Chapter Two
We sat down at a random table and he asked me what I wanted to drink. I told him just a simple Coca Cola with no ice but a straw and he headed to the bar. I couldn't help but look him over as he stood and waited to be served.
He looked like Elton John. He actually looked like Elton John! His short blonde, gingery hair, his glasses... the ridiculous purple shirt... Wow. I just smiled and shook my head and looked away again.
My phone vibrated in my pocket. Normally, I didn't check messages or texts when I was on a date, but I stole another quick look up at him. He was still standing there, waiting to be served. I pulled my phone out to see who it was off, in case it was important and instantly felt my face heat up as a blush started to run its way across my cheeks. It was of him;
You look really cute x
I couldn't help but smile widely and put my phone away again. Ok.. that was cute.
When he got back to the table, he put my drink in front of me and sat across from me. I still couldn't stop smiling and started to feel a little embarrassed and shy.
'What's with the smile?' He asked coyly, clearly knowing it was his text that had put the smile on my face. I just shrugged.
'No reason'. He just grinned back and took a sip of his drink...
We just talked and talked... and talked some more. Just about the usual things you normally talk about on the first date. It was nice. chilled. No pressure.
Eventually, we started to feel a little bit hungry and decided to order some food. Just simple Weatherspoons pub food, you couldn't go wrong really. I waited to see what he was going to order before I did. I didn't want to get a full meal if he was only getting a small something. Luckily though, he ordered a mixed grill, So, I went for a chicken and bacon burger and chips.
Lush!
I went with him to the bar this time when he ordered and even though I told him I didn't mind paying for myself or even for both lunches, he wouldn't let me... I felt bad, I hated it when someone paid for me, it made me feel almost uncomfortable, but he agreed to let me by dessert or another round of drinks, so that wasn't so bad, I suppose.
'So, what are you doing tomorrow?' He asked as we sat back down at the table. He placed a hand on my knee and I couldn't help but look down and another small smirk appeared on my face.
'Nothing, I don't think, why?'
'Well, Since the weather is so nice, I was thinking of going to Southend on Sea, to the beach, do you want to come?'
'I'd like that, yeah'. He grinned.
'Ok, good'. When I asked why he wanted to go to Southend, he told me he just wanted to get out of the main city for a while and since he had a day off and it was the middle of summer that the beach seemed like a good idea and I had to agree. 'You excited now?'
'Maybe..' I felt myself blush again.
'We could build sandcastles and have ice cream?' He suggested. I knew instantly what he was doing, he was trying to get me to slip into little mode... And it was working. It was like an automatic thing. He squeezed my knee.
'I'd like that'. I told him quietly.
'Yeah?' I nodded and he pulled away, sitting up straight and taking his hand off my knee.
'Good girl'. He opened his mouth to speak again when a waiter came over with our food. My stomach rumbled as soon as the smell hit my nose and we dug in. The whole ''DDLG'' conversion was over... for now...
After finishing our lunch and having some more conversion, we decided to go for a walk and ended up walking past the Build a Bear work shop. He suggested going in, which, I, of course was completely up for.
As soon as we walked in, it was like I was over come with the excitement of a little kid. It wasn't even anything to do with 'Little Space'', I just loved this place. It's like when you go into Toys R Us or a sweet shop, you just instantly revert back to your childhood.
We looked around a little before Andy went over and picked up a bear, showing it to me. A pink and purple sparkly unicorn.
'You like?' He asked, I nodded and he took it over to a member of staff to have them stuff it. Was he buying me a build a bear?!
Yes... yes, he was. He even put in a beating heart and a bubblegum scent, my favourite that he had obviously remembered me saying in one of our random late night phone calls. I tried not to act too childish in the shop, worried about the judgement, normally, I didn't care, but this was (mainly) a kids shop and I didn't want to look like a complete and utter tit.
As soon as we left though, I thanked him and he pulled me in for a big, tight hug.
He was making me feel really special. I'm not sure if he was doing it to make up for the fact he was so late if this was just how he was in general or because it was the first date, but whatever the reason, It was nice.
All too soon though, the date came to an end and I walked to the car park with him where he had parked up. When we got there, we were just stood, slightly awkwardly, staring at each other. I didn't know what to say, he clearly didn't either. He unlocked the vehicle and opened the door. I noticed his paramedic helmet in the front seat. He saw me staring and pulled it out, putting it on my head. It was huge, with a visor and everything, I guess that was for safety or something.
'It suits you'. I playfully rolled my eyes.
'It's cool'. I told him honestly. As stupid as it sounds, I'd never seen something like this ''in person''. He leaned over and grabbed a bag, explaining that it was his work stuff. He showed me a few bits and bobs that were like his daily essentials and then started explaining the little coloured card book he had. Apparently, all paramedics had one and when they attend a call, it's how they communicate the situation and the seriousness.
'...and this one means the person died'. He explained, finishing with the black card. I really did find it all interesting.
'Have you ever used it?' That was probably a stupid question. He nodded, of course, he had. He put his stuff back in the bag and I took the helmet off and passed it back over.
'Well, I best head off, there will be traffic heading back into the city'. I just nodded, understanding. He stepped forward and placed a small but meaningful kiss on my cheek. In a strange way, it was sweeter than if he had just kissed my lips.
'Ok, well... I'll talk to you later?' He nodded. 'Ok. Bye'.
'Bye'. He climbed into his driver's seat and I started walking back towards the shops where my bus stop was. As I walked away, I felt his eyes on my back.
I smile the whole way home.
Chapter ThreeI walked in and instantly felt that familiar feeling of loneliness. I lived by myself and my parents and well... My whole family were back in the midlands. I had moved down to the South-East for a job last year. I did enjoy what I do and how I lived, but at the same time...
Chapter FourThe next morning, the sun coming through my windows, filling my room with a blindingly bright light woke me up. It wasn’t until I rolled over and checked the time that I realised how early it was. That’s one thing I h
Chapter FiveI didn’t even know how to respond. I instantly felt like I had my time wasted. It felt like it was already a rollercoaster ride and we only met in person and had our first date yesterday. First, he’s late, then we had a gre
Chapter Six** A Week Later **
Chapter Seven‘Where are we going?” I asked, looking out the windows, trying to see through the darkness. I lived around here, but for the life of me, I had no idea what would be this way and why he would be taking me.
Chapter EightI stayed quiet for the rest of the ride to the bowling alley, which was, annoyingly, longer than I expected due to the traffic jam. By the time we got there, we only had an hour, so we just paid for our lane and headed off to play.
Chapter NineI climbed into bed and pulled my duvet up over me. The whole room was in pitch black. I wanted the darkness, it helped me think. I had a shower when I came home… a scalding hot shower. I needed it to burn, hurt... Clean me. I brushed
Chapter TenI woke up early the next morning and just laid in bed for a little while. I had no plans today, so, was in no rush to get out of bed. I leaned over and grabbed my phone off the side. There was nothing off Andy, but that was fine, I just wante
As you can see from the title, this isn't a chapter, however, I just wanted to clear something up. This book is true, its 100% true and infact I have left a lot of things out because it would have been too much personal stuff to share. As you read the ending and remember everything you have read so far, please, just keep in mind that this actually happened to me.When you say ''She is being stupid for putting up with it'' or ''God, Hannah should just leave him'' or ''Why does she keep forgiving him'', know it actually Why didn't I leave him, why did I keep forgiving him, and honestly, because I thought I loved him and thought he loved me. Domestic violence is something you don't really realise is happening until its too late, until you already fear them too much to leave.I took a break from this book for months because it was mentally putting me in a bad place and I haven't updated this book in a week because again, it was starting to affect me.
Note: Just something to clear things up. Yes, Hannah works. You never read her working in the chapters because, well, that would be boring, but for anyone wondering how she can afford to live alone in the city, That’s why :)-----------------------------------------------------------------------------Chapter Forty-FiveAndy left as soon as we finished having sex. He said he had a coffee meeting to get to, I didn’t really care, I was just glad he was gone. This was beginning to be a pattern. Fight, fuck, forgive and forget. Shaking my head, I got out of bed and pulled all the covers off. Things had gotten quite hot and sweaty and I definitely needed to put fresh sheets on… after I had a shower...
Chapter Forty FourAndy pushed passed me and into my apartment, straight over to James. James stood his ground and showed absolutely no emotion. He wasn't intimidated by Andy… and Andy knew that. I closed the door sensing neither of them were leaving any time soon. I walked over to them and stood between the pair, wanting to keep any physical confrontation from happening.'Andy, I thought you went home" he huffed a laugh and looked at me.'Yeah, clearly. Lying to me to get home for a secret meeting with him!' I could see he was getting angry.'I didn't even know he was here until I got home'.'Not that it's any of your business, mate, but I came to wish her a happy birthday.
Note: If you think this book is boring, please stop reading it. No one is forcing you to. I’m sorry it's boring and I’m sorry that you think it's ‘’too slow’’. I assure you, I’m not dragging it out, people need to remember that abuse doesn’t just happen one day. People don’t realise they are being abused until it's too late and then they can’t see a way out. Bear that in mind before commenting; ‘’Not very realistic’’ because the truth is… this book is written, based on true events.I just wanted to make that clear to those who don’t understand what it's like to suffer domestic violence and assault.-------------------------------------------------------------------Chapter Forty Three
*TRIGGER WARNING FOR SEXUAL ASSAULT*-------------------------------------------------------Chapter Forty TwoPulling up at that large house, Andy turned the car off and got out without so much as a word. I just followed him, thinking the sooner we get in, the sooner I can make an excuse and go to bed, but he clearly had other plans.‘Right, where can I sleep?’ I asked, my voice completely void of any emotion. He pointed upstairs, but I waited for him to actually verbally clarify which room.‘My room’. I just laughed, Like, literally laughed out loud at him. He just stared at me, folding his arms.‘Wait… are you
Chapter Forty OneI really wanted to go home, now more than ever, but of course, that wasn’t an option. Every time I built up the courage to look up, he had his back to me. Good, I didn’t want him staring, But the rejection he had shown towards me so randomly was making me feel like complete and utter shit.Andy brought our drinks over and sat down next to me. I moved away from him slightly and took the drink with me. I didn’t want to be anywhere near him, he had planned this and sure, he clearly didn’t know if James would be here because he didn’t know what had happened, but, he still tricked me to get me here and that was just as bad.‘What is with you tonight?’ He asked, acting like he had no clue what was going on. I just looked at him blankly,
Chapter FortyA few weeks had passed and I was stuck in a rut. I would just mope around, not doing anything of value, then eat dinner, mope around some more, have a bath and go to bed. I wasn’t depressed, that would be dramatic, but I was… lost, I guess you’d say. I just didn’t know what to do to make myself happy anymore.I hadn’t heard from James AT ALL and I don’t know why. Well, that's not true, it was obvious why He used me for sex. Of course, I wanted to sleep with him too, but I thought that, well... To be honest, there was something more there, but I guess not.A quick fuck and then sneak out while I was sleeping, Maybe he did this with other people too, who knows. I actually thought I had made a complete fool of myself. Of course, it was just ab
Chapter Thirty Nine** A Few Hours Later **The food had arrived a little while ago and we were already two episodes deep into the tv show. It seemed strange to start on season 5 of a tv show together, but with something like American Horror Story, it didn’t really seem to matter where you started it. Every season was like a completely new show anyway.Either way, I was enjoying myself. We had good entertainment, good food and I certainly had good company. After we had eaten, we got back into the position we had been in all evening, James had his arm draped effortlessly over my shoulder and I was leaning against him, comfortably. My hand on his mid-thigh.I was so comfortable… that was… until my phone started ri
Chapter Thirty EightAs soon as I started to get ready, the hours seemed to fly by and before I knew it, James was texting me to tell me he was on his way. As soon as he did, I started panicking. What if he wasn’t as cute as I remembered?! What if I wasn’t as cute as HE remembered?!I found myself obsessively checking myself out in the mirror, hoping every time I did that i would look the same… of -fucking- course I’d look the same. I was driving myself crazy. Since we were staying in tonight, I was very confused about what I should wear. I wanted to look nice, but obviously NOT overdressed, I wanted to look cute but not like I was trying too hard.So, I went with some skinny jeans and a nice casual, yet slightly cleavage-revelling, top.