Chapter 8

It started raining as soon as I enter El Viño. I anticipated it so I go home early.

Umasa akong makikita ko si Ben sa parke ngayong araw. He really mastered the art of hiding. Maliban sa coffee shop at sa Pines park ay 'di ko na alam ang iba pa niyang pwedeng puntahan.

Saan naman kaya siya nagsuot?

O baka sa loob ng tatlong araw ay nagkulong lang siya sa apartment niya abala sa pag-aasikaso ng business?

Sana nga business lang.

My mind couldn't get rid of the thoughts that Ben maybe out somewhere with that dirty old lady.

"Dirty Mina!" I exclaimed to myself.

Ano kaya nakita ni Ben sa matandang yun?

I didn't use the elevator and just walk upstairs. Wala lang, gusto ko lang maglakad.

I've been thinking about Ben the whole day even in the past days.

Hanggang ngayon ay di ko parin maisip ang dahilan niya sa sinabi niyang, 'I like you'. Ayoko namang mag-assume o mag-conclude at ayoko din namang tanungin siya, baka ano pa isipin nun.

Aside from what he said, I'm also bothered about him, the sadness I felt in him. There's something strange in him, especially when I mentioned family. 

Maybe he had been going through something all this time. Maybe Belle knew about it. 

Should I ask Belle?

Maybe not. It's none of my business.

Pero hindi naman patas na halos naikwento ko na sa kaniya ang buong buhay tapos ako naman walang kaalam alam sa kaniya. All I know is that he is Belle's uncle and he is from Manila. That's all! Unfair!

Nakarating ako ng fifth floor. Habang maglakad ay nakalanghap ako ng bananacue. I suddenly crave for some. Matagal tagal narin nang huli akong nakabili sa katok. 

I'm very fortunate na mayroong katok sa El Viño dahil kung wala ay baka puro noodles lang ang kinain ko sa loob ng tatlong taong pamamalagi ko dito. I'm really not into cooking. Tamang itlog at instant noodles lang ang niluluto ko sa apartment.

I walk through the hallway. 

My eyes caught sight of his unit. 

I slowed down.

Ben might be inside his apartment now or maybe not just him. 

My eyes still fixed at his unit but now I stopped walking. 

I stood infront of his door.

Are you inside?

As if the door will answer me.

Sa di maipaliwanang na dahilan ay biglang akong kinabahan. Biglang kumabog ang dibdib at bumilis ang tibok ng puso ko.

Hihimatayin yata ako.

Ba't ako kinakabahan?

The door seems inviting. My hand protests for independence. He rises and knocks the door without thinking twice.

I found myself knocking on Ben's door.

I realized how idiot I am after doing it.

Bakit ka kumatok Jethro?! Ha! Bakit?!!

Umikot ang door knob.

"Owsh*t!" I rattled by the sound of the doorknob.

Someone's opening the door.

"Sh*t Sh*t Sh*t Sh*t!!"

Calm down Jethro!!!

The door slowly opens.

"Jethro!" bungad ni Ben.

"Ahhh..." natatarantang sagot ko.

"Pasok ka." 

Tumango lang ako at pumasok.

Ngayon ay kailangan kong mag-isip ng magandang dahilan sa pagkatok ko sa pinto niya.

Isip Jethro isip!

Umupo ako sa sofa.

"Wala kang pasok?" tanong niya.

"Ah... Wala," my trying to calm down.

"Kape?" alok niya

I smiled, " Salamat," sagot ko. I myself didn't even know if 'salamat' was a yes or no. Bahala na siyang magdesisyon.

Marahang tumango si Ben.

"What's your order sir?" Him, copying my line.

"Coffee." I said with a serious face and a deep voice trying to imitate him. But no matter how I try his voice is undoubtly broader and deeper than mine. 

"In a minute sir" sagot niya.

We smiled at each other. 

Tumango siya sa kusina at nag init ng tubig sa water heater. His room is just as big as mine. Small as mine I mean. But his room looks more spacious. Siguro dahil sa walang masyadong gamit sa loob. Kabinet, kama at sofa, coffee table lang ang gamit sa loob.

"Galing ka sa parke?" He asked.

"Oo," sagot ko.

"Buti di ka naabutan ng ulan." He said while checking out the window.

"Buti na lang." 

Medyo napanatag ako dahil hindi niya ko tinanong kung ba't ko siya kinatok. 

I inspected his whole apartment with my eyes. His place is clean. While surveying around I noticed a picture frame on his study table. I can't clearly see the picture from where I am. 

I stand up and draw nearer. 

Sanggol?

May anak siya? 

I am perplexed with what I saw.

When he said 'he had' when I asked about his family, what did he mean? What happened?

"Jet," Ben called me from behind.

Lumingon ako, "Coffee?" he said.

He placed both coffee on the table.

Lumapit ako para kunin ang kape. 

"Salamat." 

"Welcome." he replied.

I take a sip, just a small sip. I dont want to finish my coffee fast. I want longer time with him, longer than Miss Mina stayed here. 

That dirty old lady!

"Di kita nakita sa coffee shop nitong mga nakaraang araw," 

He took a sip of coffee, "Miss mo na 'kong makita sa coffee shop?" He teasingly blurted the words.

I hate how he can easily say words that can stir up my feelings, how easy those words came out of his mouth as if he didnt even think of saying it. ' I like you ', ' Miss mo na'kong makita?' 

Para bang and dating sa akin ay 'wala lang'.

Or maybe it's his way of hiding his real intentions, 

sending me signs layered by an unbothered, cold, and confusing hints. He might really mean those words or the saddest part is he might not, that it is just a plain, 'a nothing to worry about', 'nevermind' Wala lang.

But yes Ben, I missed you. I've been thinking of you. And I have many questions. Your 'I like you', the shallowness in your eyes, cold and vague nuances that appeals sadness to me. Your a mystery to me. Now that I saw the frame of an infant in your table, the puzzle is slowly falling into place, still confused now but atleast I have ideas that would potentially let me discover you, because if you would let me I will. But yes, I missed you.

Instead of saying a word I just returned a silence to him. Indulging the coffee would be a great cover up that I didn't hear him asking me if I missed him. 

Maybe I should keep this, the silence. 

"Silence means yes." he stated. Now this, he didn't have any idea of how can his words pique, stir and somehow provoke me. 

Why are you doing this to me Benjamin.

"Maybe," I replied.

I lied.