Kabanata 2

Buong gabi akong nagmukmok dahil hindi ako pinayagan ni Grey na pumasok sa unit niya.

Naiisip ko pa lang na kasama niya yung Steffi, hindi na agad ako natutuwa. That girl is doing everything to get in his pants! The way she stares at Grey makes me wanna puke.

Gumagawa pa nang paraan para lang mahawakan si Grey! How can she do that?

I can't even hold the tip of Grey's fingers! Siya pa kaya na nakakakapit sa braso?

Kinabukasan, tamad akong pumasok sa University. Hindi ko alam ang schedule ni Grey pero siguro ay nandito na rin 'yon. Hindi naman gaanong magkalayo ang College Department namin kaya malaki ang chance ko na makita siya.

"Elle!" My friend, Carl, shouted. Malayo pa lang ay tinawag na ako.

"Sama ka mamaya samin ni Kara? Fifth District?" Bungad agad nang kaibigan ko, nagyayakag mag-bar, agang-aga.

"Ayoko," tanggi ko sa kaniya kahit alam ko naman na kapag gusto niya, wala na akong magagawa.

"Bakit ayaw mo? Hindi naman tayo magpapaka-lasing. Chill lang."

"Chill? Sure ka diyan?"

"Promise."

Oh, Carl. Sa daming beses na sinabi niyang "chill", kahit isa doon ay hindi ako nakaramdam nang chill.

"Groceries," simpleng sagot ko na lang. Baka pagbigyan nila ako ngayon na hindi sumama since kakalipat ko pa lang naman.

"Groceries? You don't even cook. Don't make excuses, ha!" Napa-irap ako sa huling sinabi ni Carl. Etong mahaderang bakla na 'to! 

"I am not making excuses! Where is Kara, anyway? Male-late na siya sa class." I changed the topic hoping that he'd drop it.

"Hinatid ng jowa nya, ses. Paniguradong nandoon na 'yon sa loob ng room."

Inunahan ko nang maglakad si Carl para matigil na siya. Kaya lang, 'nung mag-uwian ay hindi rin ako nakaligtas.

Kara and Carl forced me to join them. Kara even bought an extra dress because they know I won't even budge.

I am sporting a little black dress and a black strappy heels. Hapit ang suot na dress dahil matagal na daw 'to sa closet ni Kara. I bet she bought this when she was in her sophomore year at College.

I didn't even wore any make-up today except for the red velvet lipstick that Carl forced to put on my lips.

"You know this is kidnapping!" I shouted as soon as we entered the bar, hindi pa rin tanggap na napilit ako dito.

"Wag ka nga maarte dyan. Hindi ka kasi nakakakita nang ibang lalaki kaya ka nandito ngayon! Puro ka Grey, Grey, at Grey! Wala ka nang ibang gusto kundi si Grey!" Carl ranted, putting his palm on his forehead just to be more dramatic.

"El, we were just worried about you and your making-Grey-fall-in-love-with-me mission mo," seryosong sagot naman ni Kara.

Fine!

"You guys, win! Happy?" 

They just both grin at each other before pulling me in a vacant couch. Kauupo pa lang namin nang umorder na agad si Kara ng dalawang bote ng alak.

Akala mo mauubos namin. Chill daw 'to, di 'ba?

"Where's your boyfriend, Carl? I probably won't be here if you're with James!" I ranted, masama pa rin ang loob na nandito ako ngayon.

"He's doing his papers," tipid lang na sagot niya.

"How about you, Kara? Ang boyfriend mo?" Kuryoso kong tanong sa kaibigan.

"I don't know his whereabouts. I didn't ask him." Kara simply shrugged and drank the tequila she's holding.

Kara and Carl are both in a relationship, ako lang ang hindi. Sometimes, I feel so jealous. They already have the person they love while I am so busy chasing the man I want.

Buong kabataan ko na yata ang iginugol ko kay Grey. Hanggang ngayon, eto, wala pa rin akong napapala.

Ang mahalaga nandito pa rin ako, right? Nagpa-patuloy sa bagay na alam kong gusto ko. Some people may think that my feelings are petty and OA because I'm head over heels in love with Grey.

Ganoon din naman ang tingin ko sa sarili ko. Pero dahil gusto ko, gagawin ko...hihintayin ko.

I drank the tequila I'm holding when I realized how cringey my thoughts are.

Alas onse na nang matapos kami sa pag-iinom. Sinundo si Carl at Kara ng jowa nila dahil hindi na nila kayang mag-drive. At dahil sabit lang ako sa inuman na 'to, walang dalang sasakyan, at walang jowa...sumabay ako kina Carl.

Mabuti nalang at mabait si James. Naawa at nag-malasakit na ihatid ako. Pero dahil sa baba lang nila ako hinatid, hirap na hirap ako sa pag-akyat sa unit ko.

I fumbled on my bag, looking for my unit's keys. Doble na halos ang paningin kaya matagal pa bago ko nakuha sa bag.

"Are you fucking drunk?" Halos mapatalon ako nang biglang sumulpot si Grey sa gilid ko. Well, I didn't expect to see him here at this time of the day!

Kahit nahihilo, napansin ko pa din na may hawak siyang paper bag ng isang fast food chain.

"It's almost midnight and you're about to eat? You eat your foods in time, Grey. Not when you feel like eating." I blurted out, hindi na nag-iisip nang sasabihin.

"Are you lecturing me, right now? You? At that state?" 

"I am not drunk," pagtatanggol ko sa sarili ko kahit gusto ko nalang mahiga ngayon dahil sa hilo.

I am not drunk! I'm just tired and sleepy...and the world is spinning.

"Walang lasing ang umamin, Peyn." He snatched the keys in my hand and opened my door.

"Sinong kasama mo uminom?" Para akong hinehele sa hinahon ng boses ni Grey. Gusto ko na agad matulog. Isinandal ko ang ulo ko sa wall at ipinikit na ang mga mata.

Napaayos lang ako nang tayo 'nung maramdaman ko ang paghawak ni Grey sa magkabilang balikat ko, ina-alalayan ako papasok.

"Sinong kasama mo uminom, Peyn? I'm asking you."

"Are you sleepy, Grey?" Balik tanong ko sa kanya. Is it because of the alcohol or what? I can hear his soft voice in my head. It sounds like a lullaby.

Fuck it. I'm really drunk. I heard his low chuckle so I arched my brow.

"You! You don't laugh! Why are you laughing now?" Idinuro ko pa siya, parang ina-akusahan sa bagay na hindi niya ginawa.

"Can you clean yourself and change your clothes? If not, I will just leave you on your bed." Hindi niya na pinatulan ang mga sinabi ko.

Ina-antok na talaga ako, idagdag pa ang lambing sa boses ni Grey.

Kung ganito lang sana siya lagi makipag-usap.

"Are you being sweet right now or am I just too drunk to hallucinate?" I tug on his shirt, pulling him inside my bedroom.

"It's the latter."

"Oh. I'm so drunk. Can you help me change clothes?" Ini-angat ko ang dalawa kong kamay, pinapa-h***d ang suot ko na dress.

I feel so dirty.

"No. Either you do it yourself or sleep already." Marahan niyang ibinaba ang mga kamay ko.

"I wanna brush my teeth."

"Okay. Come here," he walked me inside the restroom.

Kahit sobrang nahihilo, napapansin ko ang mga ginagawa niya.

Nilagyan niya ng toothpaste ang toothbrush ko bago marahan na inabot iyon sakin.

I sloppily brushed my teeth. Pagkatapos 'non ay naghilamos din ako. Grey just stood beside me, watching my every move.

"Are you done?" I heard him say when he noticed I'm not moving anymore. I am so damn sleepy. 

"Come here," he said those words like a perfect whisper.

Tinulungan niya akong mahiga sa kama. I don't know if I'm being clumsy or what, but it took us some time bago makarating sa kama ko. I closed my eyes and felt the comforter hugging me. Naramdaman ko din si Grey sa paanan ko, hawak-hawak ang mga paa ko.

"How do I remove your shoes?" I heard him say. He struggled really hard just to remove my strappy heels.

I moved my body, it's now facing the wall, dahilan nang paggalaw din ng mga paa ko paharap sa dingding.

"Don't move, alright? Why did you have to wear this kind of heels, anyway?" He's really having a hard time removing my heels.

I wanted to help him but I'm afraid I'll puke right in front of his face if I forced myself too much.

"Would you prefer if I walk barefoot at a club? Seriously, Grey, you're making me really sick."

"I make you sick? Or the alcohol did?" He answered me with a hint of amusement in his voice.

Instead of answering like I always do, I kept my mouth shut. I closed my eyes, feeling my head really spinning.

"Are you okay? Do you feel like throwing up?" He said after successfully removing one heel.

"Don't move. My head fucking hurts."

"Don't move? I'm not even beside your bed, Peyn. I'm here at your feet's mercy, removing the goddamn heels."

"It's unfair how you talk too much now that I'm drunk," I mumbled but my words still reached him.

"Your point? There, there. It's done! You're feet are free," he said proudly. Hindi siniseryoso ang sinasabi ko.

I moved my feet, feeling really comfortable now that the stupid heels are gone.

"Thanks."

"I'm going now. Are you feeling better na?"

"Yes, thank you." Right now, I wanna puke and then sleep. I should've had made a lot of excuses to Carl. I'm so stupid!

"I'll borrow your keys to lock your door. Kunin mo tomorrow."

"Mm." I hummed, I do not have the energy to even utter words. 

I heard my bedroom door's closing. He's leaving. Or he probably left. I don't know. All I know is that I had the best sleep my entire life.

I woke up feeling energized. No hangover, I guess?

I went to my fridge to look for something to eat, kaya lang ay wala na itong halos laman.

"I need to do my groceries." I blurted, talking loudly to myself.

Nagmamadali akong nag-ayos at lumabas para mag-grocery. I need to do this now dahil wala na talaga akong kakainin mamaya.

"My keys!" Sapo-sapo ang noo bago ko kinuha ang cellphone ko para contact-in si Grey.

Naalala ko na kinuha niya pala ang susi kagabi.

Yes, I do remember everything that happened last night. It's just that I am too honest and brave to say everything that time because of the stupid alcohol that I drank.

Me: I want my keys back.

After a minute, my phone beeped. That fast?

Grey: Don't you have a spare key? I'm in class.

Shoot. Paano na 'to?

Me: Oh. Okay. I'll just get it later.

He didn't reply after that. Matamlay naman akong bumalik sa loob at napag-pasyahan nalang na um-order online.

I should have to have a spare key to avoid this kind of situation. Kung hindi lang sana ako ginulo ni Carl at Kara!

Well, hindi ko rin naman alam na kakailanganin ko 'yon.

Pagabi na nang maibalik ni Grey ang susi sakin. Kakatapos lang siguro ng klase niya at sa condo ko agad siya dumiretso.

"Here," tipid at supladong pag-abot niya ng susi sa akin.

"Thanks." Tinitigan ko siya sandali at noong na-realize na paalis na agad siya, hinawakan ko ang dulo ng polo niya. "Gusto mo sumabay mag-grocery? Mamimili ako sa baba...baka mamimili ka din?"

"No, thank you." 

"Oh. Sige! Ako nalang pala!" I answered in my high-pitched voice, nervous and embarrassed of his rejection.

"Do you need help?"

"H-hindi. I just thought baka wala ka nang supply so I asked." I fidgeted, never really knowing what to do next.

Should I go inside or should I just go to a Supermarket downstairs?

"Okay. I still have some papers to do. I'll go in."

Tumango lang ako sa kanya habang pinapanood ang pagpasok niya sa unit niya.

Nasaan ang confidence mo, Peyn? Hay.

I really thought we got closer yesterday. I made him laugh and all, akala ko naman ay magiging magaan na talaga ang pakikitungo niya.

Well, he said he'll do his papers. He's busy. Who am I to demand, anyway?

Mabagal at tamad akong bumaba para mamili. Dahil hindi ako masyadong marunong magluto, karamihan sa mga pinamili ko ay processed foods. 'Yung mga madaling lutuin.

Kaya lang, dahil hindi ako marunong mamuhay mag-isa, kung ano-ano ang mga pinamili ko. Halos mapuno ang push cart na dala ko sa dami nang pinamili ko.

I bought 5 sparkling wines, 10 mules and 2 heinekens. Naparami din ang de-lata at mga noodles.

Huli na nang napagtanto ko na hindi ko kayang bitbitin ang lahat nang pinamili ko. Nahihiya naman akong bawasan dahil nasa counter na ako.

In the end, dinala ko ang push cart hanggang sa labas ng supermarket. I stared at it blankly. Should I call Grey?

Huwag na lang. Busy 'yon eh. Baka mainis pa sa'kin.

"Do you want some help?"

Lumingon ako sa lalaking nagsalita.

"Ako ba?"

"Yes," the man in front of me chuckled.

"Nakakahiya naman! Doon ako sa Tower 3, okay lang?" I shamelessly asked na dahilan ulit nang pagtawa niya.

"It's fine," sagot niya kaagad. Pagkatapos ay kinuha ang dalawang ecobags sa push cart.

Naiwan yung ecobag na kaunti ang laman, kaya naman nakaramdam ako nang hiya.

"Palit tayo? Mabigat 'yan."

"It's fine, Ms?"

"I'm Elle," pagpapakilala ko. Gusto ko sanang pormal na i-abot ang kamay ko kaya lang ay marami siyang dala.

"Cool. Elle. I'm Calum. It's nice to meet you." Calum sweetly smiled at me. Ang bait naman ni Calum.

"Taga-dito ka?"

"Yep! Doon ako sa Tower 2."

I pushed the elevator button at walang-hiya na tumitig sa kanya.

"Nag-grocery ka? Bakit wala kang dala?"

"No. Pauwi na ako tapos nakita kita. I figured you need some help, matagal ka kasing nakatayo at nakatitig sa push cart." Napatawa ako nang maisip ang itsura ko doon.

"I'm sorry. I was just thinking kung paano ko bibitbitin lahat."

"You bought a lot of wine. You can't carry this alone."

Palapit na kami sa pintuan ng unit ko nang biglang bumukas ang unit ni Grey. His phone is on his left ear, may kausap yata o baka may tinatawagan. Sa isang kamay naman ay ang susi ng sasakyan niya.

Saglit na napatingin sa amin si Grey bago dire-diretsong naglakad na papunta sa elevator.

"This is my place. Do you want to go inside? Gawa'n kita ng juice or something." Pag-aalok ko kay Calum. Nakakahiya naman kasi kung hindi ko siya aalukin nang kahit ano. Mabigat yung mga dinala niya.

Madami pa 'yong bote dahil sa mga alak na binili ko.

"Oh, no! It's fine. I already went out for a dinner. Ilagay ko lang sa likod nang pinto mo and then I'll go."

"Sure ka? I can't give you money kasi it will offend you but I want to offer you food. Nakakahiya kasi sayo. Na-abala pa kita."

"Why would you offer money? I willingly helped you. It's really fine." Natatawa niyang sagot kaagad.

"I'm not really comfortable accepting favors without giving something in return. Nahihiya ako."

Saglit na nag-isip si Calum, "How about you pay me with dinner? Anytime you're available?"

Dinner? Why not? 

Pumayag agad ako sa sinabi ni Calum at saka ko ibinigay ang number ko. He seems friendly and kind. "Kapit-tower" ko din siya dahil sa kabilang tower lang naman siya nakatira.

Inihatid ko siya sa elevator, at kinawayan. Saktong pagsara ng elevator ni Calum, bumukas naman ang katabing elevator para kay Grey.

"Saan ka galing?" I said, enthusiastically.

"Why do you care?"