Long before I realized that I lost my way from the perception of my sanity, I gripped my hand as I try to go back to the right path.
The rapid of my heart wasn't helping and an act of a claw clutching it in agony tortured me more.
Kailan ko nga ba huling naramdaman 'to?
Hindi ko akalain na makikita ko siya rito. Hindi ako sinabihan nila Rein at Mavros. Hindi ako handa!
Huminga ako nang malalim. Trying to convince myself that there are no more reasons for me to be affected by the fact that he's here, I smiled a little and had my eyes straight to the altar.
Dapat ay matagal na akong okay sa katotohanang ito. Dapat... matagal na rin akong nakalimot. Ngunit talagang imposible.
"Ayos ka lang?" mahinang bulong sa akin ni Mavros na siyang nasa tabi ko ngayon.
Ngumiti ako at tumango. Ngunit mas lalong lumalim ang kunot sa kaniyang noo
Noong tuluyan na akong makalayo sa kanila ay saka ko lamang sinagot si Kenzo. “What do you mean I have a new project?” Rinig ko ang pagsalin niya ng tubig mula sa kabilang linya. Taking his time, I even heard him sipping his water and his big gulp was as if on purpose to tease me. Napahaplos ako sa aking braso noong humangin, nilalamig kahit kasalukuyang tirik ang araw. Wala sa sariling ibinalik ko ang tingin sa kabilang panig ng simbahan at nakitang papaalis na ang lahat para dumiretso sa venue. Nanatili ang paningin ko sa partikular na pamilyang halos pinapanood din ng lahat. Rafael opened the door for Sianna and even held her waist to guide her inside. Nakagat ko ang ibabang labi noong marahas na tumibok ng aking puso dahil sa nakita. Rafael then reached for the back seat, probably to check on their son who was seated there. Pagkatapos ay nakangiti niyang isinara ang pintuan ng kotse at nagulat ako noong bigla siyang bumaling sa direksyon ko! Hindi
“Let’s raise our glasses for the newlyweds as they share another sweet kiss as husband and wife!”Nakangiti kong itinaas ang aking kopita katulad ng lahat. When they finally kissed, noon lang namin mahinang ipinukpok ang baso ng kurbyentos upang gumawa ng tunog while cheering on them. Mas lalong lumakas ang hiyawan noong pinalalim ni Levi ang halik at humawak naman sa batok niya si Rein na nagustuhan ang ginawa ng asawa.Their kiss ended after a few more seconds. Patuloy pa rin ang pang-aasar sa kanila lalo na’t namumula si Rein, noon lang nahiya noong nagsisigaw na ang lahat.“What a very passionate kiss from Mr. and Mrs. Fernandez! Talagang kinilig ang lahat!”Hinarangan ni Rein ang mukha niya at pabirong hinampas ang braso ng asawa. Levi only laughed and held her waist to pull her closer, earning another batch of screams from us.Pagkatapos kumalma ng lahat ay umupo na rin kami. May mga server na dumating para
Hindi ko na nagawang magpaalam nang maayos kay Renz pagkatapos niya akong ihatid sa building ng condo ko. I only got to smile a bit and nodded at him when he bid his good bye. At least, I waited for his car to go before I turned my back and went inside.Tulala ako buong oras na hinihintay kong tumigil sa tamang palapag ang elevator na sinasakyan. At nang makarating nga sa condo ko, dumiretso na ako sa banyo at naglinis.Pumikit ako habang dinadama ang tubig na bumabagsak sa katawan ko mula sa shower. It's draining how I can still see his image right before I entered Renz's car.Why did he even take a step forward? As if he was going to approach me.Rafael... Kailan mo ba balak bitawan ang puso ko?At kailan ko ba babawiin?Huminga ako nang malalim. I should really go back to sleep and take a rest. Mawawala na rin naman 'tong pakiramdam na ito kinabukasan. Ang mahalaga ay hindi ako magtatagal at aalis na rin agad bukas.I was drying my hair with a towel when I remembered that I left my
Sunsets for me are in their most beauteous form when it kisses the sea. The collision of it makes the most ravishing combination. With the sound of the waves crashing through the shore and the sky having its own painting event. With brilliant red, orange, and eternal yellow-brown colors playing its scheme. Capturing the naked eyes’ desire to see a miraculous sight. An apocalyptic, smokey dull scenario that always leaves me in awe. The sunset for me symbolizes that even endings can cease beautifully. That falling down can mean that you were meant for that to rise again. To come back in a brighter and bolder state with the essence of peace, harmony, and the promise of renewal. I am no artist nor a poetic person to describe it in a prodigious way. I play with my words with humbleness and simplicity. I dwell with my description in nakedness and purity. And I sort it out with my experiences. Isn't that how we learn from things? Family. Friendship.
"Royo, Reineste Liana M.," I mentally cursed at myself when I heard Ma’am Grijalba’s voice, our adviser, going through the attendance. Maingat akong humahakbang nang mabilis para makaabot. Muntikan pa akong madapa kanina sa may gate at kitang-kita ko kung paano pinigilan ng guard ang kaniyang tawa! Dalawang kaklase ko pa ang natawag bago ako nakarating sa back door. Huminga muna ako nang malalim bago ko dahan-dahang binuksan ang pinto. I motioned my classmates to keep their silence when they saw me sneaking in. I tiptoed my way, making sure that I wouldn't get
Gulat akong napalingon sa likod ko noong may magsalita. "Rafael!" Akala ko multo! "Sorry, did I scare you?" he asked while walking towards me. Nanatili akong nakatingala sa kaniya, pinapanood ang kaniyang bawat galaw hanggang maupo na siya sa tabi ko. "He's your friend, right?"
I am secretly a strong shipper of romance… in novels. In reality, I have a faint belief with it. Maybe because the love that I witnessed is from my parents. Ang pag-ibig na maraming kapintasan sa simula pa lang. Simula noong masaksihan ko kung paanong lumabas si Papa sa pinto ng bahay namin, dala ang kaniyang mga bagahe at gamit, naging mababaw sa akin ang sinasabi nilang pagmamahal. To me, it’s the call for chaos. That’s why I swore to myself to never engage myself to the flaw of life. Romantic love, particularly, isn’t part of my comfort zone. But something happened in our 9th grade that caused a ruckus in my heart. All because of that stupid play.
Parehas kaming nanlalaki ang mga mata sa gulat. Everyone shouted and applauded because they certainly saw the kiss! Mabilis kong itinulak ang sarili palayo kay Rafael noong matauhan. Ngunit dahil nga mali ang salo niya sa akin, muntikan na naman akong matumba kaya't agad akong napahawak sa braso niya bilang suporta. Nagkatinginan kami ni Rafael, napalunok ako sa sobrang seryoso ng kaniyang mukha. Impit akong napatili noong madali niya akong itinayo. Our bodies are close to each other because I was literally hugging him and his arms are wrapped around my waist to support my weight. Napatitig muli ako sa kaniya. It was like I was seeing a whole storm in his eyes while he's staring at me. Noong kumurap siya ay saka lang muli ako natauhan at lumayo na sa kaniya. I fixed my hair after and cleared my throat. Nararamdaman ko ang pamumula ng aking pisngi dahil sa init niyon. My first kiss! "W-Wow, uhm, settle down. Settle down." Sinubukang pak
Hindi ko na nagawang magpaalam nang maayos kay Renz pagkatapos niya akong ihatid sa building ng condo ko. I only got to smile a bit and nodded at him when he bid his good bye. At least, I waited for his car to go before I turned my back and went inside.Tulala ako buong oras na hinihintay kong tumigil sa tamang palapag ang elevator na sinasakyan. At nang makarating nga sa condo ko, dumiretso na ako sa banyo at naglinis.Pumikit ako habang dinadama ang tubig na bumabagsak sa katawan ko mula sa shower. It's draining how I can still see his image right before I entered Renz's car.Why did he even take a step forward? As if he was going to approach me.Rafael... Kailan mo ba balak bitawan ang puso ko?At kailan ko ba babawiin?Huminga ako nang malalim. I should really go back to sleep and take a rest. Mawawala na rin naman 'tong pakiramdam na ito kinabukasan. Ang mahalaga ay hindi ako magtatagal at aalis na rin agad bukas.I was drying my hair with a towel when I remembered that I left my
“Let’s raise our glasses for the newlyweds as they share another sweet kiss as husband and wife!”Nakangiti kong itinaas ang aking kopita katulad ng lahat. When they finally kissed, noon lang namin mahinang ipinukpok ang baso ng kurbyentos upang gumawa ng tunog while cheering on them. Mas lalong lumakas ang hiyawan noong pinalalim ni Levi ang halik at humawak naman sa batok niya si Rein na nagustuhan ang ginawa ng asawa.Their kiss ended after a few more seconds. Patuloy pa rin ang pang-aasar sa kanila lalo na’t namumula si Rein, noon lang nahiya noong nagsisigaw na ang lahat.“What a very passionate kiss from Mr. and Mrs. Fernandez! Talagang kinilig ang lahat!”Hinarangan ni Rein ang mukha niya at pabirong hinampas ang braso ng asawa. Levi only laughed and held her waist to pull her closer, earning another batch of screams from us.Pagkatapos kumalma ng lahat ay umupo na rin kami. May mga server na dumating para
Noong tuluyan na akong makalayo sa kanila ay saka ko lamang sinagot si Kenzo. “What do you mean I have a new project?” Rinig ko ang pagsalin niya ng tubig mula sa kabilang linya. Taking his time, I even heard him sipping his water and his big gulp was as if on purpose to tease me. Napahaplos ako sa aking braso noong humangin, nilalamig kahit kasalukuyang tirik ang araw. Wala sa sariling ibinalik ko ang tingin sa kabilang panig ng simbahan at nakitang papaalis na ang lahat para dumiretso sa venue. Nanatili ang paningin ko sa partikular na pamilyang halos pinapanood din ng lahat. Rafael opened the door for Sianna and even held her waist to guide her inside. Nakagat ko ang ibabang labi noong marahas na tumibok ng aking puso dahil sa nakita. Rafael then reached for the back seat, probably to check on their son who was seated there. Pagkatapos ay nakangiti niyang isinara ang pintuan ng kotse at nagulat ako noong bigla siyang bumaling sa direksyon ko! Hindi
Long before I realized that I lost my way from the perception of my sanity, I gripped my hand as I try to go back to the right path.The rapid of my heart wasn't helping and an act of a claw clutching it in agony tortured me more.Kailan ko nga ba huling naramdaman 'to?Hindi ko akalain na makikita ko siya rito. Hindi ako sinabihan nila Rein at Mavros. Hindi ako handa!Huminga ako nang malalim. Trying to convince myself that there are no more reasons for me to be affected by the fact that he's here, I smiled a little and had my eyes straight to the altar.Dapat ay matagal na akong okay sa katotohanang ito. Dapat... matagal na rin akong nakalimot. Ngunit talagang imposible."Ayos ka lang?" mahinang bulong sa akin ni Mavros na siyang nasa tabi ko ngayon.Ngumiti ako at tumango. Ngunit mas lalong lumalim ang kunot sa kaniyang noo
“On behalf of LAX Airlines and the entire crew, I’d like to thank you for joining us on this trip, and we are looking forward to seeing you on board again in the near future. Have a nice day!”"Thank you." I smiled at the flight attendant who attended me when I asked for help with my baggage. Ngumiti siya sa akin at tumungo bago nagpaalam.Dire-diretso ang lakad ko hanggang sa marating ko ang station two at napagdesisyonang doon na muna tumigil para tawagan si Renz na siyang susundo raw sa akin. Ani Rein, hindi na raw pala sila makakapunta rito dahil baka mahuli sa kasal. Ayos lang naman sa akin dahil naiintindihan ko, mas makakabuti pa nga."Saan ka?" tanong ko kay Renz na siyang kausap ko na sa telepono."You don't see me?" he said. "Maghanap ka ng lalaking nagwawagayway ng kartolina. Kita na kita."Napangiti ako at agad na inilibot ang paningin sa paligid. Bahagya pa akong natawa noong makita si Renz na todo
The next day, my phone was bombed with notifications from Rein and Mavros. Some of my other friends sent me friend requests and accepted mine. Kahit si Kenzo ay nakita ko sa listahan. Bahagya akong natawa dahil doon bago tinanggap ang kaniya.Rein Liana: Ellei Rolloque Velasco. Sebi, ikaw ba talaga 'to? Ikaw ba 'to?Rein Liana: Sumagot ka naman, oh. Parang awa mo na, Sebi. Miss na miss na kita.Agad kong sinalo ang mga luhang tumulo kahit nangingiti dahil sa pagbabasa ng mga mensaheng pinadala nila.Maverick Rosu: Sebi... Ikaw ba 'to?Maverick Rosu: We miss you so much. We're here, okay? Nandito lang kami. Kahit nasaang lupalop ka man ng mundo ngayon, handa kaming pumunta kung nasaan ka man para damayan ka. Mahal na mahal ka namin, okay?Mavros: Thank you for reaching out again. Talk to us when you're ready. Nandito lang kami.Maybe at some point, I regretted leaving them behind and had them searching for t
The crowd applauded as I bow my head and waved my hands to bid my farewell after finishing my speech. Hindi rin naman kasi ako pwedeng magtagal sa platform dahil may mga susunod pa sa akin at may sarili-sarili kaming time limit."Congratulations!" maligayang bati sa akin ni Kenzo na siyang may bitbit pang bouquet ng mga bulaklak noong nasa backstage na ako.Malawak akong napangiti dahil doon at nagagalak na tinanggap ang bulaklak na ibinigay niya. He smirked and tugged my arm to finally hug me."You did fucking great! I'm so proud of my girl!"I chuckled and slapped his arm in a mocking way. Napakinggan ko pa siyang ngumisi bago humiwalay sa yakap at ginulo ang buhok ko."Do you want to eat somewhere, Lei? My treat."I winced and nudged him. "No lies?""I swear on my sister's grave."Ngumuso ako para pigilan ang ngiti at saka tumango bilang pagpayag. Dahil doon ay marahan siyang natawa bago hinaw
By recalling everything that happened, I realized how much of a regret burden me still up until the recent time.Seira… it feels like I am living with a different person now ever since we were discharged from the hospital.Samantalang sa mga araw na bumibisita ako sa psychiatrist, natutunan kong luwagan ang kapit sa mga ala-alang sumisira sa akin.“What about painting?” Dra. Sanchez suggested. “You told me that you’ve tried before and it helped. What about… we focus on this activity first?”As I go along with the flow of life, I have found the hidden existence behind the obstacles that forced me out of my zone.I stared at the blank canvas in front of me. My mind, in a whirlwind of spectacles, as I try to figure out what to do first. At that very moment, I’ve conceded that I’ve reserved myself to the gloam of my torment that I’ve wasted a year of my life trying to figure out how to heal
“It would be better if you’ll let her stay here for a while so we can monitor her as well. What she’s going through, Ms. Rolloque, isn’t the type to be neglected further.”I presented to be asleep the whole time that Aunt Luzette was talking to the Doctor who checked up on me. I didn’t have to hear her diagnosis because I have already confirmed it myself ever since I spot on the symptoms of it. From my mind’s less capability of keeping me sane to the bruises that I’ve inflicted on myself.After a few moments, the Doctor finally went out and left us inside the hospital room where I am at. I heard Aunt Rolloque sighing in defeat, too heavy that I feel like I was already starting to become a burden to her. But what can I do? Eto ako ngayon. Kahit ang sarili ko ay hindi ko na makontrol.“I know you’re awake,” aniya makalipas ang ilang sandali. Hindi pa rin ako mumulat at nagpatuloy sa pagpapanggap. Sh