Chapter Five
I didn’t even know how to respond. I instantly felt like I had my time wasted. It felt like it was already a rollercoaster ride and we only met in person and had our first date yesterday. First, he’s late, then we had a great date when he DID eventually arrive, then he makes a second date but he cancelled, then he tells me he wants another date next week, now he tells me he is already dating someone… or rather some people...
Me: Oh I see. Well, if that makes you happy, good, but, I'm not interested in dating a bunch of people and I'm not interested in being one of many either, so, all the best to you in the future, but I don’t think this is going to work.
As soon as I set it, a pit opened up in my stomach. I wasn’t heartbroken or anything like that because I didn’t know him well enough, but, I was a bit gutted. Oh well, What I said was true. I wasn’t interested in being one of many. When I date someone, it's exclusive. On both sides.
My phone vibrated. He had replied;
Andy: It's not like I’m sleeping with them. We just go out for coffee and stuff, it's just dating.
Me: That’s not really the point. If you date someone then you’re interested in them. I'm not judging you, I just don't want to date someone who's dating a bunch of other people too.
Andy: it's really not that serious. If I'm free, I’ll message someone for coffee... That’s it.
He’s really not understanding what I'm saying at all…
Me: ..and that’s fine, but I’m sorry, I'm just not comfortable dating someone who is dating a bunch of other people, no matter how harmless it is.
He didn’t reply after that, but that was fine. He clearly didn’t understand what I was saying. I understand he was trying to say that it was harmless, and that’s fine, but I just wasn’t that kind of girl and I didn’t want to be either.
Simple.
I put my phone down on the table and just finished up my food in peace. When my phone did vibrate, I ignored it. No. I needed to just forget about him. Everything that’s happened so far has been a big, bright red flag and this was just the icing on the cake of a relationship that was clearly destined to fail.
I grabbed the TV remote and put a movie on, just something to keep my mind busy so i wasn’t tempted to text Andy, but with my phone right in front of me on the table… I couldn’t stop thinking ‘’What did he reply?’’. I managed to last about half an hour into Bridget Jones before I grabbed my phone to check the text;
Andy: Ok, I'm sorry you feel that way. They aren’t that serious or important and I’d like to see where this is going with you, so, I'm more than happy to cut off contact with them.
Really?!
Great, now I was second guessing myself again. What did I want? Did I want andy? Why? I didn’t even know him. It was like... He had this hold of me and I didn’t know why...
Me: Really? You’d cut contact with them, for me? Just like that?
Andy: Just like that.
I couldn’t help but smile.
Me: Ok. Do it then.
He didn’t reply for a few minutes but when he did, it was only with one, simple word.
Andy: Done!
Me: What do you mean?
Andy: You wanted me to cut contact, I have. Can I take you out on that second date now? :)
I was smiling again. He really did it? How could I know for sure? I guess… I just had to trust him.
Me: Ok.
The night went from there, we spoke more and more about... Well, everything and nothing at the same time. We arranged our second date for next week, bowling. It was my choice. I LOVED bowling and since Andy made a point of telling me that I could choose our date and it could be ANYTHING, it seemed like a great choice. Not only are we going to go bowling, but we’re also going to play the arcade games and claw machines and just have fun.
Proper kid fun. I really couldn’t wait! I was so excited! Which.. Andy loved it. He said my child-like excitement for silly things was cute.
... before I knew it, it was after 11 pm and time for bed. I didn’t want to go, and if it wasn't for the fact Andy had work in the morning and already said goodnight, I wouldn't have gone to bed either. I kept rereading his last message over and over again;
Andy: Its bedtime, now be a good little girl and go to sleep. If you don’t, I won't be impressed. Goodnight princess.
I loved that he had told me to go to bed in such a strict manner, and strangely, every time I read it, I felt more and more sleepy, like this order was actually making me feel tired.
I climbed into bed and snuggled up under the covers. I took a cute little photo of me and sent it to Andy so he knew I had done as he told me to do and put my phone on the bedside table on the charger plate.
I just laid there for a few minutes and let my mind wander to random things for a few minutes. Tomorrow was just another boring day, I had some shopping to do, I had some cleaning to do. I had to call home and give my parents the weekly update on how my life is going, but it didn’t matter, because I knew when I opened my eyes in the morning, I’d have a text message of Andy.
With a smile on my face, I closed my eyes and let sleep take over…
Chapter Six** A Week Later **
Chapter Seven‘Where are we going?” I asked, looking out the windows, trying to see through the darkness. I lived around here, but for the life of me, I had no idea what would be this way and why he would be taking me.
Chapter EightI stayed quiet for the rest of the ride to the bowling alley, which was, annoyingly, longer than I expected due to the traffic jam. By the time we got there, we only had an hour, so we just paid for our lane and headed off to play.
Chapter NineI climbed into bed and pulled my duvet up over me. The whole room was in pitch black. I wanted the darkness, it helped me think. I had a shower when I came home… a scalding hot shower. I needed it to burn, hurt... Clean me. I brushed
Chapter TenI woke up early the next morning and just laid in bed for a little while. I had no plans today, so, was in no rush to get out of bed. I leaned over and grabbed my phone off the side. There was nothing off Andy, but that was fine, I just wante
Chapter ElevenThe food was ordered, the movie was picked and now we were cuddled up on the sofa, just talking about random things. We were waiting for dinner before we started the movie, so we wouldn’t have to get up or interrupt it once we
Chapter Twelve** A few days later **
Chapter ThirteenWe started eating our food, and I couldn’t help but let my eyes wander around the darkness outside my window. We truly were in the middle of nowhere. I tried to just not think about it. The fact that anyone could be out in the dark, and you would never, ever know. I shivered at the tho
As you can see from the title, this isn't a chapter, however, I just wanted to clear something up. This book is true, its 100% true and infact I have left a lot of things out because it would have been too much personal stuff to share. As you read the ending and remember everything you have read so far, please, just keep in mind that this actually happened to me.When you say ''She is being stupid for putting up with it'' or ''God, Hannah should just leave him'' or ''Why does she keep forgiving him'', know it actually Why didn't I leave him, why did I keep forgiving him, and honestly, because I thought I loved him and thought he loved me. Domestic violence is something you don't really realise is happening until its too late, until you already fear them too much to leave.I took a break from this book for months because it was mentally putting me in a bad place and I haven't updated this book in a week because again, it was starting to affect me.
Note: Just something to clear things up. Yes, Hannah works. You never read her working in the chapters because, well, that would be boring, but for anyone wondering how she can afford to live alone in the city, That’s why :)-----------------------------------------------------------------------------Chapter Forty-FiveAndy left as soon as we finished having sex. He said he had a coffee meeting to get to, I didn’t really care, I was just glad he was gone. This was beginning to be a pattern. Fight, fuck, forgive and forget. Shaking my head, I got out of bed and pulled all the covers off. Things had gotten quite hot and sweaty and I definitely needed to put fresh sheets on… after I had a shower...
Chapter Forty FourAndy pushed passed me and into my apartment, straight over to James. James stood his ground and showed absolutely no emotion. He wasn't intimidated by Andy… and Andy knew that. I closed the door sensing neither of them were leaving any time soon. I walked over to them and stood between the pair, wanting to keep any physical confrontation from happening.'Andy, I thought you went home" he huffed a laugh and looked at me.'Yeah, clearly. Lying to me to get home for a secret meeting with him!' I could see he was getting angry.'I didn't even know he was here until I got home'.'Not that it's any of your business, mate, but I came to wish her a happy birthday.
Note: If you think this book is boring, please stop reading it. No one is forcing you to. I’m sorry it's boring and I’m sorry that you think it's ‘’too slow’’. I assure you, I’m not dragging it out, people need to remember that abuse doesn’t just happen one day. People don’t realise they are being abused until it's too late and then they can’t see a way out. Bear that in mind before commenting; ‘’Not very realistic’’ because the truth is… this book is written, based on true events.I just wanted to make that clear to those who don’t understand what it's like to suffer domestic violence and assault.-------------------------------------------------------------------Chapter Forty Three
*TRIGGER WARNING FOR SEXUAL ASSAULT*-------------------------------------------------------Chapter Forty TwoPulling up at that large house, Andy turned the car off and got out without so much as a word. I just followed him, thinking the sooner we get in, the sooner I can make an excuse and go to bed, but he clearly had other plans.‘Right, where can I sleep?’ I asked, my voice completely void of any emotion. He pointed upstairs, but I waited for him to actually verbally clarify which room.‘My room’. I just laughed, Like, literally laughed out loud at him. He just stared at me, folding his arms.‘Wait… are you
Chapter Forty OneI really wanted to go home, now more than ever, but of course, that wasn’t an option. Every time I built up the courage to look up, he had his back to me. Good, I didn’t want him staring, But the rejection he had shown towards me so randomly was making me feel like complete and utter shit.Andy brought our drinks over and sat down next to me. I moved away from him slightly and took the drink with me. I didn’t want to be anywhere near him, he had planned this and sure, he clearly didn’t know if James would be here because he didn’t know what had happened, but, he still tricked me to get me here and that was just as bad.‘What is with you tonight?’ He asked, acting like he had no clue what was going on. I just looked at him blankly,
Chapter FortyA few weeks had passed and I was stuck in a rut. I would just mope around, not doing anything of value, then eat dinner, mope around some more, have a bath and go to bed. I wasn’t depressed, that would be dramatic, but I was… lost, I guess you’d say. I just didn’t know what to do to make myself happy anymore.I hadn’t heard from James AT ALL and I don’t know why. Well, that's not true, it was obvious why He used me for sex. Of course, I wanted to sleep with him too, but I thought that, well... To be honest, there was something more there, but I guess not.A quick fuck and then sneak out while I was sleeping, Maybe he did this with other people too, who knows. I actually thought I had made a complete fool of myself. Of course, it was just ab
Chapter Thirty Nine** A Few Hours Later **The food had arrived a little while ago and we were already two episodes deep into the tv show. It seemed strange to start on season 5 of a tv show together, but with something like American Horror Story, it didn’t really seem to matter where you started it. Every season was like a completely new show anyway.Either way, I was enjoying myself. We had good entertainment, good food and I certainly had good company. After we had eaten, we got back into the position we had been in all evening, James had his arm draped effortlessly over my shoulder and I was leaning against him, comfortably. My hand on his mid-thigh.I was so comfortable… that was… until my phone started ri
Chapter Thirty EightAs soon as I started to get ready, the hours seemed to fly by and before I knew it, James was texting me to tell me he was on his way. As soon as he did, I started panicking. What if he wasn’t as cute as I remembered?! What if I wasn’t as cute as HE remembered?!I found myself obsessively checking myself out in the mirror, hoping every time I did that i would look the same… of -fucking- course I’d look the same. I was driving myself crazy. Since we were staying in tonight, I was very confused about what I should wear. I wanted to look nice, but obviously NOT overdressed, I wanted to look cute but not like I was trying too hard.So, I went with some skinny jeans and a nice casual, yet slightly cleavage-revelling, top.