her phone twice more.For the past few weeks, Derek had frequently made small gestures, reminding Ashlyn that he saw her and that he cared. Each one stole her breath as much as the last, and the butterflies that lived in her stomach had all taken to a permanent flight pattern, their flapping a gentle reminder of what had been given to her.On the days that she needed her space and a chance to process everything, Derek respected that, almost as though he had a sixth sense that told him when to act and when to let things be. But on the days that he did act, his reminders came at precisely the moment when her doubts were most prominent. Like a thriving plant lost to the harshest of winters, the doubts were silenced, and faith took to life in their place.The mornings when she awoke to an encouraging text message from Derek,
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