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Chapter 47 - Secrets
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2021-10-15 16:51:47Zach and I sit at a park bench and watch Mina and Jon run toward a merry-go-round. I watch Mona help Jon get on and they try to move the big metal circle. And it doesn’t move, I watch her struggle with it and then she decides they should get off and go play somewhere else.
I love that she’s problem solver, she doesn’t just sit there and cry.
“How are you man? And please don’t say fine. Tell me what you’re feeling.” Zach says looking at me. We talk the kids to the park so they can play and run around. And I needed to get out of that house. It has become oppressive and uncomfortable.
The last time I felt that way I was living with my mother in a small dirty apartment in a dingy part of town. Not to say the place I live in now is a palace but the old place was way smaller. I never felt safe there. And now that she’s been to my place, I feel like she has awakened those feelings I had as a kid.
“I’m t
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Zach pulls into Golden’s driveway and she comes out of her front door when he parks the car. She stops in her tracks when she sees me and the kids in the car. I look at her my heart racing, all the feeling I been shoving down in the deepest part of my soul come rushing back up. They hit me like a ton of bricks. “You didn’t tell her you were coming?” Zach asks me when he sees Golden’s face. She looks like she doesn’t know what to do. I wave at her to check if she’s alright, she looks stuck in one place. She waves back at me but her wave is so sure. Zach and I get out of the car and help Mina and Jon out of the car. She finally moves closer to the car, she has a smile for Mina and Jon, who are happy to see her. “Hey” She says when she stands next to me. “Hey” I say to her and she smiles. “I thought you weren’t coming.” She states as we walk to the front door of her house. “I had a change of heart, I hope you don’t mind.” I sa
Last Updated : 2021-10-16The boy I should not love Chapter 49 - Over due
About 2 months later “There’s something I’ve known for some time, that I have to tell you but I don’t know how to tell you.” Zach says looking back at me from the passenger side of his car. Leo is on driving duty today. I look at Zach and my heart starts racing. I hate when people start a sentence with I have to tell you something. It’s like why not just tell me and see how I react instead of setting me up for a heart attack. Now my brain is running going through all the possibilities that could go wrong. “What is it Zach?” I ask and see Leo give me a glance on the review mirror. I guess he knows what’s going on because he seems a little tense all of a sudden. “I… uh...” He says but doesn’t finish the sentence. I look at him frustrated, he’s killing me here. “Just spill it out. You’re killing me here.” I say a little louder
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“Thank you for coming, I didn’t think you would show up. “ I say to Gina who’s sitting in front of me sipping nervously at her milkshake. She’s been looking back and forth from me to the door since the moment she sat down.I can tell she is praying Amara doesn’t walk through that door. She would have a lot of explaining to do if her bestie found her here with me. Although I’m pretty sure she reported to Amara the moment I sent her that invite.“I didn’t think I would be here either.” She says looking at anything but me.“I appreciate you being here. I wanted to see you so we can talk. I say looking her straight in the face. I want her to know that I’m here with the truth. I’m not here to pretend and I’m definitely not here to act like everything is okay when it’s not. There’s a war going on and I didn’t know I was being screwed from the insid
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Today is a first for me. I don’t have to go to work, not because I was forced into a day off for the sake of my health and sanity. I am not on edge because I need to get an extra shift in or else I won’t have enough money t pay rent.I don’t have the kids to take care of. Mina and Jon are at their school for a fun day. They have their own thing going on today. So I am free as a bird; it’s weird.I don’t have to rush to school. Granted it’s a Saturday but my life has this constant need for urgency. And for the first time in a very long time I’m not in a rush to be or do anything.As a matter of fact I’m early and waiting for Zach to come and pick me up. Apparently Golden has invited us on a day out. I was told that she wanted a fun filled day with her best mates. I couldn’t say no for two reasons. One; we always have fun when we get together and two; I am bored out of my mind. Zach pulls up to th
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2 months later; a week before midyear exams.“I’m so happy you called.” My mother says to me from across the table. I asked her to meet me at a McDonalds’ for coffee. I have been thinking a lot about the conversation that Zach and I had.I can’ help but think that he was right. Since she showed up, I am not the same. I am no longer confident in myself and my decisions. I feel like I am holding on to my old self and I am being left behind.Mina and Jon are growing more and more independent every day. They are starting to need me less and less. This morning Mina asked if they could go to school by themselves. She said that most kids in her class are doing it themselves now and she wants to try get to school without my help.I didn’t have to go to school today since exams are starting soon, so she said I should stay home and study. She’d make sure that they get to school safely. She pro
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“Are you going to tell me where we’re going?”I ask Leo, who is sitting next to me in an Uber. We decided t have our first date a day before we start writing our exams. I thought it would be great to have a breather from all the studying we’ve been doing.The sun is finally out and the weather is getting warmer. We are having an early morning date because Leo has to be back home by the time the kids get home from school. It’s nice to be out this early, the sky is clear and the sun is shining just right. I don’t know how to explain it; the light hits different between 8 and 10 am. It’s not too harsh on the eyes, it’s just right.“We’re not going anywhere exciting.” He says looking at me.“No?” I ask looking out of the window to see if I can figure out where we’re going. We left the city and we are in a part that is mostly rural.Pretoria has some parts that look like t
Last Updated : 2021-10-21The boy I should not love Chapter 54 - From a distance
Cole I pull into the McDonalds’ parking lot and see Golden and Leo walk out of the restaurant. My heart starts racing at the site of then holding hands. I turn off my car, sit back and watch them, seeing them like this grinds at me. Golden has this beautiful smile on her face. She’s looking at Leo like he’s the most important thing in her life. I hate that they are being so public and they look like they are having the time of their lives. Her eyes are shining. I don’t how to explain it but she has this glow about her. I watch them start to dance around the parking lot. They laugh together as they go along. They look happy and I hate it. I haven’t been letting myself admit that seeing them happy is bringing out the worst in me. Leo has the one thing I want most in life. He has her love; I don’t have to hear her say the words. I can tell she loves him. It’s written in her face, the glint in her eye
Last Updated : 2021-10-22The boy I should not love Chapter 55 - Trust the process
“How do you feel now that we’re done with our exams?” I ask Golden who is lying on her back next to me. We’re at our favorite spot on the school soccer field. We finished writing our last paper about an hour ago and we decided to come here and catch the last glimpses of the sun before it gets colder in the day.“I’m happy but sad at the same time.” She says and that makes me turn and look at her.“Why would you be sad?” I ask concerned, she should be happy we can take a break from the studying for a little bit. I for one am looking forward to it; I need a break from staring at the words on my textbooks.“I’m sad because we’re already halfway through the year. And that means you’ll be off to training soon and I’ll be off to Cape Town. We won’t see each other every day.” She says and she frowns at me her eyes sad.“Are you saying you’re going to miss
Last Updated : 2021-10-22
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21 months later Leo is coming to see me today. I haven’t seen him in over a year. We’ve becoming strangers again and I hate it. I moved to Cape Town and life changed. He stayed behind to make sure that everything is set up with Mina and Jon. He had to make sure that they are settled in boarding school. And he had to make sure that he packs up their apartment before he had to go to military school. At the same time I had moved to a new city and when school started I got hit with a reality check. There was no way I could balance school and a relationship. Everything got so overwhelming for me. I got hit with the harsh reality that I wasn’t in high school anymore. It took a moment for me to adjust to the move and the workload. I had to switch off from my life at home and concentrate on my studies. And finally when we both got on our feet, life was so different. We drifted apart, between the distance and adulting it was impossible for us to find our way back. I wanted to fix the gap a
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The boy I should not love Chapter 63 - Nature
“How amazing is this view?.” I say looking out the bedroom window of the air bnb we rented for the weekend. As always Zach hooked us up with an amazing place. He always finds the best accommodation. But this time he outdid himself. He found this little cottage in the middle of Magoebaskloof. We are in the lush green mountains of Limpopo. If I look hard enough I can see the Ebenezer Dam in the distance.The smell of pine is all around us, I find it oddly comforting. It’s not a smell I’m overly familiar with but I like it. I know waking up tomorrow is going to be a joy. The sky is turning orange as the sun is setting. It looks like the perfect painting. The fiery orange of the sun and the lush green of the tree tops meet in the far distance. And the little ink of the water in the distance adds an amazing texture to the view. This is incredible.I find myself amazed at the beauty that’s in South Africa, living i
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“Have fun on your trip.” Mr. Brown says to me when I get out of the staff room. I have my overnight bag on one shoulder, my work bag on the other and a bouquet of roses. I want to surprise Golden with flowers when we pick her up.“Thank you. I guess I’ll see you after my exams.” I say smiling at him. He looks so sad right now. He looks like he’s dropping his son off at university. He always gets like this at the end of the year. It’s the longest time we spend apart. I don’t come into work during exam time because I want to focus on doing well. And the only way I can do that is if I don’t have to work.This year is especially important because I’m writing my final exam. I need to be laser focused. I want to pass with distinctions so that my placement in the army is smoother. I want to be one of the top picks. A lot is riding on this.“Yeah, I’ll see you then. Good luck with your exams, don&rs
The boy I should not love Chapter 61- Date night
“Thank you for taking me out tonight.” Golden says smiling at me; she looks so good tonight I can’t stop staring at her. My eyes keep going from her smile, to her eyes and then down to her boobs. I’m grateful we have this table between us because I don’t think I would have been able to keeps my hands to myself.I keep catching myself staring at one or the other. It’s so hard for me to keep up with the conversation because my brain keeps creating images of us that are not appropriate. Well they are not inappropriate really but they are forbidden.I promised myself I would keep my hands off of her but she’s making it impossible in that dress. She looks incredible.“It’s my absolute pleasure.” I say and she smiles that sexy smile again. She takes a sip of her water radiating sexual tension and passion.“You’re taking all the pleasure don’t I get
The boy I should not love Chapter 60 - Content
“Please come in.” Golden’s father says opening the door for me to get in. We shake hands as I walk in. He smiles welcoming me in. this is the first time I’ve come to Golden’s house in official girlfriend capacity.So I’m nervous, usually I have Mina and Jon as my buffer but today I am riding solo.“Thank you, how are you?” I ask him when he closes the door behind us.“I’m well and how are you?” He asks smiling at me. We walk to the living area and sit on the sofa.“I’m good.” I say smiling at him too. He sits back comfortably looking at me closely.“Golden will be down soon.” He says after a moment of silence. The mood is different, it’s not awkward but it’s so much more silent I guess.“No problem.” I say willing myself to be calmer. I don’t want to bring weird energy into the air. This is Golden’s father not a
The boy I should not love Chapter 59 - Green
“Do you want to talk about it?” Zach asks looking at me cautiously. I look from him to Leo who is also looking at me with concern. Its lunch break and we’re sitting on my picnic blanket on the soccer field. Our favorite spot, we come here all the time now. I know we’re going to miss these chilled out sessions when school is over.I mistakenly texted Leo about my run in with Cole and he told Zach of ‘course and now the two of them are concerned that I have suppressed feeling about my ex screaming at me in public. I want to put it behind me, move on with my life. But they think it’s good for me to talk about.I don’t want to for two reasons, the first being Leo and I are together and I hate talking about my ex with him. And two, I’m over all of it.“I’m worried you might have an outburst if you don’t let your feelings out.” Le says and I roll my eyes at him. He laughs when he sees me do it.
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The boy I should not love Chapter 57 - Heart to Heart
“Hi, honey.” My mother says as I walk through the door. She’s looking at me with a strange look on her face. I smile at her and she smiles too but she’s still staring at me. She’s looking at me like I’m some stranger or like I’m different. I stop for a moment looking at her. “Hi.” I say walking to the living room where she’s sitting comfortably under a blanket. The house so much warmer than the outside, the weather hasn’t improved since this morning. In fact it’s gotten worse throughout the day; winter is really here. I sit next to her feeling warm and happy; despite the weather outside. I’m still feeling god about what happened with Leo this afternoon.My body feels relaxed and supple. I’ve never had this feeling of bliss before. It feels like I would have the best sleep of my life if I fell asleep right now. I’m still aware of my body and ev
