Sam's Guilt

Sam briefed her teammates about the approach they had to make on their next show. It has been a month after the director contacted them as the writer for their next dramas. It was overwhelming to talk about, especially if they’re doing some reruns for the past few months. 

Sam liked to have an interval with the dramas she made along with her team. A month apart would do, since she does multiple dramas at once. It’s not always the head writer who came up with such unique ideas or even strong characters. Sam built those dramas with their heads, and she didn’t want to take the full credit of it all. 

She always fascinated to do a crime movie or series, and Sam was plotting it this month. By the end of the year, 6 of her dramas were going to get released in the national television. It’s how she loves her job. She liked to keep it real and make money out of her talent. 

As her cell phone rang in the table, her teammates stretched their fingers, motioning for her to answer the call first. They wrote something in their clipboard as she went out of the door. It’s Ethan, her co-producer in the drama department. 

“Ethan? What’s up? I’m on a meeting. Hurry up.” Sam knew it’s not about work, or even in the ratings, or filing of drama application to the directors. Sam trusted her gut feelings, knowing it’ll be about Zach. 

“I checked Zach’s condition. It’s worse than we thought, Sam.” She raised her eyebrows. Look what Ethan has gotten her into. Sam turned at the ceiling, stared at the interior lights, and minded the days when she needed Zach’s hug the most. She’ll confess how much she missed him. Every day, she longed for her touch. Sam must have lost a piece of her life when she didn’t notice it. 

“How worse it is, Ethan?” 

Ethan sighed, turned to Stacy, who crossed her arms over her chest. She was the one taking guard of her boyfriend, and Ethan drop by to check what happened to Zach. Sam has no right to come there and show up. After all, a fragment of why he got into a car accident might be her. It’s too slim to suspect, since they have broken up a month ago. 

Another factor was his parents. Setting aside his father, Zoren Gonzales, who was kind and nice with her whenever she visited them, the only foe she had was Zara Gonzales. She disliked her ever since Zara met her. Sam doesn’t know why. It was the biggest mysteries of her life. 

“He doesn’t remember his name anymore.” 

Just when she thought the world had collapsed the day she broke up with Zach in front of their house while Stacy stood there in the kitchen, this… news caught her. She gripped the cell phone, but it’s not enough to stay in her palms. It slid out, fell on the floor with a loud thwack. Sam was uncertain if she should pick it up. 

Instead, her feet moved, leaving her cell phone on the floor. She bolted out of the office and onto the elevator. Rushing to the buttons, she pressed them continuously as a car door open. The people around the area got bewildered by her strange actions. She didn’t care. Sam pressed the ground floor button, watching it close. 

Her cheeks were wet already. She didn’t even notice she’s already crying. “Zach, you…” 

It made her helpless. This torment wouldn’t go away if she stayed crumpled in one corner. Sam needed to see Zach. She needed to see him. As she rushed out of the studios, leaving everything but her car keys inside her slacks’ pocket, Sam only thought about Zach’s smile. Locking her car, securing a seatbelt in her body, she drove off, reaching her speed limit. 

… 

“Sam!” Ethan called out. As she recognized her best friend’s voice, she turned at his direction. He was there, sitting at the bench, and holding a cup of coffee. Sam ran. Reaching him, she turned at the closed door: the ward of Zachary Gonzales. Ethan noticed how puffy her eyes were.

“Where’s Stacy? I wanted to see her.” 

“She’s inside, checking if Zach is alright. Sam, he really doesn’t know me.” Sam liked his straightforward attitude, but it doesn’t help today. It made her anxious that made her shoot a glare to him. Ethan chewed his bottom lip, knowing Sam’s worry rose. Sam and Ethan waited, and after a moment, Stacy opened the door. 

Sam walked a few steps to face her. 

“You’re here already.” Stacy’s voice was uninterested. Sam sighed. 

“Let’s talk. Shall we?” Sam responded back with the same tone. As the two of them settled on the bench, Ethan didn’t know what to do. He offered to buy some snacks down a coffee shop outside of the hospital. Sam nodded at him. When Ethan left, Stacy crossed her arms over her chest, and turned in another direction. 

“I’ll listen if you talk now. I might get bored if you stretch on the silence,” Stacy notified. Sam glared at her. The distance between their seats was undeniable. Sam was at the far end, and Stacy must have wanted to take another bench away from her. This is only the second time around they talk after a while. 

“What happened to Zach?” It’s the question bombarding her every night. Sam wanted to text him, checking if he was doing alright, but she needed to withdraw from it. It’s too serious she even filed three days of leave. 

Stacy huffed, answering, “It’s in the middle of the work he got into an accident. It’s not a simple day. You were the first one to receive the call, isn’t it?” 

“I must be the first one to receive the call, but I didn’t happen to know the scene earlier that caused the accident.” 

“I didn’t know, too, Sam. I’m working for tomorrow’s episode when it happened. We didn’t fight or bicker before the accident. Nothing happened, it’s pure…accident.” Stacy met her eyes. They stared at each other for a long time. Sam sighed, rolling her eyes. She propped her elbows on her knees for a long time. 

“What’s wrong with him now?” Sam wanted to be strong, and not to let those tears fall. It was so wrong to weaken her side. It has been a month they separated ways, but she’s still crying ugly. It’s not fair for Stacy anymore to deal with her drama. 

“It’s not a common aftermath of a car accident, but it felt like it. He lost his memories, and even his own name. I don’t know what will happen for now.” Sam doesn’t have a trust with Stacy at all. It weakened her trust when that university incident happened, and she got dragged on her mistake. Sam still doesn’t want to forgive her, even if it has years passing. 

Sam knew people change. But look where it got her, believe that motto. Stacy didn’t change. She even love someone who had a girlfriend and let herself be the mistress. Stacy doesn’t even care about the title. She tolerated Zach’s actions to the point Stacy no longer know the right or the wrong. 

“So he doesn’t remember us at all? That’s…” Sam’s heart pricked. She could see what Stacy would do. Sam imagined it even from the start. Zach didn’t forget her as the woman who beat his heart for 10 years. But today, after that car accident, he forgot who she was. Sam should stay behind the line, should she? 

“Everyone, even his own parents, the doctors gave instructions already. That’s why Ethan and you came, right? Afraid I would erase you and Ethan from his memory?” Stacy asked. Sam widened her eyes, turning to her. Stacy smirked. 

“How did you…”

“I’m not that bad to do that, Sam,” Stacy reassured. Sam got taken aback. Someone must have drained a tub of ice water down her body. Chills sent down her spine as Stacy said those words. Sam kept on staring at her. 

“Isn’t that the reason you came here?” Stacy was pushing her… to say it. She relived the scenarios that happened after the break-up, and whenever Zach asked her if she slept well, she kept on pushing him away. They broke up, so it’s not necessary for them to check up on each other. 

Sam had done a lot of moments of pain and suffering for Zach. 

“Forget it. Besides, he’s going to fly away to United States for a fresh start. I’ll file a leave tomorrow, knowing my absence will greatly affect my radio show. Zach’s show might be… handed over to somewhere else---“ 

“You’re flying away?” 

Stacy smiled a little. Sam didn’t know it was coming. “Yeah, we are. His mother wanted to treat him abroad.” 

“What?” 

“Isn’t that what you wanted, Sam?” She didn’t mean it. But since Stacy mentioned it, she does. Zach broke his loyalty to her as a boyfriend. He went into a relationship even though he’s still committed to one. He has a mistress, but why did Sam go here and check what’s happening to him?

She shouldn’t. 

“Well, it’s happening now. He lost his memory, so you had the advantage of erasing your existence from his mind. That’s what you wanted. I can see how enraged you were when he kept asking you about how your day was. It’s like you wanted to curse him.” 

Sam didn’t even shook her head to disagree.