“Baby, how was school?”“Mimi, I'm not a baby anymore. See? I’m wearing my uniform. That means I’m a big boy na.”Natatawa na lang ako sa anak ko. The kids then comfortably played in the living room with Nika's toys while I remained seated in the empty dining area. My hands carefully traced the outside of the glass of water.Si Jacob ba talaga ang nakita ko kanina? or was it just someone who looked like him?Did he see me? Did he see Jeremy?Hindi pa rin ako mapakali.I thought it was a bit unfair. Hindi ko kasi mapigilan ang sarili ko. Kahit na wala naman akong ginawang mali. If anything, ako pa nga ang nasaktan pero bakit ako din ang nagbabayad sa pagkukulang niya? Why do I have to blame myself for loving the wrong man? Eh, isang pagkakamali lang iyon."Are you okay?"Ivan's voice brought me back to reality. Gusto kong sabihin sa kanya ang nakita ko pero baka naman I’m only overthinking. Nakatingin siya habang hinihintay ang susunod kong sasabihin. Hindi ko napansin na kanina pa pa
“Aalis ka na? Just like that?” Troy asked me. I nodded. My work here is done. It wasn’t my intention to pop out of nowhere. I know when my presence isn’t welcome and I don’t want to lay burden on people I’ve hurt in the past. I contemplated many times, wondering if I should see Cass… It was shameless of me, but I did. Regrets? Hindi ko alam. I’m sorry if I hurt her by showing my face again but I wasn’t sorry I saw her again. Ilang taon ko ding hiniling na makita siya ulit, even from afar. But I needed to say I’m sorry because I really was… I still am. “I'm leaving later but before that, I still have one last thing to do.” “Ano naman iyon?” “Something.” “Fine. Bahala ka nga. Don’t tell me.” Napailing na lang ako as Troy pretended to sulk and walked out of my temporary office. As soon as he left the room, I opened the drawer. I got a pen and paper. The blank page was so intimidating even when I already knew what to write. Napabuntong-hininga ako and stared at the blank page for
CASSI felt so dizzy and weak in my knees that I felt the need to grab on something not to lose balance. Pakiramdam ko, hihimatayin ako. Gusto kong buhusan ang sarili ko ng malamig na tubig to either feel numb or to wake up from this nightmare.I should do something… or go somewhere. But no. I just stood there. I was so dumbfounded and numb. Napatingin ako kay Liam na natutulog na. I waited for him to fall asleep dahil ayaw kong makita niya akong ganito. Para kahit magalit ako, hindi niya ako maririnig. Hindi niya mararamdaman itong sama ng loob. I thought I’d lose my shit but I’m not even brave enough to do that. Andito lang ako, sitting on a table on the corner of our room. Silently tortured by my own emotions.This is no use. I walked outside of the room and when I did, I felt my own weakness again. I leaned my back on the wall and let myself feel it all. Iyong kahinaan, kalungkutan, pati na rin siguro galit. I felt so fragile and I couldn’t do anything but cry.I cried until I g
It's been one week and I have not found peace since then. Araw-araw akong nilalamon ng kaba. Even if I try to distract myself, it’s always in the back of my mind. And no matter what I do, wala din naman akong magawa. Him being gone was difficult and I’ve already had my peace with that. Matagal ko nang tanggap iyon. Tapos masisira lang lahat ng iyon? I hate him. Ayaw na ayaw ko iyong mga taong aalis tapos babalik. Everything we’ve been through was thrown like garbage and then what? Coming back at their own freaking convenience? May tama mang sinabi si Jacob, it was what he said in the letter. Hating him was a waste of time. “Hi.” Muntik na akong mapatalon nang bumukas ang pinto. I was relieved to see Ivan. “Sorry. Nagulat ata kita. Kanina pa ako kumakatok, hindi mo siguro narinig.” “Oh gosh. I’m sorry.” “You seem busy.” Dumako ang mata niya sa mga designs and proposals on my desk. “Sorry for distracting you.” “Oh, please.” I laughed while making a pile from the scatte
These past few days, talagang di ko maintindihan ang sarili ko. Maybe because I'm too paranoid knowing that Jake's plane is arriving later. Knowing that he’d come is better but on the other hand, knowing when I’d see him is also torture.Parang may nagka-countdown sa utak ko na binibilang pati ang huling segundo kung kailan siya darating.The more I plead for time to be slower, the faster the dreaded moment comes. I didn't expect it to be this soon. Sa totoo nga lang, I was hoping I would never have to deal with this.Ivan held my hand while his other hand was driving. Kakahatid lang namin sa mga bata at ngayon, we're on our way to the airport. Jake and I decided that we should talk in person to settle things out. Ayaw ko namang bigla-bigla na lang siyang magpakilala sa anak ko.This needs to be rehearsed. Kailangan alam ko kung saan at kailan. Pati ang mga salitang lalabas sa bibig niya, alam ko. OA na kung OA, I don't care. I’m putting my son on top of my priority and I need to know
Hindi ko man lang magawang magsinungaling sarili because for a moment, only a moment, I a felt sorry to the man who caused me all this pain.Yes, I’m trying to protect my heart by keeping up that wall around it for my own sake, but I’m not that strong enough to keep feeling numb. Ngayon, naawa na ako sa kaniya. It’s all his fault but I can see the regret as he pleaded and sobbed.I was quite hesitant and there’s this whole fight inside my head before I tapped him on the shoulders. “You don’t have to do that, Jake.” Sabi ko sa kanya. He wiped his tears before facing me, meeting my gaze.I looked away as I blinked back the tears, refusing to cry. “Yung totoo? Ayaw ko... Hindi ko gusto dahil ayaw kong gawin mo sa anak ko ang ginawa mo sa akin noon. I would never let Jeremy go through that pain, Jake.” I paused when I felt the lump in my throat... I cannot stop it anymore. I want to cry, so I did. “Would you Jake? Sasaktan mo din ba ang anak ko tulad ng ginawa mo sa akin?”Saying these
Hindi ko pa siya napapatawad. It isn’t that easy pero hindi ko din hiniling na kagalitan siya ng anak ko. It’s what happened but it really wasn’t my intention. Why would I? It would equally wishing ill for my son.“Coffee.” I said, offering him the cup of coffee. Nasa kwarto na si Jeremy. Pagkatapos nilang magkita kanina ay mas pinili ni Jeremy na manatili sa kwarto. Hindi ko na muna siya sinundan and gave him space. I’ll talk to him later.Jake's reaction when Jeremy said those words was unexplainable. Yung para bang wala kang nakikita sa ekspresyon sa mukha niya, medyo nakaawang ang bibig at maluha-luha ang mata. His eyes mirrored all the things he was feeling inside. Hurt. Sadness. Regret.“Salamat,” he said. He took a sip of the coffee before he gave off a humorless laugh. “I knew it would hurt pero… ang sakit pala.”“I…” I paused, I have no idea what to do or what to say. He smiled bitterly habang hawak pa rin ang tasa. “I didn’t expect that nor did I hope that would happen. Magi
“Mimi, payag ka na please.” He pouted as he pleaded. Naku. Naka-puppy eyes pa. Napailing na lang ako at tumingin sa malayo para hindi niya makitang nagpipigil lang ako ng ngiti.I wiped my hands with the towel pagkatapos maghugas ng plato. “Jeremy, you can't sleepover at Tito Ivan's.” As much as Jeremy enjoys Ivan’s company and vice versa, Ivan is a busy person who also has too much to do.“He’s already my Papa Ivan.”“Jeremy…” saway ko sa kanya. I am thankful for Ivan’s kindness and with Jeremy’s acceptance to that affection, but lately, I can’t help but wonder na baka ginagawa ito ni Jeremy as some kind of reaction to Jacob coming into our lives.Jacob already promised to be all in. Tinanggap ko iyon and along with that acceptance is also a silent promise na tutulungan ko sila ni Jeremy na magka-ayos. Having another father figure when we already established Jacob’s involvement might be too much for the kid. Kahit naman siguro si Ivan ay sasang-ayon.Someone knocked on the door and