CHAPTER 06

I was so nervous when I arrived to the hospital. I just came here by taxi and while I am on my way, I could not stop myself from shaking in fear. 

I just can not believe from what my sister has said. I am not even sure if she really tells the truth.

I went to the reception to ask where my father was. It tolds me that Mister Marquez was on the emergency room and that only made my heart's pace go wild.

"F-Faye.." I uttered under my breathe when I saw her with my siblings and mother outside. Crying and sitting on the chair aside.

Cine noticed me first. She was weeping silently while looking at our family. She do not know what was happening because she's too young — six years old only, but she understands what they feel because they are crying.

"A-Astra..." Cine called and run towards me. I wiped my tears that has fallen when she hugged my legs. "Good thing you came, I m-miss you."

I caressed her head and forced a smile. Faye and mother also looked at me. As expected, mom was not even happy to see me. Her facial expression that was hurting turned into anger. "Why are you here?"

I gulped when mom asked that with her cold voice. I even cleared my throat because something just stocked on it. I tried to utter something but nothing would get off my mouth. It just parted and was like muted.

"U-uh, I called her here, mom.. Don't be mad. I.. I was the one who seeks her presence.." Faye defended for me, wiping her tears away.

"Why? Do we need her here?"

I sighed and shook my head. I hate this. There were some people passing by and they are glancing at us! It was so embarrassing.

"I might not necessary, but I want to help you.." I said in monotone and forced a smile. Mom snorted and mocked me.

"We don't need any help from you for you information, Astra. I already told you to go away, right? Then why are you still here?"

I bit my lower lip and looked at her with my pleading eyes. "Mom, this isn't home. Can you just let me be with my family? Even this time only? Please?"

She looked at me wit disbelief. "I am disgusted to you! You do not know how bad lucks I have received because you are no use! You are a loser, and a weak!"

"Mom, please?" Faye now pleaded, making mom stop but she really would not listen. I massaged my temple and made Cine to get off from me. I told her to sit on a chair away from us, but I made sure that we will still see her. She might get lost! 

"I am telling you, Astra. Get off before I would kill you." My body shivers when I heard that from mom with his furious voice. She really is mad at me, so much.

"Mom, I called her here and she had to see dad. Dad was already struggling in breathing! Why would not you let Astra be a daughter of father?"

Faye was defending me, but why did not she do that when mom tried to shove me away? When mom pushed me away, why did she let me get off? Not only from home, but also to our family.

They are fucking confusing me!

"Your father will be just mad if he sees Astra, Faye," said mom then turned to me. I was upset and feeling more nervous when I saw her smirk. "You want to help, right? Then look for a money and help your father get out of this hospital."

That hits me so fucking hard.

It was money matter again. I sighed in subtle anf bit my lower lip. Why my life is not over yet? How would I look for a money that will pay the bills here?

"I am sorry, but earning money would take long tim —" Mom cut my sentence off.

"Then you really have no use! If you want to help, then seek for a money! You want to get back to our family? Then give us money! Money is what we fucking needed and not even you!"

I can not stop holding my tears anymore. Here I am again, crying over my family — especially to my mother. I want to be mad at her, but my heart just can't. I just love her.

"Then okay, I will look for a money if that's what you want. You only appreciates my existence if I give you money, then I will prove myself to you."

"Ha! Then prove yourself!"

After that scene, I went out the hospital because of annoyance. I have not even see my father because mom would not let me! She wants money first before she lets me see him. What kind of heart does she fucking have?

I am already frustrated! Damn it!

I decided to call Jinx since he gave me his number earlier. I want to talk to someone at least. I am sad and mad at the same time, and I might not can not stop myself from doing such a thing.

"Hey, sorry for answering late. Uh, is there something happened wrong?" he asked quickly as he answered the call. It only took him one minute answer my call and he already sees it long. He might know that I am impatient to everything — well, some of women have that attitude.

"Dad was on a hospital," I said, sighing. "And I am sad.."

And that's when I realized that I should have not tell him about the matter because I know he will offer another help. Why did not I think of it before I call him? Damn.

"What? Why? What happened? Have you seen your father?"

I shook my head, shoulders were sagged. "I have not. Mom would not let me.."

I heard him snorted from the other line. "What would you do now?"

I bit the insides of my cheeks. "I will look for another job because I have to pay the bills."

"What?" he sounded disbelief. "You are the one who would pay the bills? And why is that, Astra? Does your mother has no work to do it herself? That was not even your responsibility!"

"H-hey, it was my responsibility. I am part of the family, Jinx. Uh, I will look for another work than the café. Uhm, can you s-suggest a workplace where I could go and apply?"

"Oh, come on, Astra. You are not fine yet. Would you let yourself fucking sick? Think of yourself too."

"I have to work. If you do not want to help me, then don't. I will just do it myself."

He became silent for a moment. "Wait for me, where are you? I will go there and bring you to the workplace that I think you would like to work to."

My lips formed a bitter smile. "Alright, thanks. I will wait for you here. I am beside the known hospital. You already know where is it."

"Alright, Astra. I will get there in a minute, I guess?"

Before I abled to ask where he was, he already ended the call. I sighed and looked down at my phone hopelessly. I then rolled my eyes and put it inside my pocket. He did not even waited for my response and just hung up the call.

I looked around. A tears fell down my cheeks again and all I could do was to wipe them away. I do not want people around see me crying.

Damn. I am so ugly when I cry.

"I am already tired.." I whispered and looked up. "Please, Lord. Help me passing through this. I.. I am already tired."

No one appreciates me. Even my sisters. My family in my mother's side always hates me and I could not take it anymore. I am fucking tired and I already wants to rest.

My mind could not take any things anymore. It could not grasp anymore. I want to die.

Yes, I want to die but I have to live.

I was too preoccupied with my thoughts when a motorcycle stopped right in front of me. I forced a smile when I saw that it was Jinx with a helmet on his head.

"Let's go?"

I nodded my head and stood up from sitting on a bench. I went to the back of the motor and hop in so he could start driving through the way.

"You cried again, I am just here, Astra."

I just held tight of his knapsack and did not bother to respond. He was driving fast. I closed my eyes when heavy winds came across us. It felt so good.

I hope to have a normal life like others whom passed by this wind.