All Chapters of How to Avoid Death on a Daily Basis : Chapter 91 - Chapter 100

“What would you do?” Jenny asked me.She stood there, arms wrapped around herself like she was trying to keep warm, biting into her bottom lip.I didn’t even have to think about my response. “Me? I’d confess. The last thing I’d want to do is spend my final days locked up with this lot. Mind you, I’d probably give a long speech about how they owed their lives to me and how much they didn’t deserve it. Make them feel as shitty as possible. Gratitude is fleeting, but shame lasts forever.”Jenny’s body sagged. She closed her eyes and and took a deep breath. “It was me. I took the knife. You can all go.” Her voice was steady, but she was shaking. She sank down into a crouch, arms hooped around her knees and rested her head in the little divot between her kneecaps.“Okay, everyone,” I said, “let’s go.”They hesitated, looking at each other for support, for permission. I think they knew abandoning Jenny would be a death sentence for her. Even if she had stol

I stood in front of Gullen Santan, Lord Administrator of Road Planning and Maintenance and considered my options. I had very few, all of them bad.He wanted me to go into enemy territory, make my way to the boss monster, and convince him (or her, or possibly it) to give peace a chance.As flattering as it was to be considered suitable for such a mission, I got the distinct impression my triumphant return had not been pencilled into Gullen’s diary. If we succeeded, great. If we didn’t, meh, try something else.What I needed to do was offer him a better alternative. Or at the very least, a reason why this plan would work better without my participation.“Ag, man. Look at this!” screamed Dana. The South African head of the Carpenter’s Guild had managed to get out from under Jenny and Claire — who had both shifted their focus to our impending foray into the exciting world of international affairs — and was holding her wig under Gullen’s nose. “Do you know how ha

The city of Dargot is built over a network of tunnels. I don’t know if they were created by natural means or man-made, but our troll-made tunnel soon came out in another bigger, wetter one.I will say the tunnel made by troll hands had a solid feel to it. The walls were a bit rough, with claw-like marks gouged into them, but you didn’t get the impression the whole thing was about to fall on your head.The tunnel we ended up in did not give me the same sense of security. Bits fell off the roof and splashed into the knee-deep water as we sloshed along after the trolls. They at least seemed to know where they were going.I released my ball of light and it bounced along the roof of the tunnel. It helped us see where we were going but it also showed us plenty of other less helpful things. We were basically in the city sewers and the stuff floating alongside us weren’t paper boats and lost goldfish.The water gushed along at a fair speed, steadily rising. Most lik

It shouldn’t really have been a surprise that the other groups would have developed special abilities. It was possible Stella wasn’t the only one. The way they seemed unfazed by the prospect of facing off against the Archfiend more than likely meant they had other tricks up their sleeves. Probably best if I didn’t aggravate them. Hey, first time for everything.“You want to go into Monsterland instead of us?” I felt like I should check he meant what I thought he meant.“Yah, man,” said Gideon. “It sounds like the sort of thing we’ve been looking for. Most of the monsters here are too easy. We could use a challenge. Just give us any info or equipment Gullen gave you and we’ll take care of it.”On the one hand, I felt a sense of relief — they didn’t want to fight us. On the other hand, they thought we were being sent on some cool quest to save the world, and decided they would just take over.It irked me.“Gullen didn’t give us anything,” I said.

I reached up slowly. Bald before twenty, that’s what I was thinking. Cool, Jason Statham hardman kind of bald? No chance. More like burns victim with alopecia.The hair on my head was still there. In fact, there was more of it than I remembered. I didn’t bother too much with my hair. I let it grow and occasionally sliced bits off when they got in my face. But now the strands were noticeably longer than before. My beard, which was patchy at the best of times, also felt heavier.As I moved my fingers over my face, I also noticed a difference in my fingertips. My fingernails had grown.“Do I look weird?” I asked the others, who were still staring. They made noncommittal noises. I guess it was a hard question to answer if you thought I looked quite weird to start with.“Stand up,” said Keezy.I rose to my feet and walked over to him. He seemed reluctant to come closer to his fallen comrade.He placed his hands on my shoulder, looked me in the face