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Chapter 43 - Curve ball
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2021-10-13 15:30:24Zach
“Where is my brother?” Mina asks looking at me her little face wrinkled with worry. I can’t get over the fear I saw on her face when I showed up to pick them up instead of their brother. She looked like she saw a ghost, my heart broke for her but I’m all she’s got today. When Jon saw her face he started crying, I had to think quickly and calm him down.
Mina did a good job of helping me calm him down. She switched so quickly from being worried to comforting Jon. She’s so young but she has such grown up reactions to stressful situations. I get that it’s because of how they are growing up but it’s unfair that they have to go through this. Every kid deserves to be just that, a child.
I hate that Leo is hurting this much. I didn’t tell Golden but I saw Leo’s mom leave his apartment when we got there earlier. I recognized her from when we were young, it took everything I not to fre
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The boy I should not love Chapter 44 - What now?
“Why didn’t you come to pick us up at school today?” Mina asks me when I take her out of the bath tub and dry her off. I do the same with Jon and then look at her, She looks so worried and concerned. She’s too young to have that look on her face.“I… had to do something very urgent, so I asked Zach to pick you up instead.” I say and she pouts at me.“I thought something bad happened to you.” She says her eyes welling up a little. I look at her and my heart breaks. She must have been so worried when I didn’t show up. I sometimes forget how much they war used to our routine. One change like today and that fragile safety I created for them is shuttered.“I’m sorry you got scared, I really wanted to come and pick you up but I couldn’t make it. It won’t happen again.” I say and watch tears fall down her face. Seeing her cry makes me sad because I didn’t mean t
Last Updated : 2021-10-13The boy I should not love Chapter 45 - Emotions
“How are you feeling?” I ask Leo when we leave Mina and Jon’s school. He’s been quiet since I picked him up from his house this morning. He said hi when he got into the car with Mina and Jon and that was it. I don’t blame him he’s going through a lot. He sent me a text last night explaining what got him so messed up yesterday. I’m still recovering from the shock.His mother is back.He explained that seeing her took him by so much surprise that he broke down.We’ve never really talked about that part of his life; he’s mentioned her maybe twice. He never talked about her in depth and I never asked because I didn’t want to overstep. I was waiting for him to talk about it if ever did but it’s not something I was pressed to know about. But now he didn’t really have a choice but to talk about her. His mother forced his hand by showing up the way she did. I didn’t feel li
Last Updated : 2021-10-14The boy I should not love Chapter 46 - Threats
This week has been a week from hell; I dragged myself through school and work. Everything is draining; I’m putting so much effort to do things that didn’t faze me before. I thought I would be over the feeling I had on Sunday by now but I can’t seem to shake it off. I feel lost, like I don’t know who I amI am so angry; I have all these negative emotions coursing through my body. I’m over it. I want to dispel all of it now. I feel like the anger is dragging me back.“Hey Leo, can you please clear out the empty out the cardboard boxes in aisle 27?”Mr. Brown says to me from across a meat fridge.“Sure.” I say and finish off packing the last of the meat trays I have in the trolley. Mr. Brown stands there looking at me, he wants to talk to me about the incident with my mother but I don’t want to. He tried to ask me about it on Monday and I told him I’m not interested in talking about her.I can&
Last Updated : 2021-10-14The boy I should not love Chapter 47 - Secrets
Zach and I sit at a park bench and watch Mina and Jon run toward a merry-go-round. I watch Mona help Jon get on and they try to move the big metal circle. And it doesn’t move, I watch her struggle with it and then she decides they should get off and go play somewhere else.I love that she’s problem solver, she doesn’t just sit there and cry.“How are you man? And please don’t say fine. Tell me what you’re feeling.” Zach says looking at me. We talk the kids to the park so they can play and run around. And I needed to get out of that house. It has become oppressive and uncomfortable.The last time I felt that way I was living with my mother in a small dirty apartment in a dingy part of town. Not to say the place I live in now is a palace but the old place was way smaller. I never felt safe there. And now that she’s been to my place, I feel like she has awakened those feelings I had as a kid.“I’m t
Last Updated : 2021-10-15The boy I should not love Chapter 48 - A new perspective
Zach pulls into Golden’s driveway and she comes out of her front door when he parks the car. She stops in her tracks when she sees me and the kids in the car. I look at her my heart racing, all the feeling I been shoving down in the deepest part of my soul come rushing back up. They hit me like a ton of bricks. “You didn’t tell her you were coming?” Zach asks me when he sees Golden’s face. She looks like she doesn’t know what to do. I wave at her to check if she’s alright, she looks stuck in one place. She waves back at me but her wave is so sure. Zach and I get out of the car and help Mina and Jon out of the car. She finally moves closer to the car, she has a smile for Mina and Jon, who are happy to see her. “Hey” She says when she stands next to me. “Hey” I say to her and she smiles. “I thought you weren’t coming.” She states as we walk to the front door of her house. “I had a change of heart, I hope you don’t mind.” I sa
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About 2 months later “There’s something I’ve known for some time, that I have to tell you but I don’t know how to tell you.” Zach says looking back at me from the passenger side of his car. Leo is on driving duty today. I look at Zach and my heart starts racing. I hate when people start a sentence with I have to tell you something. It’s like why not just tell me and see how I react instead of setting me up for a heart attack. Now my brain is running going through all the possibilities that could go wrong. “What is it Zach?” I ask and see Leo give me a glance on the review mirror. I guess he knows what’s going on because he seems a little tense all of a sudden. “I… uh...” He says but doesn’t finish the sentence. I look at him frustrated, he’s killing me here. “Just spill it out. You’re killing me here.” I say a little louder
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“Thank you for coming, I didn’t think you would show up. “ I say to Gina who’s sitting in front of me sipping nervously at her milkshake. She’s been looking back and forth from me to the door since the moment she sat down.I can tell she is praying Amara doesn’t walk through that door. She would have a lot of explaining to do if her bestie found her here with me. Although I’m pretty sure she reported to Amara the moment I sent her that invite.“I didn’t think I would be here either.” She says looking at anything but me.“I appreciate you being here. I wanted to see you so we can talk. I say looking her straight in the face. I want her to know that I’m here with the truth. I’m not here to pretend and I’m definitely not here to act like everything is okay when it’s not. There’s a war going on and I didn’t know I was being screwed from the insid
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Today is a first for me. I don’t have to go to work, not because I was forced into a day off for the sake of my health and sanity. I am not on edge because I need to get an extra shift in or else I won’t have enough money t pay rent.I don’t have the kids to take care of. Mina and Jon are at their school for a fun day. They have their own thing going on today. So I am free as a bird; it’s weird.I don’t have to rush to school. Granted it’s a Saturday but my life has this constant need for urgency. And for the first time in a very long time I’m not in a rush to be or do anything.As a matter of fact I’m early and waiting for Zach to come and pick me up. Apparently Golden has invited us on a day out. I was told that she wanted a fun filled day with her best mates. I couldn’t say no for two reasons. One; we always have fun when we get together and two; I am bored out of my mind. Zach pulls up to th
Last Updated : 2021-10-19
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21 months later Leo is coming to see me today. I haven’t seen him in over a year. We’ve becoming strangers again and I hate it. I moved to Cape Town and life changed. He stayed behind to make sure that everything is set up with Mina and Jon. He had to make sure that they are settled in boarding school. And he had to make sure that he packs up their apartment before he had to go to military school. At the same time I had moved to a new city and when school started I got hit with a reality check. There was no way I could balance school and a relationship. Everything got so overwhelming for me. I got hit with the harsh reality that I wasn’t in high school anymore. It took a moment for me to adjust to the move and the workload. I had to switch off from my life at home and concentrate on my studies. And finally when we both got on our feet, life was so different. We drifted apart, between the distance and adulting it was impossible for us to find our way back. I wanted to fix the gap a
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The boy I should not love Chapter 63 - Nature
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“Have fun on your trip.” Mr. Brown says to me when I get out of the staff room. I have my overnight bag on one shoulder, my work bag on the other and a bouquet of roses. I want to surprise Golden with flowers when we pick her up.“Thank you. I guess I’ll see you after my exams.” I say smiling at him. He looks so sad right now. He looks like he’s dropping his son off at university. He always gets like this at the end of the year. It’s the longest time we spend apart. I don’t come into work during exam time because I want to focus on doing well. And the only way I can do that is if I don’t have to work.This year is especially important because I’m writing my final exam. I need to be laser focused. I want to pass with distinctions so that my placement in the army is smoother. I want to be one of the top picks. A lot is riding on this.“Yeah, I’ll see you then. Good luck with your exams, don&rs
The boy I should not love Chapter 61- Date night
“Thank you for taking me out tonight.” Golden says smiling at me; she looks so good tonight I can’t stop staring at her. My eyes keep going from her smile, to her eyes and then down to her boobs. I’m grateful we have this table between us because I don’t think I would have been able to keeps my hands to myself.I keep catching myself staring at one or the other. It’s so hard for me to keep up with the conversation because my brain keeps creating images of us that are not appropriate. Well they are not inappropriate really but they are forbidden.I promised myself I would keep my hands off of her but she’s making it impossible in that dress. She looks incredible.“It’s my absolute pleasure.” I say and she smiles that sexy smile again. She takes a sip of her water radiating sexual tension and passion.“You’re taking all the pleasure don’t I get
The boy I should not love Chapter 60 - Content
“Please come in.” Golden’s father says opening the door for me to get in. We shake hands as I walk in. He smiles welcoming me in. this is the first time I’ve come to Golden’s house in official girlfriend capacity.So I’m nervous, usually I have Mina and Jon as my buffer but today I am riding solo.“Thank you, how are you?” I ask him when he closes the door behind us.“I’m well and how are you?” He asks smiling at me. We walk to the living area and sit on the sofa.“I’m good.” I say smiling at him too. He sits back comfortably looking at me closely.“Golden will be down soon.” He says after a moment of silence. The mood is different, it’s not awkward but it’s so much more silent I guess.“No problem.” I say willing myself to be calmer. I don’t want to bring weird energy into the air. This is Golden’s father not a
The boy I should not love Chapter 59 - Green
“Do you want to talk about it?” Zach asks looking at me cautiously. I look from him to Leo who is also looking at me with concern. Its lunch break and we’re sitting on my picnic blanket on the soccer field. Our favorite spot, we come here all the time now. I know we’re going to miss these chilled out sessions when school is over.I mistakenly texted Leo about my run in with Cole and he told Zach of ‘course and now the two of them are concerned that I have suppressed feeling about my ex screaming at me in public. I want to put it behind me, move on with my life. But they think it’s good for me to talk about.I don’t want to for two reasons, the first being Leo and I are together and I hate talking about my ex with him. And two, I’m over all of it.“I’m worried you might have an outburst if you don’t let your feelings out.” Le says and I roll my eyes at him. He laughs when he sees me do it.
The boy I should not love Chapter 58 - Return
3 months into Leo and Golden’s relationshipI stand sitting a few feet my fro car as it’s being washed. I’ve been neglecting it for so long, I had to get it cleaned before the week starts again.My mind drifts to last few weeks I spent with Leo. We finally got into the groove of our relationship. We figured out our boundaries, I took my mother’s advice and talked to him about setting them. I know how far we can take everything and I’ve been having fun discovering what I like with him.I smile thinking about the intimate moments we’ve had. We still haven’t gone all the way yet. I still want to so bad but I’m glad one of us had the sense to wait. We’ve had a chance to get to know each other more without the drama.I’m lucky I’m dealing with Leo; he’s so much more mature than I am. He takes his time to so things and he doesn’t make bi
The boy I should not love Chapter 57 - Heart to Heart
“Hi, honey.” My mother says as I walk through the door. She’s looking at me with a strange look on her face. I smile at her and she smiles too but she’s still staring at me. She’s looking at me like I’m some stranger or like I’m different. I stop for a moment looking at her. “Hi.” I say walking to the living room where she’s sitting comfortably under a blanket. The house so much warmer than the outside, the weather hasn’t improved since this morning. In fact it’s gotten worse throughout the day; winter is really here. I sit next to her feeling warm and happy; despite the weather outside. I’m still feeling god about what happened with Leo this afternoon.My body feels relaxed and supple. I’ve never had this feeling of bliss before. It feels like I would have the best sleep of my life if I fell asleep right now. I’m still aware of my body and ev
