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All Chapters of How to Avoid Death on a Daily Basis : Chapter 31 - Chapter 40
244 Chapters
31. Journey To The West
How to Avoid Death on a Daily Basis /V. Moody
One of the things I bought on my way out of town was a small cooking pot. The smells of the chicken and mixed spices (sold by the butcher in a small bag — who knew?) as we sat around the bubbling pot made all our stomachs growl.“If I’d know you were going to buy all this stuff,” said Claire, “I would have given you a list.”“Good reason not to tell you, then,” I muttered under my breath. Both girls looked hacked off at missing the chance to do some shopping. “Once we get to the city, you can buy whatever you want.”“And how long is that going to take?” Claire asked, with a definite implication that no matter the answer, it would be too long.She wasn’t wrong. Our clothes were in a pretty bad state and didn’t smell good. The food I had bought, while a marked improvement on our usual diet of rabbit, rabbit and more rabbit, would only last for maybe one or two more
Last Updated : 2021-09-1332. Needs Must
How to Avoid Death on a Daily Basis /V. Moody
After our experience with preparing rabbit, gutting and cleaning the fish was quite straightforward, if a little messy.We roasted them over a fire and picked the flesh off the bones. There were a lot of bones. It tasted like regular fish, thankfully. We now had a ready supply of food and water. We also had the chance to wash our clothes and ourselves.The girls went first while the boys sat on the road pretending we couldn’t hear them splashing about. Images of naked girls kept invading my thoughts, so I got up and started practicing with the sword.I was really regretting giving up my spike. It was light and easy to use — aim at the head, stab, stab, stab. With a sword, you have to know what you’re doing. All I had to go on were movies I’d seen, and I’m pretty sure they weren’t the best source of reliable info.What I discovered very quickly was that even a short sword that feels quite light at first, will make your arm ache after a few minutes of swinging
Last Updated : 2021-09-1333. The Farmer’s Wife
How to Avoid Death on a Daily Basis /V. Moody
The sounds of destruction continued behind us. We picked up the pace as we speed-marched down the dirt track.“What’s the plan?” said Maurice. “I mean, if that thing comes after us, what do we do?”“We run,” I said, “and hope whatever’s at the end of this road has plenty of places to hide.”The silhouette in the distance had started to take on the shape of a building, but it was still too far away to be sure what kind. In this world, when you ran from danger, you were just as likely to be running towards it at the same time.“Do you really think we can outrun it?” said Claire, nervously looking over her shoulder.“We don’t have to outrun it,” I said. “We only have to outrun each other.”This comment, which I felt was simply stating the truth, did not go down well.Claire sped up until she was ahead of me and turned her head to give me a full-in-the-face glare. “You really think it’s okay to let Flossie get eaten?”“Hey,” said Flos
Last Updated : 2021-09-1334. There’s No Such Thing
How to Avoid Death on a Daily Basis /V. Moody
The interior of the farmhouse was large and airy. The room contained a stove with a number of pots simmering on it, and a wooden table with benches on either side and a chair on each end. It could easily seat eight, maybe more.We stood in the doorway, all wiping our feet on the mat for longer than was required. The woman came out of a side room carrying a whimpering toddler. The kid stopped the moment he saw us and stared. Mainly at Maurice.“Sit down, then,” said the woman as she walked over to the stove where she began stirring one pot after another. “My name’s Margi.”We all introduced ourselves as we took a seat at the table. Margi didn’t seem too worried about having five strangers in her house, but then, she looked like she could beat the crap out of us with the kid in one hand and a rolling pin in the other.“My husband’s not here at the moment,” she told us, “but he should be back soon. I take it you’re not here for the rogue ogre.”We all lo
Last Updated : 2021-09-1335. When You Got To Go
How to Avoid Death on a Daily Basis /V. Moody
Margi looked out the window over the sink. “Oh, I can see my boys. Perhaps I should show you the barn now. Once the boys get here, I won’t have time to do anything but shovel more food at them. You want to see some real appetites, you don’t see them bigger than my boys’.” She beamed with pride.She led us out to the barn, which was full of bales of straw. Ladders led up to a loft, and the place had a comforting smell to it. Like summer in the park.“Oh, and another thing,” said Margi. “That little shed we passed on the way here, that’s the outhouse. Feel free to use it when you need to take care of your business.”The kid in her arms finally spoke. “Poo poo.”We were left to settle in and everyone flopped down on the bouncy straw. Compared to sleeping on the ground, this was like a bed of clouds. Full of food and feeling safe for once, we lay there revelling in the luxury of not having to fear for our lives. Once the farmer returned, we might even be able to
Last Updated : 2021-09-1336. Then A Hero Comes Along
How to Avoid Death on a Daily Basis /V. Moody
It took us another half an hour to reach the road. By then we could see the wagon was being pulled by two horses, and that there was another horse with rider alongside it. Most likely it was the farmer returning with help to take care of the rogue ogre.We set off down the road, towards the approaching wagon.“Nobody mention the farm,” I said. “We’re coming straight from Probet, on our way to Fengarad. Don’t offer any other information. If they ask any questions, just say nothing and look confused. I don’t care who these guys are or how great they seem, keep schtum.”This seemed the safest course of action. Making sure we all kept to the same story was the most important thing, and the best way to do that was to have no story. If there was one thing this group was good at, it was acting dumb.The others were nervous, but at this point we were all suffering from anxiety and fatigue, and were too exhausted to panic properly.“Ah hope they ain’t psychos
Last Updated : 2021-09-1337. Sword Art Offline
How to Avoid Death on a Daily Basis /V. Moody
Although there were still trees growing alongside the road, the forest itself had thinned out, so there were large open spaces around the river. We built a fire in one of these clearings.Sonny pulled out a number of metal rods and fitted them together until they transformed into a rack and stand which he placed over the fire. He unrolled a piece of cloth to reveal a selection of meats. He threw them on the rack where they sizzled and spat as they cooked.“Now,” said Sonny, “when you get to Fengarad, the first place you’ll want to go is the Municipal Directory. Ask anyone where it is, they’ll point you in the right direction. It’s a big old building in the middle of the city and they’ve got all the main institutions there — including registration for Visitors. That’s what we’re called, Visitors.”He pushed the strips of meat around with the tip of his dagger, turning a couple of them over.“They’ll be able to give you all sorts of advice and info there. Wher
Last Updated : 2021-09-1338. Rogue Ogre
How to Avoid Death on a Daily Basis /V. Moody
“Everyone stay calm,” shouted Sonny, although we were all just standing there in shock. The only one really panicking was Sonny’s horse, which he had tied to a large log. The terrified animal was trying to rip its reins free but looked more likely to break its own neck.Sonny backed away from the ogre as it slowly lumbered towards us. “Looks like this is a fight you won’t be able to pass on.” He grinned at me. “No need to worry, we can handle this. No problemo. Just do what I tell you and we’ll teach this bastard to crash our barbie.” He pulled out his sword. “Right, everyone fan out. Form a line. Make sure to keep at least ten paces between you.”We did as he instructed and spread out. The ogre stopped as we moved in different directions. Its head moved from side to side as it tried to decide who to go for first.“Listen up!” said Sonny from slightly behind our line. “This is real simple. One person tries to attract its attention. When it starts moving towards tha
Last Updated : 2021-09-1339. The Goodbye Girls
How to Avoid Death on a Daily Basis /V. Moody
We got back on the road and started walking. It was already dark and we were tired, but no one felt like waiting around.I still wasn’t sure what to make of my companions’ view of me. I don’t think you could call it a compliment. Given the choice of superhero powers, I’m pretty sure most people wouldn’t consider being able to spot a dickhead at five hundred paces an insta-pick.To be honest, though, I had no magical spidey-sense when it came to horrible people (despite Claire’s theory that my ‘gift’ was due to the old playground adage of ‘it takes one to know one’). A more accurate description would be to say I considered everyone I met to be a dick, and statistical probability just happened to always be in my favour.“Do you think he’ll come after us?” asked Maurice.“Sonny? I doubt it,” I replied. “He hasn’t got a horse so he’ll probably go to the farm to get one. Of course, he’s going to bad mouth us to the farmer, but that might turn out to be a good thi
Last Updated : 2021-09-1340. Fengarad City Limits
How to Avoid Death on a Daily Basis /V. Moody
The vision in the distance gave us all a boost. We set off again with renewed purpose, eyes fixed on our goal, although I couldn’t help but occasionally glance backwards to see if there was anyone on our tail.Whatever Sonny was up to, we didn’t seem to be his main priority as there was no sign of him.The trees remained as belts on either side of the road, but the forest had faded away and now we were flanked by farmlands. Farmhouses appeared at regular intervals and we even saw people working in the fields.By the end of the day, the city’s outline had become clear and distinct. A high wall with turrets, behind which rose an assortment of tall buildings, dwarfed by a series of spires. Rather than rest for the night, we excitedly pushed on.By sunrise the next morning, we were exhausted but within a stone’s throw of the city walls. The most noticeable feature from this distance, however, wasn’t the architecture, it was the huge line of people. As we got clo
Last Updated : 2021-09-13
