Chapter 18

Allison's POV

When I agreed to date Xander Black, I thought I was done making decisions I should get my head checked for. But it seems I'm not, because when he asked if I wanted to go on a date, my mouth opened without my brain's permission and blurted out "yes!"

Now it's Saturday, and I'm sitting in his car, staring at the fingers entwined on my lap and wondering what the heck made me convince myself that this might be a good idea.

"Are you nervous?" Xander asks from beside me.

I nearly jump out of my seat.

"Of course not," I respond, waving the possibility aside with a thin laugh. "I'm not nervous at all, Mr. Black."

"Yes, I can totally see that," he replies.

The sarcasm isn't lost on me. I whip my head around to stare at him, stunned. I'm even more shocked to see the small, teasing smile playing at the corners of his lips. That smile, small as it is, is enough to paralyze me in my seat. I can do nothing else but stare at him.

"Penny for your thoughts?" he asks.

I blink, then turn away immediately, blood rushing to my cheeks. Under different circumstances, I would have been tripping over my tongue, apologizing severally.

But not today. Xander Black is… different today. Lighter, or something, as if being outside the company premises has loosened something inside him.

I actually prefer this version of you, I think.

But I can't say that. No matter what happens, I would be foolish to forget for a moment that he is my Alpha, not my friend or my lover.

"I'm still confused," I mumble instead, staring out the window.

"About what?" he asks.

Even his voice is gentler than usual. Out here, he speaks every word like he means for it to reassure me. I shake my head before my thoughts can go any further in that direction. I can't let myself get caught up in this. More importantly, I can't let myself get used to it.

"Why did you ask me on a date?" I answer.

Out of the corner of my eye, I see him shrug.

"We are dating, aren't we? Even if we're not actually a couple, the least I can do is make this feel as real as possible. Hopefully I can make things easier for you that way."

And that's another thing, I think. Where will this end? Does our agreement end as soon as I give birth or what?

But of course, I don't voice this thought, either. Looks like I'm going to be keeping a lot of thoughts to myself during this period we're dating. I remain quiet for the rest of the car ride, staring out the window and lost in thought. That is, until Xander Black calls my name.

"Allison," he says.

I turn to look at him. I don't know if I'll ever get used to him calling me that instead of Miss Carter.

"Yes, Mr. Black?"

"Where do you want to go?" he asks.

I gape at him. He's asking me where I want to go? Is that done? While I was dating Peterson, he always just took us wherever he wanted us to go, even though it was my money that would buy us a good time. So I just assumed that that's the way it's done… except that Peterson is an asshole whom I really should stop thinking about as if he's the standard.

"Um…" I stammer. "Er…"

Damn it, Allison, I think, frustrated. Why do you have to make a fool of yourself now of all times?

But I can't help it. I'm really not the social butterfly type, and I don't know a lot of places because I don't go to a lot of places. Xander Black is looking at me, waiting for my answer, and his gaze is just making it harder to think.

"Uh… How about a… noodle shop?" I suggest.

"A noodle shop?" Xander repeats, his eyebrows raised.

"Yes," I reply firmly, "a noodle shop."

Even though he's wearing a hood to prevent himself from being recognized, I still don't want to take chances. So I'd prefer for us to go somewhere small, with as few people as possible.

"I know a good noodle shop," I continue, before giving him the name of the smallest one I can think of.

Xander Black still looks sceptical. No doubt he has never stepped into such places before. Few people have, which isn't surprising. The reason I actually came across my first noodle shop was because I was so broke the first time I got to the city, I just had to find the cheapest place to eat at. Now that I think of it, I met Elsa at one of those noodle shops during that terrible period of my life.

Moments later, we're sitting at a table in the tiny restaurant, looking at the menus. 

I can't help peeking at Xander Black over the top of mine. I had expected him to feel awkward or out of place here, since he has never been to such a small place, but he fits right in as if he has been coming here his whole life.

"Is there a problem?" he asks.

I quickly return my gaze to the menu in my hands.

Silly Allison! I think. How could you let him notice that you were staring?

"Uh…" I say, trying to find a way to cover up for it. "Are you ordering yet?"

His smile says that he knows exactly what I'm doing. Heat rushes to my face so fast, I'm sure I look like a tomato.

"I have to use the bathroom," I blurt out, and all but run out of the room.

Once I'm behind closed doors in the women's bathroom, I splash cold water my face and stare at my reflection.

Get it together, Allison! I scold in my head. It's not even a real date!

I've just stepped out of the bathroom when someone suddenly grabs my arm. Before I know what's going on, I'm being pressed to the wall, one meaty hand clamped over my mouth. The buffy man speaks, his breath stinking of garlic.

"Don't move, Gorgeous."