All Chapters of How to Avoid Death on a Daily Basis : Chapter 111 - Chapter 120

There must have been twenty wasps, at least. Only half a dozen had riders on their backs, but all had bits of wood held by their six legs. I don’t know what they needed the wood for — something to do with whatever they had planned to do in the Temple, I suppose — but they dropped everything when they saw us.“Oh ho,” said the lead Intui. Now that I was close enough to see clearly, I could tell this one was Meeth, the one we had encountered earlier. See, I’m not racist, I just have poor eyesight. “Come to rescue your friend, have you?”The wasps spread out before us ready to attack, but Meeth’s smug leer turned into shock, then rage, when he saw Dudley standing with us, rather than tied to the sacrificial altar.“How did...” His eyes went beyond us, probably concerned about what had happened in his absence. And rightly so.It was oddly quiet. I’d have expected all the falling rocks and screaming lizardmen to have made a lot more noise but for some reason the

Cheng looked like a member of a boyband. The one who gets all the attentions from the girls.He was tall with an athletic build. The most striking thing about him was his face. He was pretty. Not like a girl — his jaw was square and his features were pronounced — just in a very symmetrical way. Everything balanced really well.He had no hair on his head or on his face, not even eyebrows. And then there were his crimson eyes.They didn’t glow but they were strikingly red.We’ve been over this a number of times so I won’t repeat myself. I’m still not.There was much commotion as Cheng entered as everyone gathered around him, offering greetings and salutations. He was popular, I’ll give him that.“I know you said he wasn’t a Visitor,” I said to Hitokag from the side of my mouth, “but you could have mentioned he’s human.”“He isn’t,” replied Hitokag.Cheng parted the crowds with a wave of his hands and walked towards me. If he wasn’t

Cheng didn’t seem all that convinced by Jenny’s sudden surge of enthusiasm for finding him a bride. In fact, he seemed a little suspicious of her motives. Can’t say I blamed him.“Yes, well, I suppose there is room for interpretation. It doesn’t necessarily have to be a Visitor or a virgin, technically, but I would still prefer it that way.”Jenny was still standing, leaning over the table. “As longs as it’s the right person, the details of who she is or where she comes from shouldn’t matter, should it? If she’s the right girl, she’s the right girl.”I grabbed the back of Jenny’s shirt and pulled her back into her seat.“Ignore her,” I told Cheng. “You know what girls are like whenever you mention a wedding. It’s like catnip to them. Drives them nutty.”All three girls turned to glare at me (Noreen was already glaring at me, so she didn’t count).“I still have a bunch of questions I want to ask, so let’s leave your nuptials to one side for a mo

Flossie refused to have anything more to do with dragons. It was understandable considering she had just been forced to take a flying fuck, and probably thought she was going to die.Dudley held onto her and they looked like they planned to stay attached for the foreseeable future. Maurice and Claire did their best to calm her down, but Flossie only buried her face deeper into Dudley’s chest.The Mezzik gathered around and offered congratulations and seemed very impressed with what they had seen. Clinging on for dear life and screaming yourself blue in the face were apparently the signs of greatness among the Mezzik.The one person I couldn’t see in this throng was Jenny. I looked around and finally spotted her on the far side of the dragon herd, engaged in conversation with Hitokag. Jenny was doing all the talking while Hitokag had a concerned look on his face. His wings opened and closed which, from what I had been able to work out about Mezzik behaviour, was a s

Jenny cut my hair. It had grown to shoulder length so I must have lost a good chunk of time healing her. She trimmed it back to a mop and shaved my beard, if you could even call it that.I don’t know why I’ve never been able to grow a proper beard. Not even magical time-lapse produced growth of more than a few centimetres. I think I would have grown up much more secure in myself if I’d had good facial hair.“You’re an idiot,” said Jenny after I told her my theory. She finished shaving me — which didn’t take long — and then got me to shave her.The hair around her newly scarred skin was patchy and uneven. She wanted me to cut it all off on that side of her head, as short as possible.It was tricky with just a knife and I nicked her a number of times — which I healed, of course. By the end, she had an 80s New Wave haircut with half of it long and silky and the other half a skinhead. It looked kind of cool.We bathed and went to bed. When I woke, I was a