All Chapters of How to Avoid Death on a Daily Basis : Chapter 151 - Chapter 160

Inside the box, the golem’s wings were trying to make a break for it. Somehow they knew they were being separated from their host and they slapped desperately against the walls in an effort to find a way out.Flossie squealed and ran around Dudley to avoid getting flapped on. Maurice and Claire waved their arms like they were herding sheep and Phil and David watched. I don’t think they’d ever seen a special ops team quite like this one.As I walked up the ramp into the box, the golem had already got its feet attached to its legs. More chunks of flesh slithered towards the rapidly reconstituting body.“We should go,” said Cheng. “If you follow me we should be there by nightfall.” He spread his wings and lifted into the air.He hadn’t actually agreed to my plan, at least not verbally. His hesitation was enough to convince everyone he had accepted this was the only way forward and I think he preferred it that way. If he’d had to say it out loud it would have fe

Dudley hurried over to the stable door to keep watch. Flossie rushed after him because... I have no idea. She was attached to him by an elastic band?The doorway to the stables was doorless, a large opening looking out across the plateau. I guess boxes with wings didn’t run away if left unattended. Or maybe they liked fresh air. Free-range flappy-boxes probably had a longer lifespan.Mandy came back carrying a basket of bread and fruit. She’d taken her time and her hair and clothes were back to something resembling her old style, which is to say tarty. I’m not judging — I like looking at tarty girls as much as the next guy.She was in full hostess mode, swanning around, handing out food, being the belle of the ball, so it took her a moment to realise all eyes were on the imp, which was mindlessly staring straight ahead, not doing anything.“What’s going on?” she asked.“Apparently there is a Death Star,” said Cheng. “I have never heard of such a thing

“What’s wrong?” asked Jenny.Everyone else followed 288 towards the palace while I stopped to consider what to do about our possible infiltrator.“I think 288 might be a spy. If he knows we can stop time, he’s probably going to tell his Masters about it. I mean, his real Masters. The big ones who eat people.”Jenny thought it over. The consequences of our secret getting out would be disastrous. “Are you going to kill him?”It was certainly one option, although not particularly easy to pull off. “We don’t have any weapons.” We did have some weapons in the stable, but when Phil stopped time we couldn’t move them so they were still in there.“You could choke him. You must have quite a lot of experience with that sort of thing.”It took me a moment to realise she was referring to 288’s previous occupation. “I don’t think that’s a good idea. It’d be very messy and probably just make him sleepy. And the only way to stop them reforming is to cut them

The Jester, all glowing twisted tentacles and bugged-out eyeballs, smiled and the endless depths of space glimmered from between her lips. Something dark flashed across them. Her tongue?“And who’s this?” The voice was like an abyssal echo. “A tasty morsel for me to snack on?”I’d like to say having encountered the Jester in this place a number of times I was now used to it. I could shake off the pain and torment I was no doubt about to undergo as no big deal. Once you’ve been tortured and driven to the extremes of suffering, the whole thing becomes old hat, like eating a hot curry. The first time you might shit fire and pebbledash your whole bathroom, but the hundredth time, you can handle it. Hell, you might want to splash some Tabasco on that balti to give it some kick.I’d like to say that, but I couldn’t. Pain at the top end is the same as great heights of pleasure; more doesn’t make you lose interest. If anything, it sharpens your focus.Having said th

The Masters who emerged from the palace strode into the arena three abreast. No armour, no weapons.Maurice, sitting on the terrace below me, had his notebook out and was comparing his sketches to the combatants as they entered the arena. They walked in through an archway which was barely high enough to allow them in and the crowd let out a collective nervous murmur.Each of them was a colossus, twice the size of a regular person. Each had two arms and two legs, but other than that, they were as different from each other as was possible.The tallest of the three was a shaggy-haired sasquatch-type creature with spikes for hands. It must have made wiping his arse very tricky, assuming he needed to perform those sorts of bodily functions. According to Maurice’s notes, he was called Comfort.Beside him was Unscathed, a robotic, block-shaped creature but with smooth, hairless skin rather than metal. He had a squat, powerful body and large, heavy hands with three