All Chapters of How to Avoid Death on a Daily Basis : Chapter 171 - Chapter 180

Yuqi squirmed and twisted but to no avail. “Cheng!” she called out. “Consume me. It’s the only way to complete the welding.”“Right,” I said. “Whatever happens Cheng, do not eat her.”Cheng nodded.“What do we do with her now?” asked Jenny. “Kill her?”There was a general murmur of agreement. Mainly from the girls.“No,” I said. “Not while we don’t know what that’d do. She might just go back and repeat everything, only better.”“That’s right, “ squeaked Yuqi. “You have no idea what the Jester will do without me to hold her in check.”“What is the Jester?” I asked since she seemed to be in a talkative mood. “It isn’t you, obviously.”“Ha! You understand nothing. Of course it’s me. The darkest, truest part of me, distilled over countless repeated lifetimes. She will remain to guard the doorway to the past, even if I am no longer here. She won’t let you pass. You don’t have the sword. There’s nothing you can do.”She could hav

Firm hands grabbed me by the arms and lifted me to my feet. Feminine hands with red nail varnish. The hands encircled my biceps and remained tightly clasped. I really had to start working out.The six female warriors towered over me. I’m not the tallest of people, but I’ve always consoled myself with at least being above average height for a woman. Not today.They were dressed in very form-fitting leather armour with shiny metal plates covering their neck and shoulders, elbows and forearms, knees and shins. Thighs were completely exposed for some reason. Seemed like an odd design choice.“Don’t stare at their legs,” said Laney in a loud whisper. “They might take it the wrong way.” She stuck out her tongue and wiggled it at me. I had no idea what that was supposed to mean.“I wasn’t.” I clearly had been, but when in doubt, deny everything.The women all wore helmets that covered everything except for mouth and chin, so it was hard to tell how annoyed t

The women gave a victorious yell as the dragon disappeared into the blue sky. As far as they were concerned they’d seen the monster off and songs would be sung about their heroism and valour. Idiots. All they’d really done was scare off a flying cow.Even worse, they no longer looked at me like some feeble kid they had nothing to fear from. I was capable of taking on mighty beasts single-handed which meant one of two things. They’d either want me to do the jobs they didn’t want to do themselves, or they’d see me as a threat and want to put me in my place. If ever there was a time to leave the party early, it was now.“So, Dragonslayer,” said Laney, “you really are the one who was sent to help us.”“No, I wasn’t. You should keep looking, the guy you want is probably around here somewhere. I have to find the rest of my party. And stop calling me Dragonslayer. It sounds corny.”I’d already tried to get her to stop calling me Dragonslayer using logic (I hadn’t s

“Wait!”The stone slid back out again. “Yes?”The news of Requbar’s impending demise had suddenly made me less keen on my hideaway holiday home. It was fine for a visit, but I wouldn’t want to be buried alive here. I wasn’t looking for that kind of long term commitment.“How are things in Requabar? I’ve only just arrived here myself. I’m Colin, by the way.” There was a time when introducing myself to someone would have set my teeth on edge and broken me out in a cold sweat. How far had I come that I was now able to hold a perfectly normal conversation with a homicidal maniac?“Only just arrived and already banged up in the highest security cell in the city?” He chuckled to himself. “Well, well. You must have done something pretty bad to catch their attention so quick.”“I didn’t do anything.” I sounded a little defensive. “They think I’m somebody I’m not.” Now I sounded evasive.“Well, whoever this other chap is, I hope he’s out there making a

I held my breath, which only made the breaths of the other two more audible. They were crouched beside me.“Who is it?” whispered Marv.“Rats, got to be,” replied Schneed.“Do we fight?” Marv didn’t seem keen. She was a trained soldier, so for her to be freaking out wasn’t a good sign.“We wait. Hope they don’t see us.”We waited as the light got brighter. Three figures, each carrying a flaming torch, walked into our tunnel and stopped, waving the torches about.They were clearly rats, at least by the shape of their heads. They were wearing armour so it was hard to tell what kind of bodies they had, but their tails suggested rat-like. They walked upright and reminded me a lot of the Mouse King, except they were not old and frail. These guys worked out. They also carried swords.“Where is he? The little shit,” complained one of them in a whiny voice.“Shut up,” said another. “We keep going until we find him.”“But I’m hungry