Halos tatlong oras lang akong natulog. I wasn't even fully awake when I entered the coffee shop. Pinakain naman ako ni kuya Ian ng pandesal at binigyan ng kape para kahit papaano ay magising ang diwa ko.
As I was sipping my hot coffee, naalala ko ang nangyari kagabi. Sino kaya ang lalaking 'yon? Bakit kaya niya nasulat ang 'life is hard'? Masyado niyang naukopa ang isip ko na hindi ko man lang namalayan na pumasok si Charryn sa kusina. Tinapik niya ang balikat ko at nabigla ako sa kanya.
"Ano? Okay ka na ba? Aba, eh magtrabaho ka na doon," utos niya sakin. Kanina pa pala ako nakatulala.
Nagmadali akong ubusin ang iniinom kong kape at sinimulang magtrabaho. There are lots of people today compared to previous days. And to think that there's no special event in the school, this set up is kind of overwhelming.
I was so tired when I finished my shift. Pumasok ako sa school at dumiretso muna sa student registration area. May bago na kasing attendance system ang school. Magpapa-install sila ng mga device sa hallway from the gate to the first building. We will just use our fingerprints for attendance. Kaya ngayon, mayroong registration para malaman kung ano ang current year mo, the name of your adviser, and the like.
Once I was registered, I proceeded to my classroom. Nakita kong nakikipag-usap si Aesther sa iba naming kaklase. I went to my seat and sat. Plano ko sanang matulog ulit pero lumapit kaagad si Aesther sa akin.
"Hey! Sorry about kahapon ha," she said while rubbing my arm up and down.
"It's okay, no problem," I answered with a smile. "By the way, what are you and the other girls talking about?" I asked.
"Oh, I asked about the band na pumunta here kahapon. They said they're so gwapo and hot daw. Yieee," she said with admiration. Nagmumukhang heart-shaped pa nga ang mata niya.
"Teka, ba't nagiging conyo ka 'ata?" tanong ko naman sa kanya. Kanina ko pa napapansin pagiging conyo niya eh.
"Hahaha, nahawa lang ako sa mga girls doon," sagot niya sabay turo sa mga babaeng kausap niya kanina.
Tumango nalang ako at nagpaalam sa kanyang matutulog muna dahil may thirty minutes pa naman bago ang second period. Hindi kasi pumasok ang first period teacher namin dahil siguro late o baka nagpa-register din.
I leaned and rested my head on my arms that were folded on top of the desk. Naririnig ko paminsan minsan ang mga yapak ng kaklase ko pero mas lamang ang antok kaya nakatulog ako ng tuluyan.
I just woke up when my classmates greeted the teacher a good morning like a choir. Medyo nabigla ako kaya napakusot ako sa mata kung totoo bang may guro o wala. Baka kasi pinaprank lang ako ng mga 'to. Mabuti nalang at nandiyan nga si Miss.
She settled down in front while I prepared my notebook and pen. Kailangan ko kasing mag take down notes sa subject niya kasi siya 'yong klase ng teacher na nakaupo lang habang nagdi-discuss. Ni hindi din siya nagbibigay ng handouts kaya kailangan mong sumikap talaga.
"Ok class, before we start with our discussion, I would like to call on Mr. Fernandez to introduce himself since this will be the first time he'll be in this class," panimula ni Ma'am. Pumunta naman sa unahan ang isang lalaki. Mula siya sa pinakalikod na upuan sa row ko, kaya likod niya lang ang nakikita ko.
Teka, siya ba 'yong sinasabi ni Aesther na bagong kaklase namin? 'Yong kasing katawan ng lalaki sa bus terminal? When he reached the front, humarap siya sa amin. Doon ako mas nagulat.
Mula sa buhok niya papunta sa mata, ilong at labi niya, siya nga iyon. Siya nga 'yong lalaki kagabi. Iyong umupo sa harap ko at nag-iwan ng tissue na may sulat na 'life is hard'.
"Hi, I'm Sidhean Fernandez, from Barangay Talaban. I completed my Junior High School in Talaban National High School. I hope that we can get along as friends. Thank you," mahabang litanya niya at nag-bow pa sa huli. Ang laki pa ng ngiti niya. Mukha namang hindi hard ang life niya eh.
Noong naglalakad na siya pabalik sa upuan niya, nakatingin lang ako sa kanya, when suddenly, our eyes met. His gray orbs is really hypnotizing. It seems like they're taking you to the depths of his soul. It added to his mysteriousness.
Natigil lang ang eye to eye contact namin noong lumagpas na siya ng upuan ko. Nagsimula na din ang discussion ni Ma'am.
A while later, the teacher decided to group us into two teams and we'll play a game to make learning more fun and interesting. Nag count off lang kami para fair at punta na sa sari-sariling mga grupo.
Aesther was in another group, kasama si Sidhean. Andaming babae sa kanila at lahat parang kinikilig kay Sidhean. Nagsimulang mag-explain si Ma'am ng mechanics ng game.
There will be one representative from each group to push the button. The first to push it has the right to answer or give the question to the other group. If they can't answer, the other group can steal it and provide the correct answer. Anyone in the team can answer.
Nagsimula na ang game. Dalawang lalaki mula sa magkabilang grupo ang taga pindot ng button. Sa unang tanong, ang kabilang team ang nauna kaya sila ang sasagot. We counted from one to five to wait for their answer but it never came out, so we stole the chance. The smartest in our team answered and we got the point.
Nagpatuloy ang laban at nakalalamang na kami. Hindi pa ako nakakasagot dahil halos alam na naman ng mga ka-grupo ko ang mga sagot sa tanong. Kanina ko pa napapansin ang pagiging walang kibo ni Sidhean. Nahihiya pa ba siya? Natatawa lang siya minsan kapag nakakatawa ang sagot ng mga ka-grupo niya. Ni hindi din siya nakasagot tulad ko.
"We are down to our last question," sabi ni Ma'am. "Score check, group one is fifteen, and group two is sixteen," dugtong niya.
Group two kami kaya lamang kami ng isa. Pero pwede pang mag tie and laban kaya dapat kami ang makasagot ng tama.
"For the last question, what does PAGASA stands for?" tanong ni miss. Mabilis naman na nag push ang kabilang team. Sayang, ang dali lang sana.
Nag-uusap usap pa sila ng sagot kaya nagbilang na si Ma'am. Nasa 4 seconds na ng biglang sumabat si Sidhean.
"Philippine Atmospheric Geophysical Astronomical Social Association?" patanong pa 'yong pagsagot niya.
"I'm sorry Sid. I know you tried your best but, the other group can steal it," sabi ni Ma'am.
Nag-usap usap din ang mga kasamahan ko ng sagot. Ang alam ko hindi Social 'yong S eh. Pero hindi ko maalala. Nakakagat ko na ang kuko ko dahil pilit kong inaalala kung ano ba 'yong S sa PAGASA.
Nasa four na ang counting ni Ma'am nang biglang parang may light bulb sa ulo ko. Naalala ko na!
"Philippine Atmospheric Geophysical Astronomical Services Association," siguradong sagot ko.
Nagpalakpakan at naghiyawan ang mga kasamahan ko nang sabihin ni Ma'am na tama ako. Nilapitan naman ako ni Aesther at nakipag-apir. Nanalo kami na may two points na lamang mula sa kanila.
Natapos ang klase na masaya ang lahat. Lumipas ang oras at natapos ang morning classes. It's lunch time and it's the first time that I'll be a slave. Natatakot ako dahil sa naging panaginip ko kagabi at natatakot din ako sa mga tanong ni Aesther kung sakaling makita niya.
"Girl, hindi na ako makaka-lunch with you. Dumating na kasi si mommy," sabi niya sa akin habang papalabas kami. I sighed as a relief. Mabuti nalang at hindi niya masasaksihan ang pang-aalipin sakin.
Tumango ako sa kanya at hinatid siya ng tingin papunta sa sasakyan nila. Kumaway siya sa akin at kumaway ako pabalik. When she left, I quickly went to the masters' room. Kaka dismiss lang nila kaya tamang tama lang ang dating ko. Naghintay ako sa labas ng room at inabangan ang paglabas nila.
When they got out of their room, they immediately handed their bags and books to me. Ang bibigat ng mga bags nila. Ano ba laman ng mga 'to? Notebooks or make up? Mukhang 'yong huli ang tama.
Pumunta muna kami ng locker nila at iniwan ang mga libro doon. Mabuti naman. Naglalakad lang sila sa harap at nasa likod lang ako at nakayukong naglalakad. Naririnig ko din ang mga tawa at pangungutya ng mga taong nadadaanan namin.
When we reached the cafeteria, umupo sila sa kanilang pwesto. Nilagay ko naman sa bakanteng upuan ang mga bags nila.
"Slave, order us food. Mine's lunch meal 1," utos ng leader nila.
"Milkshake lang ako at isang burger, diet ako eh," sabi naman ng alipores 1.
"Mine's lunch meal 2," sabi din ng alipores 2.
"Okay po," sagot ko naman at pumila na sa counter.
Inorder ko na 'yong sa kanila at nag-order na din ng sa akin. Binayaran ko ang mga 'yon gamit ang pera nila. Sabi naman nila sila magbabayad ng kakainin ko eh.
Bumalik ako sa table nila dala ang pagkain na ang bigat. Binigay ko din ang sukli sa kanila. Hindi naman sila nagreklamo na kulang o ano.
Nagsimula silang kumain at panay ang utos nila sa akin. Kumuha ng tubig, bumili ng ganito, bumili ng ganyan, pulutin ang panyo na sinadya namang ihulog, at marami pang iba. Halos mamatay-matay ako matapos silang kumain.
Halos hindi ko na mabuhat ang mga bags nila dahil sa pagod. Sobra pa sila sa mga customer sa Morning Dew kung maka utos eh. Ang sakit ng likod ko.
Bumalik ako ng classroom para sa afternoon classes. Nag stretching muna ako habang wala pang tao para mabawasan ang sakit ng likod ko. Dumating si Aesther ilang minuto ang lumipas.
"Oh, diba sabi ko sayo, ang gwapo ni Sidhean," sabi niya na may kasamang impit na tili.
"Okay naman," sagot ko naman sa kanya. Okay naman talaga ang itsura niya, pero mas naa-attract ako sa mata niya.
"Nako girl, crush ko na 'ata siya. Waaaaahh!" tili niya. Natawa nalang ako sa kanya.
"Hahaha, marami ka namang crush eh," sagot ko sa kanya sabay iling.
"Oo, pero mga K-pop artists 'yon. Si Sidhean lang 'yong reachable, hahahaha," sagot niya sa akin.
Nag-usap pa kami tungkol sa mga crushes niya at tumigil lang iyon nang pumasok ang teacher kasunod si Sidhean. Siniko naman ako ni Aesther at nang tignan ko siya, nakangiting nakatingin siya kay Sidhean. Parang sira naman ang isang 'to. Napailing nalang ako sa kanya.
Natapos ang afternoon classes at hinatid ko muna si Aesther bago pumunta sa mga masters. Binuhat ko ulit ang kanilang mga mabibigat na bags at hinintay ang kanilang sari-sariling mga sundo. Nang makauwi silang lahat, dumiretso din ako sa bus terminal at naghintay ng masasakyan.
Nang dumating ang bus, umakyat ako at umupo malapit sa bintana. May naupo sa tabi ko at nang lingunin ko ay si Sidhean pala. Umayos ako ng upo at hindi ko alam pero parang ang awkward ng atmosphere. Hindi ko din alam kung bakit ang bilis ng tibok ng puso ko. Kinakabahan ba ko?
Mas nabigla ako nang lumingon siya sakin at nagsalita ng 'hi'. Hindi ko alam ang gagawin kaya tumango nalang ako. Hindi naman ako pipi pero parang hindi ako makapagsalita. May problema yata ako. Naging tahimik lang kami hanggang sa bumaba siya. Nakahinga ako ng maluwag noong wala na siya. Dumiretso ako ng bahay pagkababa ko ng bus.
The whole week was a roller coaster ride for me. I was challenged by bullying, was slapped and pushed, locked in a cubicle, and treated as a slave. This is one messy ride that if given a chance, I would not dare experience it again.Today is Saturday and that means grocery day. I will spend my morning buying stuff needed in the house and needed by my aunt and sisters. Ako lang yata at ang tito ko ang hindi maarte sa gamit at hindi bili ng bili.I went to the nearest supermarket and got a cart to fill in with my supplies. I first went to the kitchen stuff, the ones needed for cooking. Oil, vinegar, soy sauce, spices, meat, milk, beverages, snacks, and many more. I actually have a long list of all the things I needed to buy that's written on my phone.I took my time inspecting the goodness of every product. From the expiry date, the nutritional facts, up to its usage and directions. Iniisa-isa ko talaga ang mga ito.
It's Sunday at magsisimba kami ngayon. Wala masyado akong tulog kagabi dahil may mga panaginip na naman akong hindi kaaya aya.Nasa isang gubat daw ako at nakatali sa isang puno. Umiiyak at sumisigaw ako pero parang mga demonyo ang nasa paligid ko at walang nakakarinig sa akin. Tawa lamang sila nang tawa. Mayroon silang binubungkal na lupa at nang malalim na ito, kinuha nila ako at tinapon doon. Walang silbi ang pagpupumiglas ko dahil ang lalakas nila. Wala ding silbi ang mga sigaw ko dahil mga bingi sila. Tinabunan nila ako ng lupa at doon na ako nagising na pawis na pawis.Hindi ako nakabalik sa pagtulog no'n kaya kulang ako sa tulog. Dalawang beses na akong binangungot at hindi ako komportable doon. Kaya ngayon, magsisimba ako. Kailangan ko ang gabay ng Diyos tuwing gabi.Nakabihis ako ng simpleng brown ruffle dress na hanggang ibaba lang ng tuhod. I also wore my red 2-inch wedge with strap. I put a little lip a
Classes resumed by monday and we're back to the same stress and frustration we felt on the first week of school. Days really fly fast. I couldn't even imagine myself still existing despite of those unimaginable happenings in my life the past week.I was walking through the corridors and went to the locker area. The bell hasn't rung yet so the masters had their dose of works for me to do this early. When I entered the school gates, I was surprised that they were also there, only for me to know that they purposely waited for me to arrive just to carry their bags.Nang mahatid ko sila sa kanilang classroom, heto ako't naglalakad patungong locker area to switch the things in their bags. Turns out they brought different books today, which I believe they planned to do. And now, they asked me to switch things in their respective lockers. Binigay naman nila sakin 'yong susi.When I arrived at the leader's locker, whose name I fo
Classes stopped at exactly 5:00PM. We prepared to go home but Aesther insisted on going to the mall first. Hindi naman sana problema 'yon kung hindi lang talaga dahil kila Cheska. Kailangan ko pa kasi silang ihatid gaya ng sinabi nila."I have things to do pa kasi Aesth, eh," sabi ko sa kanya. I don't want to disappoint her but Cheska and her alipores were clear about punishing me if I tell anything to Aesther."Please, please, please? Sige na, samahan mo na ako. Minsan lang eh," she pleaded. Mukhang wala na akong magagawa nito."Okay, ganito nalang, punta muna akong kabilang section dahil may kailangan ako doon, then after that we'll go, okay?" suggestion ko sa kanya. Agaran naman siyang tumango na parang bata kaya natawa ako. "Okay, let's go."Naglakad na kami papunta sa section nila Cheska. Nang makarating kami doon, pinalayo ko muna si Aesther para hindi niya marinig ang pag-uusapan namin. Nakita
I woke up earlier than my alarm and I don’t know why. To think that I wasn’t able to have the correct amount of sleep, I’m weirdly energetic today. Dahil ba ‘to sa gatas kagabi? Speaking of what happened last night, it never left my mind. At ngayon, naaalala ko na naman kung paano halos lumuwa ang mata ko no’ng makita ko si Sidhean. I shook my thoughts away and got ready for work. I prepared the breakfast for the royal family and prepared to go to Morning Dew. Maambon nga ngayong araw. Sinuot ko ang jacket at sumakay ng tricycle papuntang coffee shop. When I entered, si Kuya Ian lang ang bumungad sakin. Wala ring customer siguro dahil masyado pang maaga. I ordered my usual and after eating, dumagsa na rin ang mga drivers at mga early birds na mga estudyante. Naging busy ako hanggang sa natapos ang shift ko.
Sa pagmulat ng mata ko, isang LED bulb ang bumungad sakin at napakisap ako ng mata. Nang tingnan ko ang kabuuan ng kwarto, I realized that I am still in the clinic. Sinubukan kong bumangon pero naramdaman ko ang kirot ng buong katawan ko. Mula sa anit, ulo, mga braso, tiyan, at papunta sa mga paa ko, ramdam na ramdam ko ang pamamaga. I let the pain subside and stayed seated for a while until I’m assured that I can bear it. I gathered my things and walked over to where the nurse is. Paika-ika ang lakad ko pero alam ko namang kaya kong tiisin ang sakit. “Miss, pwede na po ba akong umuwi?” tanong ko sa nurse. Medyo nagulat pa siya ng makita ako. “Ha? Uuwi ka na? Hindi pa naman okay ‘yan
Time flies fast. We are nOw on the second quarter of the school year and exams are coming soon. One of the prerequisite to proceed on the next school year is research. We have to pass this subject by performing a qualitative research. I have a topic in mind buT as much as I would love to work alone, we are required to do it in pairs. Okay na sa aking makapareha si Aesther pero gusto ng karamihan na random selection para daw fair. Napabuga ako ng hangin dahil sa kaartehan nila. Kung ako nga lang ang papipiliin, mas gugustuhin ko pang mag-isa na lang. I was uninterested of the pairing until I heard my surname called. “Bartolome, you will be paired with…,” panimula ng
Pabor man sa akin na tinigilan na ako nila Cheska, hindi naman natigil ang mga pangungutya at masasamang tingin ng mga tao sa akin. Sa tuwing naglalakad ako sa hallway o quadrangle, tuwing bumibili ng pagkain sa canteen, their hawk eyes were always on me. Daig ko pa ang taong may nakakahawang sakit sa pandidiri nila sa akin. Most of the time, I don’t care, but there would be times that my heart would ache in every reaction I could get from anyone. Hindi man lahat kilala ako o alam na ako ang dakilang biktima ng pambu-bully, wala rin naman silang pakialam sa akin. I am in my eleventh year and all I ever wish is to finish it so I could go to college. I will raise myself without getting help from anyone, not even my aunt. I also plan on work
I kissed her. I’ve kissed her before but this time, it’s different. We are both healed. We both are new individuals, facing challenges together. We’ve been through so much, and I would love to go through more with her. I would love to be with her for the rest of my life. I put the letter down on the table and pulled her into me while our lips are still linked with each other. I pulled her waist closer and my hands draw small circles there. Her hands went from my face up to my nape. She’s clinging on to me, and it gave me a different kind of feeling. Saying butterflies in my stomach is too cliché as an adjective.  
I woke up early in the morning feeling excited about this day. Sa gabi ang hinandang party ni Sid and close friends lang ang invited at mga relatives niya. Bilang pasasalamat na rin niya raw ito dahil malapit na rin siyang grumaduate. Kinaya niya at kakayanin niya. Maraming naniniwala sa kanya at isa na ako doon. He’ll be a great brother and a boyfriend. Boyfriend. I smiled at the thought. Starting later this evening, wala ka nang kawala Sid. Naglinis ako at nagbihis para sa pagkikita namin ni Mav. Sana lang nagpaalam siya ng maayos sa fiancé niya. Ayokong masabunutan mamaya. Kaka-treatment lang nit
We were silent for about half an hour after she said that. I was expecting that she’s sorry at some point but I still was surprised when she dropped the word. Ever since we became bestfriends, she’s not the type to say sorry first. You have to humble yourself first before she admits her faults. And she always justifies her wrongdoings. Kesyo dapat daw maintindihan ko siya dahil it’s her first time, she didn’t know, and any other reasons she might have. Kaya nang nauna siyang mag-sorry, I was caught off-guard. Maybe life did change her, for the better, I guess. “Apology not accepted?” she nervously asked me. Nakatulala lang ako sa kanya, finding every hint of insincerity in her face, but all I can see is h
We’ve been sitting opposite from each other in silence. She would look at me and if I caught her, she would look away again. She’s also fidgeting with her fingers, nervous about something I don’t know. She wants to talk to me but she’s not saying anything since we went inside their bakery. All I can hear right now are the busy sounds of people working in the kitchen baking all kinds of pastries. I took the glass the cold water in front of me and drank from it. I looked at my wristwatch and it’s getting late. I still have to cook for our dinner. I looked back at her and she seemed to not talk anytime soon, so I stood up. &nb
“Congratulations, Kae! I’m so proud of you,” Dr. Jecyl told me and embraced me in a tight hug. This is my last meet with her as a patient but definitely not the last time as a friend. I am so happy I achieved something after a year. A year had passed and a lot of things happened. I have been visiting her clinic once I have free time and therapeutic sessions with her were all awesone and beneficial on my part. I could say – also according to her diagnosis – that I am healed. I don’t have panic attacks anymore and I can control my emotions now. Not that I want to hold all of my emotions, I still have breakdowns, and it’s normal. What I mean is, I am not easily affected like before. I know now when should I
“Ate, you’re done na ba?” my sister asked outside my room. “Malapit na!” I answered back and went to continue preparing. We are going to Ate Kaitlyn today. We agreed to visit her today and eat lunch with her. Matagal na rin kasi noong bumisita kaming lahat doon. Yes, Ate Kheana will be with us. Ang laki na nga ng tiyan niya eh. She’s expected to labor three weeks from now, and I am excited to see my niece. Bunso is excited, too. She even had a schedule na doon na matutulog kila ate para lang makasama ang baby. I am happy na umaayos na ang lagay naming lahat. As for Ate Kaitlyn, she’s also recovering well.
I woke up later than the time expected. Kuya Ian gave us a day to take a break and have time for ourselves. But I still have to work on the convenience store and the fastfood later. I stood up and went to the bathroom and washed up. After taking a bath, I looked for a decent pair of clothes and settled for a white three-fourth sleeve polo shirt and mom jeans. Today is the only time I am free to consult a doctor. Yes, I am finally taking a step towards healing. Ate Kheana suggested a psychiatrist for my therapy. She told me that she had a seesion once with her and she’s really good. So, I have to try it for myself, too. It might be minimized now, but I still have anxiety attacks. And I am tired of it. Also
Months passed and everything prettily went back to normal. Or that’s what I assumed to be. Classes started at the beginning of June and I worked hard for bunso’s school needs as well as our daily needs and Ate Kaitlyn’s needs. Ate Kheana would sometimes visit or call us to check up on us. The worry I had last time about her abandoning us for her new family went to waste. She still cares for us. And I thank her for that. Bunso on the other hand, had a heart-to-heart talk with me before she enrolled. She admitted that she felt sorry for me because I have to stop schooling for her. I told her it was all good but I also made her promise to do better in school. For her future’s sake. She did promise me that she will do her best to help me by doing great in school, and I took note of that. &nbs
Trigger Warning: Mentions of sickness and death I ran to him and checked his body for any bruise or whatsoever. I checked his face, his arms, his legs, and he was just standing there, too stunned to speak. “Anong nangyari sa’yo? Okay ka lang ba?” tanong ko sa kanya at gulat pa rin siya. “Hoy! Tinatanong kita!” mas nilakasan ko pa ang boses ko. “Ah-ha?” nauutal niyang tanong. “Anong nangyari sa’yo?” tanong ko ulit. “W-wala naman,” sagot niya n