Chapter 1.2:

Gulat akong napalingon sa likod ko noong may magsalita.

"Rafael!"

Akala ko multo!

"Sorry, did I scare you?" he asked while walking towards me. Nanatili akong nakatingala sa kaniya, pinapanood ang kaniyang bawat galaw hanggang maupo na siya sa tabi ko. "He's your friend, right?"

Tumango ako. "Oo."

"How long have you been friends?"

"Uhm, noong grade two rin. Magkakaklase na kasi kami nila Rein noon." I smiled.

"Must have been nice to have a friend like him."

"Oo naman!" masaya kong saad. "Ang bait bait kaya ni Mavros. Kanina nga, inalok niya pa akong siya na lang ang bibili ng—" 

His forehead creased, confused for my sudden cease fire. Tumikhim ako at tumuwid sa pagkakaupo habang pinapagalitan ang sarili sa isipan dahil sa pagiging madaldal.

"Buy you what?"

I looked away and laughed awkwardly. "Wala."

"He's going to buy you what?"

"W-Wala, Rafael."

He suddenly stood up and went in front of me. Nabibigla akong nag-angat ng tingin sa kaniya.

"I'll buy it for you."

"Ha?"

"I'll buy it for you."

"W-Wag na!" taranta kong saad. "Ayos lang!"

"I'll buy it for you, Sebi."

"Ano... a-ayos na.”

"How is it okay already when I didn't see him going to the canteen to buy it for you? Did he reject it?"

"Ha? Hindi! Hindi!"

"Then I'll buy it, ano ba 'yon?"

Bakit ba ang kulit ng isang 'to? Parang kanina lang noong sinungitan niya ako ah!

"Siorse..." he probed.

I cleared my throat and silently muttered, "Nap..."

"Nap? What's that?"

"Yung... malaking band aid...?" I implied. I don't even know if he knows what I meant for that!

"Bakit?" Kumunot ang noo niya. "May sugat ka?"

"Wala!" I can feel the sudden flush on my face in denial.

"Did you trip? Natumba? Are you bleeding?"

Paano ko sasabihin sa kaniya na iba ang dumudugo?!

"I'll buy you the nap," he said and turned his back.

Bago pa man siya makaalis ay hinigit ko na siya pabalik. Nagtataka siyang napalingon sa akin, ngunit mas nagtagal ang kaniyang tingin sa kamay kong nakahawak sa kamay niya. He, unexpectedly, gripped on it gently before he raised his head to look at me.

"Why?" his voice suddenly became soft.

"Napkin..." I mumbled.

"What?"

"Napkin, Rafael," I repeated and looked away. "I was talking about... sanitary napkins."

"Oh."

"For, uh, red days, uh, gets mo ba?"

Tumikhim siya. "Yeah. Sorry, did I make you uncomfortable?"

"Hindi, ayos lang." I smiled. "Nahihiya lang ako."

He nodded. "But do you still want me to buy it for you? I ca—"

"May dala ako," I said, immediately cutting him off. "Punta ka na do'n, nagsisimula na silang maglaro."

"Will you be okay here?"

"Oo naman. Saka, hindi rin kasi ako mahilig magpa-araw."

He nodded and looked down. Napatingin ako sa kung saan siya nakatingin at noon ko lang din napansin ang magkahawak pa rin naming kamay. Agad na dumapo ang hiya sa akin noong mapagtanto iyon! Hinigit ko na ang kamay ko bago pa man niya mapansin ang panlalamig ko. I saw how he slightly got shocked but he quickly composed himself and smiled softly.

"L-Laro ka na."

He nodded again like an obedient puppy. I thought he will walk away now but then he swiftly grabbed his bag near us and took his jacket from there. I was taken aback when he handed it to me.

"Cover yourself with it, kapag naiinitan ka."

"May... bubong naman dito."

"Kapag bumalik na mamaya sa room." He reached for my hand and placed the jacket there. "Cover yourself."

I gripped on it as I slowly place it down on my lap. "Thank you, Raf."

"I'll go play."

He smiled before turning his back. He jogged his way towards our classmates and immediately formed a group with Renz and his friends.

Napangiti ako at nagbaba ng tingin sa jacket. I don't know what gotten into me when I sniffed it like a dog. Ang bango! Sabagay, palagi naman siyang mabango. Kung mayroon mang consistent kay Rafael, iyon ay ang kaniyang mabangong amoy. Pakiramdam ko nga’y saulo na ng ilong ako ang aroma niya!

Malapad akong ngumiti bago ibinaba muli ang jacket sa kandungan.

Napalingon ako sa kanila at para akong kinidlatan ng langit noong makitang pinapanood pala ako ni Rafael! He was leaning on the fence while staring at me with his amused face. He was even biting his lower lip. Umawang ang bibig ko. He chuckled at my reaction and I couldn't feel more ashamed than this!

Nakakahiya! Nahuli niya akong inaamoy ang kaniyang jacket!

Nag-iwas ako ng tingin at inubob ang mukha sa aking tuhod. Kinagat ko ang labi ko para mapigilan ang pagtili sa kahihiyan!

Because of that incident, he would always offer me his jacket. He never teased me about it! Pero palagi niya nang iniiwan ang jacket niya sa akin. Minsan pa nga ay nauuwi ko kapag nakakalimutan niyang kuhanin o hindi kaya ay nakakalimutan kong ibigay ulit sa kaniya. Kaya ang kinalabasan, nagkaroon ako ng collection ng mga iyon.

Minsan nga napapaisip ako kung may supplier ba siya ng jacket. At lahat ng iyon, mabango.

Pagkatungtong namin sa ika-walong baitang, gano'n pa rin. Ngunit ‘yon lang ay kapag hindi kami napapansin ng mga kaklase namin. Madalas kapag PE time. Minsan din kapag recess at nasa labas ang iba. Hindi ko alam kung bakit ba ako nahihiya kapag nakikita kaming magkasama. Maybe he felt it too so he tried to set distance from me when everybody's around.

"Bakit ka may 90?" Mama asked me, definitely disappointed from what she saw in my report card.

Yumuko ako, kinakabahan dahil hindi ko nakuha ang ine-expect niyang grade ko. It was just one 90 from one subject. The rest, 95 plus na.

"Late po ako nakapagpasa noong project namin, Ma. Hindi umabot."

"Bakit ka naman na-late?"

"Nasira ko po yung una kong gawa." Kinutkot ko ang aking daliri sa likod ko. "Natagalan po ako sa pangalawa kaya late."

I didn't want to lie but that's the only way that I find reasonable enough to say. The truth is, one of my classmates accidentally poured his orange juice to my work. Hindi naman niya sinasadya dahil nadapa talaga siya, subsob ang mukha. I didn't want to blame him because it was an accident. 

"Bumawi ka sa third quarter, Sebi," aniya sa matigas na tono. "Hindi 'to pwede kay konsehal. Baka hindi mo matanggap ang scholarship kung sakali! Alam mo namang wala tayong pambayad sa mga universities ngayon. Lalo na sa kursong kukuhanin mo!"

"P-Pagbubutihan ko na po sa susunod."

"Sige na, umakyat ka na sa kwarto mo at mag-aral!"

I turned my back and went upstairs. I was biting my lips to stop myself from crying but the moment I closed the door, my tears started creeping down on my face.

I hate failure not because of the fact that I failed, but mainly because I know that I am being watched. 

I see myself as a tough person because I rarely cry. But when it comes to my mother's expectations from me, that's when my tears become sensitive. It scares me every time I disappoint her. Lalo na sa pag-aaral ko. I know that I'm doing my best, but she always points out the worst.

Si Mama lang ang nagpapa-aral sa aming dalawang magkapatid. Si Papa, matagal na kaming iniwan. May bago na siyang pamilya. Kaya naiintindihan ko si Mama kung bakit ganito na lamang ang expectations niya sa kakayahan ko. Kailangan niya akong asahan.

"It's okay..." I whispered to myself while wiping my tears away. My lips stretched in attempt for a smile. "It's okay..."

The next day, I pushed myself to feel as light as a feather even though I was carrying a storm inside my chest. As much as possible, I don’t want my friends to know my problems at home or them seeing me sad because of my problems.

Nakasalubong ko lang si Rein sa gate at sabay na kaming naglakad papasok sa room. Parehas kaming napatili sa gulat noong biglang sumigaw ang lahat!

"Congratulations, Miss President!"

My eyes widened in friction and my mouth went agape when I saw my classmates in front. Nakatipon silang lahat at malapad na nakangiti sa akin.

"Anong mayroon?"

"Top one ka!" Mavros told me. "97.50 average mo!”

Everyone congratulated me. Malapad na ngiti ang isinusukli ko sa kanila habang nagpapasalamat. Masaya ako na may mga taong proud sa natatanggap kong karangalan. Sapat na ‘yon para makaramdam ako ng kasiyahan para sa sarili.

We went back to our seats after to review for our upcoming exam. I was studying my notes noong biglang may maglapag ng can of chocolate drink sa aking lamesa. May kasama pa iyong Toblerone. Nag-angat ako ng tingin sa bigla. Atticus was scratching his nape while trying to avoid my gaze.

"Ano... mamaya mo na lang basahin 'yong note kapag hindi na nakatingin si Rein. Chismosa 'yan, eh!" He rushed off after.

"Yabang, gago!" Rein yelled at him.

Sinundan ko ng tingin si Atticus hanggang sa makaupo na siya sa pwesto niya, sa tabi ni Rafael. He nudged him and said something while wearing his playful smile. Rafael rolled his eyes and continued reading his book. Siguro ay naramdaman niyang may nakatitig sa kaniya kaya't nag-angat ng tingin at nakasalubong ang akin. I was about to smile at him when he tore his eyes off. Sumimangot ako. Sungit talaga!

I picked up the can of chocolate drink and the chocolate. Nadadag-anan pala noon ang note na sinasabi ni Atticus. When I saw that Rein was gossiping with our classmate beside her, I secretly opened it without her noticing.

I got a feeling that this isn’t from Atticus...

Hindi ko alam kung bakit kumakabog ang puso ko habang dahan-dahang binubuksan ang sulat mula sa isang pilas ng sticky note.

The internet informed me that eating chocolate or drinking hot chocolate improves attention span and reaction time. It was especially found to be helpful when studying so I hope these will help you. 

Congratulations, princess. You did well.

- R.

Unti-unting sumilay ang ngiti sa labi ko. This is definitely not from Atticus.

Lumingon ulit ako sa likod para tingnan si Rafael. He was already watching me when I looked back. I smiled at him and he gave me a small one. But it was enough for me. Enough to make me happier.

I mouthed, "Thank you."

He only nodded and went back on reading his book. He shifted on his seat and covered his face with the book, the reason why I noticed that it was upside down. Marahan akong natawa na lang habang nailing.

Kunwari, hindi ko nakita.