Chapter Five: Her Darkest Fear

If Astrid was truly honest with herself, she was terrified of the idea of being alone.

She is truly crippled by the very thought – hell, the entire concept of being rejected and left behind if she was not next to perfect. Astrid constantly felt as though she needed to go more than just above and beyond so she could exceed expectations. Just so people would continue to love her, to stay by her side.

Can you blame her? She was the product of a failed relationship and the reason behind her mother’s career being flushed right down the drain.

The 90s was anything but forgiving to single mothers who decided to keep their baby out of wedlock.

And right now, Astrid felt as though she had been abandoned. She felt as though she was facing the scrutiny of the world completely and utterly alone.

She had destroyed the family she created in Cebu in her pursuit for success. She has disappointed her mother when she failed. And now, what is there left for her?

Astrid didn’t know. She didn’t know what was coming or if there was anything to look forward to.

So, when she woke up the next day, hungover and alone in the condo unit, she felt panic rise up her throat. She quickly jumped out of bed and looked around the room to see if Dreia was still there anywhere, but she wasn’t.

Astrid then fished her phone from her bag to send the girl a text. Thankfully, she didn’t have to.

Relief washed over her as soon as she saw a notification from Dreia.

Sorry, I had to leave. Had an early call time for my shoot. Didn’t bother waking you because you sleep like the dead. Hope the hangover was worth it tho <3

P.S. Stop being Tita’s doormat. You’re better than that.

How the hell was this girl okay when she drank most of the tequila? Still, Astrid couldn’t help but smile at the message.

Astrid and Dreia had been the best of friends for the longest time, long before they met Lee.

Before Lee, it was always Astrid and Dreia. The dynamic duo, the package deal. They were raised together since they were just toddlers, and even then, they felt a soulful connection between them. They were soulmates, but not the romantic kind.

They just made sense together. If Astrid was destined to be an actress, then filmmaking was also in the stars for Dreia. Just like how it was supposed to be for Lee too.

Astrid frowned. She always felt as though she didn’t have the right to even think about Lee, much less wonder how he has been the last few years.

She never checked in on him and Lola Elisa out of the overwhelming shame. After all, they were her biggest supporters, and what did she do?

She broke up with him on live television to make sure her love team with Jerome kicks off without a hitch. For the longest time, Astrid had been disgusted with herself and the audacity she had to do the things she did.

Maybe that’s also why she never went back to Cebu the last seven years, because she would never have the face to see Lee again. Especially not when all that pain was for naught.

Slam!

Astrid’s thoughts were abruptly interrupted by the loud sudden sound of the front door slamming to a close.

Not a second later, the door to her room opened, and her mother swiftly entered. The deep scowl on Vivien’s face told Astrid that her mother was far from having a good mood.

Vivien takes one look at Astrid and her frown deepens.

“Did you sleep like that?” She asked.

Astrid paused, quickly turning her head to the mirror in confusion. Only then did she realize that she had a full face of make up smeared all over her face.

“I…” Astrid trailed off, her heart beating fast against her chest as she scrambled to find an excuse, “I, uh...”

“Astrid, you know your face is your main selling point. What’s the point of getting it insured if you’re going to destroy it yourself?” Vivien berated her as she took her shades off and placed her bag on the bed.

“Without that face of yours, you’re nothing.” She continued, “Honestly, you should be thankful. It’s the best thing that useless man you call your father ever left you–”

“Why didn’t you tell me about Lola Elisa?” Astrid found herself asking, interrupting her mother’s tirade.

Vivien paused.

“What did you just say?”

“Lola Elisa. Why didn’t you tell me she was gone?” Astrid asked again, finally finding more courage to talk about the woman’s passing.

An unreadable look crossed Vivien’s face and her expression shifted from angry to troubled. Finally, her face steeled as she returned her gaze to Astrid.

“What happens to those people is no longer any of your concern.” She finally said.

In a swift move, she goes over to Astrid’s wardrobe and pulls her suitcase from under it.

Astrid was confused.

“Are we going somewhere?”

“We’re flying back to Cebu.” She said as she laid the suitcase flat and unzipped it, “I told you this last night. Don’t tell me you forgot.”

“You told me I needed to take a break.”

“Honey, you don’t honestly think you can recover your career by staying in Manila. The best thing you can do right now is disappear and avoid any media coverage that could make your situation worse.”

At this point, Astrid had knelt down to help her mother pack her clothes into the suitcase.

“Does it have to be Cebu?” She asked, “I mean, can’t I disappear to Siargao like everyone else?”

“Honey, do you honestly think we have the funds for Siargao? Let’s be real, you’re not as successful as everyone else.” Vivien told her.

Astrid nodded, filed the obvious insult away in the corners of her mind.

“Like I told you last night, we are going to come back stronger from this. But right now, we need to keep it lowkey. I’ve already booked you a flight back to Cebu, so you have to make sure you’ve packed everything. We’re leaving in a week.”

Vivien paused then stood up. Astrid watched her as she quickly grabbed her bag and her shades.

"Think of it as a good thing. You get to go home and breathe, maybe even reflect about your time here and start planning how you're going to come back stronger." Vivien said as she put her shades back on.

“I have to take care of some things, so go finish that up, will you?”

And with that, she leaves.

Astrid knelt there, frozen. She stared at the clothes in her hands blankly until the reality of her situation finally caved in on her.

She fucked up.

Astrid fucked up so badly that they were now retreating back to Cebu. And on top of all that, she’ll have to face her unfinished business back there.

And as much as she’d like to hope for the best, it was very, very possible that Lee would have held onto that grudge and continued to resent her after all these years.

Astrid finally lifted her gaze and stared at the door. She waited until she heard the front door close before curling up into a ball and wailed.