Wretched Self

Why does life suck? Life is wretched. And I hate it so much. All I want is to have a simple and happy life. But to my jinx, what happened was the opposite. I want to smile, laugh, show everyone my greatest beam, but I just can't.  I'm suffering. Every time, everywhere. I have no companion but only my family. How I wish they would not leave me. I don't understand why people loathe me so much. I only know that I am what I am. I know to myself what myself is. I only know myself and not them. "Leave this family! We don't need you! " My mother yelled straight at my face. I closed my eyes tightly and felt the pool of my tears that was starting to form around my eyes. I wiped them away when they gave up. I sobbed to stop myself from cryin

 "Your apartment is good,"Sew laughed at me. "Thanks for the compliment. I really chose this one." She said while putting her things on a sofa. I was roaming my eyes around. Her apartment really looks so pretty.We just arrived at the café. I even saw my former home while we were in the midst of heading here. Our house looks like there is no life. so pale and was covered with serene."You can borrow my things, Astra. Of course, private things are an exception.""I will pay you back,""Nah, there is no need. Feel at home, okay? Don't ever think about paying back or anything. It's making me sick. I am not asking you to do that, though."I smiled at her. No matter what, I will return her goodness to me. I will spoil her soon once I am better. 

I don't know what's with me. I felt a strange feeling that I haven't felt before. This is the first time I felt so relieved.I let out a heavy sigh before writing my John Hancock on the back of my notebook. I have to focus on our lessons but Jinx just can't get out of my mind.I know that I like the guy, I was just attracted. I should have not thought of this, I need to focus first on my studies.I just thought lately that what if I will stop my education and just continue it once I am already better and can stand on my own. I just realized that I am leaning on Sew's and also at Jinx. It's like if I have a problem, they are only the one who is gonna fix it. It's like I have nothing to do with myself."Are you even listening, Miss Marquez?" My attention immediately diverted to our lecturer when I heard my last name from her."A-Ah, y-yes, Miss.." I uttered, stuttering. Her brows creased and I just smiled at her awkwardly. I also smiled at my classma

"What place is this?" I asked Jinx as he stopped his motor in front of a mansion. I was staring at the big mansion because it was really stunning! It was like in a fantasy movies because it felt surreal. I never saw like this in my entire life, not to mention fictions. It was really very beautiful and insanely huge."You will work here as a secretary of a businessman," he said and shrugged his shoulders. I then gulped. What? Secretary? I do not even know how being secretary works and I am still a minor and know nothing!"I would prefer being maid instead of being secretary," I said and shook my head. I was a bit nervous because I could not believe him!And if that, how can we get inside? It was so obvious that it was secured. In just one glance, you will know that if you try to knock the door, securities will kill the hell out of you."Oh, no. Being maid does not suit to you. Do not worry, Astra. This job is easy."I slightly punched h

I do not know how to show myself to them anymore. Shame would not leave my system and I also blame myself for being this. Even if I want to defend myself that I am a good woman, the opposite always shows at me. Yes, I did not wished to live. They just made me to suffer. But they also suffers because of me.  Sometimes, I also think that what if I did not born? Will my family would not suffer? They are surely happily living without me. Just like what mom has said, she told me earlier that they were already living happy and peaceful as I left. It will really be a good thing so not show myself because I always brings jinx to everyone. And that's when I get it.  That is why I have Jinx because fate want to make me realize that I have the bad luck with me. And will accompany me with everything. Fuck this life. I covered my whole face with the white pillow and cried there out loud. I am here inside Sew's unit because I do no