Chapter Seven
‘Where are we going?” I asked, looking out the windows, trying to see through the darkness. I lived around here, but for the life of me, I had no idea what would be this way and why he would be taking me.
I knew he had a car, so why would he bring a van that had a bed in the back? Why is he taking me the completely wrong way to where we were meant to be going? What is he going to do?!
‘The bowling alley, I thought you wanted to bowl?’ He sounded so genuine, but I was starting to think differently.
‘It's the other way’. He looked over at me, seemingly confused. ‘Yeah you took a right from my house, it's left, we’re heading in the wrong direction’. I didn’t want to make him mad again. He just smiled at me and pulled over to the side of the road. Oh shit, oh fucking shit.
How did all this escalate so quickly?!
He turned off the engine and I mentally prepared myself for whatever was going to happen next, but, keeping the smile on his face, he pulled his phone out and typed something in. I waited to see what he was doing and what he would say.
‘Oh yeah, why didn’t you say anything before, silly’. He chuckled as he started the van back up and turned us around, heading back towards my house and in the right direction. This guy was like.. Bipolar or something! … or was I just overreacting? I was on edge around him because at the moment, I didn’t feel comfortable about him, so, maybe I was just blowing everything out of proportion in my head.
I tried to shake it all off and just focus on the evening. We were going to the bowling alley now, so we can just chill out and have fun now.
We were about 10 minutes away when we pulled up at the back of a line of cars. I looked to see if I could see the cause and in the far distance, there were flashing lights. There was either an accident or a police pull over. I sat back and checked the time. We still had a few hours before the place closed so we could get at least a few games in still, luckily.
I was still in my own little world when I felt Andy’s hand on my knee. I looked over at him and smiled. He was looking back at me with a cheeky grin on his face. I didn’t mind his hand being on my leg, I found it comforting in a way, so I just turned and looked back out the window… until his hand was sliding further and further up.
Like an automatic reaction, My hand flew to his, stopping him, but I felt the pressure as he tried to push my hand away and keep sliding his up my thigh.
‘Andy, Stop’ I told him with a small giggle, trying to keep it all light hearted.
‘Oh come on, don’t be a tease’.
‘I’m not teasing, I'm just not ready for that yet’. He stopped moving his hand and just looked at me. I stole a look back up to see if the traffic had moved any, but it hadn’t.
‘I thought you were submissive’. His comment caught me off guard a little. What did he mean by that?
‘Well, I am in the bedroom, but I'm just saying, I'm not ready for this kind of contact yet. It's too soon’. He rolled his eyes as if he was annoyed at me. He pulled his hand away and sat back in his chair, sighing.
‘Ok, well, you aren’t acting like you’re submissive in any aspect. You backchat, you don’t do as you’re told. Maybe you just like the idea of BDSM and being dominated but not the actual thing’.
‘That’s not fair’. His words hurt my feelings. Just because I wasn’t ready, he was questioning me...
‘It is. I want a submissive partner and you aren’t what you claimed to me’.
‘Yes, I am!”.
‘Prove it!”. He shouted back. A lump formed in my throat and no matter how hard I tried to swallow, it wouldn’t shift. I didn’t know how I was meant to ‘’prove it’’. Clearly he was just used to girls bowing down to him whenever he wanted, and I didn’t mind that, but this was the start of our second date, it's too soon for me to do anything sexual...
He placed his hand back on my thigh, even though I was wearing trousers, his fingertips were only inches from where my pussy was. I squeezed my legs closed, forcing his hand to move, but I felt him try and push his hand between them.
‘Open your legs’. I didn’t. I didn’t want to. ‘Open your legs or I’m taking you home. Show me you can be submissive and listen to orders. I still didn’t. I hated that in my head, I was actually upset at the fact he was threatening to take me home and most likely never see me again, but why was I? He was being very... Emotionally manipulative right now.
‘I don’t want to’. I told him, my voice barely a whisper. I felt his fingers try to wriggle through my closed legs. It hurt, his nails were digging in.
‘Open them. Now’. He warned me, in a low, almost dangerous tone. I turned my head and looked out the window and did as he told me. I parted my legs and gave him whatever access he wanted.
His hand slid down between my legs and he cupped my covered pussy.
‘Good girl’... and just like that, his hand moved away. I looked back over at him and he was smiling. ‘I knew you could follow orders, you just needed to push yourself through that mental barrier of self-consciousness.
I wanted to scream at him, that I wasn’t self-conscious, I just didn’t want him to touch me there, but I just nodded once and turned to look back out the window.
I felt… violated… not just physically but mentally as well, why did he do that?...
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Quick Authors note: While this story might be slow at the start, it will get better, I am writing to write a very realistic story of how someone call fall in love with someone who is abusing them. Domestic violence relationships aren't a fairy tale with happy endings and if an abuser was abusive front the start, no sane person would stay with them. It's about grooming and easing them in, making them feel like its their fault, or manipulating their victim into being able to explain it all away with presents and ''I'm sorry''s. Please bare that in mind.
Chapter EightI stayed quiet for the rest of the ride to the bowling alley, which was, annoyingly, longer than I expected due to the traffic jam. By the time we got there, we only had an hour, so we just paid for our lane and headed off to play.
Chapter NineI climbed into bed and pulled my duvet up over me. The whole room was in pitch black. I wanted the darkness, it helped me think. I had a shower when I came home… a scalding hot shower. I needed it to burn, hurt... Clean me. I brushed
Chapter TenI woke up early the next morning and just laid in bed for a little while. I had no plans today, so, was in no rush to get out of bed. I leaned over and grabbed my phone off the side. There was nothing off Andy, but that was fine, I just wante
Chapter ElevenThe food was ordered, the movie was picked and now we were cuddled up on the sofa, just talking about random things. We were waiting for dinner before we started the movie, so we wouldn’t have to get up or interrupt it once we
Chapter Twelve** A few days later **
Chapter ThirteenWe started eating our food, and I couldn’t help but let my eyes wander around the darkness outside my window. We truly were in the middle of nowhere. I tried to just not think about it. The fact that anyone could be out in the dark, and you would never, ever know. I shivered at the tho
Chapter FourteenWalking out of work, I looked around, the sun beaming in my eyes made me pull my sunglasses out. It was such a nice day, I wasn’t going to just go home and say indoors, it was too warm for that shit. I decided to go to the shop and
Chapter FifteenI sat and waited for him to arrive. I knew at this time of the day coming from London centre he would hit traffic, so be later than usual, but, no matter how hard I tried to just chill out, I couldn’t. I was nervous about seei
As you can see from the title, this isn't a chapter, however, I just wanted to clear something up. This book is true, its 100% true and infact I have left a lot of things out because it would have been too much personal stuff to share. As you read the ending and remember everything you have read so far, please, just keep in mind that this actually happened to me.When you say ''She is being stupid for putting up with it'' or ''God, Hannah should just leave him'' or ''Why does she keep forgiving him'', know it actually Why didn't I leave him, why did I keep forgiving him, and honestly, because I thought I loved him and thought he loved me. Domestic violence is something you don't really realise is happening until its too late, until you already fear them too much to leave.I took a break from this book for months because it was mentally putting me in a bad place and I haven't updated this book in a week because again, it was starting to affect me.
Note: Just something to clear things up. Yes, Hannah works. You never read her working in the chapters because, well, that would be boring, but for anyone wondering how she can afford to live alone in the city, That’s why :)-----------------------------------------------------------------------------Chapter Forty-FiveAndy left as soon as we finished having sex. He said he had a coffee meeting to get to, I didn’t really care, I was just glad he was gone. This was beginning to be a pattern. Fight, fuck, forgive and forget. Shaking my head, I got out of bed and pulled all the covers off. Things had gotten quite hot and sweaty and I definitely needed to put fresh sheets on… after I had a shower...
Chapter Forty FourAndy pushed passed me and into my apartment, straight over to James. James stood his ground and showed absolutely no emotion. He wasn't intimidated by Andy… and Andy knew that. I closed the door sensing neither of them were leaving any time soon. I walked over to them and stood between the pair, wanting to keep any physical confrontation from happening.'Andy, I thought you went home" he huffed a laugh and looked at me.'Yeah, clearly. Lying to me to get home for a secret meeting with him!' I could see he was getting angry.'I didn't even know he was here until I got home'.'Not that it's any of your business, mate, but I came to wish her a happy birthday.
Note: If you think this book is boring, please stop reading it. No one is forcing you to. I’m sorry it's boring and I’m sorry that you think it's ‘’too slow’’. I assure you, I’m not dragging it out, people need to remember that abuse doesn’t just happen one day. People don’t realise they are being abused until it's too late and then they can’t see a way out. Bear that in mind before commenting; ‘’Not very realistic’’ because the truth is… this book is written, based on true events.I just wanted to make that clear to those who don’t understand what it's like to suffer domestic violence and assault.-------------------------------------------------------------------Chapter Forty Three
*TRIGGER WARNING FOR SEXUAL ASSAULT*-------------------------------------------------------Chapter Forty TwoPulling up at that large house, Andy turned the car off and got out without so much as a word. I just followed him, thinking the sooner we get in, the sooner I can make an excuse and go to bed, but he clearly had other plans.‘Right, where can I sleep?’ I asked, my voice completely void of any emotion. He pointed upstairs, but I waited for him to actually verbally clarify which room.‘My room’. I just laughed, Like, literally laughed out loud at him. He just stared at me, folding his arms.‘Wait… are you
Chapter Forty OneI really wanted to go home, now more than ever, but of course, that wasn’t an option. Every time I built up the courage to look up, he had his back to me. Good, I didn’t want him staring, But the rejection he had shown towards me so randomly was making me feel like complete and utter shit.Andy brought our drinks over and sat down next to me. I moved away from him slightly and took the drink with me. I didn’t want to be anywhere near him, he had planned this and sure, he clearly didn’t know if James would be here because he didn’t know what had happened, but, he still tricked me to get me here and that was just as bad.‘What is with you tonight?’ He asked, acting like he had no clue what was going on. I just looked at him blankly,
Chapter FortyA few weeks had passed and I was stuck in a rut. I would just mope around, not doing anything of value, then eat dinner, mope around some more, have a bath and go to bed. I wasn’t depressed, that would be dramatic, but I was… lost, I guess you’d say. I just didn’t know what to do to make myself happy anymore.I hadn’t heard from James AT ALL and I don’t know why. Well, that's not true, it was obvious why He used me for sex. Of course, I wanted to sleep with him too, but I thought that, well... To be honest, there was something more there, but I guess not.A quick fuck and then sneak out while I was sleeping, Maybe he did this with other people too, who knows. I actually thought I had made a complete fool of myself. Of course, it was just ab
Chapter Thirty Nine** A Few Hours Later **The food had arrived a little while ago and we were already two episodes deep into the tv show. It seemed strange to start on season 5 of a tv show together, but with something like American Horror Story, it didn’t really seem to matter where you started it. Every season was like a completely new show anyway.Either way, I was enjoying myself. We had good entertainment, good food and I certainly had good company. After we had eaten, we got back into the position we had been in all evening, James had his arm draped effortlessly over my shoulder and I was leaning against him, comfortably. My hand on his mid-thigh.I was so comfortable… that was… until my phone started ri
Chapter Thirty EightAs soon as I started to get ready, the hours seemed to fly by and before I knew it, James was texting me to tell me he was on his way. As soon as he did, I started panicking. What if he wasn’t as cute as I remembered?! What if I wasn’t as cute as HE remembered?!I found myself obsessively checking myself out in the mirror, hoping every time I did that i would look the same… of -fucking- course I’d look the same. I was driving myself crazy. Since we were staying in tonight, I was very confused about what I should wear. I wanted to look nice, but obviously NOT overdressed, I wanted to look cute but not like I was trying too hard.So, I went with some skinny jeans and a nice casual, yet slightly cleavage-revelling, top.