The bell rung and dismissal came. Both Aesther and I went out to go home. May sundo siya kaya naka alis siya kaagad.
“Hey! Don’t forget to text me when you get home!” pahabol niyang tugon bago tuluyang umalis ang sasakyan nila.
When she left, I walked to the bus stop. My house is about 15 minutes away from my school if I ride the bus and about 20 minutes if I ride the tricycle. I was patiently waiting when someone sat beside me. I didn’t look at him but in my peripheral vision, I can tell that he’s a boy.
I got a book from my bag and reviewed some of our lessons in Oral Communication dahil may quiz kami bukas. As I was reading, I can feel the boy wriggle his leg. Nadadala ang upuan sa kanyang paggalaw kaya nagagalaw din ako. Nahihiya akong sitahin siya dahil hindi ko naman siya kilala. Hindi ko rin kayang lumipat ng upuan kasi baka isipin niyang nababahuan ako sa kanya.
Hindi ako makapagbasa ng maayos kaya itinago ko nalang ang aking notebook sa bag. May dumating na bus but it’s going South kaya nadismaya ako. Tumayo ang katabi ko at umakyat sa bus. Doon ko lang napansin na matangkad siyang lalaki, maitim ang buhok na medyo wavy. Nakatalikod siya sakin kaya hindi ko nakikita ang itsura niya, pero katamtaman lang ang laki ng katawan niya.
When his bus left, I shifted in my seat and may nakapa akong panyo sa upuan na katabi ko. Sa lalaki ata ‘to dahil siya lang naman ang nakatabi ko kanina. I am contemplating whether to keep the handkerchief or just leave it. Hindi ko naman siya kilala pero baka kasi may sentimental value ang panyong ‘to sa kanya.
A bus going North came and I quickly stood up. I was about to go up but something tells me to keep the hanky. Baka kasi hanapin niya ‘to. Nakasuot naman siya ng uniform ng school namin kaya ibibigay ko nalang ‘to sa Lost and Found bukas.
When I got home, I was welcomed by a very messy place. I entered the house, and as expected, marami na namang kalat. Mga nilukot na papel sa maliit na mesa, may mga bote ng beer sa ilalim ng sofa kung saan may natutulog na malaking lalaki, umaandar 'yong electric fan na nakatuon naman sa walang kwentang palabas sa TV, at may mga pinggan na nagkalat sa lababo. I sighed. As usual, maglilinis na naman ako bago dumating ang reyna’t mga prinsesa.
Sinimulan ko ang paglilinis sa sala, tinapon ang mga box ng pagkain, tinipon ang mga bote ng beer at inilagay sa labas. Naghugas na din ako ng pinggan at nagwalis. Pinatay ko ang TV at electric fan. Kinumutan ko na din ang tito kong natutulog sa sofa.
Pagkatapos maglinis ay nagsaing at nagluto na din ako ng kakainin namin ngayong gabi. Pagkatapos non ay naligo ako at nagbihis ng pambahay. Nilabhan ko na rin ang uniform ko dahil dalawang pares lang ang uniform ko. Hindi pa ako tapos maglaba ay dumating na ang tita ko at tatlong kapatid.
“Kae! Kae!” tawag ng reyna. Eto na naman po tayo. Susubok na naman tayo sa panibagong giyera.
“Ano po yun?” sagot ko nung lumabas ako ng silid ko at hinarap sila. The queen is at the center dazzling with her colorful blouse paired with her black fitted jeans. She looked like in her 30’s when in fact she’s 10 years older than that. At her back, there stood her three princesses, my sisters as well. Kathlyn, Kheana, and Khyzel. They were adopted by the queen legally when our parents died. While me, as the black sheep of the family, wasn’t adopted but they let me live with them in exchange of working for them.
“Bakit ang tagal mong lumabas? Ayusin mo tong mga pinamili namin,” utos niya at ibinigay naman nila sa akin ang mga paper bags ng mga pinamili nila. Agad naman akong tumalima sa utos niya habang silang lahat ay nagpahinga.
“Hoy! Gumising ka nga diyan at doon ka matulog sa kwarto,” sigaw ng tita ko sa asawa niyang natutulog. Wala silang anak kaya pumayag siyang ampunin ang tatlo kong kapatid. Hindi man nila ako inampon, okay na sakin na pinatuloy at pinapakain nila ako. Atsaka, gusto ko parin namang dalhin ang apelyido ni tatay.
Nanonood sila ng TV nang inutusan ako ng bunso namin na timplahan sila ng juice at dalhin sa sala ang hapunan nila. Sinunod ko nalang siya kahit mas matanda ako dahil ayoko ko na ng sigawan.
Nang matapos kong ayusin yung pinamili nila, babalik na sana ako sa paglalaba pero tinawag na naman ako ng pinakamatanda samin para ligpitin ang pinagkainan nila. Hindi na ako nagreklamo kahit inubos na nila ang ulam na niluto ko at hindi ako tinirhan. Pagkatapos kong hugasan ang pinagkainan nila, babalik na sana ulit ako sa paglalaba nang tinawag na naman ako ng pangalawang ate ko.
“Bakit ate?” tanong ko sa kanya.
“Sagutan mo tong mga assignments namin. Atsaka yung project ni bunso, gawin mo na din. Bukas na ang deadline non,” sagot niya sa akin at binigay ang mga notebooks nila.
I sighed. “Sige po ate, pero tatapusin ko muna yung labahan ko,” sagot ko naman sa kanya. Aalis na sana ako nang bigla niyang hablutin yung buhok ko. Hindi pa nga naaalis 'yong sakit noong ginawa sakin kanina, ito na naman ulit. Napa-aray ako sa sakit.
“Aba, aba. Hindi mo ko susundin?” tanong niya sakin na may nanlilisik na mata.
“Susundin naman ate, tatapusin ko lang 'yong labahan ko,” sagot ko na may bahid ng nararamdamang sakit.
“Ayoko!” sigaw niya mismo sa tenga ko. “Gusto ko, unahin mo 'yong assignment namin!”
“Ano ba yan, bakit ang ingay?” tanong ng tita ko na lumabas mula sa kwarto.
“Eto kasi, Ma, ayaw akong sundin,” sumbong naman ng ate ko sabay bitaw sa buhok ko kaya napaupo ako sa sahig. Ramdam ko yung sakit ng pwetan ko.
“Tita, kasi tatapusin ko po sana muna 'yong laba–” hindi natapos ang sasabihin ko dahil may naramdaman akong hapdi sa kaliwang pisngi ko. Sinampal ako ng tita ko.
“Sinabi ko bang magsalita ka, ha? Uunahin mo 'yong pinapagawa sayo o malilintikan ka sakin?” sabi ng tita ko.
Nakayuko lang ako at parang tutulo na 'yong luha ko pero tumango nalang ako at kinuha ang mga notebooks nila at pumasok sa kwarto ko. Pagkapasok ko ay tumulo na ang luha ko.
Napakasakit. Iyong ginagawa sakin sa school matatanggap ko pa eh. Pero 'yong pagmamaltrato sakin ng tita at mga kapatid ko, iyon 'yong pinakamasakit. Hindi ko alam kung ano ang kasalanan ko pero mula ng mamatay sina nanay at tatay ganito na palagi ang nararanasan ko sa mga kamay nila.
Wala naman akong pakialam kung gawin nila akong katulong sa bahay eh, pero 'yong pagbuhatan ng kamay? Iyong sigawan na parang aso? 'Yong iparamdamdam sayong sana hindi ka nalang nabuhay? Iyon 'yong pumapatay sakin araw-araw. Pero wala akong magawa, mahal ko sila eh.
Pinunasan ko 'yong luha ko at pinilit na sagutan ang mga assigments nila at gawin ang project ni bunso. Mag-aalas dose na ng matapos ako at maingat ko itong nilagay sa mga kwarto nila. Pagkatapos non ay pinagpatuloy ko ang paglalaba.
Pagkatapos kong maglaba ay napatingala ako sa madilim na kalangitan. Walang bituin at hindi gaanong maliwanag ang buwan. Mukhang ramdam din nila ang nararamdaman ko. Mabuti pa sila nakikiramay. Napangiti ako sa naisip.
Pumasok ako sa loob at nagtimpla ng gatas. Ito nalang ang gagawin kong hapunan dahil hindi pa ako nakakain. Pumunta ako sa canopy sa labas ng bahay malapit sa gate namin. Madaling araw na kaya hindi na ako makatulog. Gigising din naman ako ng alas kwatro kaya hindi nalang ako matutulog.
Umupo ako at nilapag sa mesa ang baso. Ramdam ko ang lamig na dala ng hangin kaya napayakap ako sa sarili. Napakatahimik ng gabi. Ang tanging maririnig mo lamang ay huni ng ibon, crickets, ang paghampas ng hangin, at paminsan-minsang pagtahol ng aso ng kapitbahay.
Kung ganito lang sana katahimik ang buhay ko, kontento na ako. Ramdam ko parin hanggang ngayon ang hapdi sa aking pisngi at init sa aking anit. Naiiyak na naman ako sa tuwing naaalala kong kaya kang saktan ng mga tao kahit wala ka namang ginagawang kasalanan. Hindi ko naman ginustong mabuhay.
Nakakaawang isipin na mismong pamilya mo, hindi ka nirerespeto. Minsan iniisip ko na sana hindi nalang ako pinanganak ng nanay ko. Siguro hindi ko mararanasan lahat ‘to. Pero wala na akong magawa eh. Andito na ko, nabubuhay at kinagagalitan ng lahat.
I sighed. The saying is really true. You may be the nicest person in the world but you can’t please the people living in it. There are, have been, and will always be people that will hate no matter what you do. I wiped my tears as I looked at the rising sun with melancholy. Another day began, another battle to face. I heaved a deep sigh and went inside to prepare for it.
Wala akong tulog, wala din akong nakain. Pumasok ako sa trabaho na parang lutang at wala sa mood. Mabuti nalang at mabait si kuya Ian kaya sa kusina niya ako in-assign kahit server dapat ako ngayon. Maliban kasi sa pagiging bartender, siya din ang manager namin. He gave me again my usual order at iyon na ang almusal ko. Hanggang lunch narin siguro 'to dahil ayoko nang kumain sa canteen. Papakiusapan ko nalang si Aesther. Pagkatapos kong kumain ay nagsimula na akong magtrabaho. I am washing the dishes when Charryn entered. She's the supposed to be dishwasher today pero dahil lutang ako at ayaw kong mapahiya, nag-swap kami ng trabaho. "Hoy mare, may gwapo doon sa labas!" impit na sigaw niya sabay tili. Hahampasin pa sana niya ako pero mabilis kong naiharang ang kawali. "Lahat naman ata gwapo para sayo eh," sabi ko sabay tawa. "Oo nga mare, pero 'yong nasa labas kasi
The next day, nagtrabaho ulit ako ng maaga at bumalik ako sa pagiging server. Mabuti nalang at hindi ako masyadong inalila ng mga kapatid ko kaya hindi ako lutang o pagod. Nasa kalagitnaan ako ng pagtatrabaho ng tumunog ang chime at may pumasok. I was about to greet them when I saw who they were. Sila yong mga nanambunot sakin noong nakaraang araw. "Good morning! What's your order ma'am?" tanong ko sa kanila. Tinignan naman nila ako mula ulo hanggang paa. Mukhang mapapasabak na naman ako nito. "Chocolate drink sakin at isang strawberry shortcake," sagot ng isang alipores niya. "Mine's just the frappe," tugon naman ng isa. "Two egg sandwiches with cheese and 1 cappuccino," maarteng sagot ng reyna nila. Inulit ko ang order nila at nagtanong kung may idadagdag pa ba. Hindi naman sila sumagot kaya dumiretso na ako sa kusina. Pinaluto ko kay Charryn an
The next day is dangerously quiet. I finished my shift at the coffee shop with ease, and two subjects have passed without any conflicts. I've passed two quizzes, and we're down to the last one this afternoon.Our teacher just dismissed us and we're waiting for the next one, then it's lunch time. I was just looking at the window and watching the football tryouts in the field.Iyong classroom kasi namin ay nasa second floor at nakaharap sa oval kung saan ginaganap ang mga field sports. Nakatunganga lang ako doon nang tinawag ako ni Aesther."Kae, I'm going to the CR," paalam niya sakin."Samahan kita?" tanong ko naman sa kanya."Yeah, sure," sagot niya.Umalis kami papuntang CR. Ang girl's CR sa school ay may limang cubicle at may tatlong lababo na nakaharap sa isang malapad na salamin.Pumasok si Aesther sa isang cubicle at nag
Halos tatlong oras lang akong natulog. I wasn't even fully awake when I entered the coffee shop. Pinakain naman ako ni kuya Ian ng pandesal at binigyan ng kape para kahit papaano ay magising ang diwa ko. As I was sipping my hot coffee, naalala ko ang nangyari kagabi. Sino kaya ang lalaking 'yon? Bakit kaya niya nasulat ang 'life is hard'? Masyado niyang naukopa ang isip ko na hindi ko man lang namalayan na pumasok si Charryn sa kusina. Tinapik niya ang balikat ko at nabigla ako sa kanya. "Ano? Okay ka na ba? Aba, eh magtrabaho ka na doon," utos niya sakin. Kanina pa pala ako nakatulala. Nagmadali akong ubusin ang iniinom kong kape at sinimulang magtrabaho. There are lots of people today compared to previous days. And to think that there's no special event in the school, this set up is kind of overwhelming. I was so tired when I finished my shift. Pumasok ako sa school at dumiretso muna
The whole week was a roller coaster ride for me. I was challenged by bullying, was slapped and pushed, locked in a cubicle, and treated as a slave. This is one messy ride that if given a chance, I would not dare experience it again.Today is Saturday and that means grocery day. I will spend my morning buying stuff needed in the house and needed by my aunt and sisters. Ako lang yata at ang tito ko ang hindi maarte sa gamit at hindi bili ng bili.I went to the nearest supermarket and got a cart to fill in with my supplies. I first went to the kitchen stuff, the ones needed for cooking. Oil, vinegar, soy sauce, spices, meat, milk, beverages, snacks, and many more. I actually have a long list of all the things I needed to buy that's written on my phone.I took my time inspecting the goodness of every product. From the expiry date, the nutritional facts, up to its usage and directions. Iniisa-isa ko talaga ang mga ito.
It's Sunday at magsisimba kami ngayon. Wala masyado akong tulog kagabi dahil may mga panaginip na naman akong hindi kaaya aya.Nasa isang gubat daw ako at nakatali sa isang puno. Umiiyak at sumisigaw ako pero parang mga demonyo ang nasa paligid ko at walang nakakarinig sa akin. Tawa lamang sila nang tawa. Mayroon silang binubungkal na lupa at nang malalim na ito, kinuha nila ako at tinapon doon. Walang silbi ang pagpupumiglas ko dahil ang lalakas nila. Wala ding silbi ang mga sigaw ko dahil mga bingi sila. Tinabunan nila ako ng lupa at doon na ako nagising na pawis na pawis.Hindi ako nakabalik sa pagtulog no'n kaya kulang ako sa tulog. Dalawang beses na akong binangungot at hindi ako komportable doon. Kaya ngayon, magsisimba ako. Kailangan ko ang gabay ng Diyos tuwing gabi.Nakabihis ako ng simpleng brown ruffle dress na hanggang ibaba lang ng tuhod. I also wore my red 2-inch wedge with strap. I put a little lip a
Classes resumed by monday and we're back to the same stress and frustration we felt on the first week of school. Days really fly fast. I couldn't even imagine myself still existing despite of those unimaginable happenings in my life the past week.I was walking through the corridors and went to the locker area. The bell hasn't rung yet so the masters had their dose of works for me to do this early. When I entered the school gates, I was surprised that they were also there, only for me to know that they purposely waited for me to arrive just to carry their bags.Nang mahatid ko sila sa kanilang classroom, heto ako't naglalakad patungong locker area to switch the things in their bags. Turns out they brought different books today, which I believe they planned to do. And now, they asked me to switch things in their respective lockers. Binigay naman nila sakin 'yong susi.When I arrived at the leader's locker, whose name I fo
Classes stopped at exactly 5:00PM. We prepared to go home but Aesther insisted on going to the mall first. Hindi naman sana problema 'yon kung hindi lang talaga dahil kila Cheska. Kailangan ko pa kasi silang ihatid gaya ng sinabi nila."I have things to do pa kasi Aesth, eh," sabi ko sa kanya. I don't want to disappoint her but Cheska and her alipores were clear about punishing me if I tell anything to Aesther."Please, please, please? Sige na, samahan mo na ako. Minsan lang eh," she pleaded. Mukhang wala na akong magagawa nito."Okay, ganito nalang, punta muna akong kabilang section dahil may kailangan ako doon, then after that we'll go, okay?" suggestion ko sa kanya. Agaran naman siyang tumango na parang bata kaya natawa ako. "Okay, let's go."Naglakad na kami papunta sa section nila Cheska. Nang makarating kami doon, pinalayo ko muna si Aesther para hindi niya marinig ang pag-uusapan namin. Nakita
I kissed her. I’ve kissed her before but this time, it’s different. We are both healed. We both are new individuals, facing challenges together. We’ve been through so much, and I would love to go through more with her. I would love to be with her for the rest of my life. I put the letter down on the table and pulled her into me while our lips are still linked with each other. I pulled her waist closer and my hands draw small circles there. Her hands went from my face up to my nape. She’s clinging on to me, and it gave me a different kind of feeling. Saying butterflies in my stomach is too cliché as an adjective.  
I woke up early in the morning feeling excited about this day. Sa gabi ang hinandang party ni Sid and close friends lang ang invited at mga relatives niya. Bilang pasasalamat na rin niya raw ito dahil malapit na rin siyang grumaduate. Kinaya niya at kakayanin niya. Maraming naniniwala sa kanya at isa na ako doon. He’ll be a great brother and a boyfriend. Boyfriend. I smiled at the thought. Starting later this evening, wala ka nang kawala Sid. Naglinis ako at nagbihis para sa pagkikita namin ni Mav. Sana lang nagpaalam siya ng maayos sa fiancé niya. Ayokong masabunutan mamaya. Kaka-treatment lang nit
We were silent for about half an hour after she said that. I was expecting that she’s sorry at some point but I still was surprised when she dropped the word. Ever since we became bestfriends, she’s not the type to say sorry first. You have to humble yourself first before she admits her faults. And she always justifies her wrongdoings. Kesyo dapat daw maintindihan ko siya dahil it’s her first time, she didn’t know, and any other reasons she might have. Kaya nang nauna siyang mag-sorry, I was caught off-guard. Maybe life did change her, for the better, I guess. “Apology not accepted?” she nervously asked me. Nakatulala lang ako sa kanya, finding every hint of insincerity in her face, but all I can see is h
We’ve been sitting opposite from each other in silence. She would look at me and if I caught her, she would look away again. She’s also fidgeting with her fingers, nervous about something I don’t know. She wants to talk to me but she’s not saying anything since we went inside their bakery. All I can hear right now are the busy sounds of people working in the kitchen baking all kinds of pastries. I took the glass the cold water in front of me and drank from it. I looked at my wristwatch and it’s getting late. I still have to cook for our dinner. I looked back at her and she seemed to not talk anytime soon, so I stood up. &nb
“Congratulations, Kae! I’m so proud of you,” Dr. Jecyl told me and embraced me in a tight hug. This is my last meet with her as a patient but definitely not the last time as a friend. I am so happy I achieved something after a year. A year had passed and a lot of things happened. I have been visiting her clinic once I have free time and therapeutic sessions with her were all awesone and beneficial on my part. I could say – also according to her diagnosis – that I am healed. I don’t have panic attacks anymore and I can control my emotions now. Not that I want to hold all of my emotions, I still have breakdowns, and it’s normal. What I mean is, I am not easily affected like before. I know now when should I
“Ate, you’re done na ba?” my sister asked outside my room. “Malapit na!” I answered back and went to continue preparing. We are going to Ate Kaitlyn today. We agreed to visit her today and eat lunch with her. Matagal na rin kasi noong bumisita kaming lahat doon. Yes, Ate Kheana will be with us. Ang laki na nga ng tiyan niya eh. She’s expected to labor three weeks from now, and I am excited to see my niece. Bunso is excited, too. She even had a schedule na doon na matutulog kila ate para lang makasama ang baby. I am happy na umaayos na ang lagay naming lahat. As for Ate Kaitlyn, she’s also recovering well.
I woke up later than the time expected. Kuya Ian gave us a day to take a break and have time for ourselves. But I still have to work on the convenience store and the fastfood later. I stood up and went to the bathroom and washed up. After taking a bath, I looked for a decent pair of clothes and settled for a white three-fourth sleeve polo shirt and mom jeans. Today is the only time I am free to consult a doctor. Yes, I am finally taking a step towards healing. Ate Kheana suggested a psychiatrist for my therapy. She told me that she had a seesion once with her and she’s really good. So, I have to try it for myself, too. It might be minimized now, but I still have anxiety attacks. And I am tired of it. Also
Months passed and everything prettily went back to normal. Or that’s what I assumed to be. Classes started at the beginning of June and I worked hard for bunso’s school needs as well as our daily needs and Ate Kaitlyn’s needs. Ate Kheana would sometimes visit or call us to check up on us. The worry I had last time about her abandoning us for her new family went to waste. She still cares for us. And I thank her for that. Bunso on the other hand, had a heart-to-heart talk with me before she enrolled. She admitted that she felt sorry for me because I have to stop schooling for her. I told her it was all good but I also made her promise to do better in school. For her future’s sake. She did promise me that she will do her best to help me by doing great in school, and I took note of that. &nbs
Trigger Warning: Mentions of sickness and death I ran to him and checked his body for any bruise or whatsoever. I checked his face, his arms, his legs, and he was just standing there, too stunned to speak. “Anong nangyari sa’yo? Okay ka lang ba?” tanong ko sa kanya at gulat pa rin siya. “Hoy! Tinatanong kita!” mas nilakasan ko pa ang boses ko. “Ah-ha?” nauutal niyang tanong. “Anong nangyari sa’yo?” tanong ko ulit. “W-wala naman,” sagot niya n