Kabanata 1

I SLOWLY BEGAN to open my eyes, taking in my surroundings. I shifted around in the bed, not recognizing where I was. I slowly sat up, but stopped as soon as I realized I was naked.

‘What the hell happened last night?’

I was about to get up when the door opened, and someone I didn’t know came in. I stared at the man who had just entered the room. My eyes widened and my hands were shaking.

‘This can’t be happening! F*ck! How did we end up together?’

I can’t remember anything. I was so intoxicated last night. The man angrily walked towards me. I tightened my grip on the blanket and pulled it even more to cover my entire body. And out of nowhere, the man handed me a money.

“What is that for?” I asked bewilderedly.

“I see that you are quite skilled. It really cost you a lot to seduce me,” the man uttered with pure sarcasm.

My mouth dropped with what he just said. However, my blood boiled about his insult. I grabbed a pillow and started hitting him, but he quickly snatched it away and threw it somewhere.

“Who the hell seduced you? I don’t know you at all!” I shouted.

He grabbed my wrist and leaned against the headboard of the bed. “Take what you can get. So many women would do anything to get close to me, yet you are shouting for injustice?”

“Are you sick?” hindi makapaniwala na tanong ko.

“Take the money,” galit nitong sabi at padarag na binitawan ang kamay ko. “Don’t let me see you again.”

Hindi na ako nakapagsalita at nakamaang na sinundan na lamang ng tingin ang lalaki na naglalakad na palabas ng kwarto. Ngunit napahinto ito nang may kung anong bagay na naramdaman sa likod ng coat niya. Inabot nito ang panty na nasa likod niya at galit na itinapon. “So tacky,” saad nito at tuluyang lumabas ng kwarto.

“Hey stop! I don’t want your money!” I shrieked in fury.

Halos sumabog ako sa inis at pagkainsulto. I threw the money on the floor out of annoyance.

‘This was too much! I couldn’t believe that I had sex with that f*cking bastard!’

***

I carefully came out from the door of the condo where I slept last night. The condo where I accidentally had sex with a stranger crazy man. Mabilis akong naglakad sa hallway ng condominium para bumalik sa aking condo. Sobrang sakit ng ulo ko na para bang pinupukpok ito.

Pagdating ko sa aking condo, nagulat ako nang makita si Wynter, ang matagal ko nang boyfriend, na nakaupo at naghihintay sa akin na may malamig na ekspresyon. Hindi ko inaasahan na pupunta siya rito nang ganito kaaga.

Habang nakatitig ako kay Wynter ay nagtataka ako sa awra nito, he seems to know something about me. And I was right, when he stood up and handed his phone to me. He showed me a CCTV footage inside the elevator. My eyes widened in shock while looking at myself kissing aggressively with another man who’s none other than the f*cking bastard earlier. And the next video was me, coming out from the condo of that man.

‘How did he find out about this?’ I asked through my mind.

I was about to ask Wynter to know who gave him this video, but he walked back to the couch and sat. I can feel him controlling his temper.

I sat beside Wynter and tried to hold his hands but he stood up. “B-Babe, please let me explain. . .”

“Don’t you dare to touch me!” galit na sigaw ni Wynter sa akin.

Nanlaki ang mga mata ko at anumang oras ay parang tutulo na ang mga luha ko. Ang sakit ng dibdib ko. Para akong binuhusan ng malamig na tubig at nagsisisi sa nangyari. “B-Babe, calm down. . . P-Please, let’s talk about this. I-I can explain what really happened. . .”

Wynter shook his head. “There is nothing to talk about, Yumi. I just caught you kissing with another guy, you slept with another guy. You had a sex with him, right?”

Napayuko ako. My tears are starting to fall.

“How can you do this to me? You’re a whore!” Sigaw ni Wynter sa akin na puno ng galit at pagkasuklam.

After I heard what Wynter just said. I felt like my heart was breaking into tiny pieces. It was all my fault.

“B-Babe, I’m sorry. . . P-Please hear me out. . . I-I want to explain my side, I don’t know what I was thinking. B-But I swear, it was not my intention and purely an accident to sleep with him. . .” I pleaded while crying.

“What the f*ck, Yumi! You really had a sex with another guy and you’re even expecting me to believe your damn lies?” Wynter exclaimed coldly.

Umiling-iling si ako. Nagsusumamo na sana ay hayaan niya muna akong makapagpaliwanag ng maayos.

Ang hirap...Gusto kong ipaliwanag ang side ko. Ngunit masyadong matigas at sarado ang isip ni Wynter.

“You think you can fool me again, huh? You have no right to explain yourself! Kung ano ang nakita ko ay iyon ang paniniwalaan ko. Wala kang karapatan na magpaliwanag. Because whatever your stupid explanation is, I don’t want to believe you again.... You hurt me, you cheated on me!” asik ni Wynter na halos hindi makatingin sa'kin.

Halos lumuhod na ako habang umiiyak. “N-No, Babe. . . I-I didn’t mean to hurt you. I-I was just drunk. H-Hindi ko alam ang nangyari at hindi ko ginusto iyon. . .”

Wynter’s jaw clenched. “Shut up! Stop lying to my face, Yumi! I loved you, but I never thought you could do something like this. Stop pestering me, because we are now over.”

Tumalikod si Wynter at nagsimulang maglakad palabas ng condo nang hindi man lang lumilingon sa'kin. Mas lalong lumakas ang pag-iyak ko at nanghihinang napasalampak na lamang sa sahig ng condo ko.

***

‘We are now over. . .’

It echoes inside my head. Persistently reminding the end of my three-years relationship with Wynter, a steady part of my life.

Isang linggo na magmula noong huling pag-uusap namin ni Wynter. Pinilit ko pa rin na i-text at tawagan si Wynter ngunit wala na talaga itong paramdam sa akin. Tuluyan na talagang pinutol nito ang aming relasyon.

Yet instead of crying as I probably should, I’m sitting on the couch, intrigued. I’m shocked and relieved. Realizing maybe Wynter was right, we are not meant to be together.

“Well, at least you don’t have to find excuses to not have sex with him anymore,” my best friend Syren Collins exclaimed playfully.

Yvonne rolled her eyes while shaking her head. “That’s so mean, Sy.”

My two best friends came to visit me after they found out about my break up with Wynter.

Syren scoffed in annoyance. “No, that’s sad. My one-night stands give me more pleasure than her boyfriend of three years ever did to her.”

I knew that Syren never liked Wynter as my boyfriend.

“He was a good boyfriend, he was always nice. It was my fault after all,” I uttered with a sigh. I didn’t even know why I'm still defending Wynter, even though he just broke up with me.

‘Maybe because I still have feelings for him.’

Syren’s on-fleek brow arched. “Nice? Really, Yumi? Nice is your criteria for a boyfriend? I will tell you this, nice is not enough.” she said.

I couldn’t help but to bite my upper lip.

Syren slightly paused to take a sip of her beer before continuing. “I don’t even understand why you date him in the first place. He did you a favor, because you would never have the guts to break up with him.”

Yeah, she’s right. I always wanted to leave Wynter pero palaging nabibigo. I loved him too much to the point na nagpapaka-martyr na ako.

“Sy, ano ba?” pinigilan ni Yvonne si Syren.

“What?” Syren asked annoyingly.

“Stop saying such things. Yumi-girl is in pain, she needs our advice,” sabat ni Yvonne.

“Advice nga iyon para sa kaibigan natin, Yve.” patutsada ni Syren, tiningnan niya ako. “Maghanap ka na lang ng iba, iyong mas daks at mas magaling kaysa sa kaniya.” walang prenong dagdag niya pa.

Yvonne immediately hit Syren’s arm.

“Ouch! What was that for?” sigaw ni Syren dahil sa lakas ng pagkahampas ni Yvonne sa kaniya.

“That’s for making you shut up. Your words, Sy. Yumi-girl is not like you, okay? seryosong turan Yvonne.

Syren’s eyes widened at parang hindi makapaniwala sa sinabi ni Yvonne. “Ouch! Sinaway mo ako sa sinabi ko kay Yumi pero gan’yan ka magsalita sa akin? This is unfair!” kunwaring nagtatampong turan ni Syren.

Ganito kami palagi. Sa aming tatlo ay silang dalawa ang madalas na nagbabangayan.

“What I meant to say is, hindi kayo magkatulad ng personality ni Yumi-girl. Kung ikaw ay malakas ang loob mong maghanap ng iba’t-ibang lalaki, you think Yumi-girl can do that?” Yvonne explained.

I get her point, but when I looked at Syren, she looked in pain. Parang napikon ito sa sinabi ni Yvonne.

“She’s broken and she needs us to comfort her.” pagpapatuloy pa ni Yvonne.

Napansin ni ko pa ang pag-irap ni Syren sa hangin.

‘Bakit parang mainit ang dugo ni Syren kay Yvonne ngayon?’

“Parang hindi mo naman ako kilala. That’s my way to comfort her.” Syren pouted and drank the rest of her beer.

I was thinking about what Syren just said. Iyong maghanap ng ibang lalaki. Napapailing ako, hindi ko pa yata magagawang kalimutan si Wynter at maghanap ng ibang lalaki. It will be weird to date, and to have sex with another guy.

The sexual situation between Wynter and I was far from an ideal one, but I felt so comfortable with him. From now on I will have to be naked in front of someone I didn't even know.

Honestly, I don't understand how Syren does it. Syren makes it sound so easy, so natural. Syren knows what she wants, and she is confident about herself.

I was sure as hell it will be uneasy for me to have sex with another guy.

‘If I sleep with another guy again.’

Such a thought drives me to drink half of my beer in one shot, it’s enervating.

It was when I recognized that Syren was observing me. Syren’s eyes were focused on me. It’s how she behaves when she is analyzing someone.

Syren was always torn between being a journalist or a psychologist. And even if Syren is now a company journalist, I still think she wants to do psychology as well. Or at least Syren loves to use Yvonne and me as an experiment.

The thing is, Syren is usually right about what she asserts regarding us, it helps that she knows us pretty well.

‘I love her regardless.’

I was expecting Syren to express an opinion because it is always like that. Syren watches, analyzes me, considers the right way to say it, and declares it.

It didn’t come, though. It was interrupted by the sound of a ringtone from Yvonne’s phone. Sinundan ko ng tingin si Yvonne nang tumayo ito at bahagyang lumayo sa amin bago pa nito sagutin ang tawag.

‘It was normal, but for Yvonne? It felt weird.’

Nagtataka ako dahil hindi gawain iyon ni Yvonne. She can answer the phone in front of us as always. Kahit pa importante ay sa harapan namin ito sinasagot ang tawag.

‘Hmm. . . Maybe it’s private.’

Bumaling ako kay Syren at nagulat nang magsalubong ang tingin naming dalawa. Ngunit agad itong umiwas ng tingin mula sa akin at tumungga ng beer. Napansin ko ang kakaiba sa mga ngiti nito. Syren seems to know something about Yvonne’s caller.

‘Praning na yata ako. Kung ano-ano na lang ang napapansin ko.’

I was about to ask Syren when Yvonne came back with a big smile.

“Ah, girls! Can I leave na? I have something important to do pa, eh.” nakangiting paalam ni Yvonne. Kinuha niya ang bag, palatandaan na hindi siya magpapapigil sa pag-alis.

I smiled, but Syren chuckled sarcastically.

“Why in a hurry, Yve?” Syren asked. It was just a simple question, pero napansin ko ang pagkabigla ni Yvonne.

Yvonne looked at me first before answering Syren. “My boyfriend called me. He wants to meet me at my hotel.”

‘Bakit parang hindi siya comfortable sa tanong ni Syren?’

Hindi naman kailangang mailang ni Yvonne dahil boyfriend naman nito ang kikitain niya. Maliban na lang kung boyfriend ng iba.

Syren scoffed in sarcasm. “Talagang mas importante iyong boyfriend mo kaysa sa aming dalawa ni Yumi?”

Napalingon naman ako kay Syren nang maramdaman ko ang pagiging sarcastic nito kay Yvonne.

‘Ano ba nangyari dito kay Syren? Mukhang lasing na ata ang babaetang ito.'

“Hindi naman sa gano’n, Sy. Pero kasi kailangan ko na talagang umalis dahil hinihintay na ako ng boyfriend ko,” naiilang na paliwanag ni Yvonne.

“You don’t have to explain,” I butted in.

“H-Huh?” parang gulat pang tanong ni Yvonne.

“Yve, you can go whenever you want. Go meet him, I’m okay now,” nakangiting sabi ko. Hindi naman niya kasi kailangang ipaliwanag sa amin ang pag-alis niya.

“R-Really?” nauutal na tanong ni Yvonne at yumakap pa sa akin na ikinabigla ko.

'Bakit parang bigla akong nailang?'

I nodded. “Of course, Yve. Support ka namin sa new boyfriend mo.” I sincerely said.

Syren chuckled. “Yeah, she’s right. We will always support you, even though we haven’t met him.”

Napansin mo na mas lalong nailang si Yvonne dahil sa sinabi ni Syren. Kanina pa talaga ako nagtataka sa ini-asta ni Syren. Parang may something.

“Don’t mind her. You can leave now,” nakangiting sabi ko kay Yvonne. Pinanlakihan ko pa ng mga mata si Syren dahil mukhang babanat na naman ito.

“Thanks, Yumi-girl!” Yvonne hugged me again, and we kissed each other’s cheeks. Yvonne was about to hug Syren too but our beloved best friend immediately stood up.

“CR lang ako,” matipid na paalam ni Syren at saka walang lingon-lingon na pumunta sa banyo.

Napapailing na lamang kami ni Yvonne dahil sa inasal nito.

“Huwag mo na pansinin, baka wala sa mood. Sige na, umalis ka na. Ako na bahala sa kanya,” paninigurado ni ko kay Yvonne.

“Sanay na ako sa ugali ni Sy. Sige, aalis na ako,” paalam niya.

Tumango naman si ako at sinundan ng tingin si Yvonne hanggang sa makalabas ito ng condo ko. Bumuntong-hininga ako at tumingin sa gawi ng banyo kung saan pumasok si Syren. Tinungga ko na lang ang beer at napangiwi nang maramdaman ang pait at init na humagod sa lalamunan ko.

My whole life, I’ve been sheltered. I never had that much freedom and only really had two friends growing up. Although my sister Mayumi, never suffered the same as me. Mayumi had the freedom, and wasn’t treated as if she was a ticking time bomb.

When I used to ask my mother as a child, the response would always be that my sister is smart and independent. I couldn’t help but feel an extreme amount of envy towards Mayumi and the free rein my parents had given only to my sister.

I felt alone, like no one could understand me. I knew there were people in the world going through so much worse than what I was going through, so from a young age I pushed away all these feelings and instead the few good I had. I had my family, more specifically my biological mother who was always there to protect me.

The other good thing I had in my life was my two best friends from high school, Syren and Yvonne. I met them on the mountain where my mom and I were camping, and later discovered that we were in the same school. We have been inseparable and staying trio ever since, and now we work for the same company.

Sa aming tatlo, Syren was more sociable, getting along with everyone and more tacky. While Yvonne is the most serious. She is not the type of person that you can joke about things with. She is the most mature of the three of us, pero nakikisabay naman siya kapag kaming tatlo ang magkakasama, at mukhang immune na sa kakulitan ni Syren.