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Kabanata 47
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2022-02-15 17:14:00"I'm sorry, anak. Mahal na mahal ka ni mommy," I can hear Tita Sam's shaky voice from here.
Nandito ako sa labas ng private room ni Grey, hinihintay lang na makatulog siya para makapasok na ako.
"It hurts everywhere, Mom."
"I'm so sorry, anak," Tita Sam's voice broke. "I'm so sorry. Mommy can't do anything. I'm so sorry."
"It hurts."
"A-anak, palakas ka na. I promise I won't bother you anymore about our company," Tito Geoff finally spoke. "I promise to be a better father. Basta magpalakas ka, anak ko."
I can hear Grey's mumbles but I couldn't understand it clearly. His voice is very weak. Dahan-dahan kong isinara ang siwang ng pintuan, pagkatapos ay pinili na lumayo muna.
I'll just wait for Tita Sam's text before going back. I went straight ahead the Hospital's cafeteria, only to find my friends there, silently
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I wish I could go back in time... "What do you mean cancel? Cancelled again?" iritadong tanong na ni Tita Sam sa kausap na doktor. "How many times have you cancelled on this procedure? Twice?" "I'm sorry, Mrs. Lopez. Right now, it is very risky to proceed with the therapy. Hindi pa rin kaya ng katawan ng patient. If we continue, we might risk his life. I don't want to do it if I know there is a little chance of survival. I hope you understand." "Understand? Naka-ilang intindi na ba ako? Dalawang beses niyo nang hindi itinuloy? And what will happen now? Wait for another week? Another month? Kailan pa? My son is almost dying!" Tita Sam argued, totally losing it now. Nahuli ko naman ang paghawak ni Tito Geoff sa siko ni Tita, pinipigilan ito. "Calm down, honey," alu niya pa sa asawa. "Kaya mo pa bang kumalma? Tign
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"Bakit ba para kang mawawala? Can you stop it? We'll surpass this. Magpalakas ka kaagad so we can proceed with your therapy. You'd see my face all over again hanggang sa magsawa ka na," panenermon ko pa sa kaniya."Why can't you say you love me back?" reklamo niya na dahil kanina ko pa iyon hindi sinasagot."Why can't you stop sounding like you'd leave me?""Are we fighting now?" litong tanong niya na. Tumawa naman ako kaagad at nawala na ang kaba."You sound like you really want to fight me," I said suppressing another laugh."No. You just sounded mad.""I am not. You just assume I'm mad.""I love you. Please, say it back," bulong niya na naman, hindi na ako tinigilan doon.Yumuko ako para magkalapit kami, pagkatapos ay idinampi ang labi sa kaniya."I love you too, Grey," I wh
Last Updated : 2022-02-19The Moment I Knew Kabanata 50
Mar. 7, 202xPeyn,How are you? I hope you’re doing good. I’m sorry. I bet you’re crying reading this. I’m sorry, I made you cry again. How many days has it been since I left? Or is it weeks now? Don’t cry, please. Just imagine that I went on a vacation and we’ll see each other soon. Dang. I don’t know if I’m still making sense. I really don’t know how to ease your pain. I wanted to hug you. I didn’t know if I still need to blab now knowing that this is all making you cry. I love you, Peyn. Please continue living your life. Please do it for me. Please.Grey————————————————————————————Mar 18, 202xPeyn,How’s life? I hope it’s not giving you a hard time, this time. I hope everyone’s doing good. Can you do me a favor? Please greet my mom a happy birthday for me. I prepared a gift for her under my bed. I made Nurse Jade prepare this little surprise. (I know, I just couldn’t do anything but be a bother to her.) There’s a lit
Last Updated : 2022-03-22The Moment I Knew Kabanata 1
"Grey," pag-uulit ko nang tawag sa kanya. The man in front of me just looked at me...pissed."Is this your way of greeting your new neighbor?" I teased him kahit alam ko na hindi siya natutuwa.Grey is my long time crush and childhood friend. Nang malaman ko na lumipat siya sa Condo, agad akong nag-pabili sa parents ko. Hindi lang basta Condo, Condo na katabi mismo ng unit n'ya.Dahil hindi lihim ang pagkagusto ko sa kaniya, alam ko na may ideya na agad siya kung bakit ako nandito."What the fuck are you doing here, Peyn?" he finally said, eyebrows almost touching because of so much irritation. Well...he's not that mad, right? He called me by the nickname he gave me when we were a child!Sa tagal na namin na magkakilala, alam ko na galit siya talaga kapag tinatawag n'ya ako sa tunay kong pangalan. He rarely calls me by my true name, though.
Last Updated : 2021-11-26The Moment I Knew Kabanata 2
Buong gabi akong nagmukmok dahil hindi ako pinayagan ni Grey na pumasok sa unit niya.Naiisip ko pa lang na kasama niya yung Steffi, hindi na agad ako natutuwa. That girl is doing everything to get in his pants! The way she stares at Grey makes me wanna puke.Gumagawa pa nang paraan para lang mahawakan si Grey! How can she do that?I can't even hold the tip of Grey's fingers! Siya pa kaya na nakakakapit sa braso?Kinabukasan, tamad akong pumasok sa University. Hindi ko alam ang schedule ni Grey pero siguro ay nandito na rin 'yon. Hindi naman gaanong magkalayo ang College Department namin kaya malaki ang chance ko na makita siya."Elle!" My friend, Carl, shouted. Malayo pa lang ay tinawag na ako."Sama ka mamaya samin ni Kara? Fifth District?" Bungad agad nang kaibigan ko, nagyayakag mag-bar,agang-aga."Ayoko," tanggi k
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Why do I care?Hindi agad ako nakasagot. Tulala pa rin ako hanggang sa pumasok na lang si Grey sa unit niya.Sungit naman 'non. Bawal magtanong?Hanggang sa kama ay iniisip ko pa rin kung ano na naman ang problema sa'kin ni Grey. Kaya lang, dahil busy din ako sa group projects ay hindi ko na lang masyadong pinagtuunan nang pansin.Buong linggo akong umaalis para sa mga group works. Uuwi lang ako ng unit ko para kumain at matulog, tapos ay papasok ulit or a-attend ng meetings.Ngayon lang ako nabakante sa mga gawain kaya naman ay nandito ako sa harap ng pintuan niya, ringing his doorbell."What?" masungit na bungad niya sa akin, magulo ang buhok at mukhang kakagaling lang sa higa."Pwede pumasok?""Bawal.""C'mon! Isang linggo akong hindi nagpakita sa'yo. Will you please let me in?" I showed him my p
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Grey and I went home on Sunday. Dahil sa sobrang buntot ko sa kanya, sumasabay ako sa tuwing umuuwi siya sa amin. Luckily, hinahayaan niya lang ako.Maybe he got used to me being an annoying, clingy, and pushy friend. A little progress, huh.“You look happy, hija,” my mom noticed. “Are you taking care of yourself?”“Yes, Mom. Where's dad?”“Emergency meeting,” she simply said. “How's Grey, by the way?” Ikinunot ko ang noo ko sa tanong ni Mommy.“He's doing good. Bakit po?”“Oh. It's because I heard from your Tita Sam that Grey's not really doing well in class. His dad is pretty mad. You know how obsessed they are in pushing him to graduate with latin honors.”That's true. Tita Sam and Tito Geoff wants him to strive really well in class because Grey will be
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I slammed my bedroom's door as soon as I get home. I didn't even budge removing my make up and changing my clothes.I cried. I cried so hard, feeling all those sadness and embarrassment that happened earlier. Grey's opinion cuts deeper than those people's judgement. His words keeps on repeating inside my head.And then I realized that amidst all of these, Grey's opinion will always affect me the most.I tried to act normal, the next day. Today is Friday, and we have the weekends all to ourselves. Kaya naman, nagpasya sina Kara at Carl na magpunta ulit sa malapit na bar. Hindi na ako nag-react o nagpapilit. I owe them my time for today since they've been dealing with my sh*t for the whole week.I changed my clothes and wore heavy make-up. It's dark inside the club and light make-up will be unnoticed. Sayang lang. I also made my curly, long hair, into a bun. Wearing my black stilletos, whit
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The Moment I Knew Kabanata 50
Mar. 7, 202xPeyn,How are you? I hope you’re doing good. I’m sorry. I bet you’re crying reading this. I’m sorry, I made you cry again. How many days has it been since I left? Or is it weeks now? Don’t cry, please. Just imagine that I went on a vacation and we’ll see each other soon. Dang. I don’t know if I’m still making sense. I really don’t know how to ease your pain. I wanted to hug you. I didn’t know if I still need to blab now knowing that this is all making you cry. I love you, Peyn. Please continue living your life. Please do it for me. Please.Grey————————————————————————————Mar 18, 202xPeyn,How’s life? I hope it’s not giving you a hard time, this time. I hope everyone’s doing good. Can you do me a favor? Please greet my mom a happy birthday for me. I prepared a gift for her under my bed. I made Nurse Jade prepare this little surprise. (I know, I just couldn’t do anything but be a bother to her.) There’s a lit
The Moment I Knew Kabanata 49
"Bakit ba para kang mawawala? Can you stop it? We'll surpass this. Magpalakas ka kaagad so we can proceed with your therapy. You'd see my face all over again hanggang sa magsawa ka na," panenermon ko pa sa kaniya."Why can't you say you love me back?" reklamo niya na dahil kanina ko pa iyon hindi sinasagot."Why can't you stop sounding like you'd leave me?""Are we fighting now?" litong tanong niya na. Tumawa naman ako kaagad at nawala na ang kaba."You sound like you really want to fight me," I said suppressing another laugh."No. You just sounded mad.""I am not. You just assume I'm mad.""I love you. Please, say it back," bulong niya na naman, hindi na ako tinigilan doon.Yumuko ako para magkalapit kami, pagkatapos ay idinampi ang labi sa kaniya."I love you too, Grey," I wh
The Moment I Knew Kabanata 48
I wish I could go back in time... "What do you mean cancel? Cancelled again?" iritadong tanong na ni Tita Sam sa kausap na doktor. "How many times have you cancelled on this procedure? Twice?" "I'm sorry, Mrs. Lopez. Right now, it is very risky to proceed with the therapy. Hindi pa rin kaya ng katawan ng patient. If we continue, we might risk his life. I don't want to do it if I know there is a little chance of survival. I hope you understand." "Understand? Naka-ilang intindi na ba ako? Dalawang beses niyo nang hindi itinuloy? And what will happen now? Wait for another week? Another month? Kailan pa? My son is almost dying!" Tita Sam argued, totally losing it now. Nahuli ko naman ang paghawak ni Tito Geoff sa siko ni Tita, pinipigilan ito. "Calm down, honey," alu niya pa sa asawa. "Kaya mo pa bang kumalma? Tign
The Moment I Knew Kabanata 47
"I'm sorry, anak. Mahal na mahal ka ni mommy," I can hear Tita Sam's shaky voice from here.Nandito ako sa labas ng private room ni Grey, hinihintay lang na makatulog siya para makapasok na ako."It hurts everywhere, Mom.""I'm so sorry, anak," Tita Sam's voice broke. "I'm so sorry. Mommy can't do anything. I'm so sorry.""It hurts.""A-anak, palakas ka na. I promise I won't bother you anymore about our company," Tito Geoff finally spoke. "I promise to be a better father. Basta magpalakas ka, anak ko."I can hear Grey's mumbles but I couldn't understand it clearly. His voice is very weak. Dahan-dahan kong isinara ang siwang ng pintuan, pagkatapos ay pinili na lumayo muna.I'll just wait for Tita Sam's text before going back. I went straight ahead the Hospital's cafeteria, only to find my friends there, silently
The Moment I Knew Kabanata 46
"Peyn!"I heard a loud bang on my door. Someone's knocking. Ipinikit ko ang mga mata ko, walang balak na tumayo para pagbuksan sila ng pinto.My friends are outside my room, and I know why. Halos dalawang araw na akong hindi lumalabas. I skipped work and I don't even visit the hospital since that night.Grey.I closed my eyes firmly, tears threatening to fall."Peyn! Buksan mo 'to!" Kara's voice echoed."Your parents are worried. Open up, please," Calum added.Ayoko. I just wanted to lay here. My body felt numb. I just feel so tired. My whole life is tiring."Hoy, Peyn! Huwag ka nga mag-aksaya ng panahon sa pagmumukmok! Bumangon ka diyan at ayusin mo ang sarili mo!" Carl shouted. "Ganito ka na lang ba? Itatapon mo na rin ba ang buhay mo at wala kang
The Moment I Knew Kabanata 45
It was dark when I went inside Grey’s room. I covered for his parents every night. Tuwing gabi lang dahil ito lang ang oras na hindi niya ako sisinghalan o papaalisin. It’s funny how I’m sneaking in just to be with him. Just to see him this close.Mahimbing ang tulog ni Grey noong makalaput ako. Kapansin-pansin ang mahahabang pilik-mata niya at matangos na ilong. I had been mesmerized by his features since I was a child. Hanggang ngayon. Kahit pa maputla na siya at namayat, I am still in awe of how handsome he is.I carefully watch him, afraid that I’ll wake him up. I’m just glad that he looks so peaceful and in deep sleep tonight. Malaya akong makakatingin.Inayos ko ang kumot niya at pinatakan siya ng malambot na h*lik sa labi. Ipinadausos ko rin ang kamay ko sa malambot niyang buhok at sinuklay ito gamit ang kamay ko. I heard him grunt and that scared the sh*t out of me. Agad kong itinigi
The Moment I Knew Kabanata 44
"Get out," Grey dismissively said.As soon as I was done working, I went straight here to check on him. Wala sina Tita at nagprisinta naman ako na magcover muna sa kanila. This has been my daily routine anyway.Hindi pa nga lang ako nakakapaglapag ng pagkain ay pinapaalis niya na kaagad ako. Pero kahit ganoon, nagtuloy-tuloy pa rin ako na parang walang naririnig.Pagod na kaming lahat, pero alam ko na mas doble ang pagod ni Grey."Get out, Peyn. Don't make me repeat myself again.""After you eat, aalis ulit ako kaagad. I promise," wala sa loob na sagot ko na lang, malapit nang masanay sa paulit-ulit na pagtataboy niya.Kaya lang, hindi katulad noong nakaraan na kumakain siya para makaalis na ako, ngayon ay matigas talaga ang ulo niya at mukhang walang balak na kumain.Nangangawit na ang kamay ko pero hindi niya ito
The Moment I Knew Kabanata 43
Grey's condition worsened after that day. We had to admit him to a hospital because he keeps on getting a fever and chills. I stood by his side, never leaving him.Hindi na rin ako pumapasok sa trabaho dahil ayoko na mawala sa paningin niya. Nakakapanlumo. Seeing him in a hospital bed makes me wanna go mad, at everything... at everyone.I can't fully accept that of all the people, why him? As selfish as it may sound, why him? Bakit iyong tao pa na mahal ko? Bakit si Grey pa?Is my life not entertaining enough that it had to do some twist on it? Just to make me feel like "living" the world? Dahil ba love life lang ang problema ko sa buhay, kailangan mangyari ito?I wanna laugh at myself right now. This is all about Grey now. Why would I think about myself? About how this all made me feel? This is not about my f*cking self anymore!"I can't
The Moment I Knew Kabanata 42
I cried hard that night to a point where I had to leave my unit. I can't face Grey. I can't let him watch me cry because I know that's the least thing he could handle, he got a lot on his plate right now.I wanted to show him we could handle everything and that we could surpass this... pero paano? Gayong ako mismo ay hindi alam kung kaya ba namin... kung kaya ko ba? I don't think I can handle seeing him in so much pain. I don't think I have the strength to face him and tell him that this is all gonna be okay.This is far from okay.Of all the people... why Grey?Mugto ang mga mata ko noong bumalik sa loob, dis oras na ng gabi. I stayed in our Condo Tower's study room. Para akong tanga doon na tahimik na umiiyak sa isang sulok.Kahit noong makabalik ay hindi ko siya kayang harapin. But I took up all the courage I have and then entered my room, only to find him
