All Chapters of What if We Drown : Chapter 31 - Chapter 40

It took her a moment to realize that all eyes, except for one pair, were on her, expectant. Was it her turn to share already? With a deep breath, she raised her hands.I know that I'm not always the best at showing my thanks, she signed, her eyes still fixed on the fire before her.Abel spoke softly as he put a voice to the words she spoke, for Derek and Marcus' benefit.At some point or another, I've pushed you all away..."...and though I meant it at the time to protect myself..."I have never felt more safe or protected than when I've had each of you by my side..."...You support me..."You love me..."...you give me hope, and I can't thank you enough..." Ashlyn felt his eyes on her before she looked up. Derek stared through the flames, his piercing gaze interrupting her train of thought. She was at a loss for words, her hands falling to her lap.Murmured 'I love yous' echoed around Ashlyn, and she smiled simply, her focus not fully invested in the gesture. She turned to M

This joy was only increased further when the older of the two purposefully fell back so the younger could be crowned King. Some people were just the sweetest. If only being an adult could capture the same kindness and simplicity. Instead, people and their emotions tossed you about like a rag doll.The bench creaked as someone sat beside her, the smell of hazelnut tantalizing her taste buds. Pulling her gaze from the children's merriments, Ashlyn tracked the source of such a scent and the hand with which it was given."One Hazelnut latte, and a large piece of citrus slice to share." Derek smiled, offering the cup to her. Ashlyn took the cup, her fingers appreciating the warmth on this cooler Saturday afternoon. Puzzled over how he'd tracked her to this location, and the shift in his attitude since they'd last seen one another on Tuesday, she placed the cup beside her and turned to him.How did you kn- Ashlyn started."Kass told me you'd be here," he answered her unfinished question

Ashlyn snorted, the action causing itching in her nose. She could still recall the day in sixth grade when she and Kass had both been using signs, talking about the latest Disney movie, when Kass had thought it would be a neat idea to make up some of their own signs, like a secret language just for them. So they had spent their recess' together under the slide for the next week, creating their own language. Until one afternoon, the new teacher assistant had found them, and taken them both aside, scolding them for speaking in 'code'. Kass, not one to take kindly to being told off for expressing herself, had coined a new gesture that day in honor of said teacher. Her way of calling someone a nosy parker without having to say a thing. Ashlyn was surprised that Kass still remembered, it had been so long. Kass winked, reminding Ashlyn that there were plenty of things she still remembered. You two look cute together in your matching colors, Kass answered, gesturing towards Ashlyn's dress

"Your skin is flushed, Ashlyn. Are you feeling ill?" His voice was thick with concern. He reached out to place the back of his hand on her forehead. She flinched, her head pulling back. She squeezed her eyes shut so she wouldn't have to see his reaction. But his hand followed, a salve to the burn. Her answering nod was weak. She fanned her cheeks, feeling a little feverish. Perhaps that was it, she was getting sick, and that was why she couldn't think straight. She should have taken that excuse, asked to reschedule, then gone home, but for some reason unknown to her, she couldn't make her hands form the words. Instead, she gave a thumbs up and slipped gently from beneath his hand. I think I just need to eat. I haven't eaten since breakfast, she signed. It was the truth. In her apprehensive state that afternoon, the thought of eating had made her feel queasy. The lack of nutrition had to explain why she was feeling this way all of a sudden. Like some form of hunger-induced delusion?

For the next two weeks, Ashlyn and Derek continued to meet after work to work on his sign language skills. Derek was picking it up quicker than she'd thought he would. He'd even admitted to doing his own study each day because he wanted to be able to communicate with her. His tenacity in that regard was to be revered.After the intensity of that first night, Ashlyn made sure to establish some clear boundaries with Derek to prevent it from happening again. With that in mind, they'd made sure to study in public places; the library, the park, Salt. Anywhere that people's watchful eyes would keep her from acting on the foreign thoughts she'd been having.If it hadn't been for Kass disturbing their moment that night, then things would have been a lot more difficult to claw back. At least now, it was just her impulses that she had to keep in check, and not an act itself.The nights that she could wrangle Kass or Abel into helping were even better. Often, however, they made a last-minute