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45| Aftermath
Huling Na-update:
2023-12-24 06:21:19Kaugnay na kabanata
Toxic Paradise 46| Bruises
"Jayna, you can't keep doing this to me," my mom scolded on the other end of my phone.Ryan had just left my room and I was about to fall asleep when I had an incoming call from my mom. I had several missed calls from her already, and aside from texting, we hadn't talked much since I left for Siesta Key. So, despite my intense desire to sleep, I had answered on the third ring."I'm sorry, mom. I didn't know I texted you last night." I was surprised to hear that I sent her anything, because I didn't remember any details from my night. But, sure enough, when I looked through my phone this morning, there was indeed a text to my mom. Essentially, it was a bunch of gibberish along with the word, "drug." I could see how she'd be concerned. Had I been in my right mind, I would never have texted my mom. It just worried her for no reason."Well, you did text me. What did your message mean? Are those boys making you do drugs?" She asked."No mom, of course not. Look, everything's fine, and I d
Huling Na-update : 2023-12-24Toxic Paradise 47| Midnight Chats
"Oh my god, Ryan, why did you pick this movie?" I said, cuddling further into his side.When Alec had mentioned doing a movie outdoors, I was hoping for a nice comedy. Instead, Ryan had decided to bring home The Conjuring, which was shaping out to be just about the scariest movie I'd ever seen, and it had just barely started."Oh come on, don't be such a wienie," he teased.I scoffed, turning my attention to our surroundings rather than looking at the screen. It was a clear night with a starry sky. The guys had set up the projector so that the movie was playing onto a large white sheet. I was seated on the patio couch beside Ryan while Alec hung out in an arm chair to my left. The blue and orange flames danced wildly across the glass stones as the wind began to pick up around us.I shivered and pulled the blanket up so that it covered my shoulders. It had been warm earlier with the fire, but now that the wind started up, I regretted not bringing a sweatshirt out here with me. Ryan had
Huling Na-update : 2023-12-25Toxic Paradise 48| Nightmares and Admissions (pt. 1)
Since we had our movie night, things had been very calm around the house. Alec and Ryan had nothing but pleasant interactions, and as for Alec and I... well... we hadn't really had any conversations of substance. He still knew how to push my buttons just as I knew how to push his, but it seemed the toxicity of feeling like I needed to compete with him had vanished.Still, I wished we could have finished the conversation that we started in the kitchen the other night. I had feelings for Alec. I knew that, and I was now willing to admit it to myself. But, I was dying to know if he had feelings for me as well. And... if he did... how would we move forward? How would it impact my relationship with Ryan?I flopped down onto my bed, pulling my thick duvet up over my shoulders. Ryan and I took it easy today, heading to the beach to tan and play in the waves. Alec didn't join us. He said he had to get some work done, and he had been shut in his room with Nelson all day. Either way... it had
Huling Na-update : 2023-12-25Toxic Paradise 49| Nightmares and Admissions (pt. 2)
"Do you want to know the reason I left my family?" Alec asked, his voice a whisper in the darkness. "You're willing to tell me?" I questioned. This was definitely something I'd been dying to know, but I didn't think Alec would ever open up about it. Even Ryan wasn't sure why Alec left."I know how you feel about abandonment, and I don't want you to think I just abandoned my family without good cause," he explained."If you want to share, I'm definitely here to listen," I encouraged.He took a breath. "Okay. Well, I'm not sure what you all know about my family, but we're pretty well off. My dad is a CEO and a total hard ass. But, he was always way harder on me than he was on Ryan. Nothing I did would ever please him; in fact, he would go out of his way to degrade me. I didn't get it at first. I would try so hard to make him proud, and he just turned his back on me every chance he got. I'm not sure Ryan ever even noticed."I squeezed Alec's hand in mine, trying to provide him with a li
Huling Na-update : 2023-12-25Toxic Paradise 50| Caught (pt. 1)
Waking up the next morning wasn't nearly as peaceful as my slumber had been. "What the fuck is this!?" An angry voice drifted to me, pulling me violently from my sleep. It only took me a second to recognize the voice belonged to Ryan, and only another second to realize what he was referring to. Sunlight was streaming into my room and illuminating the fact that Alec was still in my bed... shirtless... with an arm around me.Oh shit...I sat up immediately, pushing myself away from Alec. "Ryan! It's uh... I swear it's not what it looks like..." I lamely tried to explain. "I think it's exactly what it looks like," he sneered before turning and leaving the room, slamming the door behind him. I had never heard him sound so angry… and hurt. Not even during the times when I overheard him arguing with Alec."Oh god..." I groaned, placing my head in my hands. I fucked up. Alec and I hadn't slept together, but it still looked really bad. I could only imagine what Ryan was thinking of me now
Huling Na-update : 2023-12-26Toxic Paradise 51| Caught (pt. 2)
“Ryan, I'm so, so sorry," I cried. I just couldn't hold it in anymore. I couldn't focus on anything other than my overwhelming guilt as the tears spilled over.Ignoring me, he took a step into my room, still hovering near the doorway. "Are you leaving?"I nodded. "I thought you would want me to..."It was like he didn't know what to say to this. He just stood there, staring at my suitcase with a look of contemplation on his face; like he wasn't sure whether he wanted me here or not. And let me tell you, the fact that I was the one responsible for the hurt look on his face cracked my heart in half. I was such a terrible person. No wonder everyone leaves. "Ryan, please let me explain," I squeaked out when he didn't say anything. It made me so sad that he wasn't talking with me; I really hadn't meant to hurt him. Everything I had done to try and push down my feelings for Alec was all so that I wouldn't hurt Ryan. The guilt consumed me again as more tears spilled from my eyes."There's
Huling Na-update : 2023-12-26Toxic Paradise 52| It’s a Date
Ryan and I sat together on the couch. I was relieved that our initial conversation was over, and he said that we were good, but that didn't stop me from feeling kind of awkward as we tried to focus on our movie. It was one I hadn't seen before, and honestly, I couldn't tell you what was happening in it. I also caught Ryan looking over at me several times throughout, like he wanted to say something, but then he changed his mind."Ask me anything, Ryan. I promise no more hiding things from you," I encouraged.He nodded, and it was like this invitation just opened the floodgates to all my thoughts and feelings from the beginning. "When did this whole thing start between you two?" He started.This was a hard question. I took a moment to gather my thoughts before answering, running my fingers up and down my water glass in a nervous gesture. "Um... that's a hard question because my feelings were so complicated, and I tried to push them down for so long because of everything you told me abo
Huling Na-update : 2023-12-27Toxic Paradise 53| Jitters
"Eeeeeeeee!" Maddie screeched into my phone. "Shhhh, Maddie! His room is literally right next door!" I whisper-shouted to her. I was getting ready for my first technical date with Alec, and was feeling super nervous about it. So naturally, I called my best friend for support. "Sorry, I'm just really excited for you guys! The kiss sounds so romantic, and now he wants to take you on a date? This is the stuff of true love stories," she gushed.I shook my head. "Don't get ahead of yourself. I still don't know what this is. Alec has told me that he doesn't do girlfriends, so we really need to talk tonight about what that means for us." "Well, maybe he didn't do girlfriends in the past because he hadn't met you yet," she said. I let out a sound somewhere between a laugh and a snort, "You're too much of a romantic." "Maybe," she agreed. "You used to be too."I sighed. I supposed David had ruined that part of me; the part that believed in a happy ending. Or maybe that part was never real
Huling Na-update : 2023-12-27
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Toxic Paradise Epilogue (pt. 2)
Unfortunately, I didn't get to spend much time with Alec between the wedding and dinner, since the wedding party had to take pictures. I was able to see him just long enough for him to give me his jacket, and a quick kiss, before he headed to the bar. I told him not to get too drunk until I got back, but who even knew with him. He went crazy for free alcohol… as did I. It was awkward taking so many pictures with David by my side. But, he and I were civil, and as promised, I was there for him during the hard times with his mother. She was currently getting treatment, and so far she seemed to be responding well. There haven’t been any new tumors, and most of the original ones were gone or shrinking. We definitely had high hopes for her, and his family seemed to he doing quite well all things considered. Alec was also surprisingly cool about my role in David's life; after I explained it all, he understood and supported me being there for him as a friend. Albeit a distant friend- but
Toxic Paradise Epilogue (pt. 1)
6 months had passed since that night at my apartment. I still couldn't believe how fast the 6 months had gone by since Alec and I decided to officially be together. I'm not exaggerating when I say that this could have been the best 6 months of my life. For the first few months, Alec and I had a long distance relationship, and honestly, it wasn't always easy. I loved Alec, but he still knew how to push my buttons just as he always had, and I couldn't help but get under his skin sometimes too. The distance made this even more irritating since we were getting plenty of the banter and not enough of the physical connection.Sometimes, I would think that the distance was just too much, but then, he would show up at my apartment. He always had the timing perfect. It was like, when I was feeling like I needed him, he was always there. Maybe he felt the same way about me too in those moments; I liked to believe we were connected in that way. Occasionally, if he had to work, he would fly me o
Toxic Paradise 68| Worth Fighting For
Oh god, I freaked out, pushing against Alec's chest to move him further into the hallway... this was the worst timing ever. I followed him out, my hand still on his chest as I closed the door behind me. "Alec... what are you doing here?" I managed to ask. My heart was thudding so hard in my chest I was starting to worry about my health. It had been less than 2 weeks since I left Siesta Key, but damn... I missed him so much. He was so handsome, and as per usual, he smelled so good; so familiar. I just wanted to throw my arms around him and forget about our fight; forget about the fact that he walked away from me; and forget about the fact that David was down on one knee just on the other side of my door. But, the angry and confused look on Alec's face stopped me from doing what I wanted. "Well..." he said, "I guess it doesn't really matter why I'm here now." "Of course it matters!" I said, "Should I ask David to leave?" All I wanted in this moment was to have him tell me "yes." I
Toxic Paradise 67| Mistakes
As David sauntered into my place, I couldn't help but to be irritated by how easily he made himself comfortable. He shrugged off his jacket, took off his shoes, and headed right to the couch as if he was welcome here; as if he was still my boyfriend. The most irritating part, was how he patted an open palm on the couch cushion beside him, inviting me to sit down, as if it wasn't my own freaking couch!I took a deep breath to push back my irritation before wandering into the living room. Instead of sitting beside him though, I perched awkwardly on the arm of the couch on the way opposite side, plopping my fluffy, bunny-slipper, feet right onto the cushion. I crossed my hands over my chest as I waited for him to say something. There was an awkward moment of silence as we just stared at each other. Normally, I would have swooned at that look. The one he was giving me right now used to be one of my favorites. That was one of my favorite things about David. When he looked at me, he made m
Toxic Paradise 66| Alec (pt. 2)
Alec’s POV:I relayed my entire story, the way I had when I was with Jayna that night in her bed. If I was being honest- it was a lot easier to tell Jayna than it was for me to tell my story right now. Telling Ryan was brutal; he listened, but I could see the hurt on his face. He felt betrayed by our parents—his dad in particular. I never wanted to hurt Ryan- that’s why I had hid everything from him all these years. "Wow... for once I honestly don't know what to say," Ryan finally replied."I told you. This is why I didn't want to say anything. You work with your dad. The two of you have been close your entire life, and I don't want to get in the way of that,” I explained, leaning back in my chair as if a heavy weight had just been lifted from my shoulders. "Yeah... I'm not gonna lie, it hurts to realize that the man you've looked up to your entire life is nothing but a giant asshole. But... I'm also pissed as hell that you felt you couldn't tell me this before!" "I..." I tried to
Toxic Paradise 65| Alec (pt. 1)
Alec's POV:"Fucking idiots," I thought as I had to tell my co-worker that his microphone was muted for the 10th time today.In his defense, everything had been pissing me off lately. I had gotten home over a week ago and still, Jayna was on my mind constantly. It was irritating as hell. I couldn't stop thinking about her scent, the feel of her small body safe in my arms, and the crazy thoughts that came out of her mouth. I tried everything to move on, and I thought it would be easy, but it hasn't been. I was even having trouble with sex... and I never had trouble with sex. I had tried multiple times and with several women, but I just couldn't get turned on. Even some of my regular hook-ups just weren't doing it for me any more; not unless I pretended they were Jayna.And it pissed me off. I knew she was probably back with her ex...whatever the fuck his name was...Dean? Derek? Dipshit? I supposed it didn't really matter. What mattered was that he probably had his undeserving hands
Toxic Paradise 64| Alone Together
I cried the rest of the night. As I packed the rest my stuff, the vacation house felt so different. It didn't have the inviting warmth and fun atmosphere that it had when Ryan was here; or the intimacy that I felt here alone with Alec. It just felt cold, empty, and impersonal.I couldn't believe that after all of this, after everything that has happened, I was leaving paradise feeling more broken and humiliated than when I arrived. It was a long, depressing flight back, but I finally made my way up the stairs and back to my familiar apartment. It's crazy how living in Chicago, you could be surrounded by tons of people, yet feel so incredibly alone. That's how I felt. Completely alone... again. I wheeled my suitcase through my apartment, which Maddie had been taking care of for me, so it actually was clean and warm when I arrived. I stopped for a minute to look out at the Chicago skyline, taking a deep breath before heading into my bedroom. I left my suitcase in the corner and out
Toxic Paradise 63| Text From the Ex (pt. 2)
Dinner was phenomenal. I'm talking 3 course, fancy drinks, beautiful presentation... phenomenal. At this point, I'd say the only downfall was that it's impossible to feel sexy with a literal food baby. I named him Trevor. Alec and I were in his bed now, my head laying on his warm chest while his hand lazily brushed the bare skin on my arm. "I don't want you to leave tomorrow," he said, breaking the silence."I know," I let out a sigh. "I don't want to go home tomorrow either, but I need to. It's time I get my life back on track." He smiled, placing a soft kiss on my forehead. "As long as I get to be a part of that life from now on." I sat up, leaning down to plant another kiss on his full lips. "Well, that's a given." I placed a palm on his chest, pushing myself up and off the bed. "I'll be back. I need to pee." He chuckled. "So ladylike you are." I took my time in the bathroom, trying to make up for my food baby by finger combing my hair and applying some of Alec's chapstick.
Toxic Paradise 62| Text From the Ex (pt. 1)
The days following our little road trip were great, and dare I say, some of the best days of my life. We had returned back to the house the next day, and our days had been full of beach time, swimming, and napping, followed by nights of hot tubbing, dining, and snuggling. Oh... and of course the sex. The mind blowing sex was definitely a huge part of our time together. Despite everything negative that Alec and done and said to me back when we were feuding, he really was sweet now. He always put me first, and I could feel myself slowly chipping away at the walls he had built up over the years. Each night we spent together, he revealed more and more of himself, and really, I couldn't ask for more than that. He was trying, and I could see the efforts. It even seemed like Alec was coming around to the idea of a relationship. I didn't want to get ahead of myself, but the way things were going with us, I couldn't help but see a future with him. Albeit a way different future than the one I
