Chapter 28

Xander's POV

I should stop finding Allison adorable. Our relationship is purely out of necessity, and thoughts like that are what's going to make things needlessly difficult for the both of us. But it's not easy to hold onto this decision when she just keeps being so cute.

Especially that blush of hers. I think I'm starting to get obsessed with that flustered look of hers, with the way blood steals up her cheeks and the sides of her neck.

I used to think that her choice of clothes hid her beauty, but now I wonder if I was just being blind. She's dazzling. I can't take my eyes off her, messy hair, baggy clothes and all. I can't take my eyes off her now, as she turns in a near circle, glancing around the five-star restaurant I've brought us to with a look of pure wonder on her face.

I can't help the warm feelings that go through me at this sight. I'm starting to learn just how much I love impressing Allison Carter.

Dangerous thoughts, Xander, I think, scolding myself.

I'm not naive. I know what's going on with me right now, and I know I cannot allow it to grow. Not when I already know how this is going to end. It wouldn't be the first time I've had my heart broken, but the least I can do this time is not reach for something I can't have. After all, things can't actually end if they never really began, can they?

Allison is still looking around by the time a waiter leads us to our table, and watching her smile so brightly feels so good it hurts.

When, exactly, did I start to fall for her? I think. Then I have to pause, to feel the impact of what I've just realized. I'm falling for her. I'm falling for Allison Carter.

I'm such a fool.

It's almost like I didn't learn anything from what happened with Cassandra, my last girlfriend. Cassandra and I met in high school, and I loved her since then. There were two other women before I got together with her, but that was just me trying and failing to bury my feelings for her. Because I was sure that I could never have her. I am the most powerful, most influential person in the pack, yet I would have gladly given up all of it if it meant I could have her. Then, some years after we met, Cassandra and I ran into each other at a former classmate's wedding, where she confessed that she had always been in love with me.

I was overjoyed. It felt like all my dreams had finally come true. Little did I know that it was all a lie. She had run into debt, and needed money to get back on her feet, so she claimed to love me. While we were dating, I gave her everything she wanted, even helping her expand her fashion company. However, as soon as she no longer needed me, she broke up with me and even went as far as throwing the fact that she had used me in my face.

What made things more painful was that my two previous relationships had also ended because the women I got together with only wanted me for my wealth and status. I swore to guard my heart, and I've been doing so well… until Allison.

I look up from my menu at her, only to find her already gazing at me in that adorable wide-eyed way of hers.

"Xander?" she says, and it's like she can sense how I'm feeling.

I quickly push those emotions away, to the back of my mind where they belong.

"Are you having a hard time deciding what to order?" I ask.

"Yes," she replies with a sheepish smile.

"I don't come to places like this. I only came that one time, because Elsa insisted and Elsa could talk me into anything…"

She trails off, and I can't help a small smile. I know that she's rambling because she's nervous.

"Then would you like me to recommend a few dishes?" I ask.

"I would like that, thanks," she replies, smiling with obvious relief.

So I do, and the waiter leaves with our orders. Leaving me to stare across the table at Allison. She's biting her lip and toying with the long sleeve of her grey hoodie.

"Is there a problem?" I ask.

"Uh…" she says in a small voice. "Not really. I'm just not used to being stared at by so many people, that's all."

I look around, and sure enough, everybody is staring at us. Or rather, at her. And judging by the expressions on their faces, I don't need to be able to read minds to know that they're all thinking about how undeserving she is to be with me because of her simplicity as if they have any right to decide. If it wouldn't do more harm than good, I would have taught them a thing or two about being undeserving.

"Ignore them," I say, turning back to Allison.

"I'm trying," she replies. "But… with everyone watching, won't they start to suspect that we're dating?"

"No," I reply. "Not unless we act like it."

This restaurant is the place where I often bring Rachel and the other members of my management team when I want to discuss business over lunch. The people who come here have gotten used to seeing me here with my employees. And it's not like they can assume that I'm dating every woman on my management team.

But this is different, and you know it, my mind whispers.

I do know it. Thankfully, I'm the only one who does. I look across the table at Allison, sipping nervously from her glass of fresh orange juice, and wonder how she can't tell. I'm surprised something hasn't shown on my face, or that my heart hasn't finally beat loudly enough for her to hear it.

But I'm glad she doesn't know, and I intend to keep it that way. It's better that way.

I cannot fall in love with Allison. I will not. For her sake, and for mine.