All Chapters of How to Avoid Death on a Daily Basis : Chapter 41 - Chapter 50

Commander Ducane stood up. He gravely shook his head. “It seems I owe you the thanks of my people, and also my personal apology.”I had no idea what he was talking about. “Why? What did Grayson say?”Ducane sat down and refitted the monocle to his right eye. It immediately fell out again. “It seems you are the ones responsible for ridding us of the Mouse King. For that, we, the people of Fengarad, will be eternally grateful. My thanks.”I looked at the others who were as baffled as me. “You’re... welcome? If you don’t mind me saying, you seem quite upset about it. Is there a problem?”“No, no. Well, yes, but not of your doing. You see, another party of Visitors arrived in Fengarad recently. They had been responsible for clearing a mouse nest, so when I heard the Mouse King had been killed, I’m afraid I assumed they were the ones responsible. They have been awarded the accolades that should have been yours. I am terribly, terribly sorry.”This news did

We had asked a few people about the best place to buy stuff and they’d all suggested the same place: Madame Robidoo’s Emporium. Apparently it was the place to get kitted out.With map in one hand and terrible sense of direction in the other, we navigated the spaghetti-like streets of Fengarad like 18th century explorers fumbling their way through the jungles of Africa.Other than my debilitating stiffness — fortunately it eased off after a bit of walking — I felt pretty relaxed and was more than happy to be doing something as mundane as going shopping. We had enough money to buy what we needed, and maybe enough to get some cool stuff on top. What we would do after that was still undecided, but to be honest, none of us wanted to think about it until absolutely necessary. A new pair of underpants was far more important.We got lost a number of times, and certain members of our party got distracted by a shoe shop where we were forced to wait while they inspected a vas

There were a number of things I looked for in Fengarad but didn’t find. Book shops didn’t exist, although I knew books did. Now that I could read, books seemed the obvious way to gather a lot of information quickly, but they were incredibly rare. Most likely, there were private libraries somewhere. My guess would be that there was one in the Palace, but I had avoided that part of the city because palaces are where princesses live.The other thing I couldn’t find was a compass. It would make life a lot easier if we knew which direction we were going in, but no one understood what I was going on about when I asked shopkeepers if they sold them. Perhaps magnets didn’t exist, or maybe there was no North Pole to attract them.We left Fengarad heading north. At least, I think we did. The marshlands were a huge area with no towns or cities — not human ones, anyway. It took us two days to reach them. I expected to find swamps and crocodiles, but it was more like a series of lakes

When I returned to the others, they had a bunch of questions for me. They hadn’t expected to see me walk out with the old frogman, and didn’t know what to do. Rush over and help? Cause a distraction so I could escape?“You know,” said Claire, “I thought you might kill them, even the little baby.” She laughed like she was telling me some silly joke. “I was about to scream at you to leave them alone, but Maurice said we should see what you were planning.”I could imagine the reaction if a crazy girl had suddenly started screaming at the top of her voice — frogman spear straight into my gut. Fortunately, they ended up doing what I would expect from them. Nothing.We ate the fish for dinner, which was by far the best meal we’d had in days, and next morning we set off back to Fengarad. I explained the deal I had made exchanging goods for services and they let out a collective sigh of relief. More shopping was something they could handle.It took us two days to ge

A man was holding the second set of doors open as I entered the vestibule and Laffi went straight in. I was right behind him, so it took a moment for me to see what kind of room we had entered. Good thing too. I probably wouldn’t have gone in if I’d known.The place was packed. Hundreds of people, brightly dressed and chattering away, filled a raised gallery that went right round the room, standing ten deep. The moment I walked in, the noise stopped and they all stared down at me.When I’d been told I had an audience with the King, I hadn’t expected an actual audience to be present.I don’t know if I’ve mentioned this before, but I don’t do well with large crowds. I froze, suddenly unable to remember why I was here. My throat went dry and I could feel moisture forming on the tip of my nose, the back of my neck, the small of my back... everywhere, really. My face felt hot. Was it turning red? Could people tell? These sorts of thoughts only made it worse.The