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Amends
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Three Little Birds Amends Pt. 2
"Mattie," he said to me. His tone was so gentle my eyes instantly filled. I bit my lip. I hated myself. Hated my inability to keep my emotions in control. Hated that I still reacted to certain things a certain way. "Hey," he said so, so softly. I looked at him. "There's no need to keep beating yourself up over it. Okay? Give yourself time to heal."I looked deeply into his eyes as he said this. "I could say the same thing, Mykel." Instantly he looked away, immediately knowing what I was referring to. "Mykel?" I waited for him to bring his eyes back up to mine. "I know you've been afraid that...I don't know...I'm going to...hurt myself...like Kaiden did. I've seen the looks you try to hide...the desperate questioning. The truth of the matter is that...while I have been thinking about suicide," the pain that instantly filled his expression felt like a punch to the gut, "just hear me out...while I have been thinking of it,
Three Little Birds Happiness and Heartbreak Pt. 1
"You sure you're ready for this?" Mykel asked me as I stood nervously in front of the bathroom mirror. I glanced up at his reflection and smiled at the worry in his eyes."No." I smiled again. "I'm nervous as all get out. However, I need to do this. And I think Rian needs this also."In just over half an hour the three of us were all going to my sister's house. Finally, I was to meet my nephews and my niece, and the man my sister married. Over the last few months, since she initially came to Mykel's, and once my guilt began to wane, we both made an effort to keep in contact. We talked on the phone, over text, through messenger. By whatever means we had available. A few days before she asked if I wanted to come meet the rest of my family. It was my eldest nephew's birthday and while they were having a party for him the next day, she asked if I wanted to come for his actual birthday for
Three Little Birds Happiness and Heartbreak Pt. 2
Soon after we are eating dinner and Mattie opened his other presents, including the other gift I'd brought for him. An avid baseball card collector, I gave him a pack of cards. Not just any cards, but rookie cards of some of his favorite players. He was delighted. We all talked and laughed and had a good time. The mood was easy and light as if the past Rian and I ran away from didn't exist.Once the kids were in bed, Mykel and Liz helped clean up while Rian and I talked in the backyard. We sat on the porch steps, our legs and arms touching. "Thank you for coming today. It means a lot to me. And the kids love you." She smiled at me."I'm pretty fond of them, too. They're great kids. You've got a great family, Rian. I'm really happy for you. And I'm really proud of you."She smiled. "Thank you. Liz and Mykel are pretty am
Three Little Birds Happiness and Heartbreak Pt. 3
When we got home Mykel went straight from the car to his room and shut the door without a word to either of us. Liz walked into her room, leaving her door open and I followed behind her. I glanced up to where I knew Mykel would be, damning reality where people didn't actually have X-Ray vision. How badly I wanted to go to him, but something told me to give him space. I sat down next to Liz on the bed, having kicked off my shoes. "Are you alright?" I knew the answer to the question before I asked, but with a lack of anything else to say...she shook her head."No. No, not in the least." She let out a shaky breath. "If Kaiden thought Mykel would be killed...God, Mattie...Kaiden knew Mykel well enough to know that he wouldn't settle for him just leaving because he was told to do it. Mykel said he was going to leave him. He was packing when Mykel came home that night...but he already knew what he was going to do, even
Three Little Birds All Through the Night Pt. 1
It had been hours since we had gotten home. Mykel still hadn't said anything more since I cleaned his wrist. I looked at the clock on the table next to the bag of bandages Liz bought. It was nearing ten p.m. With a sigh, I glanced to Mykel. His eyes were closed but I knew he was awake. Liz was awake as well. I looked at her with a sad smile before reaching over and grabbing the bag. I pulled out the new roll of gauze, antiseptic cream, and a new, crisp, white wrap. Silently I took Mykel's wrist and began to unwrap it. I kept sending glances his way, trying to read in his face if my movements were causing him pain. No amount of pain I accidentally inflicted could compare to the pain in his heart; his face remained passive. I finished re-wrapping his wrist, thankful the bleeding stopped some time ago. Gently I set his arm back down beside him before standing and leaving the room. I made my way downstairs slowly and headed toward the kitchen. My body craved something to relinquish the
Three Little Birds All Through the Night Pt. 2
The next morning came dark and early. I hadn't much slept the night before, alternating between nightmares and constantly making sure that Mykel was still breathing next to me. At around five that morning, I slipped from the bed and descended the stairs. Liz was already in the kitchen when I entered it in search of the coffee I smelled brewing. She poured me a large, strong cup after adding the amount of sugar she knew I liked and handed it to me."Couldn't sleep, either?" she asked me.I shook my head. "No. I kept dreaming of finding him just a little too late...and waking up with every move he made." I sipped my cup before setting it down on the counter. "Liz, I..." I looked at her with total helplessness in my eyes and she returned the look with equality. I felt my eyes water and throat close, the events of the day before still too entirely fresh in my mind.
Three Little Birds All Through the Night Pt. 3
She glanced up as Mykel took a seat next to her. She smiled sadly at him. I could see she was attempting to keep her composure. I knew the fear in her heart was one she hadn't quite experienced for her brother in several years. "Hey, Mykee." He smiled at her, but the smile was worn with an anxious pulling of his brows. "You want some coffee?" He nodded not speaking. I could see his throat bobbing as he swallowed impulsively, trying to keep himself from falling apart, by the look in her eyes. She set the mug down in front of him, wrapped her arms around his shoulders, setting her face in the crook of his neck. "I love you, Mykel. Don't you ever fucking do that to me again, or I'll kill you myself." He half-smiled and nodded in a barely perceptible way, his eyes slipping closed momentarily. She kissed his cheek before disengaging from his shoulders and taking her seat.To Mykel she said, "I won't be gone too long today. I
Three Little Birds Admonish and Forgive Pt. 1
I took a shuddering breath. "Is this really a conversation you want to get into right now, Mykel?"He looked at me. "If not now, when? This isn't a conversation that you'll willingly bring up later."I looked at him for a moment, my expression softening as I looked at him. "If I need to. But right now, emotions are high. Shit is still very raw...I would rather put it off until we've both had time to process so this doesn't turn into a fight. I don't want to fight with you. Do I want to talk about this? Yes. I do. Because it really fucking hurt. Do I want to fight and scream and argue? No, I'd rather not. So if not talking about it now and having to balls up to mention it later means that that won't happen tonight...that-that we won't fight because we're both very clearly upset...then, fine, I can do that."He scoffed at
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