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Chapter 51- Friendship Goals
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2024-10-29 19:42:56Today is a first for me. I don’t have to go to work, not because I was forced into a day off for the sake of my health and sanity. I am not on edge because I need to get an extra shift in or else I won’t have enough money t pay rent.
I don’t have the kids to take care of. Mina and Jon are at their school for a fun day. They have their own thing going on today. So I am free as a bird; it’s weird.
I don’t have to rush to school. Granted it’s a Saturday but my life has this constant need for urgency. And for the first time in a very long time I’m not in a rush to be or do anything.
As a matter of fact I’m early and waiting for Zach to come and pick me up. Apparently Golden has invited us on a day out. I was told that she wanted a fun filled day with her best mates. I couldn’t say no for two reasons. One; we always have fun when we get together and two; I am bored out of my mind.
Zach pulls up to th
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The boy I should not love Chapter 52 - Confrontations
2 months later; a week before midyear exams.“I’m so happy you called.” My mother says to me from across the table. I asked her to meet me at a McDonalds’ for coffee. I have been thinking a lot about the conversation that Zach and I had.I can’ help but think that he was right. Since she showed up, I am not the same. I am no longer confident in myself and my decisions. I feel like I am holding on to my old self and I am being left behind.Mina and Jon are growing more and more independent every day. They are starting to need me less and less. This morning Mina asked if they could go to school by themselves. She said that most kids in her class are doing it themselves now and she wants to try get to school without my help.I didn’t have to go to school today since exams are starting soon, so she said I should stay home and study. She’d make sure that they get to school safely. She pro
The boy I should not love Chapter 53 - You and I
“Are you going to tell me where we’re going?”I ask Leo, who is sitting next to me in an Uber. We decided t have our first date a day before we start writing our exams. I thought it would be great to have a breather from all the studying we’ve been doing.The sun is finally out and the weather is getting warmer. We are having an early morning date because Leo has to be back home by the time the kids get home from school. It’s nice to be out this early, the sky is clear and the sun is shining just right. I don’t know how to explain it; the light hits different between 8 and 10 am. It’s not too harsh on the eyes, it’s just right.“We’re not going anywhere exciting.” He says looking at me.“No?” I ask looking out of the window to see if I can figure out where we’re going. We left the city and we are in a part that is mostly rural.Pretoria has some parts that look like t
The boy I should not love Chapter 54 - From a distance
Cole I pull into the McDonalds’ parking lot and see Golden and Leo walk out of the restaurant. My heart starts racing at the site of then holding hands. I turn off my car, sit back and watch them, seeing them like this grinds at me. Golden has this beautiful smile on her face. She’s looking at Leo like he’s the most important thing in her life. I hate that they are being so public and they look like they are having the time of their lives. Her eyes are shining. I don’t how to explain it but she has this glow about her. I watch them start to dance around the parking lot. They laugh together as they go along. They look happy and I hate it. I haven’t been letting myself admit that seeing them happy is bringing out the worst in me. Leo has the one thing I want most in life. He has her love; I don’t have to hear her say the words. I can tell she loves him. It’s written in her face, the glint in her eye
The boy I should not love Chapter 55 - Trust the process
“How do you feel now that we’re done with our exams?” I ask Golden who is lying on her back next to me. We’re at our favorite spot on the school soccer field. We finished writing our last paper about an hour ago and we decided to come here and catch the last glimpses of the sun before it gets colder in the day.“I’m happy but sad at the same time.” She says and that makes me turn and look at her.“Why would you be sad?” I ask concerned, she should be happy we can take a break from the studying for a little bit. I for one am looking forward to it; I need a break from staring at the words on my textbooks.“I’m sad because we’re already halfway through the year. And that means you’ll be off to training soon and I’ll be off to Cape Town. We won’t see each other every day.” She says and she frowns at me her eyes sad.“Are you saying you’re going to miss
The boy I should not love Chapter 56 - On a rainy day
Leo guides me into his apartment, making sure to shake out the umbrella before he enters behind meWhen he turns around he finds me smiling at him. I have this cheesy smile on my face. He has a cute and comfortable picnic setting in the setting in the middle of his living room. He went all out with the blanket, candles and food. He created a moody and sexy setting here.He smile as me and opens his arms like, I know I’m the shits. I nod in agreement, because this is amazing.“I know we wanted to go for a nice picnic but the rain had other ideas. So I thought why not have an indoor picnic? This way we’ll stay warm and dry” He says smiling at me. He places the umbrella in the corner and guides me to the blanket.I walk slowly toward his indoor picnic set up feeling all giddy on the inside. I take my shoes and sit down. He goes to the kitchen and makes us some tea.“Let me get our drinks.” He says walking to t
The boy I should not love Chapter 57 - Heart to Heart
“Hi, honey.” My mother says as I walk through the door. She’s looking at me with a strange look on her face. I smile at her and she smiles too but she’s still staring at me. She’s looking at me like I’m some stranger or like I’m different. I stop for a moment looking at her. “Hi.” I say walking to the living room where she’s sitting comfortably under a blanket. The house so much warmer than the outside, the weather hasn’t improved since this morning. In fact it’s gotten worse throughout the day; winter is really here. I sit next to her feeling warm and happy; despite the weather outside. I’m still feeling god about what happened with Leo this afternoon.My body feels relaxed and supple. I’ve never had this feeling of bliss before. It feels like I would have the best sleep of my life if I fell asleep right now. I’m still aware of my body and ev
The boy I should not love Chapter 58 - Return
3 months into Leo and Golden’s relationshipI stand sitting a few feet my fro car as it’s being washed. I’ve been neglecting it for so long, I had to get it cleaned before the week starts again.My mind drifts to last few weeks I spent with Leo. We finally got into the groove of our relationship. We figured out our boundaries, I took my mother’s advice and talked to him about setting them. I know how far we can take everything and I’ve been having fun discovering what I like with him.I smile thinking about the intimate moments we’ve had. We still haven’t gone all the way yet. I still want to so bad but I’m glad one of us had the sense to wait. We’ve had a chance to get to know each other more without the drama.I’m lucky I’m dealing with Leo; he’s so much more mature than I am. He takes his time to so things and he doesn’t make bi
The boy I should not love Chapter 59 - Green
“Do you want to talk about it?” Zach asks looking at me cautiously. I look from him to Leo who is also looking at me with concern. Its lunch break and we’re sitting on my picnic blanket on the soccer field. Our favorite spot, we come here all the time now. I know we’re going to miss these chilled out sessions when school is over.I mistakenly texted Leo about my run in with Cole and he told Zach of ‘course and now the two of them are concerned that I have suppressed feeling about my ex screaming at me in public. I want to put it behind me, move on with my life. But they think it’s good for me to talk about.I don’t want to for two reasons, the first being Leo and I are together and I hate talking about my ex with him. And two, I’m over all of it.“I’m worried you might have an outburst if you don’t let your feelings out.” Le says and I roll my eyes at him. He laughs when he sees me do it.
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The boy I should not love Chapter 65 - A love that prevails
21 months later Leo is coming to see me today. I haven’t seen him in over a year. We’ve becoming strangers again and I hate it. I moved to Cape Town and life changed. He stayed behind to make sure that everything is set up with Mina and Jon. He had to make sure that they are settled in boarding school. And he had to make sure that he packs up their apartment before he had to go to military school. At the same time I had moved to a new city and when school started I got hit with a reality check. There was no way I could balance school and a relationship. Everything got so overwhelming for me. I got hit with the harsh reality that I wasn’t in high school anymore. It took a moment for me to adjust to the move and the workload. I had to switch off from my life at home and concentrate on my studies. And finally when we both got on our feet, life was so different. We drifted apart, between the distance and adulting it was impossible for us to find our way back. I wanted to fix the gap a
The boy I should not love Chapter 64 - Golden Mornings
7 amI’m sitting on a swing chair on the veranda watching the world come alive. Everyone in the house is still asleep. I got up about an hour ago and I’ve been sitting here under a blanket enjoying the smell of the morning air. I watched the last bits of the sunrise and I’m glad I did. What a way to kick off my 18th birthday, I feel reborn almost.I don’t know why but I have this sense of calm about life beyond this point. I was nervous about my final exams, going away to university next year. And I had this fear of what will happen about Leo and I. but now sitting here. I feel no worries; whatever happens will be for the best. I know that we’ll be okay no matter what.I am grateful for having this time with him, Zach, Lana and his siblings. They have given the best send off into adulthood. They gave me the ability to grow up. Wit
The boy I should not love Chapter 63 - Nature
“How amazing is this view?.” I say looking out the bedroom window of the air bnb we rented for the weekend. As always Zach hooked us up with an amazing place. He always finds the best accommodation. But this time he outdid himself. He found this little cottage in the middle of Magoebaskloof. We are in the lush green mountains of Limpopo. If I look hard enough I can see the Ebenezer Dam in the distance.The smell of pine is all around us, I find it oddly comforting. It’s not a smell I’m overly familiar with but I like it. I know waking up tomorrow is going to be a joy. The sky is turning orange as the sun is setting. It looks like the perfect painting. The fiery orange of the sun and the lush green of the tree tops meet in the far distance. And the little ink of the water in the distance adds an amazing texture to the view. This is incredible.I find myself amazed at the beauty that’s in South Africa, living i
The boy I should not love Chapter 62 - Crossing a line
“Have fun on your trip.” Mr. Brown says to me when I get out of the staff room. I have my overnight bag on one shoulder, my work bag on the other and a bouquet of roses. I want to surprise Golden with flowers when we pick her up.“Thank you. I guess I’ll see you after my exams.” I say smiling at him. He looks so sad right now. He looks like he’s dropping his son off at university. He always gets like this at the end of the year. It’s the longest time we spend apart. I don’t come into work during exam time because I want to focus on doing well. And the only way I can do that is if I don’t have to work.This year is especially important because I’m writing my final exam. I need to be laser focused. I want to pass with distinctions so that my placement in the army is smoother. I want to be one of the top picks. A lot is riding on this.“Yeah, I’ll see you then. Good luck with your exams, don&rs
The boy I should not love Chapter 61- Date night
“Thank you for taking me out tonight.” Golden says smiling at me; she looks so good tonight I can’t stop staring at her. My eyes keep going from her smile, to her eyes and then down to her boobs. I’m grateful we have this table between us because I don’t think I would have been able to keeps my hands to myself.I keep catching myself staring at one or the other. It’s so hard for me to keep up with the conversation because my brain keeps creating images of us that are not appropriate. Well they are not inappropriate really but they are forbidden.I promised myself I would keep my hands off of her but she’s making it impossible in that dress. She looks incredible.“It’s my absolute pleasure.” I say and she smiles that sexy smile again. She takes a sip of her water radiating sexual tension and passion.“You’re taking all the pleasure don’t I get
The boy I should not love Chapter 60 - Content
“Please come in.” Golden’s father says opening the door for me to get in. We shake hands as I walk in. He smiles welcoming me in. this is the first time I’ve come to Golden’s house in official girlfriend capacity.So I’m nervous, usually I have Mina and Jon as my buffer but today I am riding solo.“Thank you, how are you?” I ask him when he closes the door behind us.“I’m well and how are you?” He asks smiling at me. We walk to the living area and sit on the sofa.“I’m good.” I say smiling at him too. He sits back comfortably looking at me closely.“Golden will be down soon.” He says after a moment of silence. The mood is different, it’s not awkward but it’s so much more silent I guess.“No problem.” I say willing myself to be calmer. I don’t want to bring weird energy into the air. This is Golden’s father not a
The boy I should not love Chapter 59 - Green
“Do you want to talk about it?” Zach asks looking at me cautiously. I look from him to Leo who is also looking at me with concern. Its lunch break and we’re sitting on my picnic blanket on the soccer field. Our favorite spot, we come here all the time now. I know we’re going to miss these chilled out sessions when school is over.I mistakenly texted Leo about my run in with Cole and he told Zach of ‘course and now the two of them are concerned that I have suppressed feeling about my ex screaming at me in public. I want to put it behind me, move on with my life. But they think it’s good for me to talk about.I don’t want to for two reasons, the first being Leo and I are together and I hate talking about my ex with him. And two, I’m over all of it.“I’m worried you might have an outburst if you don’t let your feelings out.” Le says and I roll my eyes at him. He laughs when he sees me do it.
The boy I should not love Chapter 58 - Return
3 months into Leo and Golden’s relationshipI stand sitting a few feet my fro car as it’s being washed. I’ve been neglecting it for so long, I had to get it cleaned before the week starts again.My mind drifts to last few weeks I spent with Leo. We finally got into the groove of our relationship. We figured out our boundaries, I took my mother’s advice and talked to him about setting them. I know how far we can take everything and I’ve been having fun discovering what I like with him.I smile thinking about the intimate moments we’ve had. We still haven’t gone all the way yet. I still want to so bad but I’m glad one of us had the sense to wait. We’ve had a chance to get to know each other more without the drama.I’m lucky I’m dealing with Leo; he’s so much more mature than I am. He takes his time to so things and he doesn’t make bi
The boy I should not love Chapter 57 - Heart to Heart
“Hi, honey.” My mother says as I walk through the door. She’s looking at me with a strange look on her face. I smile at her and she smiles too but she’s still staring at me. She’s looking at me like I’m some stranger or like I’m different. I stop for a moment looking at her. “Hi.” I say walking to the living room where she’s sitting comfortably under a blanket. The house so much warmer than the outside, the weather hasn’t improved since this morning. In fact it’s gotten worse throughout the day; winter is really here. I sit next to her feeling warm and happy; despite the weather outside. I’m still feeling god about what happened with Leo this afternoon.My body feels relaxed and supple. I’ve never had this feeling of bliss before. It feels like I would have the best sleep of my life if I fell asleep right now. I’m still aware of my body and ev
