Chapter 4

AS I ARRIVED on our house bumungad sa akin ang anak kong naalimpungatan ata, dahil kinukusot pa nito ang kanyang mata. Halatang kakagising lang. He looks so cute on his blue shark pajamas. Nawala lahat ang pagod ko ng makita ko siya. He was really a godsent to me. 

"Mommy..." He said and yawned.  "I was looking for you. Why are you matagal?" his sleepy voice make him even more cuter kaya naman hindi ko na napigila ang saili ko na pangigilan siya. I can't believe na galing siya sa akin. He wasn't planned but my son is the most wonderful thing happened to me despite of all that happened. 

"Nightmares?" Tumango siya kaya naman binuhat ko na siya papunta sa kwarto niya. 

"Kanina ka po niya ma'am hinahanap, naka idlip lang po kakahintay. Kaso ayaw ka naman po niyang tawagan, baka daw po busy kayo" malumanay na sabi ni Jorgie, she's Yandrich baby sitter. 

"I'm sorry, baby. Mommy was so busy earlier." I kissed his head at hinaplos ang likod niya. 

"It's okay,mommy. I understand." Halos pabulong niya ng sabi dahil sa antok. I almost melt on what he said, he grew up so fast, parang kahapon lang lagi niya aong hinahanap. But now sobrang matured niya ng maghandle ng ganitong situation on his age. He's really smart, just like him.

"You are the greatest gift I ever had." Dahan-dahan ko siyang ibinaba sa kama. As soon as I lay beside him I feel relaxed. It's like he takes away all the stress I had earlier. He's my home, my everything.

KINAUMAGAHAN ay pumunta kami ni Yandrich sa mall para bumuli ng ilang gamit namin dahil hindi naman namin dala lahat ang gamit namin. Gusto ko ring bumawi kay Yandrich, Pakiramdam ko napabayaan ko siya nitong mga nakaraang araw dahil sobrang focus ako sa exhibit. 

"It's not here, mommy. I forgot to get the car!" 

"Let's get it." Sabi ko at ititulak na sana ang cart pabalik sa sinasabi niyang laruan pero pinigilan niya ako.

"No Mommy, me and ate Jorgie will get it. You're already on the line." He said at hinila na si Jorgie.

I just smile while looking at them. He's really smart, I'm proud of him, he can now make decisions like this on his own. 

"It's you again, Ms. Ramirez." A familiar voice said a few minutes after my son left. 

"D-Desmond." Hindi niya naman siguro nakita,right? He doesn't see Yandrich, right?

"Are we dropping the formalities now?" Pabiro niyang sabi. I looked at him and I fake laugh dahil kinakabahan ako na baka bumalik na si Yandrich o kaya naman ay nakita niya kami ni Yandrich.

"Is that your son?" He said while looking at my back. Nanlaki ang mata ko sa sinabi niya at sinundan siya ng tingin.

"Mommy, I got it!" Masayang sabi ni Yandrich ng makalapit na ito sa akin. He is inosently smiling widely while showing me his toy. Wala siyang kaalam-alam na ang ama niya ang nasa likod ko at pakiramdam kong titig na titig sa kanya.

"T-That's good, baby" I look at the man behind me, he still there standing looking at my son. 

"Is that your son?" paguulit niya pa. Na mas lalong nagpakabong ng puso ko. What if he had an idea that Yandrich is his son? What if he will take him away from me.

"You look pale, are you okay?" Sabi nito at lumapit papalapit sa amin. Buti na lang at kami na ang susunod sa pila kaya hindi na ako nag abalang sagutin ang mga tanong niya sa pagaakalang aalis siya. But he didn't he waited. Why did he wait? May idea na kaya siya? No. I have to get away from him!

"W-We're g-going." Wala sa sarili kong sabi at nilagpasan siya. 

"You're ignoring my questions. Is there somethings wrong?" He curiously said. 

Sasagot na sana ako ng biglang nagsalita si Yandrich. 

"Mister, Our eyes looks the same." hindi ako makagalaw sa kinatatayuan ko at agad na tumingin kay Desmond.

"You're right, we do have the same eyes. It's rare. What's you're name, young man?" He said and sit down to level my son. 

"Damian Yandrich Ramirez." 

"How old are you?" tanong pa ni Desmond. 

"Sorry, we really need to go." Sabi ko at binuhat na si Yandrich.

"It's nice seeing you again, Mr. Velasquez." I walked as fast as I can para maka alis agad doon. I practiced lots of times sa ganitong situasyon pero ni isa sa mga pinaghandaan kong sasabihin ay hindi ko masabi-sabi.

I'M STILL TREMBLING kahit na nakauwi na kami sa bahay. Pakiramdam ko ay maya nakasunod sa amin kaya naman tinawagan ko si Allyson na sa kanila muna kami didiretso at magpapahatid kami pauwi sa kanya. 

"Ally what should I do?" Agad kong sabi pakadating namin sa condo niya. 

"Jorg, paki dala muna si Yan-Yan sa kwarto ko." Sabi ni ally. 

"Desmond saw Yandrich." I said as soon as Yandrich and Jorgie left. 

"Paano kung maghinla siya?" Naiiyak kong sabi kay Allyson.

Akala ko ba nagbago na ako, that I'm not the same as before. Siguro dahil minahal ko ng lubos si Desmond kay ganito ang nararamdaman ko. He hurt me too much making me like this. Ayaw ko ng masaktan ulit. Lalo na ngayon dahil involve na si Yandrich. I can't drag my son into this. 

"Paano kung paimbestigahan niya ang anak ko? Ako?" Dugtong ko pa. I'm panicking. I don't know what to do!

"Paano kung kunin niya ang anak ko sa akin? Si Yandrich na lang ang meron ako, Alli."

"Should we go back to states?" Umiiyak kong sabi kay Allyson na tahimik na nakikinig sa akin.

"I'll book flight tonight." Muntik ko ng mahulog ang cellphone ko sa sobrang kaba na baka kunin ni Desmond sa akin ang anak ko. 

"Ally naman, magsalita ka." I look at her na para bang nag aalangan na sabihin sa akin kung ano man ang sasabihin niya. 

"What is it Ally? May dapat ba akong malaman?" I said. She holds my hands and looks at me seriously. 

"I think, it's impossible for him to investigate your son, Von." Kumunot ang noo ko sa sasinabi niya. why is it impossible? 

Yandrich looks exactly the same as Desmond so it's not impossible na masabi na mag-ama sila. That's why I nevr show Yandrich sa mga kilala namin ni Desmond. Only Ally, Nick and Sister Mary knows na anak ko si Yandrich kay Desmond. Kaya nga mas pinili ko na malayo sa mga nakakakilala sa akin ang bahay na tinutuluyan namin nagyon. At tuwing lumalabas kami sa public places ay sinisigurado kong malayo din ito sa kanila. Pero tadhana yata ang nagtatagpo ng landas naming tatlo. 

"Huh? Why? I mean... that's good but..." I instantly asked her.

"He forgot about you, Von." may bahid na lungkot na sabi ni Allyson. 

"What do you mean?" I confusingly asked her. Hindi ko maintindihan. 

"A month after you left he got into an accident." she said in a low voice. She can't look at me para bang na guilty ito na ngayon niya lang nasabi sa akin. 

I don't know how to react, Should I be happy? Kung nakalimutan niya ako ibig sabihin nun I won't have to worry anymore about him finding out about our son. or should I be sad? that he forgot everything we shared when we were together? 

I don't know anymore.