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CHAPTER 11
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2021-10-14 23:21:05I am still not fine because I was suffering depression and anxiety. It was so hard to the point that I want to die already, because my mind and heart could not take the pain anymore. It was so fucking hard.
But there is really someone who would not leave you.
"Astra, eat this." I pursed my lips when Jinx sat beside me. I was just lying on my bed and was staring at the blank ceiling. He attached his palm on my forehead to check my temperature and shook his head after feeling how hot I am. "Take meds later, eat this first."
I nodded my head even if I struggled doing it. He guided me get up and leaned against the headboard of the bed with pillow against my back and the wood. I am not hungry, but I have to eat something. I do not want to get sick more be
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"Wow, it's good here..." I uttered in amazement when Jinx told me that we should go to the backyard of a unique house. It was really good.The looks of the backyard was so good in the eyes. It has a lot of flowers that could attract someone. The Bermuda grass was cut nicely. I do not know who owns this but I admire them for making this beautiful view and for taking care of it."You know who owns this...?" I asked Jinx in a slow manner. When I looked at him, he was already staring at me. My cheeks then heated because the way he really stares at me was different. I see something that I should not see and know."Me," he said and forced a smile. He then looked away while I was stunned. Really? I would always be surprise to the things he shows at me and I would know later on that he owns amazing things? That he was a part of everything I was amazed of."W-wow, how nice, Jinx..." I whispered and smiled. He bit his lower lip and just nod his head, could not even
Last Updated : 2021-10-16Wretched Self CHAPTER 13
It was so hard to live with no freedom. It was not easy to just see the darkness and you are struggling seeking for the light. It was hard to live if you do not even want to. It was hard to do everything that you are not even fond of. It was so freaking hard like you're in hell.I covered my face with a white pillow and stopped myself from crying again. But I am not that strong to stop my tears from falling. And since I am just alone here in my room, I just let my sobs come out my mouth for me not to struggle from breathing.It was been weeks when I choses to study at home but I could not focus myself on the lessons because something bad was stealing my mind which made me to not think clearly.Even Jinx was confused because of my situation. Not that he do not know my problems and where I was suffering. I know he was getting tired of taking care of me because I always do the same thing. I do not eat that much and I prefer crying in the pillows.I always sa
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I don't get myself anymore.I sighed heavily and wiped my tears strolled down my cheeks. Funny why I am crying in the midst of washing the dishes I have used after I eat. I remembered my family and especially my father, I miss them but they do not even do the same.I bit my lower lip to stop myself from crying nonstop. When I finished washing the plates, I looked at the time and saw that it was already six in the evening.I should go to sleep now.I yawned and stared at the blank wall. I do not know what would be the right thing to do since I could not think clearly. I closed all of the windows and doors first before I head to the room where I would be sleeping. But in the midst of walking towards the room, I saw a note plastered on the cabinet.It caught my attention because I have read his name over there — Jinx' name.I went near it and got it before I read what was written. "Always full your stomach and ta
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After we had breakfast Jinx invited to the mall and I could not refuse because I wanna see the view of it too.Not that I never went to mall, maybe I did but just thrice and no other. I want to see what it looks like now and I also had to enjoy life. Life is too short and even if I am anxious having fun, I do not want to waste my time here in the Earth.I just realized that life is too short to be just stressed and feel blue."Do you want this, Astra?" Jinx asked and showed me a shoes. I bit my lower lip out of shame. I am not used of him buying me some stuffs. He had not tell me that he would buy me things I need and I thought we will just wander around."Uh, I don't want that.."He raised his brows before he looked down at my shoes. "Yeah, you do not because you need it. Come on and wear it to know if this would suit to you."I had no choice but to wear it like what he said. I then stifled myself from smiling upon seeing it suits to
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"Do not let others makes you feel down, Astra." I sighed when I remember what Jinx said before he brought me home so we could rest. I do not know why I smiles very often and whenever I remember him doing good things for me, I feel something strange. I don't know what he's doing to me anymore. But one thing's for sure, I am slowly falling for him. The side of my lips slowly rose up with my thoughts. Damn it. I can't believe it! This feeling is very different. It was like sending me to a different place that causes cloud nine feeling. I am confusing myself, big time. "Astra, Jinx texted me." I looked at Sew when she talked all of a sudden. The whole unit was just silent and her voice echoed. "Huh? What did he said?" I asked while sipping on my coffee. She then smiled and showed me her phone a bit. "Here," she handed it to me. I got it and read what was written. I the stopped myself from smiling upon reading his message. J
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"Have you seen Jinx?"Sew looked at me with the side of her lips rose up. "You have been looking for him often, why? Are you missing that man already? I doubt about it, Astra."I bit my lower lip because she seems like teasing me. I could not even deny because I know to myself that I really miss Jinx already. He did not even show up himself these past few days! I started my home school and he said he will accompany me but he did not.Anyway, he made me borrow his another laptop. I told him that phone is already okay and enough since I do not know how to use laptop, hence he guided me on how to open it and such a thing so I would familiarize it before I start my class."I just need his help for our lesson, Sew. And he also promised that he will help me make my projects if I struggles." I had to defend myself so I will not be doomed. Sew is such an observant person and without any of my notice, she already know things that I hides against her.She ra
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"Sew said that you are looking for me, was it true?"I held my chest in so much shock when Jinx appeared from my behind all of a sudden. How did he get here silently? I was just busy cleaning the unit because Sew has left and he came on the other hand to shock the hell out of me. But then I stiffened because of what he just asked. But yes, I was looking for him.I slowly turned my body to him while holding cleaning materials for the dusty floor. I the gulped when I saw him with his formal shirts and shorts. His hair was plainly nice. He seemed like he just went to a meeting. "H-Huh? Did I?"He pursed his lips and slowly nodded. "I came here because Sew told me that you are looking for me, I thought you need something?"I felt guilty. He might in a work that I do not know and when Sew told her that I was looking for him, he went here just to see and know if something happens and if I need something. "U-Uh, I do not really need something."His
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It felt surreal because it was like I am already doing so fine.Jinx guided me to work in their mansion as a secretary of Mister Adonis. I have no knowledge about being a secretary of a business man but Mister Adonis was so nice. He knows what I have been through and he respects me if I do mistakes in every of my move. But I know he was just resisting to not be mad at me because I am just new. I am getting shy because it was like I just applied and got that job to make his business life a mess."While you are at work, Astra, do not think too much because that could affect the things what you do. Just relax and act calm, okay? You seemed like so afraid of me, don't be, okay? I will not hurt you or something," Mister Adonis said while busy typing on his laptop. I, on the other hand, gulped, busy fixing and arranging bunches of résumés aside so his office would look neat."Y-Yeah, pardon me, Mister Adonis.." I uttered on air and give him a
Last Updated : 2021-10-22
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"I am so happy for the both of you!"My lips automatically formed a smile as Jinx's father embraced me. We just had a dinner together. I am beyond grateful to everything. That even after years that we did not talk, nor any connections, we still have the closeness we had before. I am not saying that we're too close that could bond or hangout together, it was just that we were cool since then."Thank you," I whispered to him and let go. Jinx just gave me a sweet smile. All he did in the midst of the dinner is to stare at me. Even if his father asks him, he will answer with his eyes on my face. I really stopped myself from kicking his ass off. He is kind of annoying."Maybe I will now leave the both of you here," Mister Adonis said. I was the one who requested for a dinner, a short dinner. I am thankful that he also want us to bond with his son. But of course, he has a work so he could not stay here long. He excused himself
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"Hey, good thing and you are already awake." I stared at nothingness while I feel nothing. I moved my right hand to see if I am still alive and good thing I still could feel myself. I just feel nothing, really. I do not have to look who was beside me who talked because from the tone of the voice, I knew that it was Jinx. I felt myself lying on a soft mattress, and I am inside a room that is not familiar to me. Where am I? "Here, drink some water," Jinx handed me a glass of water. I tried to get it but my hands were too weak to reach for it. I gulped hard. My throat already needs water because it was getting dry. Jinx, then, stood up to guide me sit on the bed and lean against the headboard. "Here, drink it." Good thing he made me drink it with his right hand holding the glass, while his other hand gently held my chin to guide me. I gulped the water quite fast because I really am getting thirsty as seconds pass by.
Wretched Self CHAPTER 68
"But you can't marry me," I slowly uttered and looked away from him.He really can't marry me because he was already married. He shouldn't be saying these things to me. I will just feel bad to her wife."How do you say?" he asked in monotone. He tried to hold my chin to make me look at him but I did not let him. I stared still at nothingness, away from his eyes. "How do you say, Astra? Give me a reason.""Because you are already married," I snorted. "How can you marry someone when another woman already owned you? You were cheating?"He stayed silent for a moment not until I heard his chuckles. My brows creased in annoyance and looked at him sharply. Why is he laughing? He is making fun of me? Seriously? This time? This situation?"Married?" he grinned. "You think I am married?"I pursed my lips into a thin line and slowly nodded my head. "You really are marri
Wretched Self CHAPTER 67
"Do you want to go with me visit mom and dad?"Cine and Val nodded their head to me. My lips then automatically formed a smile. It will be nice if we, sisters, Faye, Cine and Val will go together and visit our parents in the cemetery. It will be a family bond."I will go and guard you guys," Simon interfered and forced a smile. We did not complained at it, though. He wants us safe. He did not want something bad to happen to us. We were thankful that Simon did not leave our side even how hard it is to manage his time for work. He should have already focus himself to the work but he insisted to still guard us. Something bad might happen, he says. But we all hope that there is none."Yeah, I will, too," Jinx appeared all of a sudden. I thought he went off for an important matter? Why is he here?"Alright, we're all done. Let's go?" Faye smiled to us. We all nodded and headed outside the house. We used S
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"I am sorry to all the things I did."I want to slap him from 360 degrees because of anger. What? He will just say that after everything? It is easy for him to apologize like everything he did will just fade away just because of his word "sorry? That everyone he got hurt will be healed easy when he will say sorry to them? That everything will be fine with just a sorry?i looked at Fin with my raging eyes while he just looked down. "You have the guts to think that everything will be fine with just your damn sorry? Rot in hell!""Astra," Jinx warned me but I did not listen to him. I pointed fin with my index finger and I gritted my teeth."I will promise that you will live in the prison forever. You will have your last breathe inside the jail."I thought he will shut himself but suddenly, he looked up at me with a grin on his face. "Yes. I prefer live here. World is t
Wretched Self CHAPTER 65
"How is Fin?" I asked Jinx while I am busy staring at nowhere. I want to know where he is now. I just want to hear the place where he belongs to. The place where he must suffer and pay the bad things he did.He sighed and looked at me. "He was already sent to the prison."I pursed my lips and nodded my head. "Good to hear that."He stared at me for a moment and all I did is to look away from him. He was like trying to read me. Trying to know what I am thinking. I really felt awkward when he tries to stare at me because it sent me a different feeling I could not define. It really is annoying when he look at me like that. It was nostalgic."Do you want to visit him and talk to him?" he asked and sat on the chair far away from me but facing me.I answered him without looking at him, "Yes, I want to." I want to make him realize how evil he is. That he did so many bad th
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"Thank you for coming..."Jinx just threw me a glance and say nothing. He kept on driving his car as fast as he could to get away from the place where Fin planed to kill me. From the place of nightmare. The place where I think that was already my last breathe. The place of devil.My hands were shaking so bad because or nervousness and fear at the same time. I do not know how to calm myself. The mere thought of myself fighting for my life is already making my system weak. The thought of Fin planning to murder me was like already killing me. The thoughts were making my heart break into pieces.It hurts.Since I was in the womb of my mother, I was already blamed. Someone is already mad at me even though I was not born yet. That even if I have no knowledge about their anger, my individual has. I did nothing. I was still a very innocent child when they put all of their anger towards me.
Wretched Self CHAPTER 63
"You have the heart to know everything?"Even if I am afraid, I have to know everything. Even if I know that my heart could not take it, I have to bear with it. It sucks. The thought of not knowing the truth while you on the other hand were the one who is suffering in pain and agony because of the blame that people throw towards you."Yes, I have," I said bravely. I have to show him that I am not afraid at all. That I have the guts to accept everything. To know the truth. I have to know everything. I am in the center of the blame and so I have the rights to fucking know the freaking truth. I am in the midst of blame and I cannot even escape from it. I was stuck and I can only get off after I get through the barrier and challenges.His lips automatically formed a devilish grin. "Waste time to know the truth before you will die?"When I nodded my head with no hesitation, the expression of his face chan
Wretched Self CHAPTER 62
I didn't know what happened next.I just found myself in a dark room where I see nothing but darkness alone. I didn't know how I get here. I do not know where I am. It was like, I was in my highway to hell. I felt like, this is my last.I tried to move, but I cannot.My hands were freaking tied!Where the hell I am?! How did I fucking get here?!I sighed heavily in anger. I then closed my eyes as the door from nowhere swung open. The bright light hit my eyes and face and so I have to not see it so it wouldn't hurt my eye.The hell. Am I in a horror movie?"You're now awake." A voice lurks in every corner of the room. I gulped as I had goosebumps. The voice is so... creepy. "How is your sleep, Astrallaine?"When I opened my eyes, a man standing amidst the light welcomed my eyesight. His face isn't clear to my view, but
