I felt free. With Nessa, together as one, we ran. I had wondered in the beginning how after such an excruciating experience turning, I could be so full of energy in my wolf form, but Ness had told me that we get renewed energy as a wolf.
I hadn't known anything about being a wolf in the beginning. When Nessa came forward after the first time I had shifted she could sense she would have to slow things down for me. Take it one step at a time and slowly teach me the wolf way.
My parents had died, or abandoned me, or were taken. I have no idea what happened to them, just that I had to have had them to exist. I lived with an old human couple in the woods before they passed. They weren't wolves, Ness said we would have been able to smell it on them, but they were kind, fed us and provided for us the best they could.
Of course, they didn't understand who Nessa was. They might have thought I was crazy, but they never said anything, and I never explained. I think they knew better, or they were just too old to care. Either way, it's just been me and Ness since they passed.
Now together we've shifted into our next stage of wolf. As much as I tried to fight it, puberty still hit me and that meant it hit my wolf too. That's why the shift tonight, under the full moon, had been so atrocious. We were evolving.
Thank fuck that was over.
"Are we done evolving now, Ness? Cuz I don't want to do that ever again." I say to her through our connection. But she just laughs and says "Feel, Roo. Feel the difference in us now. Just feel."
I pushed the potential of another night like tonight away from my mind and listened to my wolf. I pushed my paws deeper into the ground to feel the earth below. I breathed in deep and perked my ears to their highest level.
I could feel the roots from the trees, the worms and ants digging tunnels in the ground. I could smell every type of flower, tree, and creature around us, and hear ever chatter, song, and crack.
It was all so intense. "It's so much. I feel everything. We feel everything." I preach to Ness.
"Just like before my Peony. Breath. Feel it all. Inhale and exhale. Relax. This is all a part of us." I do as she says, breathing and relaxing my senses all while we continue to sprint through the dark, full woods.
See, Nessa and I are white. I quickly learned, once I entered school, that we were rare. White wolves weren’t known in the wolf community, so Ness and I knew that outing our wolf color probably wasn’t the best of ideas. We had no one to trust, to guide us, and we didn’t want to be controlled. So, when it’s time to shift we have to stay in the dense forest and only roam at night so as not to be seen. The high full moon shines bright and causes some concern of exposure but not many people care to venture this deep into the woods and we had no choice but to shift tonight.
We slow down when we reach a small waterfall with a surrounding pond the water pours into. The trees are thick overhead and little moonlight seeps through the treetops, making this a good place to stop. We lean over to take a drink from the water, all my senses still run strong but they are starting to lesson if even just a little.
"Good Peony. Your acceptance is key to control. Keep breathing Peony."
Her words of encouragement are like warm tingles through my body. She helps make me strong and my trust in her makes our bond even stronger. "Thank you, Ness. I couldn't have done this without you."
We sit by the pond, homing in on our new abilities. As a wolf all my senses had been heightened, even in human form. But this was another level. Deeper, more specific. I could tell the exact type of species of worm or ant that was burrowing through the ground. I could name the bird in the tree by the flap of its wings and the melody of its chirp.
I could smell the sap of the maple trees, even type of flower or bush that bloomed, and every animal that lives or has come through this area. Even the fish in the pond I could name without looking, just by sensing. "It's so much Ness. How will it be in human form?" I ask her.
"How would I know?” She chuckles. “I would assume much like this, maybe more or different. But we won't know for sure until we change back. Until then, are you ready?"
I stand and we begin training our new abilities. We spend the next few hours focusing on one sense at a time, switching between smell, sight, touch, sounds. We walked around the small waterfall and put my taste through the test. It was the same as the others. I could taste everything that had glided through these waters, pin-point the origin of every taste. It was incredible.
As the moon began to lower and the sun started to peak through the night, we shifted back. The shift was much easier, still painful, and long, but nowhere near the intense, excruciating experience we had earlier in the night.
We were miles away from our cabin, which wasn't uncommon when we were in our wolf form. Ness and I like to run and don't usually pay attention to how far we go. I don't mind walking in human form either, so we casually stroll back to our cabin.My senses are just as heightened in human form as they were as a wolf. I can smell, hear, see, and feel everything to such specificity, it makes me wonder what it would be like if we were to evolve again.Oncewe get to the cabin I shower and change into some jean shorts and a white t-shirt with a small V for the neckline. My human form is nothing extraordinary, not like I am as a wolf. I 'm 5'3, with small features. I'm thin but not fragile. I wanted my human body to be justas strong, so I spend a lot of time running, and eating well.Nessa tends to be quieter while I'm in my human state. She likes to rest, and just go along for the ride. I throw on my slip ons before heading out the door to
I try not to think about what just happened as I drive home, a lot faster than I should. I released Nessa from our cloaking as soon as I turned out of the parking lot, not wanting to hold her back any longer than necessary.Ness stays quiet though, understanding the turmoil my emotions are going through.I make it home and pull out the groceries, hating that his scent still lingers on the bags he deposited in the back seat. Hating even more how my body reacts to it.I continue trying to process this situation as little as possible as I go through the motions of making steak stir fry with salad, rolls, and water. I make so much food it looks like I am feeding a family of 7. But it’s the wolf way. We need a lot of energy so a lot of food It is.I eat until I can’t fit another bite into my stomach and clean up the kitchen. I change into a night shirt, grab my phone making sure my alarm is set for the morning, and eventually, finally,
I wake up, drenched in sweat to the sound of my alarm. I rub the sleep from my eyes as I trek to the shower to try and wash off the feel of him that still lingers over me."It was just a dream." I tell myself and Nessa scoffs. "Don't start." I chide her."What?" She retorts. "It felt good, even if it was just a dream and you know it. Imagine how good the real thing would be." I can practically see her raising her eyebrows suggestively at me."Stop it. It's just the mate bond." But even I don't believe myself. Nathaniel is hot. So unbelievably hot. It's stupid and unfair how good looking he is. And while I am being honest with myself, I can admit that he's actually a really good guy, a good alpha. He just wants to have the one thing from me I don't want to give. Control.As alpha, he runs his pack fully and completely. If I would be accepted into the pack, my life would no longer be my own. If the alpha says stay, I literally would ha
I go back to my locker, not looking at her, and shrug. “Oh you know. Same ol’ same ol’ with the alpha. Just using my lack of sleep as a way to try and get me into the pack.” I know that wasn’t what he was doing, Ness and I truly believed the concern was genuine which doesn’t make me hate him less.“Uhhh. Try again sister. I know what I saw and you NEVER let Nate get that close to you.” She says pointedly.“Nate?” I say back, looking at her now. “Since when do you refer to him as Nate?” I know that I am angrier than I should be, but I also know that there aren’t many people he lets call him by that nickname. He wants to keep the separation between pack and alpha. He has to keep the line between classmate and alpha clear.Now it’s Melody’s turn to shrug, but I can see the guilt behind her eyes. “I don’t know, last week or something…” Her eyes don&rsqu
The day is boring and slow for the most part, tuning out people's emotions and turning in on myselfinstead. I’m having a hard time focusing because my mind keeps going back to the Alpha. Specifically, the differences.“Why would he smell different, Ness?” I just can’t shake it. It had to of been him.“I don’t know.” She replies. “His woof was…”She doesn’t finish and that piques my interest further. “What, Ness? His woof was what?”She doesn’t say anything for a few minutes, and I begin to wonder what she could be feeling that she isn’t ready to share.The bell rings, signaling that my class is over and it’s time for lunch. I gather my things and start heading out with the rest of the class. I’m not really paying attention to what’s going on, until I smell it.Cinnamon… and firewood.I look around, trying desperately to
I decide not to go to school the next day, opting for a mental health day in the forest instead. There is just so much happening, and it all started when I evolved. Since then, it feels like everything is different, shifting and evolving with me. My senses, the emotions, the mate bond, the twins. God, the twins. I don’t understand. There are so many questions, so many missing pieces. Part of me wants to find the answers, figure out what they have been hiding. But the other part… the other part of me wonders if I should just leave. I walk to our waterfall; mine, and Nessa’s. It’s almost more my home than the cabin is. It’s where it all started and is my favorite place to think. “Okay.” I start. “Okay.” Ness says back. “Here is what we know. Nathaniel has a twin.” “Yep. Twins. Check.” Nessa says with a smile I can hear. “Okay miss cheery wolf, calm down.” “What?” she says. “This is exciting! Not one, but TWO mates
He’s standing in front of me, naked. I keep eye contact, not daring to look anywhere else. But damn why did he have to be naked. ‘Oh come on, just a little peak.’ Nessa wines. ‘Nessa. No.’ I masked the mate bond the second I sensed someone coming, partially out of habit, and partially out of assumption. I’m not sure who else would come out here, if not one of the twins looking for me. “Who are you?” I ask again. Nothing. “Listen, I know you aren’t Nathaniel and I know that It was you talking to me at my locker yesterday. So just get on with it already.” Again. Nothing. “Are you going to say anything or just stand there, staring at me…. naked.” He smirks. He goddamn smirks. “Okay. Well, this has been fun, but I’m going to go now.” I salute him and start walking away, with no destination in mind, just somewhere away from here. “You aren’t the least bit curious?” He asks. I stop, but don’t t
Before Ness and I get the chance to test her theory the twins break their link and face me. “Okay. So you want to know about us and we want to know about you.” No name says. “And we think the best solution to that is to propose a trade.” Nathaniel adds. “For every one thing we tell you about us, you tell us something about you.” “Me? Why the hell would you want to know about me?” I ask. “Oh come on Princess.” Nathaniel says with a smirk. “You are the only wolf who doesn’t want to be a part of the pack, that makes you a little interesting.” “Not to mention the fact that you don’t seem to be surprised or the least bit freaked out by the twin thing.” No name mentions. ‘What do you think Ness? This seems kind of dangerous.’ ‘Roo, babe, it’s going to be fine. Remember we are their mate. That’s a bond for life girlfriend. You might as well start the process of getting to know them now while they are willing to share.’ Ness ha
They’re coming this way. They’re coming this way. “Nessa…” I have to say it out loud. I have to know if this moment is real or if it’s something I’m making up in my head. A coping mechanism, a way to protect myself from the inevitable hurt to come. ‘Listen Roo.’ She says to me so softly, but my heart is pounding too fast and my breathing is too ragged and too short. I can’t hear anything but the blood pumping to the beat of feet pounding. “Nessa.” I say again. More firm because I need her to wake me up, to tell me that this is all a dream and ease the heartbreak. But she says nothing. “NESSA, PLEASE.” I all but collapse when I see two figures running straight towards me. ‘I’m letting go now, Roo. It’s time.’ And I can feel her starting to release her hold on the mate bond. The mask we have kept all this time to keep us safe. “Wait. WAIT. Nessa, don…” but before the words come out the figures come to a halt just ten feet from me, and I can feel the final release of our hold. “Ro
I’m gunna throw up. Or pass out.I’m standing outside the Beowulf house waiting for Nate and Ren. Their party has already started in the woods and its an hour until midnight. An hour until they are officially 18. An hour until everyone finds out that we are mates. Everyone except the three of us.I look up to the magnificently sculpted home, but my thoughts drift back to last night.“I just want you.” Nate whispers to me. My heart is bursting at the seams. I have never seen or heard him be so vulnerable, admitting the way he has always felt, that he was a virgin and waited for me, the girl he believed to be his mate when he had no proof, just the belief that his heart would steer him in the right direction. “I know.” I whispered back. Nate smirks a little and I realize what he thinks, so I slowly shake my head and slowly remove myself from between the two men I was already falling so hard for. I stand at the edge of my bed and look at those two men, now seated at the head of my bed
‘Nessa, what do I do?’ I hadn’t made it but a few steps into the forest before I asked her.‘Let it out Roo. Tell me everything.’She barely gets the words out before I vomit it all out.‘How did this happen, Ness? One minute I am so sure of the path I am going to take, refusing to join a pack, and hating Nate. And now I’m calling him Nate and not Nathaniel, and there is another alpha, whom I am also the mate of, who is so different from his brother. And then there is Camilla, and the fact that she is also a white wolf? I mean, what are the chances? Their parents adopt a white wolf, they are mates with a white wolf. Alpha twins, white wolves. I mean this is all so crazy!’I take a moment to breathe before more word vomit comes out.‘…and on top of it all I have just over 12 hours until they w
“You’re a white wolf?” Nate asks me. He looks so sad, so defeated, so hurt.“Ren.” I look to the warrior twin, the one who had spied on me, the one who had known my secret before I could tell him. “Why don’t you go check on Camilla.”He looks at me, hurt in his eyes too. I just can’t seem to win today. “Please?” I plead with him.I can feel Nate’s eyes still on me, and I can feel Ren’s hesitancy to leave us.“Yea, okay.” He says before turning around and walking out the door without a glance back to us.I turn to look at Nate and go to grab his hand, but he pulls back from me.“Roo, no.” He starts, but I reach out again.“Come with me? Let’s talk.” I take a deep breath and try to let my shield
“So, what’s going on in here?” Nate says as he comes through the front door of Camilla’s little house. “Yea!” Ren says, “You’ve been hogging her long enough, little miss.” Both of the guys have a big grin on their face, and I look over to see Camilla has a matching one. “Look Roo!” She says standing up. “It’s Renny and Nate Nate!” she giggles as she runs to her brothers. They each take turns picking her up, tickling her, and giving her smooches all over her face. My cheeks hurt from smiling so hard. They are so good with her and it’s obvious how much they love her and she them. “Hey there.” Nate says to me, walking over to where I am sitting on one of Camilla’s big comfy chairs. We had been reading one of my favorite books when the guys walked in. “Hi.” I say back with a smile, and Nate leans down to kiss the top of my head. “I missed you.” He says so quietly. I know we can all hear, but the gesture implied it was only for me.
It’s been a week and a half since I told Nate about Nessa. We’ve been doing that weird dating thing that the guys suggested and it seems to be working out okay for the most part. They both are at my house to wake me up in the morning and have helped themselves to my kitchen. The day after our discussion they showed up at the ass crack of dawn, bags of groceries in hand only to find that my kitchen was already fully stocked. Ren did bring more of that coffee that I love so much, so I sipped on that while I watched them try to figure out what to do with all the supplies they brought. Nate ended up driving about half of what they had brought back to their place, stating he would bring it back when we started to run out of things. I just rolled my eyes because it would take months to run out, but whatever, this was their show. Though it thought it would bother me, I didn’t mind having someone else cook for me. It was nice that all I had to do in the morning was worry abo
“How about this.” Doren starts. “What if we date you?” “Date me?” I ask, taken back by the suggestion. “Yea. Like normal teenagers. You made a good point that we know you pretty well, or at the very least, more than you know us, but we need to get to know each other better. So, let’s date.” Doren shrugs like it makes perfect sense. “Actually, that’s not a bad idea.” Nate agrees with his brother. “We can do individual dates, and group dates. We have a few weeks before our birthday so that will give us time to, hopefully, show you that we are serious about this.” Nate offers. “Okay but wait.” I interject and they both look at me. “I’m not against the idea, but how would that even work? I need to go back to school and no one knows about Doren, so that leaves like two weekends before we know about the bond. That’s not enough time.” “Well, Princess.” Nate starts, that mischievous grin forming on his face. “Dating means at school too. I’ll pick you
I kiss each one of their hands before letting go. I want to give them the space they need, and the time to process everything I’ve just let out. I’ve put myself in a vulnerable spot here and I have to admit that I’m a little terrified. I don’t want to be mated to someone who sees me as weak, or a challenge. I want them to see and know everything about me and love me regardless. I can’t hold out for too much longer; I know the twins will be turning 18 soon and then it’ll all be over. I can’t hold the mate bond secret from them once that happens. I need to use the time I have to get to know my mates, and hope that I can learn to let them in. I’m waiting in front of them as they stand there. Nate is looking at his hand, the one I kissed and let go, and Doren is looking at Nate. ‘What do you think is going on in their heads?’ I ask Ness ‘Your guess is as good as mine, dude.’ She scoffs. ‘We might need to give them some time to digest all the feelings you just unl
“You want me to call Nate?” He looks confused and a little hurt. “Yes. I think there is a conversation that the three of us need to have.” And I am starting to think the sooner the better. “Oh.” His eyebrows shoot up. He’s still confused but pulls out a phone from his back pocket and dials Nate. It’s the middle of the week, so Nate will be in school, or should be in school anyway. But I can hear his voice when he answers the phone. “Are you with her? Is she okay?”I can hear the concern in Nate’s voice, and I smile a little to myself. Doren is watching me as he speaks to his brother. “Yea man I’m with her, and she’s fine, but…” and Nate cuts him off. “BUT? But what fuck face? I swear to god if you…”And Doren cuts him off right back. “She wants you here man.” He says, letting the irritation ride in his voice. “She says there is a conversation the three of us need to have.” “Ren, I