Why do I care?
Hindi agad ako nakasagot. Tulala pa rin ako hanggang sa pumasok na lang si Grey sa unit niya.
Sungit naman 'non. Bawal magtanong?
Hanggang sa kama ay iniisip ko pa rin kung ano na naman ang problema sa'kin ni Grey. Kaya lang, dahil busy din ako sa group projects ay hindi ko na lang masyadong pinagtuunan nang pansin.
Buong linggo akong umaalis para sa mga group works. Uuwi lang ako ng unit ko para kumain at matulog, tapos ay papasok ulit or a-attend ng meetings.
Ngayon lang ako nabakante sa mga gawain kaya naman ay nandito ako sa harap ng pintuan niya, ringing his doorbell.
"What?" masungit na bungad niya sa akin, magulo ang buhok at mukhang kakagaling lang sa higa.
"Pwede pumasok?"
"Bawal."
"C'mon! Isang linggo akong hindi nagpakita sa'yo. Will you please let me in?" I showed him my puppy eyes look, which I think made him cringe.
Sandali siyang natigilan, parang nag-iisip pa kung papatuluyin ako o hindi.
"Just behave, okay? Ayoko nang maingay."
"I'm not a kid!"
Kunot-noo lang na tumingin sa'kin si Grey, mukhang nagbago agad ang isip na papasukin ako.
"Okay, fine!"
Niluwagan niya ang pinto at nauna nang maglakad papasok. Kulang nalang ay tumalon ako habang naglalakad.
What should I do? Watch a film? Kaso bawal daw mag-ingay.
Cook? But I don't know how to cook!
Habang iniisip kung ano ang gagawin, pumasok naman si Grey kaagad sa kwarto niya at isinarado ang pinto.
Ano? Iniwan ako dito mag-isa.
"Grey?"
"What now?" dinig na dinig ko ang iritasyon sa boses niya. Grabe, highblood na naman sakin!
Tumahimik na lang ako. Baka kapag kinulit ko siya, palayasin niya ako. Hindi mo pa naman alam kung kailan siya may toyo o wala.
Nag-ikot ikot lang ako sa loob. Nanood nang TV, nagwalis walis na akala mo ay ako ang may-ari ng unit, pagkatapos ay um-order nang pagkain.
It's 5pm so I opted to order foods for dinner. I also ordered some for Grey since I figured he's too lazy to go out or cook his meal.
I carefully knocked on his door, nag-iingat dahil baka bigla na naman akong sikmatin. Tatlong katok at wala pa rin nagbubukas.
Okay, Peyn. Dalawang katok at hindi ako nito pinagbuksan, iiwan ko na lang ang foods at uuwi nalang muna.
Maybe he doesn't like to see me?
Hindi ko alam kung baliw ba ako o ano, pero kabado ako noong kinatok ko ulit siya. I was about to knock for the fifth time nang magbukas ang pinto.
Grey was standing beside his door with his hair disheveled, and his face looking really pale.
"Anong nangyari sa'yo? May sakit ka ba? Ha?" I shamelessly put my hand on his forehead.
It's burning!
"You're sick! Bakit hindi mo sinabi agad?" inis niyang tinanggal ang kamay ko sa noo niya.
"It's just headache," ano daw? Baliw ba siya?
"Do you have meds here? Kailan pa 'yan?" I panicked. Should I cook porridge? Katulad sa mga napapanood ko sa palabas?
"May paracetamol sa taas nang fridge. I'll take it later."
"Ngayon na! Nag-lunch ka ba?" halos masapo ko ang noo ko nang umiling siya.
"Okay! Great! I thought you moved out because you can take care of yourself?" taas-kilay ko na pang-aasar.
Hinigit ko siya at pina-upo sa couch niya. Halos padabog ko rin na binuksan ang pagkain na in-order ko para sa amin.
"Can you eat ba by yourself or susubuan kita?" agad na kumunot ang noo ni Grey sa akin. Halata ang pagtutol sa sinabi ko. Ay! Kaka-offend ha.
"Ofcourse, I can eat!" nagmamadali niyang isinubo ang pagkain, halata ang takot na baka subuan ko siya.
"You really hate me? Do you?" I laughed with humor, but the brute took it seriously. Binaba niya ang kutsara, naghahandang sumagot.
"It's a joke! Kumain ka na diyan."
Pinanood ko lang siya habang matamlay na kumakain. After taking the paracetamol, I placed my hand on his forehead again.
"You do know that meds take a while to effect, right?" Grey said like I'm so dumb to not know the basics.
"Of course, I know! I'm just checking!" He smiled at me, bago tumayo at nilinis ang pinag-kainan niya.
"Bakit hindi ka pala sumabay kumain?" I want to laugh at his question. May sakit na 'yan, pero ang rude pa 'rin.
"Really? Ngayon mo lang naisip yan itanong pagkatapos mo kumain?" the brute just shrugged, and then sloppily sat beside me.
"Dito ka na magpahinga sa couch so I can take care of you." Tumaas lang ang kilay niya sa'kin. He really thinks I have a hidden agenda, ano?
"Bakit hindi sa kwarto ko? You can watch me sleep or give me a massage. Sakto, my back hurts."
"Sige nga! Tayo diyan! Lead the way, Grey." I challenged him. Akala mo naman talaga totoo!
Siya nga itong umaakto na parang may maitim na balak ako sa kanya palagi!
Pinitik niya ang noo ko pagkatapos ay nahiga na sa couch, his calves on my legs.
"Ayoko. May sakit ako, baka pagsamantalahan mo pa." Itinaas ko ang kilay ko sa kanya bago siya hinagisan ng throw pillow para i-unan niya.
"Takot ka pala, eh!"
"Sino ba ang hindi matatakot sa'yo?''
Hindi na lang ako sumagot. Nasa mood ka ngayon mang-asar ha! Himala! Is it because he's sick? Kumbulsyon ba ang tawag dito?
Minutes had passed na walang nagsasalita sa amin. I tried looking at him to check if he's okay, but he's sleeping already. Dahan dahan 'kong inalis ang paa niya sa hita ko at naghanap na lang nang kumot.
I touched his forehead to check, and luckily, it's back to its normal temperature. I tugged his blanket and watched him sleep peacefully.
Ang gwapo gwapo talaga nang lalaking 'to! Sayang naman kung hindi mapapasakin!
I almost laughed at my inner thoughts. Ito na yata ang sinasabi ni Grey na "masamang balak".
Because the brute is peacefully sleeping, I shamelessly stared at his face. I almost memorize every inch of it. From his thick and long eye-lashes, pointed noise, and attractive lips. I am tempted to touch it but I forbid myself.
You can't take advantage of the situation, Peyn! My gosh! Eto na yata talaga yung "masamang balak". I shook my head lightly, erasing the embarrasing thoughts I have in mind.
Dala na rin siguro nang sobrang katahimikan sa buong kwarto, kaya dinalaw ako nang antok.
Hindi ko lang alam kung ilang oras ako na nakatulog pero nagising ako na nasa kwarto na ni Grey. Pupungas pungas pa ako na bumangon, bago inilibot ang tingin sa hindi pamilyar na lugar. This is my first time inside!
I wanted to sing and dance out of happiness pero naalala ko na nilalagnat nga pala si Grey. Nasaan kaya siya?
"Grey?" I went outside his room and looked around until I find a note.
Went outside to do something. Don't wait for me and leave the unit if you got bored.
Tignan mo 'yon. Di ba may sakit siya? Hindi na ako magtataka kung lalagnatin na naman siya sa isang araw. Ang kulit niya, ha.
I purposely look for him everywhere around the Campus, the next day. I bring some meds just in case he felt weird or something.
Pagkatapos na pagkatapos pa lang nang klase, nag-ikot ikot na agad ako. I found him seating at the bench outside their Department with Brent and Steffi.
"Are you feeling well today? Wala ka na 'bang sakit?" I touched his forehead, not really waiting for his answer.
"I'm fine."
"Uminom ka ba ng gamot before ka pumasok?"
"Yes."
"Kumain ka naman, ano?"
"Yes."
"May sakit ka, Grey?" maarteng tanong ni Steffi. Palihim akong umirap kaya lang ay hindi ako nakataas sa mapanuring mata nang bwisit na si Brent. I caught him laughing after raising an eyebrow at me.
"I'm fine. Don't worry," mahinahon na sagot niya kay Steffi. Aba't! Tignan mo 'tong lalaking 'to! Ang bait bait lagi kay Steffi pero sakin ang sungit!
Sa sobrang inis ko ay padabog 'kong itinulak ang dala kong bottled water at sandwich sa d****b ni Grey.
"Ayan! Kainin mo o itapon mo kung ayaw mo!" Hindi ko na hinintay ang sagot niya at ang paniguradong pang-aasar ni Brent. Nagmartsa na agad ako palayo, inis na inis dahil lang sa paraan niya nang pagsagot kay Steffi. Ang unfair! Kainis!
Magsama na nga silang dalawa!
Sa pangalawang araw na pagpasok ay busangot pa 'rin ang mukha ko.
"Aba, Elle! Ano ba ang problema at ang haba pa rin nang nguso mo? Ha?" Inis na tanong ni Carl. Simula kasi kahapon hanggang ngayon ay hindi nila ako maka-usap nang maayos.
"Maghapon ka nang ganyan," puna ni Kara pagkatapos ay hinawakan ang noo ko. "Wala ka namang sakit."
"Si Grey 'yan, ano?" Carl probed, he's getting more impatient because I'm being stupidly silent.
"Grey is in the cafeteria. Gusto mo 'bang puntahan? Nagtatampo ka diyan e wala naman pake yon. Kung ako yan, makikipag bati na ako," he ranted, as if this will be the only solution so I'd stop being grumpy.
Hindi ko alam kung anong meron kay Carl, but he knocked some sense in me.
Kasama ko silang dalawa ni Kara papunta sa Cafeteria. Nang mahanap namin kung nasaan si Grey, umupo agad kami sa katabing table.
Brent was there, pero nang makuha niya na lalapit ako kay Grey ay nagpaalam siya na magb-bathroom break.
"Hi!" I nervously said. He looked at me for a while and then motioned me to sit beside him.
"Wala ka nang toyo, ano?" Okay? So he's being playful again? Great!
"Wala akong toyo," I tried to sound sweet but it ended in a monotone instead.
"If you say so," okay, yun na yon? Nilingon ko sina Kara and they urged me to speak again.
"Hapon na, ah. May class ka pa mamaya?"
"Meron pa," Grey answered in a tone that he uses on Steffi. Matutuwa na nga sana ako kaya nga lang ay wala akong maidugtong sa mga sagutan niya.
Nakakaramdam na naman ako nang inis kaya nagpasya na agad ako na magpaalam at umalis.
Parang pilit sumagot ah! Kung ayaw niya akong kausap, edi 'wag!
Pangatlong araw sa Campus at ganoon pa rin ako. Eskandalosong buntong hininga ni Carl ang nag-alis nang mga iniisip ko.
"Grey again?" Halos may talim na sa pagkakabigkas ni Carl sa pangalan ni Grey.
"Alam mo, Peyn, dapat naghahanap ka na nang ibang lalaki! Sinasayang mo lang ang oras mo kay Grey," Kara said while raising her eyebrow at me.
Great! Now, Kara is also pissed at me.
"He's clearly not interested in you. Maganda ka, so why chase that hot and cold jack*ss? Tutulungan ka namin ni Carl na humanap nang iba! Kung hindi si Grey, yung lalaki na ka-level ni Grey na lang!"
"Bakit naman ako nasama diyan? Team Grey ako, Kara. Kailangan lang ni Elle ayusin ang mga desisyon niya sa buhay."
"I'm sorry," tanging nasabi ko na lang. My friends both sighed, defeated.
"Grey's last class will end in 10 minutes," I looked ridiculously at Carl. Where did he get Grey's whereabouts?
"We have Brent's number, babe," Kara said and then winked at me. It's not a good wink, though. She pouted after, totally hating the idea of meeting Grey.
Good thing my instructor only left an activity for today, kaya malaya kaming makakalabas pasok ng room. Halos takbuhin ko na ang College of Business Administration, maabutan ko lang si Grey.
I waited for 5 minutes for him, napaaga at may panahon pa para pahupain ang hingal. When I saw him walking, lumapit na agad ako.
"Uuwi ka na?" Grey looked at me weirdly from head to toe.
"Did you run?" He asked, totally ignoring my question.
"Yes. I badly wanted to see you," hindi ko alam kung dala ba nang pagod kaya makapal ang mukha ko ngayon.
"Why?" Grey asked but I know he have an idea already.
"To bid my goodbye? Did you bring your car?"
"Yes."
That one-liner response again! Forget it! I'm done being stupid. There's no point in being mad.
"Okay! Bye! Ingat ka sa pag-uwi mo!" I heard Brent's laugh somewhere but I ignored it.
"Okay, you too."
Grey and I went home on Sunday. Dahil sa sobrang buntot ko sa kanya, sumasabay ako sa tuwing umuuwi siya sa amin. Luckily, hinahayaan niya lang ako.Maybe he got used to me being an annoying, clingy, and pushy friend. A little progress, huh.“You look happy, hija,” my mom noticed. “Are you taking care of yourself?”“Yes, Mom. Where's dad?”“Emergency meeting,” she simply said. “How's Grey, by the way?” Ikinunot ko ang noo ko sa tanong ni Mommy.“He's doing good. Bakit po?”“Oh. It's because I heard from your Tita Sam that Grey's not really doing well in class. His dad is pretty mad. You know how obsessed they are in pushing him to graduate with latin honors.”That's true. Tita Sam and Tito Geoff wants him to strive really well in class because Grey will be
I slammed my bedroom's door as soon as I get home. I didn't even budge removing my make up and changing my clothes.I cried. I cried so hard, feeling all those sadness and embarrassment that happened earlier. Grey's opinion cuts deeper than those people's judgement. His words keeps on repeating inside my head.And then I realized that amidst all of these, Grey's opinion will always affect me the most.I tried to act normal, the next day. Today is Friday, and we have the weekends all to ourselves. Kaya naman, nagpasya sina Kara at Carl na magpunta ulit sa malapit na bar. Hindi na ako nag-react o nagpapilit. I owe them my time for today since they've been dealing with my sh*t for the whole week.I changed my clothes and wore heavy make-up. It's dark inside the club and light make-up will be unnoticed. Sayang lang. I also made my curly, long hair, into a bun. Wearing my black stilletos, whit
The next few days were hell. Kung kailan ayaw ko na magtapo ang landas namin ni Grey, doon ko naman siya laging nakikita. The cold breeze outside our gate, and Grey's stare, sent shivers down my spine. Nandito ako ngayon para bisitahin ang parents ko, at ganoon din yata si Grey. Saglit lang ako na tumingin sa kanya, pagkatapos ay nagmamadali nang pumasok sa loob. Mom and Dad looked at my startled reaction. "Ngayon pala ang punta mo? Bakit hindi ka man lang nagtext?" Daddy asks, gulat na bigla na lang akong sumulpot dito. "Bakit bihis na bihis kayo? Magdi-dinner date ba kayo? Sama ako!" tumihim si Mommy bago ako mataman na tinignan."It's Sam's birthday today, don't you remember, hija?" Sam? Tita Sam? Grey's mother? "Oh. Enjoy! Tell Tita I said happy birthday!" I awkwardly made my way, going inside our house. Natigilan lang ako sa paglalakad nang hilahin ni Mommy sa
''What now?'' I asked Grey, angrily, dalawang araw matapos ang pagkikita namin nina Brent sa harap nang unit ko.Nandito siya ngayon sa harap ko, sa Cafeteria, habang kumakain ako nang snack. Kami lang dalawa ang nandito dahil hindi sumama sakin sina Kara. Nagsa-submit na sila nang papers para sa company na in-applyan nila para sa OJT namin.''I just wanted to eat,'' he said nonchalantly.''Bakit dito ka pa sa table ko kumakain? Ang dami namang bakanteng table!'' I dramatically looked around, emphasizing the vacant seats around the room.''Is it bawal? You don't own this table. I don't see your name carved anywhere here,'' he said, arching one of his eyebrows. Mas lalo tuloy na nadepina ang kanyang makapal na kilay, making him looked more mysterious and handsome.Sandali ako na napatingin sa kanya, naibalik lang ako sa wisyo ko noong umismid siya sa akin, nahuli ang pagtitig ko.
Na-guilty naman ako. Agad na lumabot ang puso ko sa simpleng "sorry" ni Grey. Ganoon na lang yon, Peyn? Isang sorry lang ay titiklop ka na? Ang kaninang malambot na ekspresyon ay napalitan agad nang lungkot, pagkatapos ay inis sa sarili, at galit. Kung ganito ako lagi kalambot kay Grey, ako lang ang kawawa sa huli. I wanted to be firm at my decisions. If I wanna be mad at him to totally forget him, I have to be as hard as rock. "I'm sorry. What I said the past few days were out of line. I should've considered your feelings," he continued, his eyes almost captivated me. Faith must be testing if I could resist his charm, dahil sa paningin ko ngayon, lalong gumwapo si Grey. The way he looked down when he said he's sorry, lalong nadepina ang mahahaba niyang pilik-mata. His eyes, among all his features, is what I like the most. It's almost hypnotizing, yung mapapa-oo ka sa lahat nang sasabih
"Wala ka bang pinagtanungan, hija? Kung hindi ka sigurado, sana tinanong mo kina Rebecca o Paul, hindi yung binabasta mo na," malumanay pero may diin na sabi sa akin ni Ms. Tanya, isang umaga pagka-pasok ko sa Office.I made a mistake with the files yesterday, probably because of the exhaustion. Uwian na kasi noon kaya nag-madali na ako. It was my mistake. Hindi ko kasi tinanong sina Ma'am Rebecca dahil mukhang naghahabol din sila sa uwian. Lahat kami ay ayaw mag-overtime."Paano na 'to? Tambak ang gawain ngayon tapos may backlogs ka pa?""I'll make sure to finish all my duties, Ma'am. I'm sorry," mataman akong tinitigan ni Ms. Tanya, pagkatapos ay malalim na bumuntong-hininga, suko dahil wala naman siyang magagawa."Oh, sige. Magsimula ka na."I breathe deeply pagkatapos ay nagsimula na sa mga urgent files na kailangan. I'll just do my backlogs at lunch. Kaya naman siguro iyong
Tahimik kami ni Grey noong umuwi, wala ni isang nagsasalita pagkatapos kong kumalma. He escorted me until we get home, tahimik lang din na nakasunod at paminsan-minsang umaalalay kapag matutumba ako.I let him, though. Hindi alam kung bakit ako nagpapaubaya kay Grey gayong dapat ay lumalayo ako. It's over, I got under his spell again. Dismayed by my feelings, inaamin ko na wala akong magagawa. Hangga't gusto nang puso ko si Grey, wala akong magagawa."Bruha ka, anong meron sa inyo ni Grey? Chinika ni Brent na nagalit daw si Grey kay Steffi noong pagsalitaan ka na naman nang masama kagabi," Carl said, nagsisimula na naman nang chismis.Nandito kaming talo nina Kara sa Cafeteria, sabay sabay na kumakain nang lunch. Nagkataon kasi na walang utos sa amin. Sa ilang linggong internship, ito pa lang ang unang beses na makaka-kain kami nang sabay."Totoo ba yan, Carl? Wag ka nga maniniwala basta basta doon s
As soon as we entered my unit, masuyo akong hinalik*n ni Grey sa labi, mas matagal na kumpara sa mga h*lik niya kanina. Naibagsak ko ang bag ko, tuluyan nang nawala sa sarili.So, this is what it feels like, huh? Grey's lips stayed longer at mine, kusa kong naipikit ang mata ko, nahihilo sa sobrang lapit namin sa isa't isa."What are you doing?" I said when he finally let go of my lips. Hindi siya sumagot, bagkus ay ginamit iyon to fully enter my mouth. Gulat at halos mabato ako sa kinatatayuan nang maramdaman ko ang p*ggalaw nang dila niya noong halik*n ako. Humigpit ang kapit ko sa balikat niya, halos mabaliw na sa mga nangyayari. I didn't know what happened, but I soon find myself kiss*ng him back. I don't have any experience so I didn't know if I'm doing it right and good. I just find myself doing it.We were both panting when we stopped. Inayos ni Grey ang nagulo kong buhok bago ako h*nalikan sa noo.&n
Mar. 7, 202xPeyn,How are you? I hope you’re doing good. I’m sorry. I bet you’re crying reading this. I’m sorry, I made you cry again. How many days has it been since I left? Or is it weeks now? Don’t cry, please. Just imagine that I went on a vacation and we’ll see each other soon. Dang. I don’t know if I’m still making sense. I really don’t know how to ease your pain. I wanted to hug you. I didn’t know if I still need to blab now knowing that this is all making you cry. I love you, Peyn. Please continue living your life. Please do it for me. Please.Grey————————————————————————————Mar 18, 202xPeyn,How’s life? I hope it’s not giving you a hard time, this time. I hope everyone’s doing good. Can you do me a favor? Please greet my mom a happy birthday for me. I prepared a gift for her under my bed. I made Nurse Jade prepare this little surprise. (I know, I just couldn’t do anything but be a bother to her.) There’s a lit
"Bakit ba para kang mawawala? Can you stop it? We'll surpass this. Magpalakas ka kaagad so we can proceed with your therapy. You'd see my face all over again hanggang sa magsawa ka na," panenermon ko pa sa kaniya."Why can't you say you love me back?" reklamo niya na dahil kanina ko pa iyon hindi sinasagot."Why can't you stop sounding like you'd leave me?""Are we fighting now?" litong tanong niya na. Tumawa naman ako kaagad at nawala na ang kaba."You sound like you really want to fight me," I said suppressing another laugh."No. You just sounded mad.""I am not. You just assume I'm mad.""I love you. Please, say it back," bulong niya na naman, hindi na ako tinigilan doon.Yumuko ako para magkalapit kami, pagkatapos ay idinampi ang labi sa kaniya."I love you too, Grey," I wh
I wish I could go back in time... "What do you mean cancel? Cancelled again?" iritadong tanong na ni Tita Sam sa kausap na doktor. "How many times have you cancelled on this procedure? Twice?" "I'm sorry, Mrs. Lopez. Right now, it is very risky to proceed with the therapy. Hindi pa rin kaya ng katawan ng patient. If we continue, we might risk his life. I don't want to do it if I know there is a little chance of survival. I hope you understand." "Understand? Naka-ilang intindi na ba ako? Dalawang beses niyo nang hindi itinuloy? And what will happen now? Wait for another week? Another month? Kailan pa? My son is almost dying!" Tita Sam argued, totally losing it now. Nahuli ko naman ang paghawak ni Tito Geoff sa siko ni Tita, pinipigilan ito. "Calm down, honey," alu niya pa sa asawa. "Kaya mo pa bang kumalma? Tign
"I'm sorry, anak. Mahal na mahal ka ni mommy," I can hear Tita Sam's shaky voice from here.Nandito ako sa labas ng private room ni Grey, hinihintay lang na makatulog siya para makapasok na ako."It hurts everywhere, Mom.""I'm so sorry, anak," Tita Sam's voice broke. "I'm so sorry. Mommy can't do anything. I'm so sorry.""It hurts.""A-anak, palakas ka na. I promise I won't bother you anymore about our company," Tito Geoff finally spoke. "I promise to be a better father. Basta magpalakas ka, anak ko."I can hear Grey's mumbles but I couldn't understand it clearly. His voice is very weak. Dahan-dahan kong isinara ang siwang ng pintuan, pagkatapos ay pinili na lumayo muna.I'll just wait for Tita Sam's text before going back. I went straight ahead the Hospital's cafeteria, only to find my friends there, silently
"Peyn!"I heard a loud bang on my door. Someone's knocking. Ipinikit ko ang mga mata ko, walang balak na tumayo para pagbuksan sila ng pinto.My friends are outside my room, and I know why. Halos dalawang araw na akong hindi lumalabas. I skipped work and I don't even visit the hospital since that night.Grey.I closed my eyes firmly, tears threatening to fall."Peyn! Buksan mo 'to!" Kara's voice echoed."Your parents are worried. Open up, please," Calum added.Ayoko. I just wanted to lay here. My body felt numb. I just feel so tired. My whole life is tiring."Hoy, Peyn! Huwag ka nga mag-aksaya ng panahon sa pagmumukmok! Bumangon ka diyan at ayusin mo ang sarili mo!" Carl shouted. "Ganito ka na lang ba? Itatapon mo na rin ba ang buhay mo at wala kang
It was dark when I went inside Grey’s room. I covered for his parents every night. Tuwing gabi lang dahil ito lang ang oras na hindi niya ako sisinghalan o papaalisin. It’s funny how I’m sneaking in just to be with him. Just to see him this close.Mahimbing ang tulog ni Grey noong makalaput ako. Kapansin-pansin ang mahahabang pilik-mata niya at matangos na ilong. I had been mesmerized by his features since I was a child. Hanggang ngayon. Kahit pa maputla na siya at namayat, I am still in awe of how handsome he is.I carefully watch him, afraid that I’ll wake him up. I’m just glad that he looks so peaceful and in deep sleep tonight. Malaya akong makakatingin.Inayos ko ang kumot niya at pinatakan siya ng malambot na h*lik sa labi. Ipinadausos ko rin ang kamay ko sa malambot niyang buhok at sinuklay ito gamit ang kamay ko. I heard him grunt and that scared the sh*t out of me. Agad kong itinigi
"Get out," Grey dismissively said.As soon as I was done working, I went straight here to check on him. Wala sina Tita at nagprisinta naman ako na magcover muna sa kanila. This has been my daily routine anyway.Hindi pa nga lang ako nakakapaglapag ng pagkain ay pinapaalis niya na kaagad ako. Pero kahit ganoon, nagtuloy-tuloy pa rin ako na parang walang naririnig.Pagod na kaming lahat, pero alam ko na mas doble ang pagod ni Grey."Get out, Peyn. Don't make me repeat myself again.""After you eat, aalis ulit ako kaagad. I promise," wala sa loob na sagot ko na lang, malapit nang masanay sa paulit-ulit na pagtataboy niya.Kaya lang, hindi katulad noong nakaraan na kumakain siya para makaalis na ako, ngayon ay matigas talaga ang ulo niya at mukhang walang balak na kumain.Nangangawit na ang kamay ko pero hindi niya ito
Grey's condition worsened after that day. We had to admit him to a hospital because he keeps on getting a fever and chills. I stood by his side, never leaving him.Hindi na rin ako pumapasok sa trabaho dahil ayoko na mawala sa paningin niya. Nakakapanlumo. Seeing him in a hospital bed makes me wanna go mad, at everything... at everyone.I can't fully accept that of all the people, why him? As selfish as it may sound, why him? Bakit iyong tao pa na mahal ko? Bakit si Grey pa?Is my life not entertaining enough that it had to do some twist on it? Just to make me feel like "living" the world? Dahil ba love life lang ang problema ko sa buhay, kailangan mangyari ito?I wanna laugh at myself right now. This is all about Grey now. Why would I think about myself? About how this all made me feel? This is not about my f*cking self anymore!"I can't
I cried hard that night to a point where I had to leave my unit. I can't face Grey. I can't let him watch me cry because I know that's the least thing he could handle, he got a lot on his plate right now.I wanted to show him we could handle everything and that we could surpass this... pero paano? Gayong ako mismo ay hindi alam kung kaya ba namin... kung kaya ko ba? I don't think I can handle seeing him in so much pain. I don't think I have the strength to face him and tell him that this is all gonna be okay.This is far from okay.Of all the people... why Grey?Mugto ang mga mata ko noong bumalik sa loob, dis oras na ng gabi. I stayed in our Condo Tower's study room. Para akong tanga doon na tahimik na umiiyak sa isang sulok.Kahit noong makabalik ay hindi ko siya kayang harapin. But I took up all the courage I have and then entered my room, only to find him