SUMALUBONG sa amin ang familiar simoy ng hangin, it’s been 5 long years since I left this country. When I left we ended our relationship that day, inilan ko na ang oras ko sa anak ko. Buti na lang kahit hindi ako maswerte sa pag-ibig ay maswerte ako sa kaibigan. Nick and Ally didn't left me, since the day Desmond left me for her ay hindi ako iniwan ng mga kaibigan ko.
A small hand pulled the hem of my shirt so I bent down so that I could face him. Ang laki na ng anak ko, at sa paglaki niya ay mas lalo niyang nagiging kamukha ang kanyang ama.
“Mommy, Will I see daddy?.” Malumanay na tawag sa akin ng 4 years old kong anak.
“Yes baby, you will see him in a bit.” I smiled and kissed his cheeks.
“I’m almost there.” Ani ng lalaking kausap ko sa telepono.
“I can’t wait to see you two. I missed you” May bahid na sayang sambit niya.
“Okay, see you” I’m really thankful to have him with us, he never gave up on me during those tough times and because of him I was able to raise Yandrich well.
“Daddy!” he was standing at the main entrance holding a placard and waiving it. I smiled at the man smiling ear-to-ear and warmly greeting us. Nick let Yandrich to call him dad, kahit dapat ay tito dad. As Yandrich grows older he longs for a father, and I'm thankful for Nick because he's there for my son. He did a lot of things for us and I'm thankful that he never left us kahit na pinagtutulakan ko siya noon.
“How are you, young man?” Nakangiting bungad niyang tanong sa ank ko ng makarating kami sa kinaroroonan niya. He carried my son and hugged him tight.
“I miss you, Daddy.” Magiliw na sabi ni Yandrich habang nakayap sa leeg ni Nick.
"I miss you too, baby." Sabi nito "Ako ba hindi monna miss?" May pang-aasar na tanong niya sa akin at kinuha s akamay ko ang maleta namin.
"Hindi." I laughed ng kumunot ang mukha nito. "Stop that. Hindi ka cute tignan." Pang aasar ko pa.
"You're so mean." He frowned. "Look baby, you're mommy's bullying me." Naiiling na lang akong lumapit sa kanya at niyakap siya.
"I miss you too, Nick. Kahit dalwang linggo lang tayong hindi nagkita." I laughed. Nick gave me light when my world was so dark. Hindi ko siguro makakaya lahat ng pinagdaan ko kung wala siya at si Ali.
GABI na ng makarating kami sa bagong bahay namin. We're staying here for a while, kaya bumuli ako ng bahay dito para na rin may bakasyunan kami dito sa Pilipinas.
I heard that he's getting married, akala ko nga ay magpapakasal sila agad nung maghiwalay kami. Anyway, I don't care about them anymore. I already cut my ties with them many years ago. I moved on.
"You should sleep." Sabi ni Nick as soon as he's done washing the plates. Muntik pa kaming magatalo kung sino ang maghuhugas, ang ending natalo pa din ako, kesyo pagod daw ako from a long flight.
I nodded and walked towards my room, ngayon ko lang naramdaman ang pagod. Parang tinatawag na ako ng kama sa sobrang pagod ng katawan ko. Good thing Nick is here.
"I know you're tired." He smiled and kissed my forehead.
"Dito kana kaya ma tuog?" I asked dahil alam kong pagod din siya at gabi na.
"I want to, but I can't I have an important meeting to attend tomorrow." He sadly said. "See you"
"Okay, ingat ka. Text me pag nakauwi kana." Pahabol kong sabi sa kanya.
"Yes, mom." pagbibirong sabi nito.
"Nako, ewan ko sayo." We both laughed and bit or goodbyes.
I WAS starring at ceiling dahil sa mga glow in the dark stickers na nakalagay dito. Nick really knows what I want. Kung matuturuan ko lang sana ang puso ko kung sino ang dapat na mahalin ay matagal ko ng ginawa. He always showed me how much he cared and loved me since we met 8 years ago. And now, he was there for Yandrich too. For the past 5 years, he was there, I wanted to give him the same love he gave me... us but I failed. Maybe I was traumatized from all the pain of the past.
Pakiramadam ko ay masyado ko na siyang nasasaktan dahil ang tagal niya ng naghihintay, pero hanggang ngayon hindi pa rin ako ready na mag commit ulit. I'm scared.
"Sana ikaw na lang."
HALOS ISANG buwan na kaming naninirahan sa pilipinas. Sa loob ng isang buwan ay umikot ang mundo ko sa pagtuturo sa mga bata sa orphanage. I teach them how to paint dahil isa sa mga rason kung bakit ako umuwi ng pilipinas ay ang exhibit na ito. Pangarap ko noon na magkaroon ng art exhibit sa bahay ampunan kung saan ako lumaki. Dahil ang pera na makakalap namin sa exhibit na ito ay mapupunta sa lahat sa mga bata.
"Mommy, I'm ready!" Magiliw na bati ng anak kong poging pogi sa suot nito. I smiled at him and kissed his cheeks.
"Hindi mapagkakailang ang walang hiya mong ex ang ama" pabulong na sabi ni Ali na halos dito na tumira mula ng dumating kami. I look at my son, I see him from him para silang pinagbiyak na bunga.
Pareho kaming nakatitig sa anak kong ngayon ay kausap na ni Nick. Binibida ang relo niyang spiderman. I laughed.
"Ang pogi naman ng inaanak ko, manang-mana kay Ninay Ganda." Sabi ni Ally at niyakap ng mahigpit ang anak ko.
"Ninang Ganda, don't hug me na. You'll ruin my hair." Nakasimangot na sabi ng anak kong pinanggigilan ni Ally. Napatawa na lang kami.
"Maghanap ka na kasi ng boyfriend at magpabuntis ka agad para hindi mo pang gigilan yang anak ko." Pagbibiro ko kay Allyson na hanggang nagayon ay pinanggigilan si Yandrich.
"Hindi a daw ready yung type ko." Natawa na lang ako sa sinabi ni Allyson. I stared at them, they are the most important person in my life. I hope this will last.
"Let's go, mommy!" he said and run towards the car excitedly.
"Careful, love" I said at sumunod na sa kanila.
MAAGA pa ng dumating kami venue kaya kakaunti pa lang ang tao. Peo may ilan na akong nakitang sikat na politiko, business owners at artista na tumitingin ng painting ng mga bata. May ilan rin akong painting na isinama sa collections na narito, tulong ko na rin sa mga bata. Of course ang ilan sa mga bigating mga taong ito ay ginagamit ang ganitong evet para makilala sila, o kaya ay ipakita ang kanilang yaman, o kaya naman ay ma kita ng publiko ang "kabutihan" nila. Well as long as bumili sila ay walang problema.
Masaya akong sinalubong ni Sister Mary, at ng mga bata. Kaya naman tuwang-tuwa si Yandrich dahil may mga kalaro siya. He grew up na halos siya lang mag-isa ang naglalaro, that's why I always grab this kind of oppurtunity for him to enjoy and play with other kids.
"Okay, just don't run. Be careful." I said to him ng magpaalam siyang maglalaro sa playground.
"Hindi ko lubos maisip na ang makulit at uhugin na batang inalagaan ko noon ay unti-unti ng natutupad ang pangarap." Nakangiti at naluluhang sabi ni Sister.
"Salamat, anak. Salamat sa mga tulong na binigay mo sa amin at sa mga bata." dagdag niya pa at niyakap ako. Si Sister Mary ang tumayong ina ko bago ako ampunin ng mga Martinez. Kaya malaki ang pasasalamat ko sa kanya.
"Sister naman, pinapaiyak mo ako." Nagpupunas ng luhang sabi ko. We both laughed pero dahil sa nagdadatingan na ang mga tao ay hindi rin nagtagal ang pag-uusap namin ni Sister.
IT'S almost eight in the evening, kaya hinatid na muna ni Ali at Nick si Yandrich dahil paaod na ito at inaantok na. Ang ibang bata rin ay tulog, tanging staff at sina sister na lang ang kasama kong mag asikaso sa bisita dahil marami pa rin ang dumating at halos paubos na ang mga painting.
I was about to get a drink ng biglang pumasok ang lalaking matagal ko ng kinalimutan...
Desmond Kyle Velasquez.
HINDI ako makagalaw sa kinatatayuan ko ng magtama ang mata namin. Bakit siya nandito? I look at them again na papalapit na sa akin. I don't know what to do. But I need to keep my self composed ayaw kong isipin nila na apektado pa rin ako sa nangyari noon, limang taon ng nakalipas. I want them to see that I don't fear them aymore, that I moved on. Desmond was with Samatha na parang ahas kung makahawak sa braso ni Desmond. Kasama rin niya ang kanyang ina na lumilisik ang mga matang tinitignan ako. I look at them confidently, taas noo ko silang sinalubong. Hindi na ako magpapa apekto sa kanila, I won't let them ruin me again. "Good Evening, Mrs. Velasquez. Long time no see." sabi ko at nakibeso rito. "You... What are you doing here?" bulong nito. I just smiled at her brightly. Halata sa mata nito ang pagkagulat dahil sa inakto ko hindi rin ito nakapagsalita ulit agad. Kaya naman binati ko na rin si Desmond at Samantha. Marahil ay akala nito ay iiwasan ko sila, too bad I'm no the same
AS I ARRIVED on our house bumungad sa akin ang anak kong naalimpungatan ata, dahil kinukusot pa nito ang kanyang mata. Halatang kakagising lang. He looks so cute on his blue shark pajamas. Nawala lahat ang pagod ko ng makita ko siya. He was really a godsent to me. "Mommy..." He said and yawned. "I was looking for you. Why are you matagal?" his sleepy voice make him even more cuter kaya naman hindi ko na napigila ang saili ko na pangigilan siya. I can't believe na galing siya sa akin. He wasn't planned but my son is the most wonderful thing happened to me despite of all that happened. "Nightmares?" Tumango siya kaya naman binuhat ko na siya papunta sa kwarto niya. "Kanina ka po niya ma'am hinahanap, naka idlip lang po kakahintay. Kaso ayaw ka naman po niyang tawagan, baka daw po busy kayo" malumanay na sabi ni Jorgie, she's Yandrich baby sitter. "I'm sorry, baby. Mommy was so busy earlier." I kissed his head at hinaplos ang likod niya. "It's okay,mommy. I understand." Halos pabul
"AN ACCIDENT?" I don't know what to say and react sa lahat ng nalaman ko kaya pala he told me at the exhibit nait was the first time he saw me because he couldn't remember me. Desmond got into an accident and forgot about me. I don't know what to feel. I feel numb."He got into a car accident. It is said that he forgot the recent years of his memories that day." Allyson said and looked directly into my eyes. Reading my emotions kung magpapatuloy ba siya. "Their family didn't elaborate on the information about what happened, but the only thing I know is that he doesn't remember that two years you two are married." She continued. "I don't know if I will be happy or what." I awkwardly laugh. "If he forgot about me then I don't have to worry anymore about Yandrich." But there is something inside me telling me something different. "But, why didn't you tell me?" Wala sa wisyo kong tanong. I'm buried on my thoughts and feelings. Naguguluhan ako sa nararamdaman ko."We don't want to stre
I WAS about to answer him, when my phone rang. Tunatawag si Yandrich. "Mommy, what time are you going home?" His sleepy voice makes me smile. I looked at Desmond to excuse myself. He just nodded. "I'm almost done here, love. I'll be there" Sabi ko, hindi na ako lumingon kay Desmond kahit ramdam ko ang titig niya sa akin. "Okay, Mommy. Ingat ka po, I love you!" He excitedly said. "I love you too, love. see you!" As I ended the call, inayos ko na ang mga gamit ko na nakakalat sa mesa. Desmond also help me but he's not talking. He looked pissed and annoyed. "I'm sorry about that." I said as soon as I finished to keep my things. "Anyway thank you for your offer but, may magsusundo sa akin. I'm leaving." Sabi ko sa kanya at umambang tatayo na ng bigla siyang nag salita. "Mukha nga." pabulong niyang sabi and tsked. He looks annoyed as I look at him. Why? "Ha?" Patay-malisya kong sabi kahit narinig ko naman ang sinabi niya. "I ask if ang boyfriend mo ba ang susundo sayo?
AS DESMOND entered the room, halos lahat ng mata ng mga kasama ko ay nakatingin sa kanya. Some of the trainees giggled and whispered about how good looking he is. He's wearing a white polo shirt na nakabukas ang dalawang butones and the sleeves are folded hanggang sa kanyang siko. Napailing na lang ako at tinignan siya. He's looking directly at me na para bang ako lang ang tao sa opisina. Pero ang lubos na agaw pansin sa kanya ay ang pink na paper bag na may logo ng paborito ko na cafe. Hindi bagay sa suot niya. "Hungry?" Ani nito ng makadating sa tabale ko at itinaas ang paper bag na dala niya. Labis ang pagtataka ko kung bakit sa paborito kong cafe siya bumili. Baka coincidence lang. "Hi, I'm here to discuss the final design. Are you free?" Napalingon ako sa mga ka officemate ko na nagbubulungan, paniguradong tatanungin nila ako kung sino ang lalaking nasa harapan ko ngayon. "Okay..." Bago ko pa man matapos ang sasabihin ko ay lumaput sa amin ang boss ko para batiin si Des
AFTER our lunch break, ay agad kaming bumalik dahil may naghihintay pa sa aking trabaho. Kung hindi nga lang ako nainis sa sagutan ng dalawa kanina ay natapos ko na sana ang trabaho ko. "Nick, can we talk after work? I'll finish it right away so we could talk" Tumingin ako kay Desmond para ipahayag na ito nagtrabahong tinutukoy ko. He's my client so he's a priority. "Okay, I'll wait for you." He just smiled and kissed my forehead na ikinagulat ko. I know he's sweet but we're in public at baka ma misinterpret ng iba. It may be normal to us but to other people? They might give meaning to it. Buti na lang ay kilala naman halos ng ka officemate ko na kaibigan ko lang si Nick After Nick left ay nakabusangot pa rin nag mukha ni Desmond. Para itong batang inagawan ng candy. What's his problem? Napailing na lang ako. "Let's go to the meeting room." Pag aaya ko dito para naman may privacy kaming mag-usap. I looked at him before speaking but he still look mad for some reason. Mayb
MAAGA akong gumising dahil medyo malayo ang lakad ko ngayon, its 2 hours drive from our house. When I arrived Desmond was already there leanint on the hood of his car, behind him is the house they plan to renovate. "Good Morning. Breakfast?" He said and offered me a paper bag of a known fast food chain. His favorite. Ano ba Yvonne stops going back to the past where he can't even remember you exist. "Good Morning. I already ate." I said politely at pinagmasdan ang kabuohan ng bahay. It's old but still beautiful. Vintage. His grandparents house na ayaw nilang patirahan sa amin noong mag-asawa pa kami. How funny. "Can you join me? It's lonely to eat alone." He insisted. He's still leaning on his car biting on his burger. Honestly I haven't eaten pero nakakahiya naman na humingi ako diba? I walked towards him and took the paper bag in his hands. Doon ko lang na realize na dalawa pala ang binili, so he bought this for me? Or maybe he's expecting someone, at ako yung unang dumating
“Congratulations Mrs. Velasquez, you're 8 weeks pregnant!” Tila tumigil ang mundo ko sa mga katagang binigkas ng OB ko. I have a hunch na baka buntis ako, but now that I heard it hindi ko alam kung anong mararamdaman ko. I’m happy, and afraid at the same time. I’m gonna be a mother! Magkaka-anak na kami ni Desmond. I can’t wait to see his reaction. “COME home early tonight, Desmond. We’ll have dinner together.” I was planning to tell him on our special day about our soon-to-be baby. “Okay.” Sagot ni Desmond sa kabilang linya. Ilang linggo na rin simula ng malaman ko na buntis ako. Hindi naman naging mahirap ang pagpipigil kong sabihin kay Desmond kasi may business trip siya ng mga nakaraang linggo at sakto uuwi na siya ngayon. Tonight, on the last minute of our wedding anniversary, I'll tell him about my pregnancy. FOR the nth time I look at the clock,It’s already 9PM pero wala pa rin siya. I tried calling him but he never answered. I’m getting worried so I called Enzo, on