All Chapters of How to Avoid Death on a Daily Basis : Chapter 51 - Chapter 60

My expectations of hefty magic tomes full of spells were quickly dashed. Laney’s idea of books was limited to fairy tales about princesses and knights and, of course, magic. Not exactly what I had in mind. As far as she was concerned, if it didn’t interest her, it didn’t exist.“This one’s really good,” she informed me, holding up a thin novel called Loved By Two Dragons. “He’s a dragon, but he’s also a handsome boy. But his brother’s even more handsome, and he’s an even bigger dragon!”Apparently, teenage girls liked shitty books no matter which world you happened to be in.The library wasn’t particularly big, about the size of a large living room, but the walls were covered in shelves, and each shelf was full of books. I skimmed the spines looking for any interesting titles.“When I said books about magic, I meant books that teach you how to do magic, not silly stories for little girls.”“You want to learn magic?” said Laney. She was sitting cross-l

As soon as I left the Palace grounds, the difference was immediately noticeable. The posters with my face on them had all gone and I felt anonymous again. Just the way I liked it.Still, I didn’t want to take unnecessary risks, so I put my hat on and kept to the side streets on my way back to the inn.The others were in the courtyard, waiting for the dinner service to start. I could hear them laughing and chatting from outside, and they irritated me even more once I saw them smiling and full of beans. They looked well-rested and well-fed.I, on the other hand, had only had a couple of sandwiches all day and was barely able to walk.“Hey! You’re back!” shouted Maurice as I walked in, although they were all having such a good time, I’m surprised he noticed.“You were gone a long time,” said Claire. “We were starting to worry you’d been thrown in the dungeons.”“You didn’t sound very worried,” I said rather more bitterly than I intended. The smile

The success of our rescue mission put everyone at ease and introductions were made in an air of friendship and mutual respect. Beautiful, right? Two different species, once enemies, now allies, helping each other survive in a perilous world. I can hear violins swelling just thinking about it.The truth was our little union made us targets for both sides. If our arrangement was discovered the shit storm that would rain down on us would be fierce and final. Every silver lining has a cloud.Still, we were in the middle of nowhere and everyone else was busy fighting a war, so we at least had time to enjoy a meal. The frogwoman was keen to try out the pots we had brought for her and set to fixing dinner for us.Like Nabbo, their names were impossible to pronounce. The magic that let us understand what they said in English didn’t translate their names for some reason, so I decided to give them names. This could be seen as condescending — it’s not very politically correct

For the next week, life was nice and relaxed. Nobody wanted to kill us, and we didn’t want to kill anyone; other than a few fish who, let’s face it, were too delicious to live.Claire was still a bit pissed off with me, but she had forgiven Maurice, at least that’s what it sounded like every night. Now that I knew they were all at it, I became aware of all sorts of sounds and I ended up moving my tent away from the camp just so I could get a decent night’s sleep.I may have convinced them to try other forms of intercourse, but I really didn’t want to be within earshot of cries like, “No, no, take it out. Take it out!” And that was Maurice’s voice.We fished, we swam, we messed around with swords. It was supposed to be hardcore training, but I don’t think you could call it anything other than messing around.I showed them all the moves the Princess had taught me, but I didn’t really have them down well enough to teach others. Still, it gave everyone a little

My arm hurt. I mean it really hurt. But I didn’t want to use magic in front of Jenny so I handled it like a man: I whined a lot.Fortunately, Jenny had a first aid kit. Well, some bandages and a needle and thread. She offered to sew up my cut. You see that sort of thing all the times in movies, where the Navy Seal beautifully cross-stitches a wound closed without even wincing. What better way to show a girl your manliness?I politely declined her offer. Don’t act like you wouldn’t have done the same, the needle was fucking huge.When we arrived back at the lake, everyone was standing around a large fish. It was pretty impressive, about the same size as Suri, with bright red scales. However, the mood was far from jubilant. They all watched apprehensively as we approached.The kid was in his mother’s arms. He pointed at Jenny. “Her. She the one who hurt the idiot.”“First, I’m fine. It was just a misunderstanding. Second, who taught him to call me the i