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Save Me From Myself Pt. 2
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2021-08-25 02:53:42Related chapters
Three Little Birds Remember Pt. 1
I shook my head and bit my lip, failing in my efforts to keep the tears at bay. "I..." I stopped and shook my head, covering my face with my hands. "I'm such a fuck up, Liz. I'm fucking it all up and I know that he's getting tired of me and my bullshit baggage. It's pathetic. I'm pathetic. And I'm not getting any better, Liz. How long can I expect him to stick around and deal with this shit?" Liz gathered me against her again as I came undone. "He's going to leave me, Liz. He's going to leave me." Liz didn't argue or speak to the contrary right then, she just held me. Everything was becoming too much. "What's the point, Liz? In anything, what's the point? Why do I try to beat this? Why do I keep fighting?" I paused a long moment before confessing in a choked whisper, "Sometimes I think I would be better off dead. Everyone would be better off.""God, Mattie, don't talk like that, baby. Don't think like that." I heard the
Last Updated : 2021-08-25Three Little Birds Remember Pt. 2
Mykel's tears dried, but only for a moment. He disengaged himself from Kaiden's embrace and stood. Kaiden stood with him, looking deeply into his eyes, memorizing this moment. "How can you do this, Kaiden?" Mykel's voice no longer wavered as he let his anger and feelings of betrayal take control for the time being."I have no choice, Mykel.""Bullshit you have no fucking choice! You're choosing to leave me because of someone you fucking hate." Mykel's eyes watered again as he felt his soul being ripped asunder. Kaiden said nothing in return to this, simply stared at him with tears cascading down his own face. "Fine, Kaiden." He began to say more, to expound his pain onto his best friend. He turned around and headed back to the front door."Mykel?" Mykel turned around, his hand on the doork
Last Updated : 2021-08-25Three Little Birds Amends
When I woke next Mykel had his arms around me, comfortably snug, with my head resting against his chest. My eyes moved upward to his face where I found him watching me. Faintly he smiled, seemingly now unsure if I would want him there now. Tightening my grip around him, I moved that much closer to him. It was Sunday and the shop was closed. I also had the day off. I didn't want to start the day in tears so I let my eyes drift away from his gaze and simply enjoyed being held by him for the first time in what felt like far too long.I felt gentle fingers push softly through my hair and a light brushing of his lips against my forehead. It was a move and a gesture that made my throat close anyway, and my eyes watered against my will. When his thumb brushed away the tears, I turned my head into his shoulder in an attempt to regain my self-control."Don't cry, sweet baby," he
Last Updated : 2021-08-25Three Little Birds Amends Pt. 2
"Mattie," he said to me. His tone was so gentle my eyes instantly filled. I bit my lip. I hated myself. Hated my inability to keep my emotions in control. Hated that I still reacted to certain things a certain way. "Hey," he said so, so softly. I looked at him. "There's no need to keep beating yourself up over it. Okay? Give yourself time to heal."I looked deeply into his eyes as he said this. "I could say the same thing, Mykel." Instantly he looked away, immediately knowing what I was referring to. "Mykel?" I waited for him to bring his eyes back up to mine. "I know you've been afraid that...I don't know...I'm going to...hurt myself...like Kaiden did. I've seen the looks you try to hide...the desperate questioning. The truth of the matter is that...while I have been thinking about suicide," the pain that instantly filled his expression felt like a punch to the gut, "just hear me out...while I have been thinking of it,
Last Updated : 2021-08-25Three Little Birds Happiness and Heartbreak Pt. 1
"You sure you're ready for this?" Mykel asked me as I stood nervously in front of the bathroom mirror. I glanced up at his reflection and smiled at the worry in his eyes."No." I smiled again. "I'm nervous as all get out. However, I need to do this. And I think Rian needs this also."In just over half an hour the three of us were all going to my sister's house. Finally, I was to meet my nephews and my niece, and the man my sister married. Over the last few months, since she initially came to Mykel's, and once my guilt began to wane, we both made an effort to keep in contact. We talked on the phone, over text, through messenger. By whatever means we had available. A few days before she asked if I wanted to come meet the rest of my family. It was my eldest nephew's birthday and while they were having a party for him the next day, she asked if I wanted to come for his actual birthday for
Last Updated : 2021-08-26Three Little Birds Happiness and Heartbreak Pt. 2
Soon after we are eating dinner and Mattie opened his other presents, including the other gift I'd brought for him. An avid baseball card collector, I gave him a pack of cards. Not just any cards, but rookie cards of some of his favorite players. He was delighted. We all talked and laughed and had a good time. The mood was easy and light as if the past Rian and I ran away from didn't exist.Once the kids were in bed, Mykel and Liz helped clean up while Rian and I talked in the backyard. We sat on the porch steps, our legs and arms touching. "Thank you for coming today. It means a lot to me. And the kids love you." She smiled at me."I'm pretty fond of them, too. They're great kids. You've got a great family, Rian. I'm really happy for you. And I'm really proud of you."She smiled. "Thank you. Liz and Mykel are pretty am
Last Updated : 2021-08-26Three Little Birds Happiness and Heartbreak Pt. 3
When we got home Mykel went straight from the car to his room and shut the door without a word to either of us. Liz walked into her room, leaving her door open and I followed behind her. I glanced up to where I knew Mykel would be, damning reality where people didn't actually have X-Ray vision. How badly I wanted to go to him, but something told me to give him space. I sat down next to Liz on the bed, having kicked off my shoes. "Are you alright?" I knew the answer to the question before I asked, but with a lack of anything else to say...she shook her head."No. No, not in the least." She let out a shaky breath. "If Kaiden thought Mykel would be killed...God, Mattie...Kaiden knew Mykel well enough to know that he wouldn't settle for him just leaving because he was told to do it. Mykel said he was going to leave him. He was packing when Mykel came home that night...but he already knew what he was going to do, even
Last Updated : 2021-08-26Three Little Birds All Through the Night Pt. 1
It had been hours since we had gotten home. Mykel still hadn't said anything more since I cleaned his wrist. I looked at the clock on the table next to the bag of bandages Liz bought. It was nearing ten p.m. With a sigh, I glanced to Mykel. His eyes were closed but I knew he was awake. Liz was awake as well. I looked at her with a sad smile before reaching over and grabbing the bag. I pulled out the new roll of gauze, antiseptic cream, and a new, crisp, white wrap. Silently I took Mykel's wrist and began to unwrap it. I kept sending glances his way, trying to read in his face if my movements were causing him pain. No amount of pain I accidentally inflicted could compare to the pain in his heart; his face remained passive. I finished re-wrapping his wrist, thankful the bleeding stopped some time ago. Gently I set his arm back down beside him before standing and leaving the room. I made my way downstairs slowly and headed toward the kitchen. My body craved something to relinquish the
Last Updated : 2021-08-26
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Three Little Birds I See You Pt. 2
I watched him take a deep drag off the marijuana and hold the hit, his eyes squinted against the smoke that rolled upward along his face. He exhaled and looked at me. He looked the slightest bit calmer. His eyes had dried, though the clouds were still present."I've been battling myself that this is a means to an end," he began hoarsely. "I mean I don't want it to be. I want to fight through this together like you said. Get through it together, like you said." He paused and flicked the ash into the ashtray between us. He rocked nervously; just slightly. He made a sound of frustration deep in his throat. "Hey," I set my hands along his things and he looked at me. "Easy. Take a breath. There's no rush here. Gather your thoughts and when you're ready speak." Halfthe blunt was gone before he started speaking. I left one of my hands against
Three Little Birds I See You Pt. 1
"Mykel." He turned back to her with a desperate look in his eyes. "Have you talked to him?"He shook his head. "I asked once if he was okay. He said he was. He wasn't flippant about it or anything...what if it's just in my head?""Hey, there you two are." Mattie's voice came from behind them. Mykel quickly schooled his features as Mattie came up behind them, his hand sliding up Mykel's shoulder. Mykel closed his eyes. "Everything alright?""When you asked that I knew you knew the answer. I could see it on your face," Rian told me. "So as someone who loves you both, this is my advice. I know you love him, Mattie. Let your guard down. Let him back in completely. He needs you as much as you need him and it's time to stop this." I took a shuddering breath but didn't interrupt her. Her tone was soft, caring, and full of worr
Three Little Birds Rian Pt. 2
I stood, set the baby in the playpen, and followed him onto the front porch, sitting with him on the steps leading to the house. "Please don't tell my mom this, okay? Can this stay between you and me?""You can tell me anything, Mattie. I want you to be able to trust me." He smiled faintly."I know where I come from. I know what was done to her, and how and why she got pregnant with me." He looked at me, his eyes older than they should have been. Wiser with second-hand knowledge. "I overheard her talking about it with Dad once. I had gone to the bathroom and heard them through the crack in the door."They always have the door cracked open. In case one of us needs them. Anyway, I guess she had a nightmare about it. I could hear her crying as she told him.""She doe
Three Little Birds Rian Pt. 1
Since going to Mattie's birthday a few months previous, my sister and I remained in almost daily contact. I couldn't be happier about the relationship she and I were building. I had confided in her about my fears after Mykel's...stunt...and many times did she pick me up and take me to her place to calm me down. We were as close as we could be at the moment, and I was surprised at the quick acceleration of our relationship. I was sitting on her couch holding Cory, who was chewing on the tiger's eye stone that was fastened to a leather string that hung around my neck. I smiled at her as her bright blue eyes met mine. She smiled around the necklace.Mattie andDaniel were upstairs playing video games. I smiled a bit more at the sounds of the children laughing. "So how are you and Mykel doing?" Rian asked me as she handed me a fresh glass of iced tea."Not quite as tense as we have b
Three Little Birds Whisper on a Scream Pt. 2
"I never stopped loving you, Mykel," I told him as my throat tightened."Then what? I mean..." He sighed, his eyes pleading with me. "It hurts, Mattie." I saw his eyes begin to shine and he turned and continued walking, his head down. "I'm not going to try to make excuses for myself. What I did was stupid and it hurt you. And Liz. I just...wish you understood." He looked at me, his eyes dry again with a dullness to them I had never before seen present there."I do to some extent. But you did it in front of me. You had enough force where you could have died and..." I stopped walking and pulled my hand free. I felt his reluctance to let go. He looked at me as if he thought I'd dematerialize right before his eyes. I crossed my arms over my chest, drawing myself in tighter. "I feel betrayed, Mykel. I feel like..." I stopped as my lungs constricted behind my rib cage and tri
Three Little Birds Whisper on a Scream Pt. 1
Slowly I lowered myself onto the bed, buried my face in his pillow, and, surrounded by his scent, screamed. I heard the sounds of footsteps on the stairs sometime later, but I knew they didn't belong to Mykel. They were too light. I felt Liz's hand on my shoulder and slide around my back as she sat next to me."Baby, why don't you just talk to him?" My cries came harder, my face still obfuscated by the pillow. Liz's fingers found their way into my hair. She said nothing more as she waited for me to calm down. "Mattie." Her voice was so soft as she spoke to me. So full of patience and worry it broke my heart further."I can't, Liz, I can't," I wailed, my words muffled. "I just can't.""Why not, my love?" I couldn't answer her as my cries increased and she pulled me into her. I latched my arms around her, holding on as I
Three Little Birds Admonish and Forgive Pt. 2
He shook his head slightly. "I tried talking to him about it...about how he feels...and he won't."Liz lit the forgotten blunt. "Of course he won't. Why would he right now? Beyond what he said as reasoning for not saying anything, he needs to process it all and come to terms with how he feels before he can talk to you about it." She paused. "You think he's the only one that's pissed off about this, Mykel? Cause, I gotta tell ya...I'm fucking livid. And I'm trying to be supportive of you and not make you feel worse about this whole shit hole of a situation, but...I don't even know anymore. I don't know what to think or what to say or how to say it. Or make things worse by saying anything. And I'm sure that's how he feels also. Mykel?""Yeah?""Don't you ever fucking do that again."
Three Little Birds Admonish and Forgive Pt. 1
I took a shuddering breath. "Is this really a conversation you want to get into right now, Mykel?"He looked at me. "If not now, when? This isn't a conversation that you'll willingly bring up later."I looked at him for a moment, my expression softening as I looked at him. "If I need to. But right now, emotions are high. Shit is still very raw...I would rather put it off until we've both had time to process so this doesn't turn into a fight. I don't want to fight with you. Do I want to talk about this? Yes. I do. Because it really fucking hurt. Do I want to fight and scream and argue? No, I'd rather not. So if not talking about it now and having to balls up to mention it later means that that won't happen tonight...that-that we won't fight because we're both very clearly upset...then, fine, I can do that."He scoffed at
Three Little Birds All Through the Night Pt. 3
She glanced up as Mykel took a seat next to her. She smiled sadly at him. I could see she was attempting to keep her composure. I knew the fear in her heart was one she hadn't quite experienced for her brother in several years. "Hey, Mykee." He smiled at her, but the smile was worn with an anxious pulling of his brows. "You want some coffee?" He nodded not speaking. I could see his throat bobbing as he swallowed impulsively, trying to keep himself from falling apart, by the look in her eyes. She set the mug down in front of him, wrapped her arms around his shoulders, setting her face in the crook of his neck. "I love you, Mykel. Don't you ever fucking do that to me again, or I'll kill you myself." He half-smiled and nodded in a barely perceptible way, his eyes slipping closed momentarily. She kissed his cheek before disengaging from his shoulders and taking her seat.To Mykel she said, "I won't be gone too long today. I
