Classes resumed by monday and we're back to the same stress and frustration we felt on the first week of school. Days really fly fast. I couldn't even imagine myself still existing despite of those unimaginable happenings in my life the past week.
I was walking through the corridors and went to the locker area. The bell hasn't rung yet so the masters had their dose of works for me to do this early. When I entered the school gates, I was surprised that they were also there, only for me to know that they purposely waited for me to arrive just to carry their bags.
Nang mahatid ko sila sa kanilang classroom, heto ako't naglalakad patungong locker area to switch the things in their bags. Turns out they brought different books today, which I believe they planned to do. And now, they asked me to switch things in their respective lockers. Binigay naman nila sakin 'yong susi.
When I arrived at the leader's locker, whose name I found out is Cheska, I opened it. Pinalit ko 'yong Filipino book niya sa English dahil 'yon 'yong gagamitin daw nila ngayon. Same as with the two alipores, I exchanged the books that they brought to the English ones in their lockers.
Medyo padabog kong sinara ang mga 'yon dahil wala na nga akong tulog kagabi, ito pa aabutin ko sa school. Scam din kasi ang moon kagabi eh. Akala ko pa naman magiging matiwasay ang tulog ko pero kabaligtaran ang nangyari. Hindi ako nakatulog ng maayos dahil sa takot kong bangungutin na naman.
I walked back to their room dala ang mga English books nila. Nakayuko lang ang ulo ko, yakap ang mga libro, at parang tinatamad na naglalakad. Napatigil ako at napatingala nang may dalawang kamay na pumigil sa magkabilang balikat ko. Nang tingnan ko, ang nakabusangot na mukha ni Aesther ang nakita ko. Umayos naman kaagad ako ng tayo.
"Saan ka pupunta?" tanong niya sabay tingin sa mga librong hawak ko. Hindi kasi English ang first period namin at tatlo pa ang dala ko kaya siguro nagtataka siya.
"Ah, isasauli ko lang sa mga may-ari. Andoon room nila eh," sagot ko naman at nginuso ang room nila Cheska.
"Oh, okay. Samahan na kita," alok niya.
"Ay, huwag na," pigil ko sa kanya. Baka kasi anong isipin nila Cheska 'pag nakita nilang kasama ko ang isang 'to. Baka isipin nilang nagsumbong ako o ano. "Ako na lang, kaya ko naman eh. Mauna ka na," dugtong ko pa.
"Sure--" hindi na niya natapos ang sasabihin niya dahil nag-ring na ang bell hudyat na magsisimula na ang klase.
Nagpaalam ako sa kanya at dumiretso sa room nila Cheska. Ibinigay ko ang mga libro nila at pagkatapos ay dali-dali akong pumunta sa classroom. Tamang tama lang ang dating ko dahil kakadating lang din ni Ma'am.
Nagdiscuss ng kaunti si Ma'am at pagkatapos ay hinati kami sa limang grupo para sa isang project. Tigwa-walong tao bawat grupo at naging kagrupo ko si Sidhean. Nasa kabilang group naman si Aesther. Nagtatampo nga siya dahil hindi niya naging ka-grupo ang crush niya.
Few minutes passed and we're given the remaining time to plan for our project. I can't volunteer to lead because I know for a fact that they don't like having me in their group. Si Sidhean lang yata dahil kanina pa siya nakangiti sa akin.
"Hay nako, sana sa iba nalang siya napunta, wala namang may maitutulong 'yan eh," pagpaparinig ng isa. Alam ko naman na ako ang tinutukoy niya.
"Uhm, Sidhean, may gusto ka bang i-suggest sa project na gagawin natin?" tanong ng isa na halatang nagpapacute dahil ang nipis ng boses. Hindi naman ganyan ang totoong boses niya eh.
"Uhm, wala akong maisip eh... si Kaela! Baka may idea siya," sagot ni Sidhean na ikinagulat ko. Pinapahamak ba ako nito? "Kae, may idea ka ba?" tanong pa niya sa akin.
Tiningnan ko naman sila isa-isa at halata namang napipilitan lang silang tumingin sakin dahil si Sidhean ang nagsabi. Lakas din kasi kamandag ng isang 'to eh.
"Gawan nalang siguro natin ng review 'yong tungkol sa tax reform, para kahit papaano ay related sa diniscuss ni Ma'am atsaka napapanahon din kasi ang topic," sagot ko sa kanila at nakita ko namang parang ayaw nilang mag-agree sa sinabi ko.
"Yes! 'Yon nga! Magandang idea 'yan. The best ka talaga Kae!" biglang hiyaw ni Sidhean. Ok lang ba siya? Mukha ngang di nila gusto eh. "Ano? 'Yon nalang gawin natin," panghihikayat pa niya sa mga kasamahan. Nakakabilib lang na napa-oo naman niya ang halos lahat.
"Ok, divide nalang natin 'yong parts sa bawat isa," sagot ng isang babae.
They divided the work and most of them got the easy ones. Ako nalang at si Sidhean ang natira para sa review mismo. Wala na kaming nagawa kung hindi ang kunin 'yon kahit pa ito ang pinakamahirap sa lahat.
"Ok, so since may mga gagawin na tayo, no need for us to meet on the weekends. We'll just be working with what's given us and then if you're done, send me the soft copy and I'll compile the work. The deadline should be on Wednesday so that we can still have it checked and revise it," mahabang litanya ng isang kaklase ko. So I guess she volunteered to be the leader. We all agreed and were dismissed. We went back to our seats.
Nang maupo ako, tumabi si Sidhean sakin at kinalabit ako.
"Ano na naman bang kailangan mo?" tanong ko sa kanya na parang nababagot na.
"'Yong gagawin natin, kailan tayo gagawa?" tanong niya.
"Ok na, ako nalang gagawa no'n," sagot ko naman. Kaya ko namang gawin 'yon eh.
"Ay, hindi ako papayag diyan no, dapat sabay tayong gagawa no'n," makulit niyang sabi. "What if I go to your house?" suggestion niya.
"What? No!" nabibigla kong tugon. Hindi siya pwede doon. Baka kung ano isipin at sabihin ng tita at mga kapatid ko.
"Edi sa bahay ko nalang. Punta ka sa bahay ko," suggestion niya ulit. Bakit ba ang kulit niya?
"Ayoko, marami akong gagawin, hindi ako makaalis ng bahay," sagot ko naman.
"Eh, ano nang gagawin natin?" tanong niya na parang frustrated na siya.
"Sabi ko naman kasi diba? Ako na ngalang ang gagawa. Check mo nalang pagkatapos," sagot ko naman. Okay lang naman sa akin na ako lang gagawa eh. Mas pabor nga sakin 'yon dahil walang kokontra sa mga gusto kong isulat.
"Gusto ko sanang tumulong eh," sagot naman niya. Ang effortless naman niyang magpacute, magpa-pout lang cute na agad eh.
"Okay, ganito nalang. From 6:30 to 8:00 in the morning, I work in the Morning Dew. Kapag nagtatrabaho ako, you work on it, kapag naman wala nang customer, I'll help you," suggest ko naman sa kanya.
"Okay, that sounds good. Magdadala nalang ako ng laptop para madaling magsulat. May wifi naman kayo doon diba?" tanong niya at tumango ako. "It's settled then. Thank you," dugtong niya at umalis sa tabi ko para bumalik sa totoong pwesto niya.
Dumating na din ang next teacher namin at nagpatuloy ang discussion hanggang sa nag-ring ang bell hudyat na lunch break na. Nagdismiss kami at kanya kanyang alis ang bawat isa. Hinatid ko ulit si Aesther sa labas bago bumalik kila Cheska.
They decided to eat at the mall so we went there and as usual, I am the one bringing all of our things and they were just walking like they're in a runway.
When they finally decided on where they would eat, we entered the famous fast food restaurant with the bee as their endorser. They narrated everything they want to order and of course, as per rule, I am the one lining up and getting us our orders.
Nang maupo ako, they began filming and taking photos of themselves to be put on their stories in different social media platforms. They do it definitely for fame. Wala naman kasing ibang naangkop na rason para sa kanila. Well, I don't have anything to do with it anyway, kaya hayaan nalang sila.
When we received our orders, we started eating and they began talking about how awful their teacher is and they're also badmouthing some of their classmates. Bakit ba ganito mga ugali nila? Napakatoxic.
Pagkatapos namin kumain, they spent the remaining time to shop and buy the things they wanted. Mga anak mayaman ang mga 'to pero hindi pa nag-private school. Sabagay, kung ako ang magulang, mas maganda ngang sa public school pag-aralin ang mga anak dahil marami silang matututunang aral. Nakadepende naman 'yon sa desisyon ng bawat pamilya eh.
Palipat lipat kami ng shop na pinapasukan dahil iba iba ang desisyon nilang tatlo. Merong gusto ang brand ng kabila, meron namang gusto 'yong discounted. They don't think as one kaya ang tagal nilang matapos sa pamimili. Umabot na kami sa supermarket, skincare products, bookstore, at marami pang iba. They even went to the bakeshop para bumili ng snacks nila mamaya.
After how many minutes of waiting and tailing for them, they finally would want to go back to school. Sabay-sabay kaming bumalik doon at nang maihatid ko sila sa kanilang room, doon lang ako nakahinga ng maluwag. Bumalik na din ako sa room ko at nagsimulang mag-umpisa ang klase.
Classes stopped at exactly 5:00PM. We prepared to go home but Aesther insisted on going to the mall first. Hindi naman sana problema 'yon kung hindi lang talaga dahil kila Cheska. Kailangan ko pa kasi silang ihatid gaya ng sinabi nila."I have things to do pa kasi Aesth, eh," sabi ko sa kanya. I don't want to disappoint her but Cheska and her alipores were clear about punishing me if I tell anything to Aesther."Please, please, please? Sige na, samahan mo na ako. Minsan lang eh," she pleaded. Mukhang wala na akong magagawa nito."Okay, ganito nalang, punta muna akong kabilang section dahil may kailangan ako doon, then after that we'll go, okay?" suggestion ko sa kanya. Agaran naman siyang tumango na parang bata kaya natawa ako. "Okay, let's go."Naglakad na kami papunta sa section nila Cheska. Nang makarating kami doon, pinalayo ko muna si Aesther para hindi niya marinig ang pag-uusapan namin. Nakita
I woke up earlier than my alarm and I don’t know why. To think that I wasn’t able to have the correct amount of sleep, I’m weirdly energetic today. Dahil ba ‘to sa gatas kagabi? Speaking of what happened last night, it never left my mind. At ngayon, naaalala ko na naman kung paano halos lumuwa ang mata ko no’ng makita ko si Sidhean. I shook my thoughts away and got ready for work. I prepared the breakfast for the royal family and prepared to go to Morning Dew. Maambon nga ngayong araw. Sinuot ko ang jacket at sumakay ng tricycle papuntang coffee shop. When I entered, si Kuya Ian lang ang bumungad sakin. Wala ring customer siguro dahil masyado pang maaga. I ordered my usual and after eating, dumagsa na rin ang mga drivers at mga early birds na mga estudyante. Naging busy ako hanggang sa natapos ang shift ko.
Sa pagmulat ng mata ko, isang LED bulb ang bumungad sakin at napakisap ako ng mata. Nang tingnan ko ang kabuuan ng kwarto, I realized that I am still in the clinic. Sinubukan kong bumangon pero naramdaman ko ang kirot ng buong katawan ko. Mula sa anit, ulo, mga braso, tiyan, at papunta sa mga paa ko, ramdam na ramdam ko ang pamamaga. I let the pain subside and stayed seated for a while until I’m assured that I can bear it. I gathered my things and walked over to where the nurse is. Paika-ika ang lakad ko pero alam ko namang kaya kong tiisin ang sakit. “Miss, pwede na po ba akong umuwi?” tanong ko sa nurse. Medyo nagulat pa siya ng makita ako. “Ha? Uuwi ka na? Hindi pa naman okay ‘yan
Time flies fast. We are nOw on the second quarter of the school year and exams are coming soon. One of the prerequisite to proceed on the next school year is research. We have to pass this subject by performing a qualitative research. I have a topic in mind buT as much as I would love to work alone, we are required to do it in pairs. Okay na sa aking makapareha si Aesther pero gusto ng karamihan na random selection para daw fair. Napabuga ako ng hangin dahil sa kaartehan nila. Kung ako nga lang ang papipiliin, mas gugustuhin ko pang mag-isa na lang. I was uninterested of the pairing until I heard my surname called. “Bartolome, you will be paired with…,” panimula ng
Pabor man sa akin na tinigilan na ako nila Cheska, hindi naman natigil ang mga pangungutya at masasamang tingin ng mga tao sa akin. Sa tuwing naglalakad ako sa hallway o quadrangle, tuwing bumibili ng pagkain sa canteen, their hawk eyes were always on me. Daig ko pa ang taong may nakakahawang sakit sa pandidiri nila sa akin. Most of the time, I don’t care, but there would be times that my heart would ache in every reaction I could get from anyone. Hindi man lahat kilala ako o alam na ako ang dakilang biktima ng pambu-bully, wala rin naman silang pakialam sa akin. I am in my eleventh year and all I ever wish is to finish it so I could go to college. I will raise myself without getting help from anyone, not even my aunt. I also plan on work
Pagkatapos naming kumain ay nagyaya na si Aesther na umuwi. Ayaw pa sana nina Sidhean pero wala na silang magawa. Ayaw ko rin namang hayaan umuwi mag-isa si Aesther. Lumabas kami at naglakad papuntang main road. Doon naghihintay ang driver ni Aesther. Pagdating namin sa intersection, kailangan naming maghiwalay dahil hindi kami parehas ng daan pauwi. “Ikaw ba Mav? Saan ka?” tanong ko kay Maverick. “Ah, doon din ang daan ko pauwi,” sagot niya na tinuro ang daan sa kabila na siyang dadaanan din nila Aesther. “Oh, eh sama ka na samin,” aya ni Aesther sa kanya.&nb
The next day was an awkward one for us. We just worked on our research and will only talk if we have questions for each other. I can say I am ashamed but I really felt better after crying. I looked at Sidhean in front of me who’s busy reading something on his laptop. He doesn’t seem to be awkward with me but maybe he is considerate enough not to mention anything for me not to be offended. I smiled realizing that he is a warm person after all. We are currently working on our qualitative research in his house. I met his mother when I arrived but she went out right after welcoming me. There’s just the two of us as of now excluding his two dogs. “Hey, do we include the effect of mobile game addiction to social health?”
The week started off in a hectic way. We prepared for the defense which we nailed later on, we got busy with workloads and academic activities such as choosing for the Supreme Student Government in which Maverick won as the president, and I realized I wasn’t myself the past few weeks. I have been guillible when I am with Sidhean but gets back to being consumed by anxieties when I am alone. And I hate it. I hate the idea of being emotionally dependent to anyone. I don’t like the anxiousness that I feel whenever I think that Sidhean will soon get tired of me and will eventually leave me. That’s why I finally decided. I will draw the line. I should bear in mind that he is just a friend and nothing more.
I kissed her. I’ve kissed her before but this time, it’s different. We are both healed. We both are new individuals, facing challenges together. We’ve been through so much, and I would love to go through more with her. I would love to be with her for the rest of my life. I put the letter down on the table and pulled her into me while our lips are still linked with each other. I pulled her waist closer and my hands draw small circles there. Her hands went from my face up to my nape. She’s clinging on to me, and it gave me a different kind of feeling. Saying butterflies in my stomach is too cliché as an adjective.  
I woke up early in the morning feeling excited about this day. Sa gabi ang hinandang party ni Sid and close friends lang ang invited at mga relatives niya. Bilang pasasalamat na rin niya raw ito dahil malapit na rin siyang grumaduate. Kinaya niya at kakayanin niya. Maraming naniniwala sa kanya at isa na ako doon. He’ll be a great brother and a boyfriend. Boyfriend. I smiled at the thought. Starting later this evening, wala ka nang kawala Sid. Naglinis ako at nagbihis para sa pagkikita namin ni Mav. Sana lang nagpaalam siya ng maayos sa fiancé niya. Ayokong masabunutan mamaya. Kaka-treatment lang nit
We were silent for about half an hour after she said that. I was expecting that she’s sorry at some point but I still was surprised when she dropped the word. Ever since we became bestfriends, she’s not the type to say sorry first. You have to humble yourself first before she admits her faults. And she always justifies her wrongdoings. Kesyo dapat daw maintindihan ko siya dahil it’s her first time, she didn’t know, and any other reasons she might have. Kaya nang nauna siyang mag-sorry, I was caught off-guard. Maybe life did change her, for the better, I guess. “Apology not accepted?” she nervously asked me. Nakatulala lang ako sa kanya, finding every hint of insincerity in her face, but all I can see is h
We’ve been sitting opposite from each other in silence. She would look at me and if I caught her, she would look away again. She’s also fidgeting with her fingers, nervous about something I don’t know. She wants to talk to me but she’s not saying anything since we went inside their bakery. All I can hear right now are the busy sounds of people working in the kitchen baking all kinds of pastries. I took the glass the cold water in front of me and drank from it. I looked at my wristwatch and it’s getting late. I still have to cook for our dinner. I looked back at her and she seemed to not talk anytime soon, so I stood up. &nb
“Congratulations, Kae! I’m so proud of you,” Dr. Jecyl told me and embraced me in a tight hug. This is my last meet with her as a patient but definitely not the last time as a friend. I am so happy I achieved something after a year. A year had passed and a lot of things happened. I have been visiting her clinic once I have free time and therapeutic sessions with her were all awesone and beneficial on my part. I could say – also according to her diagnosis – that I am healed. I don’t have panic attacks anymore and I can control my emotions now. Not that I want to hold all of my emotions, I still have breakdowns, and it’s normal. What I mean is, I am not easily affected like before. I know now when should I
“Ate, you’re done na ba?” my sister asked outside my room. “Malapit na!” I answered back and went to continue preparing. We are going to Ate Kaitlyn today. We agreed to visit her today and eat lunch with her. Matagal na rin kasi noong bumisita kaming lahat doon. Yes, Ate Kheana will be with us. Ang laki na nga ng tiyan niya eh. She’s expected to labor three weeks from now, and I am excited to see my niece. Bunso is excited, too. She even had a schedule na doon na matutulog kila ate para lang makasama ang baby. I am happy na umaayos na ang lagay naming lahat. As for Ate Kaitlyn, she’s also recovering well.
I woke up later than the time expected. Kuya Ian gave us a day to take a break and have time for ourselves. But I still have to work on the convenience store and the fastfood later. I stood up and went to the bathroom and washed up. After taking a bath, I looked for a decent pair of clothes and settled for a white three-fourth sleeve polo shirt and mom jeans. Today is the only time I am free to consult a doctor. Yes, I am finally taking a step towards healing. Ate Kheana suggested a psychiatrist for my therapy. She told me that she had a seesion once with her and she’s really good. So, I have to try it for myself, too. It might be minimized now, but I still have anxiety attacks. And I am tired of it. Also
Months passed and everything prettily went back to normal. Or that’s what I assumed to be. Classes started at the beginning of June and I worked hard for bunso’s school needs as well as our daily needs and Ate Kaitlyn’s needs. Ate Kheana would sometimes visit or call us to check up on us. The worry I had last time about her abandoning us for her new family went to waste. She still cares for us. And I thank her for that. Bunso on the other hand, had a heart-to-heart talk with me before she enrolled. She admitted that she felt sorry for me because I have to stop schooling for her. I told her it was all good but I also made her promise to do better in school. For her future’s sake. She did promise me that she will do her best to help me by doing great in school, and I took note of that. &nbs
Trigger Warning: Mentions of sickness and death I ran to him and checked his body for any bruise or whatsoever. I checked his face, his arms, his legs, and he was just standing there, too stunned to speak. “Anong nangyari sa’yo? Okay ka lang ba?” tanong ko sa kanya at gulat pa rin siya. “Hoy! Tinatanong kita!” mas nilakasan ko pa ang boses ko. “Ah-ha?” nauutal niyang tanong. “Anong nangyari sa’yo?” tanong ko ulit. “W-wala naman,” sagot niya n